


i dare you to pretend you're mine

by internetsdad



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Lee Taeyong, Choking, Dirty Talk, Dry Humping, Dysfunctional Relationships, Enemies to Lovers, Everyone Is An Asshole, Exhibitionism, Face-Fucking, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Irresponsible Use of Lube, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Manipulation, Masochism, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Minor Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taeyong, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Possessive/Obsessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rimming, Rough Sex, Sadism, Top Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Toxic Relationships, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:34:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 107,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27648268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/internetsdad/pseuds/internetsdad
Summary: Taeyong and Jaehyun are the epitome of when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. Every time one pushes, the other pulls. Two years ago, Taeyong came into Jaehyun’s life like a wrecking ball and turned everything he’s ever known on its head. Taeyong thinks he has Jaehyun all figured out, thinks he has a hold over him. But Jaehyun is already ten steps ahead. Because Taeyong doesn’t remember their past, and Jaehyun has been dreaming up their reunion ever since.“I love that idea,” Jaehyun tells him, licking his lips like he’s preparing to devour Taeyong whole.“What idea?”“The idea of me being your God.”
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 629
Kudos: 1226





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it's your first time reading one of my fics, then let me just take a moment to introduce myself: I'm Xolani, but most people either call me Lani or Nini. You can call me whatever, and I'm totally cool with it! I write a combination of original works and retellings, but they all have one very prominent thing in common. All of my works have darker tones and deal with mature themes. Very rarely, if at all, you'll find fluff. I'm not the best at writing it, so I just normally don't.
> 
> I also highly suggest always reading over the tags carefully before continuing with any of my fics. I do my best to tag everything, but there are times when I may miss some things. If that's the case, then please let me know and I'll absolutely fix it. It's never my intention to hurt anyone, and while I realize that this is fictional, I still cover topics that real people experience daily. Because of that, it's important that I establish a safe place where every reader feels comfortable coming to me with their concerns. I never want anyone to feel like I'm romanticizing mental illness, toxic relationships, abuse, etc. That's not my intention.
> 
> Another thing I would like to make clear is that despite the fact that I use real people in my writing, I, in no way, mean any harm to them or wish to taint their image in any way. This is purely a work of fiction, which means the personalities the way I've written them aren't meant to reflect the real life personalities of anyone depicted. This is for entertainment purposes only and should be separated from the actual people mentioned. Let's just have fun and distract ourselves from the real world for a while.
> 
> So, I've been wanting to try and write a chaptered fic on a schedule and decided this is the one. I'll be doing my best to update every Friday, but the chapters may not always be super long. It really just depends on what I get around to writing. I also wanna make it known that the beliefs and thoughts of these characters do not reflect my own. There is a student/teacher relationship happening in this fic, though it's not the main focus, and one of the characters sees no problem in it because they're eighteen. I obviously don't think that way, as it's still an abuse of power, and I wanted to make that explicitly clear!
> 
> Another thing I wanna say is that every character in this fic that attends Hearst is either eighteen or nineteen. I'm not sure their ages will ever be brought up, so I wanted to put it to rest right from the get-go. If there's anything else you need me to clear up, then you can always message me or contact me through my Curious Cat account. All of that will be linked below! Otherwise, please enjoy and buckle in for what's to be a crazy ass ride.

Lee Taeyong and Jung Jaehyun.

A dreamer, a realist; a pair that complements each other so well, yet clashes all the same.

The two stand opposite one another like mirrors. They have the same stance, the same facial expression, and the same goddamn outfit. Their uniforms are pristine, not a speck of dirt to be seen, though Taeyong’s is just a _tad_ bit more put together. And all thanks to Jaehyun himself for ripping the sleek, white button-up right off of Taeyong’s body in this very same spot yesterday, in turn forcing him to have to buy another. Taeyong swears he can still feel Jaehyun’s searing hot touch, can still feel the ghost of his fingers across his skin. It makes him shiver inwardly, but he doesn’t show it. He can never show it.

“Show me the mark,” Jaehyun demands, tone eerily calm and collected.

Taeyong expresses his first sign of emotion in nearly ten minutes as his brows furrow in confusion. “What?”

But it’s all an act. Taeyong knows _exactly_ what Jaehyun is referring to; he just doesn’t want to acknowledge his moment of weakness. The air between them practically crackles. They have the chemistry of a car crash, they’re a disaster that no one can seem to look away from. Ever since Taeyong transferred to Hearst Preparatory School for Boys a few years ago, the two have been rapidly spiraling down a path of destruction. Their first meeting is still ingrained in Taeyong’s mind; the black eyes, busted lips, and the soreness of his body that he swears he can still feel to this day. It was on the edge of the soccer field where Jaehyun wrapped his hands around Taeyong’s throat and nearly strangled him to death.

Hearst used to be a place for only the top one percent, a place where the best of the best would attend, and none of them were ready to let it go just yet. But they underestimated Taeyong. They were all under the notion that those they saw as lesser than them were weak, that they wouldn’t fight back, but that wasn’t Taeyong. It _isn’t_ Taeyong. It would never be. In fact, he was the first new student that didn’t fit into their little bubble brave enough to enroll at Hearst after they announced they would be opening their doors to the public for the first time in hundreds of years. And on the day he walked into the academy, he turned everything on its head. He completely tore down the hierarchy plaguing its walls.

“You’re not stupid, so don’t act like it,” Jaehyun replies. “Show me the marks I left yesterday.”

Taeyong scoffs, rolling his eyes, but his limbs are shaking. They’ve been playing this game for so long, yet he still gets the same rush from it as if it’s the first time. Only they’ve never really played like this. Taeyong has never let Jaehyun touch him, never crossed the line into something more intimate, even though the sexual tension between them has always been there. But, yesterday, he broke a little. He let Jaehyun get under his skin, let him do things to Taeyong that he promised himself he would never. And now he knows he’s going to have to pay the price.

“You’re out of your fucking mind,” Taeyong says, turning on his heel to leave.

He needs to escape, needs to run as far away from Jaehyun as possible. Taeyong’s head isn’t in the right space for this back and forth right now, but, of course, Jaehyun never makes anything easy. Unfortunately for him, that’s one of the main reasons Taeyong finds him so appealing.

“If you take one more step, I’ll chase you. You know I will,” Jaehyun warns. “And, this time, I won’t stop.”

While his back is to Jaehyun, Taeyong doesn’t try stopping the smile from pulling at the corners of his mouth. He wonders if Jaehyun knows that’s exactly what he wants. Taeyong loves playing with his mind and derives some kind of sick pleasure out of it. Though, Jaehyun does get some sort of sick enjoyment of his own out of tormenting Taeyong as well, so he figures they’re even. They’re both a little — or a lot — sick in the head. Schooling his features into something more passive, Taeyong turns around to face him.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Why do you think?” Jaehyun throws back.

“I dunno.” Taeyong shrugs. “Because you can?”

Jaehyun hums, but his face gives nothing away. That’s one of the other things that has always drawn Taeyong to him. He can never tell what Jaehyun is thinking, and unpredictable people are exciting. 

“You’re so…” Jaehyun pauses, looking Taeyong over, “ _cold_. You know that?”

“Not like your minions don’t remind me every day.”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “You’re missing the point.”

“What point?” Taeyong tries.

“If you’re missing it, why should I tell you?”

Taeyong narrows his eyes, becoming increasingly more annoyed by Jaehyun as the seconds pass. He may think their little encounters are fun, but he can only handle small doses at a time. And he thinks he may have already had his fill for one day. He opens his mouth to say something in that regard, but he’s quickly cut off by the other.

“Take off your shirt,” Jaehyun commands, patience quickly wearing thin. “If you don’t, then I will.”

A tremor shoots up his spine, but Taeyong shows no indication that Jaehyun’s words have affected him in any way. “You’re an asshole.”

“I know you don’t honestly believe that’s an insult to me,” Jaehyun says. Taeyong doesn’t reply, letting the silence stretch between them. “Last chance.”

“No,” Taeyong says with a confidence he doesn’t really feel.

There’s something unnerving about the way that Jaehyun stares at him, and he wonders if it feels the same way for the other. Or, maybe, Taeyong is just getting a little too soft. Either way, it does give him a small window of time to think of his next move, and that’s where Jaehyun fucks up. He starts in Taeyong’s direction, his face full of determination, but Taeyong steps back, not letting Jaehyun get too close.

“Fine!” Taeyong blurts out.

Jaehyun stops in his tracks, poker face still firmly in place as they continue to stare one another down. Taeyong, truthfully, contemplates running just so Jaehyun will chase him like a starved animal, but decides against it. His original plan is too good of an opportunity to pass up.

“Why don’t you just do it for me?” Taeyong suggests, dropping his voice an octave and hooding his eyes. “ _Gently_ , I mean. If you rip my shirt again, I’ll kill you.”

Jaehyun’s left eye twitches, but it’s the only telltale sign that Taeyong has taken him by surprise. He assumes that Jaehyun either figured he would cower at his threat or he would, indeed, get to destroy another article of Taeyong’s clothing. He’s almost positive that Jaehyun hoped he would be ripping off his shirt again, but the fact that Taeyong is offering for Jaehyun to remove his shirt without the whole violence factor has thrown him off balance. Those who give two options rarely expect for a third to crop up. Having a surprise option rattles them, and that’s exactly what Taeyong is betting on for his plan to work.

“You’re trying to play another game,” Jaehyun says.

“I’m just giving you what you want,” Taeyong counters.

“Is that right?” Jaehyun cocks his head to the side, voice stone cold.

“Yes.”

Jaehyun’s lips curl as he steps right up to Taeyong and takes the top button of his shirt between his fingers. “You’ll regret that.”

But, _no_ , Taeyong thinks, _the only one who will be regretting anything in this situation is you_. Placing both hands on his shoulders, Taeyong shifts his weight and digs his fingers into the material of Jaehyun’s jacket. That causes him to pause, searching Taeyong’s face for the answer to some silent question. But before he has time to do anything or make some remark, Taeyong uses the leverage he has to lift his leg and knee Jaehyun forcefully in the crotch as hard as he can. Jaehyun’s face contorts in pain, and his hands fly down to his groin as Taeyong takes off running, making sure to snatch up his messenger bag from the ground as he goes. A huge grin splits his face as he glances over his shoulder and watches Jaehyun nearly sink to the ground in anguish, eyes squeezed shut and head bowed.

Taeyong doesn’t stop running until he’s inside the academy and just outside of his first class. He’s panting like a dog at this point and his hands are sweaty, but, even still, his shoulders shake with suppressed laughter. If he knew people wouldn’t look at him like he’s absolutely insane, then he would let it all out right now. Instead, he sucks in a deep breath and enters the room. His mood immediately sours when his gaze lands on Jaehyun’s little gang of demons, however. Yuta, who Taeyong actually believes is tolerable, is minding his own business as he relaxes in his seat with a book in hand while Johnny sits on top of the desk behind him arguing with Jungwoo, who is standing opposite him.

And, of course, they have an audience who are all either watching intently or trying to insert themselves into the conversation. Taeyong doesn’t think their peers even do it on purpose. They’re merely drawn to everything they wish to be. They’re drawn to everything Johnny, Yuta and Jungwoo represent; power, charm, and wealth. But all Taeyong sees is havoc, and he zeroes in on Johnny specifically. He hasn’t seen, nor heard from, Mark since yesterday, despite his attempts to reach him. And he knows Johnny did or said something to him because the last time he saw Mark, the two of them were having it out. Now, Mark is late to school, and he’s never late. Narrowing his eyes, Taeyong strides towards the trio without a second thought.

“I’m telling you, dude. She came to the party because of me,” Jungwoo says.

“Everyone came because of you,” Yuta states. “You were the one throwing the party.”

“C’mon, Cap! That’s not the point.” Jungwoo shakes his head. “Face it, she was definitely there for me.”

“If it helps your ego, sure thing.” Johnny laughs, clapping a hand down onto Jungwoo’s shoulder. “But, hey, on another note, think you could get me some of whatever you were smoking last night?”

Jungwoo furrows his brows. “Why?”

“That shit has gotta be good if it’s got you believing things like that.”

Jungwoo throws a middle finger up in Johnny’s face. “Fuck you, Seo.”

It’s at that moment when Yuta’s neutral gaze meets Taeyong’s. He not so subtly clears his throat, and the other two, who are still bickering, grow silent as they become aware of Taeyong’s presence.

“Lee?” Jungwoo jerks back as if he’s been punched, eyes widening as he throws a hand over his heart in faux shock. “Am I seeing things or is the Lee Taeyong actually in front of us?” He takes a moment to search behind Taeyong, then all around him before grinning. “You here to confess your love for me? I mean, I know you’ve had a crush on me for a while, but, sorry, I’m a little booked up on dates.”

Taeyong ignores him, attention solely focused on Johnny. “Where is he?”

Johnny slides off of the desk. “Where’s who?”

“Mark,” Taeyong states clearly.

“ _Oh_ ,” Johnny drags out. His brows draw together in feigned concern as he pretends to search underneath the desk. “Cap, have you seen Mark around here? No? How about you, Woo? Search your pockets, maybe he hid in there.”

Jungwoo makes a show of stuffing his hands into his pockets, even going as far as to turn them inside out. “Nope, not here,” he says before opening his hand to reveal a condom packet. “But I did find this. Always gotta be safe, you know?” He winks.

Taeyong’s lips thin in disgust. “I’m not here for your games.”

“Then what _are_ you here for?” Johnny asks.

“Mark,” Taeyong repeats. “Where is he?”

“If _you_ don’t know where your friend is, then how the hell am _I_ supposed to know?”

Taeyong takes a step closer. “I know you did something to him yesterday.”

Johnny smiles, face slowly morphing into something ugly and cruel. “Do you have proof?”

Taeyong digs his blunt nails into the palm of his hand so hard that he nearly draws blood. He would have proof if Jaehyun didn’t catch him filming the altercation. The memory makes Taeyong’s blood boil, and he wants nothing more than to punch Johnny in the face for hurting Mark, for being an asshole, and for stealing his phone. He doesn’t even know if he’ll ever get it back at this rate. He wouldn’t be surprised if Johnny and Jaehyun decided to throw it in the lake yesterday just to rub a little extra salt in his already deep wound.

“Hold up.” Jungwoo places his body between them. “What happened? Someone fill me in.” He looks to Yuta, but the latter merely just shakes his head. “What? I feel left out.” Jungwoo pouts as he kicks Yuta’s leg, making his friend retaliate with a sharp slap to his side. “First, Jae flipped his shit at practice yesterday, then Seo does some fuckery behind our backs, and now Lee is talking to us by his own free will. You’ve gotta admit that there’s nothing normal about this.”

 _Jae flipped his shit at practice yesterday_. The words just keep repeating over and over in Taeyong’s head on loop. He wants to ask Jungwoo to elaborate, but he doesn’t want to seem too interested in Jaehyun’s life. He just wonders if it was because of what went down between them yesterday. He hopes so. Nothing would make Taeyong happier than knowing he got under Jaehyun’s skin that badly.

“C’mon, someone fill me in!” Jungwoo stares between his two friends. “Someone? Anyone? Hello?!”

“Stay away from Mark,” Taeyong interrupts, looking pointedly at Johnny.

“Or what?”

Taeyong is seconds away from smashing Johnny’s smug face in when the teacher strolls into the classroom. Everyone settles immediately, finding empty seats and getting their books out. Taeyong shoulders Johnny and Jungwoo as he squeezes between them to find a desk in the back, but unfortunately for him, Johnny decides to sit in the row right beside him. Johnny is smiling brightly, as if he’s done something to be proud of, when he reaches into his back pocket and produces Taeyong’s phone. He leans over and places the device on Taeyong’s desk.

“Weird, isn’t it?” Johnny says. “Mark doesn’t appear to be in class today.”

“Mr. Seo,” the teacher calls out. “Class has started, so I would appreciate it if you pay attention.”

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Ryan, you’ve got _all_ my attention.”

Johnny makes sure to flash her a perfect smile before opening his notebook. Taeyong glares at him, tucking his phone into his own pocket as he opens his bag and digs out a notebook and pen. Mrs. Ryan starts enumerating the class’ curriculum for the semester, and Taeyong begins scribbling down notes. He knows how hard Mrs. Ryan is and has heard horror stories about her English Literature lessons, so he knows he needs to be as prepared and organized as possible if he has any hope of passing. Halfway through her list, however, she’s interrupted by the door opening.

The entire class falls silent, and Taeyong pauses mid-scribble to lift his head towards the intruder. He’s surprised to find that it’s Mark. He looks completely out of sorts with his flushed cheeks and messy hair, and Taeyong finds himself growing even more concerned.

“You’re late,” Mrs. Ryan scolds.

“I know, I-I’m sorry,” Mark stutters over his words. “I just…”

Taeyong winces, feeling the discomfort radiating off of his friend. He knows Mark has always hated being put on the spot, and now he’s the center of attention. But before he can awkwardly stammer out an excuse, a shadow appears behind his fidgeting body. Taeyong sits up a little straighter as the person comes into view, and it’s like the Earth has opened up beneath his feet. Jaehyun places both of his hands on Mark’s shoulders, but his gaze bores into Taeyong. Something sparks behind his eyes, and Jaehyun’s mouth twists into a smirk. It disappears quicker than it appears, though, when Jaehyun turns his attention to the teacher.

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Ryan. Mark wasn’t feeling well, so I had to take him to the nurse. It’s my fault he’s late.”

Taeyong’s eyes narrow, and he grits his teeth. He’s even more mortified when Mrs. Ryan’s expression shifts from scolding to acceptance. She steps away from the front of the classroom and places a comforting hand on Mark’s arm.

“Are you all right, Mark?” He nods without saying a word, allowing a small smile to grace his features. “That was a very nice thing for you to do, Jaehyun.” Mrs. Ryan offers him a warm smile, then nods towards the room. “Both of you, please take a seat.”

Taeyong thinks his jaw has probably touched the floor by this point. Jaehyun must have done something to Mark, and now he’s trying to make everyone believe he was actually just helping him. Taeyong searches his face for any signs, but Jaehyun has his mask firmly in place, appearing every bit the golden boy everyone envies. But none of them see the emptiness that Taeyong does. They don’t see the void, the nothingness. They only know _this_ Jaehyun, the one he puts on for show and the image he projects their way. He damn near killed Taeyong, and, yet, he can still do no wrong in their eyes because he must have had a reason, right?

Taeyong’s heart hammers with each step Jaehyun takes, but this time it’s in fear of what he’s potentially done to Mark. From the moment Taeyong’s knee collided with Jaehyun’s groin, he knew that there would be consequences; he just didn’t think Jaehyun would take it out on Mark instead. Taeyong can’t keep his lips from trembling as he tries to meet his friend’s gaze to make sure he’s okay, but Mark’s head is bowed. He tries to silently will him to look up, but all he gets is Jaehyun stepping into his line of sight. The man in question stops beside Taeyong, and he catches a glimpse of Jaehyun’s hand slipping into his pocket before deciding to concentrate his attention back on his notebook.

Jaehyun’s body looms over Taeyong’s like a grim reaper, and his eyes burn holes through the top of his head. A part of Taeyong yearns to look up and glare back, but he doesn’t want to somehow instigate him further. After what seems like an eternity, Jaehyun moves away only to plop down into the vacant seat behind Taeyong. The one he had been saving for Mark. That leaves the only remaining empty seat in front of Johnny. Mark fidgets beside it, and Taeyong wants to do something to rectify this entire situation. But he just doesn’t know what.

“Mr. Lee?” the teacher calls, her tone becoming more impatient. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Mark whispers.

“Then, _please_ , take a seat so we can continue the lesson.”

Mark hesitates for a brief moment before sliding into the seat slowly as if he’s afraid there’s a bomb waiting for him. Yuta flashes a look behind him at Mark, and Jungwoo winks at Taeyong from the seat in front of him. They’re completely surrounded by the enemy, and it only makes Taeyong more hyperaware of the person sitting behind him. Jaehyun hasn’t said a word, but he doesn’t have to. His presence can’t be mistaken even if he remains silent. Taeyong can feel his eyes burning a hole through the back of his head and feasting on his brain.

Mrs. Ryan resumes talking about an upcoming exam, and Taeyong forces himself to concentrate on her instead of the sinking feeling in his chest. He spends the rest of the class trying not to shift in his seat, trying not to focus on the uncomfortable tension in the air, and scribbles down as many notes as he can. But, even then, it’s hard to do so when Jaehyun is lurking like the devil in the corner waiting to steal people’s souls. As soon as the bell rings, Mark shoves his things into his bag and takes off out the door without a second glance. Taeyong scrambles to follow, knocking his pen off of his desk in the process.

Before he can reach to get it, someone else bends over and picks it up. Taeyong’s breath catches in his throat when Jaehyun stands to his full height, twirling the pen between his index and middle finger. Taeyong glares, not up for dealing with any more bullshit from Jaehyun right now. He has more important things to worry about. So, without even saying a word, Taeyong grabs his bag and bolts out the door. It takes him a few minutes of shoving his way through the crowds of people in the halls, but he finally finds Mark loitering by their next class with his earbuds in and his gaze lost somewhere out of reach. Taeyong, however, doesn’t waste time in sprinting up to him and clutching his shoulder.

“Mark! I’ve been so worried about you…”

Mark’s face is so pale, he almost looks like a ghost. Which does nothing to alleviate any of Taeyong’s worries. “Tae…” he starts, removing his earbuds.

“What? What is it?” Taeyong asks, nearly frantic. “Did Jaehyun do something to you?”

“Jaehyun?” Mark furrows his brows. “What does he have to do with anything?”

Taeyong’s confusion mirrors his friend’s. “You came to class with that asshole.”

Mark shakes his head. “He found me in front of the nurse’s office and told me to walk to class with him.”

Taeyong can feel his face heat up, blood boiling. “Did he hurt you? Threaten you?”

“What the hell? No! Why would he do that?” Mark questions, playing with the strap of his bag. “He asked nicely. Almost…”

“Almost what?”

Something flashes in Mark’s eyes, but it’s only there for a second before it’s gone again. “Friendly.”

Taeyong wants to shake him. “Are you hearing yourself? Jaehyun isn’t friendly. He can’t be. I don’t think he has it in him.”

Mark sighs, almost looking irritated in the way he’s actively trying to refrain from rolling his eyes. “Why are you so tense right now?”

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong apologizes, trying to regulate his breathing. “I’m just… I’m worried about you, okay? Jaehyun has never been friendly to you, so why would he start now? Don’t you think that’s a little weird?”

“Jae was never mean to me, either. We go way back, you know?” Mark says quietly as his lips begin to tremble.

Taeyong is a little taken aback by Mark’s revelation. He knows that Mark has lived here his whole life, but he’s never gotten the impression that he was friends with Jaehyun or any of his crew before. For as long as Taeyong has been here, they’ve all treated Mark like just as much of an outsider as himself. But he decides that right now isn’t the time nor place to get into that conversation, so he lets it go.

“Why were you seeing the nurse anyway?”

“Just had a headache.” Mark smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I dropped by your house to pick you up, but your uncle said you had already left.”

“Sorry about that,” Taeyong says. “My aunt decided to drop me off, and I forgot my phone at school so I wasn’t able to let you know.”

The lie slips past his lips so easily that he doesn’t even think about it. He doesn’t want to lie to Mark, but some things are better left unsaid. Especially when Mark is already in such a fragile state. Taeyong shoots Mark what he hopes is a comforting smile as the other nods, and the two of them dip into the room right as the first bell rings signaling that they have five minutes before they’re officially late. Mark will tell him what happened eventually; Taeyong knows he will.

Hours at Hearst pass by quickly considering the curriculum that the students have, so without realizing it, Taeyong has gone the whole rest of the day without talking to Mark. He isn’t sure if it’s because his friend is pulling away from him or if it’s just because the day is so busy, but he plans to at least speak to Mark during their last lesson of the day. But before he can find his way into the classroom, he’s blocked by an angry looking Johnny. Taeyong is just about to tell him off when his gaze lands on the sight that has Johnny all wound up, and something in his heart dies. Right there, for all the world to see, is Mark crying against Jaehyun’s shoulder as the latter rubs his back.

A sense of betrayal hits the bottom of Taeyong’s stomach and shoots straight into his chest. His best friend is seeking comfort in the one person who has actively been ruining his life. The logical part of Taeyong recognizes that this is probably just another ploy in Jaehyun’s revenge plot, but he can’t suppress the bitterness that he feels. He’s not exactly even sure what for. It’s barely noticeable, but there nonetheless. He’s still stuck staring when Johnny storms in their direction with his hands balled into fists. His glare falls on Jaehyun’s hand around Mark’s back, and Taeyong finds himself glaring at it as well. He wants to break that hand, then burn it and feed it to the dogs.

Neither Jaehyun nor Johnny say a word, they just stare at each other as if they’re communicating without anyone else hearing. The two of them are best friends, but in this moment, they look like they’re on the verge of destroying one another. Every onlooker in the vicinity falls quiet as a silent war wages between the pair, then Johnny hooks his fingers into the hood of Mark’s jacket and yanks him back. His teary eyes widen when he meets Johnny’s murderous gaze, then he practically sprints away in the opposite direction without any form of acknowledgment. Taeyong is fuming, but he only has one thing on his mind: get to Mark. He follows Mark’s retreating form and, instinctively, begins in the same direction. But he doesn’t get very far before a hand reaches out to clutch his elbow, stopping him in his tracks.

“I’m still waiting for you to show me,” Jaehyun whispers, mouth so close to Taeyong’s ear that he can feel the brush of his lips.

Not wanting everyone around them to hear their conversation is the only reason Taeyong doesn’t shove him away and, instead, merely shrugs off his grip.

“Is that why you did all this?” Taeyong hisses incredulously. “I don’t even have words for you.”

Jaehyun keeps his face completely stoic, not giving anything away, and that only pisses Taeyong off more. “Say no,” Jaehyun challenges. “ _I dare you_.”

It’s those three little words that change their dynamic once again. Everyone in the school knows that if Jaehyun, Johnny, Jungwoo or Yuta utter them to you, then you’re a part of their game. It’s either do their dares or pay the price. Taeyong doesn’t know what exactly that price entails, but he isn’t keen on finding out. At least, not right now. Any other time, he may have challenged Jaehyun and pushed him into reacting. But the current circumstances aren’t ideal. And, besides, Taeyong is sort of intrigued by this illusive game they all like to play. He wonders if there’s any actual fun in it, or if it’s another one of those things only super rich kids find thrilling.

“After school,” Taeyong says, giving in to what he knows is probably a trap. But he doesn’t want to waste any more time on this situation when he needs to check on Mark. “Meet me after school.”

Jaehyun raises a brow, probably wondering where this is all leading, but Taeyong doesn’t hang back to discuss it further. He doesn’t even spare Jaehyun a second glance as he disappears through the throng of onlookers and breaks out into a jog in search of his best friend. But the awareness that Jaehyun is still watching him as he goes causes his neck to prickle and goosebumps to pop up all over his arms. It’s like Jaehyun is invading every part of Taeyong and engraving himself under his skin. He shakes off the feeling, movements only picking up speed as he spots Mark tucked into a corner behind the staircase. 

“Mark?” Taeyong tries, keeping his voice quiet and slowing his steps as if he’s approaching an injured animal.

He’s doing his best to stay calm, but he can’t deny that there’s a part of him that wants to shout at Mark and demand to know why he let Jaehyun comfort him. That same part feels as though Mark is building a wall around himself and making sure that Taeyong is on the outside. It makes his chest ache. Mark is slipping between his fingers, and Taeyong doesn’t know how to hold onto him. But, then, their eyes meet. Mark’s gaze is swirling with so many emotions, but the most prominent one of them all is sorrow. Deep sorrow. 

In a split second, Mark is throwing himself at Taeyong, and they wrap their arms around one another tightly. A sob tears from Mark’s throat as he buries his face in Taeyong’s neck, and he can’t help but feel like a horrible friend for not detecting Mark’s breaking point sooner. Taeyong figures that this may be why he cried in Jaehyun’s embrace. Mark only wants to be comforted, and he probably felt as though Taeyong couldn’t give that to him. Maybe this is all proof enough that Mark is right in thinking so. Maybe Taeyong has just been too caught up in playing games with Jaehyun that he’s been neglecting the people who actually care about him.

“Mark, you know I love you,” Taeyong says as he rubs a hand up and down his friend’s back, “you’re my best friend, but you have to tell me what’s going on. Or else I don’t know how to help you.”

Mark steps back, out of his embrace, and there’s a fleeting moment where Taeyong thinks he may run away again. What if Mark is realizing that being friends really isn’t worth it? Mark doesn’t run away though, he just wipes his swollen eyes and sucks in a shaky breath.

“Have you ever wondered how other people see you?” Mark asks. “Like maybe _you’re_ the villain in someone else’s story?”

“What?” Taeyong replies, breathing out a laugh in disbelief. “If that’s what you’re worried about, then trust me when I say that you don’t need to be. You’re the most kind person I know.”

“Sometimes villains don’t look like villains, Tae. I think most of them don’t even know that they’re villains because they think everything they do is right.”

“What do you mean?” Taeyong questions.

“I mean that I did something unforgivable, and now I’m paying the price,” Mark admits, releasing a strangled breath.

Taeyong reaches forward, clutching Mark’s shoulders. “Is that what Jaehyun told you? Cause, in my opinion, you’ve done nothing wrong. If you wanna see a real villain, then that’s him. Not you.”

A small — albeit somewhat still sad — smile graces Mark’s face, and he finally looks Taeyong in the eye. “Should we egg their cars?” he asks, referring to Jaehyun and his friends. “Or maybe pluck out a strand of hair and have my sister perform a little witchcraft with it so they lose their upcoming game?”

Taeyong mirrors his friend’s smile, letting out a quiet laugh. “That might make us as bad as them, and I refuse to stoop so low.”

Mark groans. “You’re such an old man sometimes,” he jokes. “Stop being so mature.”

“Rather be mature than an asshole.”

“You know…” Mark trails off, “Jaehyun wasn’t always like this.”

“Nope!” Taeyong shakes his head. “Not listening. I don’t care what he was like.”

“Maybe you should care, Tae,” he counters, tone becoming much more serious once again. “Don’t you ever wonder why he never seems to bother anyone but you?”

“What do you suggest?” Taeyong asks. “That I dig around in his personal life? That I somehow dredge up his traumatic past and fix him because, _deep down_ , he’s a good person with a heart of gold?”

Mark cocks his head to the side, obviously not impressed and expression radiating curiosity. “Did something happen with Jaehyun?”

Taeyong looks away. “Why do you ask?”

“No offense, but you seem a bit more aggressive about him than usual.”

Something in Taeyong’s chest shrinks. He wants to tell Mark all about yesterday, but he’s a coward. He doesn’t want Mark to judge him for being weak. He always calls Taeyong strong and hardened, but what would he say if he knew that Taeyong crumbled with a single push? He’s almost ashamed to even look Mark in the eye, let alone admit to what he’s done.

“I guess I’m just angry that he hugged you.”

“Really? Why?”

“What do you mean, why?” Taeyong asks, voice rising. “You know he’s just doing it as another tactic to manipulate everyone around him into thinking he’s some godsend.” 

“Maybe.” Mark shrugs. “But, as the saying goes, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. You can’t defeat him if you know nothing about him.”

Taeyong opens his mouth to protest, but Mark is right. Taeyong knows nothing about Jaehyun, and that puts him at a disadvantage. Jaehyun is like an itch that makes Taeyong all too uncomfortable and aware. The mere mention of Jung Jaehyun completely shatters his mood and pulls at his sanity strings. Despite the fact that Taeyong has fun messing with him sometimes, he has done everything in his power to erase Jaehyun. But he’s like a ghost haunting Taeyong wherever he goes. So, maybe he’s been looking at things all wrong. Maybe erasing Jaehyun isn’t the solution. If Taeyong chooses to get to know him, it won’t be to understand him or anything, it’ll only be a tactic so he’ll know how to counter him.

“You know Johnny though, and that’s done you no favors.”

“ _Knew_ Johnny. Past tense. He’s been a stranger for years.” Mark sighs, the noise almost pained. “Besides, I don’t intend to fight him. You, on the other hand, seem hellbent on challenging Jaehyun.”

“I’m only defending myself and our friendship. I don’t want him to get in-between us.”

“My relationship with Jaehyun isn’t like that.”

Taeyong hates that his mind gets hung up on the word _relationship_. It sticks out to him like a sore thumb, and, suddenly, he wants to hear everything about how Mark grew up with Jaehyun, with Johnny, with all of them. But before he can press the issue, the bell rings. It doesn’t feel like they’ve been standing here long enough for their class to be over, but the waves of students that start filing out of the classrooms around them tells him otherwise. Taeyong looks down both sides of the hallway before locking eyes with Mark and exchanging small smiles.

“I’ll see you later?” Taeyong says, knowing he has to get to practice despite wanting to stay and talk with his friend.

Mark nods. “You better.”

Taeyong hates that the track is right next to the field. It never fails that, while he stretches, his gaze always drifts to where the soccer team is practicing. Today is no different. He finds Jaehyun without even trying. Taeyong is hyperaware of his presence, and that makes Jaehyun stand out of the crowd even when he tries to ignore him completely. It doesn’t help that Jaehyun is gorgeous and that his blue jersey sticks to his body like a second skin, outlining his developed chest and his toned thighs. It’s torture looking at him, but Taeyong has always been a bit of a masochist.

He watches as Jaehyun calls for the ball, and when it reaches him, his eyes spark with challenge. It takes him seconds to cut through the defense, his feet moving quicker than Taeyong’s eyes can follow. He stops at nothing to get to the goal and succeeds more often than not. But today is different. Jaehyun goes for the ball, leaving a few of his opponents behind, and just as he’s gaining momentum towards the net, Johnny tackles him with brute force. Jaehyun hits the ground so hard that it catches the attention of everyone else around them. Even Taeyong’s coach stops and stares.

The field falls silent, and when Johnny stands, he doesn’t even reach down to help Jaehyun up. Yuta and Jungwoo do. Coach Velasquez, a middle-aged man with a bald head and bushy brows, hits Johnny with a paper bat on the shoulder as he passes. But if he’s affected, he doesn’t show it. All he does is cut Jaehyun a deadly glare.

“Shit. What the fuck is Seo so tense for?” whispers one of Taeyong’s teammates from behind him.

“No idea,” another answers. “Seems like he’s out for blood.”

It’s the first time Taeyong has seen Johnny and Jaehyun at each other’s throats, and he wonders if it’s the same for everyone else. On the sidelines, Coach Velasquez and Yuta, the team captain, are speaking with Johnny. But judging by the coach’s reddening cheeks, it doesn’t seem to be going so well. Taeyong can’t make out what they’re saying, but he assumes Coach Velasquez is having a go at Johnny for touching his star player. Taeyong forces himself to look away and get back to warming up. It’s not really any of his business anyway. And as far as he’s concerned, Jaehyun deserves to have some sense knocked into him every once in a while, regardless of the reasoning behind it.

As he stretches his hand behind his back, he gets that all-consuming feeling that someone is watching him, and he can’t stop himself from looking for the culprit. He finds it in Jaehyun. Taeyong freezes when their eyes meet, surprised to find that, even from here, he can see the undisclosed raw hunger swirling around in Jaehyun’s gaze. He feels like he can’t breathe. Taeyong can handle Jaehyun’s hateful glares, but he can’t take this one of desire. They should have never crossed into uncharted territory, because now Taeyong is getting rattled. And he doesn’t _do_ rattled.

Taeyong breaks eye contact first and turns away to focus on his own practice. It goes well for the most part, but after the fourth loop around the track, exhaustion starts to set in. Taeyong takes more breaks for water than necessary, and his record keeps slowing down. Now and then, he chances a few glances over at the soccer field, and every time, without fail, he finds Jaehyun’s destabilizing gaze on him. Taeyong vows not to let his attention wander over there again. After practice, Coach Kim calls Taeyong into his office as his teammates head into the showers.

“Is everything okay, Tae?” he asks as he closes the door to give them a bit of privacy, then takes a seat behind his desk. Taeyong follows his lead and plops down into the chair across from him. “Your numbers weren’t optimal by the end, and that’s not really like you. Have you been practicing during the Summer?”

“I have.” Taeyong swallows, wringing his hands together nervously in his lap. “I’ll work harder, though. I promise.”

There’s a beat of silence that passes between them where Taeyong knows what his coach is about to say before he even says it, but he’s still somehow unable to prepare himself. “Is it your heart condition?”

Taeyong looks away. When he originally told his aunt, Irene, that he wanted to run, she had refused. His uncle, Junmyeon, did everything he could to try and coax her, and that was the only reason she had ultimately agreed. But it wasn’t without terms. One of them was that Taeyong’s coach, Jongin, had to be up to date on his heart condition, and another was that Taeyong had to promise to call Irene if anything came up. So far, everything has been fine, and Taeyong wants to keep it that way. He can’t be removed from the team’s lineup. Running is what keeps him alive.

“No.” Taeyong shakes his head. “The seasonal change just throws me off a bit.”

Coach Kim nods, but he doesn’t seem all that convinced. Luckily for Taeyong though, he drops it, and the two of them spend the next twenty minutes strategizing their next competition instead of discussing why Taeyong sucked so much during practice. It’s only when Jongin is sure that the last of the track team is out of the locker room that he flips the folder on his desk closed and tucks it away into one of his many filing cabinets. Thrill shoots through Taeyong at the all too familiar action, causing his skin to buzz, and he pushes his chair back to stand to his full height. Biting down on his bottom lip, he glances over his shoulder and out through the large glass window to make sure no one is lurking about outside.

When he doesn’t see anyone, he turns his gaze back on Jongin and circles his desk, dragging his index finger along the length of the old mahogany. He knows what this means all too well. The two of them have been in this situation countless times, yet the excitement of it all hasn’t dwindled even a bit. Jongin watches Taeyong, eyes quickly glazing over in desire as he rolls his chair back and turns towards his student. In the back of his mind, Taeyong realizes that their relationship is wrong. He knows, realistically, that there’s an argument for abuse of power, but he doesn’t care.

Taeyong is eighteen, and it’s not like Jongin is some old creep. He’s in his twenties, and he’s never been anything but kind and respectful. They’ve never even done anything overtly sexual, just made out here and there and grinded against one another fully clothed when the opportunity has presented itself. And Jongin has never once pushed for more, despite both of them showing clear signs of a willingness to do so. In truth, though, Taeyong is kind of scared to take things to the next level. He’s a virgin in every sense of the word. And while there’s nothing wrong with that, the societal pressures still weigh on him.

He feels like he’s missing out in a lot of ways. Pushing all of that to the back of his mind for another day, Taeyong places both hands on Jongin’s shoulders and slides into his lap. They fit together so easily, so perfectly, and the chemistry between them is undeniable. Taeyong thinks that if the circumstances were different, they may even have a chance at a real relationship. It’s just unfortunate that something like that isn’t plausible for their future.

“Since my numbers weren’t optimal today,” Taeyong repeats, situating his hands behind Jongin’s neck and resting his thumbs just under his jaw, “let me make it up to you with something I’m _more_ than optimal at.”

A slow smile spreads across Jongin’s face, making him look much younger than he already is, and his gaze flits down to Taeyong’s lips as he licks his own in anticipation. The action spurs Taeyong on, and he captures Jongin’s bottom lip between his teeth before diving into a rough kiss. Their mouths move in perfect sync, with Taeyong basically copying everything Jongin has taught him since he’s been his only experience in the intimacy department. It doesn’t take long for their kiss to deepen, with Taeyong leaning into him and parting Jongin’s lips to lick inside his mouth.

Jongin’s hands find purchase on Taeyong’s hips, and the latter rolls his body forward. Jongin groans into his mouth, their bulges obvious through the thin material of their shorts. The friction makes Taeyong shudder, so he does it again, chasing the feeling. His fingers tighten in the hair at Jongin’s nape, and he tugs lightly as their kiss breaks. Taeyong presses his forehead to his coach’s, grinding against him harder, then faster, alternating in ways that he knows Jongin likes.

“Do you wanna fuck me?” Taeyong asks, eyes hooded as he stares down at Jongin’s beautiful face contorted in pleasure.

He doesn’t slow his ministrations as Jongin contemplates his question, and Taeyong can’t help it when his breathing starts to pick up. Just being here where anyone could catch them, with someone that he’s not supposed to be engaging in elicit activities with, turns him on beyond belief. He’s not sure what that really says about him, but he’s also too far gone to care. He moans at the thought, puffs of air hitting Jongin right in the face from their proximity, and the latter’s hands tighten around his waist.

“Do you?” Taeyong presses.

“Yes,” Jongin finally answers, voice barely above a whisper. “You know I do.”

Taeyong smiles, the words fueling his ego as he closes his eyes and tips his head back. Knowing that someone in Jongin’s position wants him in that way sends a rush of confidence through his body. It makes him feel powerful.

“Do you picture me just like this? On top of you, bouncing on your cock? Do you imagine how it would feel? How _tight_ … how _warm_ … how _wet_. All for you.”

Jongin buries his groan in Taeyong’s neck, sucking the skin between his teeth in a way that feels pleasurable but won’t leave a mark. Taeyong starts moving faster, his orgasm building quicker and quicker. He mimics the movements of him riding Jongin, as if the two of them are engaged in intercourse and completely naked. Flashes of Jaehyun fill his mind, and Taeyong clenches his teeth as he pushes any thought of the boy far away.

“Would you fuck me fast and hard? Or are you more of a slow and gentle kind of guy?”

“I’m more of a _best of both worlds_ type of guy,” Jongin admits on a moan at a particularly rough grind of their clothed cocks against one another.

“Really?” Taeyong questions, forcing his eyes open to look at the man beneath him. “Because I’d want it hard. And rough. I’d want you to fuck me like you hate me. Like you hate that you’re attracted to me.”

Something in the words he grits out, or in the way he says them, sends Jongin over the edge. Because as soon as they leave Taeyong’s mouth, his coach is gripping his hips tighter than ever and thrusting up against him as if he’s actually plunging his cock deep inside of him. Jongin groans loudly, and the look of pure, unfiltered euphoria that crosses his face causes Taeyong’s own orgasm to hit him with blinding intensity. The force of it causes Taeyong’s hand to fly up and grip the back of the chair, and he doesn’t even attempt to quieten the loud moans that spill out from between his lips.

His vision blurs slightly, body shaking, and the pair rolls their hips together a few more times until their movements get slower and slower, then stop completely. Their chests rise and fall together, and Taeyong bends down to capture Jongin’s lips in another kiss, though this time it’s slow and sweet. They breathe into it, enjoying the feel of one another, until Jongin pulls away.

“You should hit the showers,” Jongin whispers, fingers brushing the hair out of Taeyong’s eyes gently.

The boy whines, leaning in again to place a peck against Jongin’s mouth. “Join me.”

Jongin breathes out a laugh, returning the chaste kiss a couple more times. “I can’t. Too risky.”

“And dry humping me in your office isn’t?”

That causes Jongin to laugh once again, but he looks away towards the window that basically takes up the entire wall by the door and frowns. “I think we’ve had our fill for the day.”

Taeyong sighs, but he supposes Jongin is right. Carefully, he slides off of his lap and stands, the stickiness in his shorts causing him to wince. He doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t really know what to say anyway, and turns to exit the office. He makes quick work of ridding himself of his clothing and stepping into one of the showers at the end of the row, taking his time in washing up since no one else is occupying the locker room. It’s nice to just have a little alone time now and then. For him, the sound of water helps to silence his thoughts and relax his body. Which is something he desperately needs right now.

Once he’s done, he pats himself dry, then slips on one of the warm, soft robes provided by the school. At least going to a fancy academy does have _some_ useful perks. As his feet pad down the tiled floors, he hears a rustle come from the other side. He assumes that it’s his coach locking up or one of his teammates coming back for a forgotten item, but as he rounds the corner, he freezes completely. Standing in the middle of the room is Jaehyun as he leans against one of the lockers with his arms and ankles crossed and a dark spark dancing in his cloudy gaze. He’s watching Taeyong with an unnerving focus, like he’s a ravenous predator salivating after his prey. 

Taeyong crosses his arms over his chest. “Get out, or I’ll start screaming bloody murder.”

“You told me to meet you after school,” Jaehyun reminds him.

“I meant outside, not in the locker room.”

Jaehyun lifts a shoulder. “You didn’t specify the place. This is as good as any.”

“Get out,” Taeyong repeats. “I’ll meet you outside after I’m dressed.”

“Why not here?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Taeyong sighs. “Fuck, Jung. I’m not having a conversation with you while I’m only dressed in a robe.”

Jaehyun’s lips curve into a sadistic smile. “What’s the matter, sweetheart? Feeling a little shy?”

“Yeah, right.” Taeyong scoffs. “Not a chance.”

Jaehyun hums as he tilts his head to the side. “Then, what’s the problem? You afraid of temptation? Afraid you’ll give in again, like yesterday?”

Taeyong grits his teeth. “More like I don’t want your attention anywhere near me.”

“Well, here’s the problem with that,” Jaehyun starts, pushing off of the locker as he stalks towards Taeyong in cool — yet almost predatory — strides.

Taeyong swallows hard, yet continues to stand tall and confident. He can’t believe that he has to remind himself to not step back, but at least Jaehyun has no idea of his inner turmoil. However, he remembers that he did kick Jaehyun in the balls, and that causes him to start retreating. Jaehyun is like a hurricane; looming, unstoppable, and dangerous. There’s no telling what he’s willing to do for revenge, and it causes all of Taeyong’s senses to heighten. Taeyong’s breathing becomes quicker and more shallow the closer he gets.

His back hits the wall before he realizes just how far he’s gone, and he startles. When Taeyong attempts to sidestep Jaehyun, the latter plants a hand on the wall beside his head and cages him in. Jaehyun invades his personal space until all Taeyong can smell is his clean, straight from the shower scent. But he refuses to back down. He won’t be seen as weak again. Taeyong looks right up into Jaehyun’s eyes with a hint of defiance, their proximity causing them to practically pass shared air back and forth between their mouths.

Jaehyun’s free hand reaches for Taeyong’s hair, and he twirls a short strand around his finger. “You didn’t ask for my attention, but you’re getting it anyway. All I’ve been able to think about since yesterday is touching you again. I keep wondering how you’d feel with my hands fisted in your hair and my cock shoved deep down your throat.” Taeyong’s nostrils flare, but he keeps his face neutral. “Or how you’d feel beneath me as I fuck you until you pass out, how you’d taste when I eat you out, how—”

“Enough,” Taeyong states, meaning for it to come out as a warning, but it’s barely a whisper. There’s no power behind it.

An overwhelming and strange sensation shoots through Taeyong’s body at his crude words. He wishes he could say that it’s because of embarrassment or anger, but it’s far from it. The bottom of Taeyong’s stomach tightens and heat pours out of his skin. Jaehyun watches him closely with a tilted head as if he’s searching for something, as if he’s gauging Taeyong’s reaction.

“Are you turned on, Lee?”

“No,” Taeyong says, voice steady.

“Oh? You’re not?” Jaehyun cocks a brow as he releases Taeyong’s hair and drags his thumb over his bottom lip. “So, you’re telling me that if I reach under your robe right now, you won’t be hard? Not even a little bit?” He smiles when Taeyong doesn’t say anything. “Maybe I should check. Just to be absolutely sure.”

Taeyong presses his hand against Jaehyun’s chest, pushing him back slightly to put a little distance between them. “In your dreams. You’d have to kill me first.”

“That’s not really my style,” Jaehyun says. “I wanna see your face when I touch you, when I make you come. I want your cheeks flushed that pretty pink, kinda like they are now, and I want your screams cutting through the air.”

“You really are sick,” Taeyong replies, his mouth and body at war.

“And you’re really starting to sound repetitive,” Jaehyun says, gaze dropping to the hint of skin peeking out from Taeyong’s robe, where he can see a tiny portion of his scar surrounded by the hickeys he left yesterday. “I asked you nicely this morning, but I’m thinking that maybe you just don’t like nice.”

“What I like is being left alone.”

“Do you really believe that?” Jaehyun caresses Taeyong’s cheek with his thumb, and the action is so soft that it throws Taeyong off for a moment. “Do you wanna know what I think?” he asks, but doesn’t wait for an answer. “I think you like being challenged, and I think you like pissing people off to the point that they snap and hurt you. There’s something in you that enjoys the pain, but you don’t want anyone to know that you like something so depraved. You put on this mask for everyone, pretend you’re above everything, when really you’re just afraid of yourself.”

Taeyong’s eyes widen a fraction and he starts to tremble, but he does his best to tamp it down. Jaehyun knows too much, he’s too close, and that’s more terrifying than anything he could do to him physically.

“I think you’re delusional.”

Jaehyun breathes out a laugh as he releases Taeyong’s face and his fingers drop down to his collarbone. Every touch of his skin against Taeyong’s is like a scorching fire. And, like with any fire, he knows the only thing Jaehyun will leave behind is ashes.

“For fuck’s sake, Jung. Just leave me the hell alone,” Taeyong hisses.

“I told you,” Jaehyun whispers, “I can’t.”

Jaehyun slips his hand underneath one side of Taeyong’s robe and pushes it off of his shoulder, exposing his pale scar and chest. His eyes drink in the sight, finger tracing the slightly raised skin and the marks littered all around it. Taeyong shifts, biting down on his bottom lip to stifle any sounds that threaten to expose his crumbling facade.

“I think you get off on causing people pain,” Taeyong rushes out, hoping to divert some of the attention from himself to the boy torturing him.

Jaehyun’s gaze reluctantly leaves his chest to meet his eyes, but a sheen of indifference covers his features, sealing whatever interest sparked earlier. “Are you in pain right now?”

“No. But I’m uncomfortable,” Taeyong admits. “So, spare me your attention.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re toxic,” Taeyong answers, “and you’ve been ruining my life for years.”

Jaehyun leans over, lips ghosting the shell of Taeyong’s ear and sending chills down his spine as he whispers, “That’s not good enough for me.”

Taeyong closes his eyes, willing all the anger he’s feeling down so he doesn’t lash out. “What the fuck did I ever do to you?”

“Exist.”

Taeyong’s brows furrow. “So, what? Did you toss a coin? Just wake up one day and decide that it’d be me?”

Suddenly, Jaehyun wraps his hand around Taeyong’s throat and squeezes. His eyes widen dramatically, and he kicks his feet as what air he has quickly starts to diminish. It reminds Taeyong so much of that day on the soccer field when Jaehyun nearly killed him, and now he wonders if he’s going to finish the job.

“All these years of torturing you, did you think I was destroying you?” Jaehyun asks. “Because you haven’t seen anything yet.”

Taeyong’s fingers wrap around Jaehyun’s wrist to try and pry his hand off, but he only squeezes harder. Taeyong chokes on non-existent air as he thrashes and claws at Jaehyun’s arms. His eyes bulge, every nerve ending tingling as lightheadedness grips him and everything turns hazy.

“The more you fight, the harder I’ll squeeze.” Jaehyun swipes his tongue across Taeyong’s bottom lip and whispers against his mouth. “You’re smart, aren’t you?”

Taeyong’s hands tremble as he drops them to either side of his body, realizing that Jaehyun has all the control right now and he’s fighting a losing battle. Jaehyun loosens his grip the slightest bit to allow some air in, and Taeyong gulps it greedily, lungs and eyes burning with oxygen.

“Good boy,” Jaehyun praises as Taeyong shakes with tiny bursts of breath. “You could’ve stayed away, but you didn’t. Just remember, you were the one that started the war.”

Taeyong wants to ask what he means by that, but he doesn’t get the chance before he’s being interrupted by Coach Kim’s voice calling out his name. Jongin’s footsteps come closer with each passing second, and Taeyong’s face heats up as panic grips him by the gut. But, then, Jaehyun releases him and strides towards the nearest window. He throws Taeyong one last indecipherable look before he jumps down and disappears. Taeyong releases a shaky breath as he readjusts the robe on his body and drops his head back against the wall.

“Tae?” Jongin questions as he steps into view. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Taeyong croaks, voice hoarse. “Everything’s fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos, comments, and any kind of other feedback is always welcome and definitely encouraged. You get an extra thank you for taking the time to do so, but just reading is appreciated and you're still valid! If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, where I sometimes post edits and previews for upcoming fics, then I'll leave the link to that and my Curious Cat account below. 
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	2. Chapter 2

Taeyong is exhausted, and he’s more than happy to be changing into his pajamas after a long day of yoga and Netflix with Irene. It’s not as if he hates spending time with his aunt — because that’s not the case — but she can be a little overbearing when it comes to him. He knows it’s out of a place of love, but he just wishes she would chill a little bit. Taeyong pauses as he buttons up his top, staring at the hickeys Jaehyun left all around his scar. In the past, whenever he would look at it, he would have haunting flashbacks about the incident when he lost his parents, but now that doesn’t happen so much anymore. He quickly buttons the rest with jerky hands before any intrusive flashbacks decide to claw their way in.

He’s still furious at himself for giving in to Jaehyun, but he can’t deny the fact that he likes all the attention he gets from him. Sure, Taeyong tells him to leave him alone and that he doesn’t like it, but Jaehyun isn’t far off in assuming that Taeyong likes things he’s not supposed to. Sometimes, he thinks Jaehyun is annoying and really does want him to just fuck off, but most of the time, he revels in the feeling of having his dark eyes on him at all times. However, the fact that Taeyong is starting to become more invested in Jaehyun is creeping him out.

He can’t help but wonder what Jaehyun’s motive is. There’s no way he acts the way he does just because. There has to be _some_ kind of reason. Taeyong shouldn’t care — and maybe he doesn’t — but that curiosity still lurks in his head. Blowing out a puff of air, Taeyong crawls into bed and checks his phone. He has a few messages from Mark, so he looks at those first. He smiles when he’s greeted with a picture of Mark’s younger brother, Jisung, clinging to his leg, followed by Mark letting Taeyong know that he won’t be able to pick him up for school tomorrow and that he’s sorry but will make it up to him. It’s not a big deal though, and Taeyong lets him know that. He’s just glad that things are already starting to slowly go back to normal.

The two of them chat for a while before Mark has to go in order to get his brother ready for bed, but Taeyong isn’t quite ready to fall asleep himself. His body may be tired, but his brain is in overdrive. Especially after everything that’s transpired. So, instead, he heads over to Instagram and scrolls through his following, only stopping when he happens upon a new post from the school’s page. There, in all his glory, is Jaehyun in a perfect shot captured by the photography club during practice when he was about to score. One of Jaehyun’s hands is flung back in symmetry with his left foot like he’s about to fly right off the field, and his posture is one of envy.

Taeyong zooms in, erasing everyone else on the field except for Jaehyun, and studies him. He could sit and stare at him for hours, but after only a few seconds, Taeyong exits the app altogether and covers his head in exasperation. He’s turning into someone he hates, and it’s all because of that bastard. Taeyong’s phone pings, and he quickly lunges for it with the full expectation that it’s Mark again. He definitely needs the distraction. But when he looks at the screen, all he sees is Jaehyun’s name before it fades to black. Taeyong’s brows furrow in confusion, but it only takes a second for it all to make sense to him. Jaehyun had his phone for a whole day, so it shouldn’t come as a shock that he decided to put in his own contact information. Still, Taeyong is tempted to throw his phone against the wall. But curiosity gets the better of him.

`JAEHYUN`   
`u awake?`

`JAEHYUN`   
`cause i am…`

Taeyong rolls his eyes. He wants to text back something sarcastic since _obviously_ Jaehyun is awake, but he refrains. Something way more concerning than Jaehyun sending him nightly messages looms over his head, and Taeyong sits up straight in bed so fast that it makes his head spin. If Jaehyun was able to get into his phone to put in his contact information, there’s no telling what else he did. What if he snooped around? Taeyong chews on his bottom lip as he tries wracking his brain for anything Jaehyun may have found that could come back to bite him in the ass. The only thing he can truly think of is his correspondence with his coach, but Taeyong made sure that his name and picture didn’t match. He made sure that nothing could be traced back to Jongin. But what if Jaehyun was able to figure it out?

`JAEHYUN`   
`cant stop picturin u naked`

`JAEHYUN`   
`screamin my name while i pound into ur tight little ass`

A shiver works its way through Taeyong’s body, and he clenches his phone so tightly in his hand that it makes his fingers throb. He prays to God — or to whatever higher power may be listening — that Jaehyun doesn’t know what kind of effect he really has on Taeyong. He’s already a menace, there’s no need to add to his ego. Taeyong can’t even begin to imagine how insufferable Jaehyun would be if he knew that Taeyong would legitimately love for him to blow his fucking back out. Taeyong would be mortified.

`JAEHYUN`   
`if u dont reply i’ll keep tellin u about my fantasies… in vivid detail…`

`JAEHYUN`   
`thinkin about ur pouty lips around my cock as i face fuck u while u stare up at me with those pretty doe eyes`

`JAEHYUN`   
`u know ur part of the game now right? u get a dare u do it i can just dare u to respond`

`JAEHYUN`   
`but i wont bc thats too easy n its not fun if its easy`

`JAEHYUN`   
`i know ur not asleep`

`JAEHYUN`   
`last chance… you’ll regret it if u dont reply`

`JAEHYUN`   
`as u wish`

Taeyong continues to stare at the screen, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he waits to see if Jaehyun will send him another message or not. When five minutes go by and Jaehyun still hasn’t said anything else, Taeyong comes to the conclusion that he must be done for the night. He doesn’t know why that bothers him, but a _small_ part of him wonders why he isn’t continuing to pester him. Does he want Jaehyun to bother him? No. But another, _even smaller_ , part of him wants every bit of attention he can get. Taeyong decides that he won’t allow Jaehyun to get under his skin though, so with slightly trembling hands, he places his phone on the nightstand and settles in for the night.

When Taeyong wakes in the morning, he has a hand between his legs, sticky thighs, and a very prominent wet spot on the front of his briefs. He groans, clenching his teeth as he rolls to his back and sits up. Everything feels so uncomfortable, and he throws his sheets off in anger, trying to force the lingering bits of his dream out of his mind. He usually doesn’t remember them, but this time he can recall glimpses of dark eyes and something thick in his mouth. Taeyong shudders. He doesn’t know why his body is suddenly reacting to Jaehyun in ways that aren’t with pure rage, but he’s elected to ignore it. A problem is only a problem if he gives it power. Standing up from the bed, he makes his way straight to the bathroom and takes the coldest shower of his life.

It doesn’t help to ease his tension on the inside, but it does get rid of any lingering physical problems. Which, at this point, is good enough. Taeyong takes his time readying himself for the day, making sure that he looks as presentable as ever, styling his hair to perfection and putting on a light layer of makeup. Then, he grabs his uniform from where it’s laid out, making sure there are no wrinkles before he slips it on carefully. He checks himself out in the full length mirror attached to the back of his door, then grabs his bag and heads out.

“Maybe we should try Dr. Moon’s recommendations.”

Taeyong halts near the top of the stairs upon hearing Irene’s voice, one hand resting on the banister as he adjusts the strap of his bag. His brows pinch together, and dread lodges itself in the pit of his stomach. He hasn’t seen his therapist in a while now, and he doesn’t really want to go back, either. He doesn’t understand why they’re even having this conversation. Did he say something wrong? Did he give them some sort of indication that he’s falling back into his old ways?

“Stop overthinking, Irene,” Junmyeon scolds. “I’m gonna go see if he’s up, or else he’ll be late for school.”

Taeyong hears Irene mumble something in response, but he’s too far away to be able to make out what she says. With his head still spinning at what their conversation may mean, he makes the deliberate sound of his feet flapping against the floor as he bounces down the stairs and rounds the corner with a big smile on his face that he hopes appears genuine.

“Morning!”

He gives Junmyeon a quick kiss on the cheek, and lets Irene do the same to him, before dropping his bag on the chair and digging straight into the jam and butter situated on the island. Taeyong doesn’t have much of an appetite, but he forces down tiny bites anyway. If Irene notices that he’s not eating, then she’ll freak out. And Taeyong truly doesn’t want to deal with that. Not this early in the morning.

“Is Mark running late?” Irene asks.

“No. He has to drop off Jisung, so I’ll just walk today.”

“Nonsense. I don’t mind driving you,” Junmyeon offers.

“Oh, absolutely not,” Irene argues, shaking her head with a smile. “You drive recklessly, I’ll do it.”

Before his uncle can respond, the doorbell echoes throughout the house and catches their attention. Taeyong has absolutely no idea who in their right mind would be stopping by so early, but he’s thankful if it gets him out of this conversation.

“I’ll get it!” Taeyong says, dropping his barely eaten bagel down onto his plate.

Junmyeon automatically shoots him a look, and Taeyong knows his plan has been foiled before it even got off the ground. “I’ll get it. You finish your breakfast.”

Taeyong frowns as he takes a sip of his orange juice, and Irene places a variety of pills down in front of him. Some of them are vitamins and some have to do with his heart condition, but the cycle is routine. She makes him take the same ones every morning, and he doesn’t really mind it. He knows his aunt is just looking out for him. And, honestly, if he had to remember to take all of this himself, then he would probably be dead by now. Reaching out, he slides the pills to the edge of the island, then rakes them into his other hand and pops them into his mouth one by one, chasing the taste away with a swig of his juice.

“Yongie?” Junmyeon calls out, sounding bemused as he appears at the threshold. “Your friend is here to pick you up.”

“Friend?” Taeyong repeats, brows furrowing as confusion sweeps over his features.

Maybe Mark made it in time after all. But, somehow, Taeyong doesn’t think that’s the case. If it were Mark, then Junmyeon wouldn’t have just called him a friend. They know each other too well. Still, there’s really no one else it could be considering the fact that Taeyong doesn’t exactly have any other friends. Junmyeon looks behind him, twisting his body to the side so he can make room for said friend as they step through the doorway and into the kitchen. Taeyong’s eyes nearly pop out of his head at the sight, and for a brief moment, he thinks he’s still dreaming because there’s no other reason for Jung Jaehyun to be at his house right now.

Jaehyun saunters into the middle of the room with confident, nonchalant steps, and where most people feel awkward entering a place for the first time, he portrays none of that. His gleaming eyes fix Taeyong’s with so much ease that it makes it seem like this is an everyday occurrence. The air turns stuffier and tighter with Jaehyun’s presence, and Taeyong narrows his eyes. He wonders if his aunt and uncle can feel the tension, too. Junmyeon just seems confused about what’s going on, but Irene is staring at Jaehyun as if she’s seeing a ghost. 

“So,” Junmyeon clears his throat, breaking the uncomfortable silence, “I didn’t know Yongie had any other friends besides Mark.”

Jaehyun pouts as he makes his way over to Taeyong, and the latter mentally scolds his uncle for saying such a thing. “I’m hurt, baby. I didn’t know you were hiding me from your parents.”

And just like that, with a single sentence, Irene and Junmyeon’s entire perception of Taeyong shifts. In just a few subtle words, Jaehyun has made them believe that he and Taeyong are in a relationship, and he said it so casually that no one would ever initially believe him to be a liar. Junmyeon’s brows furrow while Irene turns her hard stare on Taeyong. And something twists in his chest, a feeling like betrayal squeezing at his insides for some reason. Irene just looks so hurt, like Taeyong has specifically gone against wishes he wasn’t even aware of.

“It’s not like that,” Taeyong whispers past the lump in his throat, but Irene doesn’t seem to be listening.

“You didn’t tell us you knew Jaehyun,” Junmyeon says in a more cheerful tone.

“It’s my fault,” Jaehyun interjects with the most solemn — yet sincere — expression that Taeyong has ever seen on him. “Due to your company’s contract with my father, Taeyong was worried about implicating our parents. I respect his wishes, of course, but I also can’t help but want to show him off as mine.”

Taeyong’s wide eyes snap to Jaehyun, and his face heats in anger. Subconsciously, most people are ashamed when they lie and their brains tend to express that shame in the form of tells, but not when it comes to Jaehyun. He feels none of that. So, therefore, his lies come out in a smooth, intricate web. It’s somewhat fascinating to watch, but frustrating all the same. Especially when Junmyeon’s shoulders relax and it becomes very apparent that he’s eating everything Jaehyun says up.

“Is that true?” Irene asks, fingers tightening around the glass in her hand.

Before Taeyong has the chance to deny everything, Jaehyun is suddenly right by his side and caressing his cheek with his knuckles. “See? I told you not to worry last night. You did say that your parents are open-minded and that they will always back your decisions.” Jaehyun smiles, placing his hand on Taeyong’s shoulder as he turns his attention to Irene and Junmyeon. “I’ve heard a lot about your work ethic from my father, and I have to say that I’m very happy to find that your familial ethics are just as excellent.”

As soon as the words leave Jaehyun’s mouth, it’s like the final nail in the coffin. Hook, line, and sinker. Jaehyun has not only made them believe that their completely fictional relationship is in the closet because Taeyong respects and loves his aunt and uncle, but he also brought up their work. Their jobs mean _everything_ to them. It’s basically their reason for breathing. Even Taeyong doesn’t compare. The company is their biological child, and Taeyong is the adopted one. They love him, but he will always come second. Taeyong just wonders how far Jaehyun had to dig in order to come up with all of this information.

“Mr. Jung talks about us?” Junmyeon questions, eyes lighting up like a child’s on Christmas morning.

“Oh, all the time, sir! Your recent project has been all the office can talk about, apparently. Jung Enterprises can only move forward with strong assets like that of Kim Engineering. Some would argue that small companies mean nothing in the greater scheme of things, but it’s those small companies that fuel the production and lay the groundwork for success. Everyone tends to forget that all companies were small at some point. Including Jung Enterprises.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Junmyeon agrees, chest puffing in pride. “Jung Enterprises has a bright future ahead of them with you as the heir.”

Taeyong wants to roll his eyes so badly, but he refrains for his uncle’s sake. It isn’t even a surprise that Junmyeon is impressed. He’s always loathed how larger companies look down their noses at those below them. But then here comes Jaehyun, heir to one of the largest companies in the world, telling him exactly what he wants to hear. 

“I can only try my best, sir. I’m just starting my path, but I hope to be able to keep up with how hard people like you work. It’s inspiring,” Jaehyun says.

Taeyong knows his words are rehearsed and that Jaehyun must have said some variation of them a thousand times before. But with the sincerity mask he’s donning, even Taeyong is close to being fooled. Jaehyun is a fucking parasite. He’s the devil on everyone’s shoulder who can say whatever he wants without appearing sleazy or exposing himself as an obvious manipulator. Jaehyun knows how to play everyone around him until they no longer have any control over their actions. He’s practically a goddamn puppeteer.

“You didn’t have to hide this from us,” Junmyeon says, nearly beaming at Taeyong. “We’re not that strict with you, are we?”

Taeyong wants to start screaming that Jaehyun is lying and that they should burn and bury his corpse in the back garden, but he knows that if he did, then his aunt and uncle would just take him back to Dr. Moon. The last thing he wants is for all of this to result in another stint at the hospital he hated so much as a child.

“It’s probably just because he’s never been in a relationship before,” Irene points out, starting to soften as well. Though, something is still holding her back.

Jaehyun raises one perfect eyebrow at the needless information that Irene has just shared, and Taeyong finds that he nearly starts banging his head against the counter. Jaehyun’s lips twist into a tiny smirk only meant for Taeyong as he gives his shoulder a hard squeeze. In a split second, Jaehyun masks his sadism to resume his perfect, golden boy disguise, and Taeyong knows that he’s absolutely fucked.

“Well, I’m honored to be his first.”

Irene touches her collarbone, and Taeyong recognizes it as her feeling uncertain. “We’ll talk more about this later, Tae. For now, you both should really be heading to school.”

The uncertainty never leaves Irene’s face, though she tries to smile through it. Even when she locks eyes with Taeyong, handing him a prepared lunch, her expression doesn’t smooth over. Taeyong wants to ask her what’s going on, wants to ask about the sudden change in her demeanor, but he isn’t given the chance.

“You’re right. Wouldn’t wanna be late.” Jaehyun smiles, taking Taeyong’s hand as though he’s some doting boyfriend. “Come on.” Taeyong has no choice but to go along with it, so he stands and grabs his bag. “It was nice to finally meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Kim.”

“Please, no need for the formalities.” Junmyeon waves him off. “You can call us Junmyeon and Irene, and we’d absolutely love to have you over some time to get to know you better.”

“I’ll definitely visit,” Jaehyun agrees, smile broadening. “Taeyong tells me you’re an Arsenal fan, so I’m more than positive we’ll get along just fine.”

“Oh, absolutely!” Junmyeon exclaims. “Been a Gunner at heart since I could kick a ball.”

“Me too! In fact, it kinda runs in the family. My cousin plays for the team, and the president is an old friend of my father’s. If you ever wanna attend one of the games, then let me know. I can get you a special pass and an all expenses paid round trip.”

Junmyeon’s eyes light up. “That would be amazing!”

The two of them go on about soccer for a few more minutes, while Taeyong busies himself with tucking his lunch away in his bag, before Junmyeon ushers them out and towards Jaehyun’s car. Irene remains at the threshold of the house, her folded arms and unreadable expression the complete opposite of Junmyeon’s enthusiasm. Taeyong doesn’t exactly know what to make of it, but his curiosity is running wild with all the different possibilities. Jaehyun guides Taeyong to the passenger seat of his car with a hand on the small of his back, and Taeyong tries not to squirm once he slides onto the leather seat. Jaehyun follows quickly, throwing one last pleasantry wave at Junmyeon before he starts the engine and pulls out onto the road.

“You can drop me off around the corner,” Taeyong tells him.

“I’ll drop you off when we actually get to where we’re going.”

Taeyong faces him with an incredulous look, situating his bag on his lap. “I know you didn’t think I would actually let you drive me to school.”

“I told you last night that you’d regret ignoring me,” Jaehyun replies by way of explanation.

“Did you honestly believe I’d reply to your crude texts?”

Jaehyun lifts a shoulder. “Could’ve surprised me. But, just for future reference, I really don’t like being ignored.”

“I don’t care about what you don’t like,” Taeyong states, voice rising.

“You should, or I’ll just continue to drop by your house unannounced until your parents fall in love with me.” 

Jaehyun reaches over, clutching Taeyong’s hand in his own before raising it to his lips and brushing a kiss over his knuckles. To any outsider, the gesture would look gentle, almost chaste even, but this is Jung Jaehyun. And nothing is ever that simple when it comes to him. Taeyong can see the malice in his eyes, and it twists him in knots. He wonders if it’s exhausting always having an ulterior motive.

“You really should’ve seen the look on your face when you realized it was me,” Jaehyun continues, breathing out a laugh. “It was fucking priceless.”

Taeyong scoffs, jerking his hand free of Jaehyun’s hold. He wants to scream and demand that Jaehyun drop him off now, but he also knows that things don’t roll that way with him. He gets off on anger and strong emotions, using them to antagonize others when he sees fit. If Taeyong gives in to his trap, then he’ll never find a way out. He saw just how easily Jaehyun had manipulated Irene and Junmyeon into believing Taeyong was hiding a boyfriend from them, and he doesn’t want to fall for his tactics as well. The only way to escape Jaehyun’s intricate manipulation web is to stay levelheaded, so Taeyong squares his shoulders as he turns in his seat to face him, keeping his voice calm.

“I don’t know what your obsession with me is, but whatever fucked up plan you’ve got going on in your head isn’t gonna work.”

Jaehyun squints an eye. “Let me worry about that.”

“I don’t want you anywhere near me or my family,” Taeyong states. “We’re seniors, we have less than a year before we graduate and everyone goes their separate ways, so let’s just pretend these last couple of days never happened, okay?”

“Pretending has never been my thing.”

“Oh, _please_. You just pulled off an Oscar worthy performance about how much you care about me when we both know that couldn’t be farther from the truth.”

“I do care about you,” Jaehyun is quick to answer. “Maybe not in the conventional way, but I never stopped caring about you. The fact that you think this way is starting to get tiresome, though. And fucking irritating. I think the time has come to do something about that.”

Jaehyun’s words render Taeyong speechless, and he stares at the side of his face as he continues to drive, mouth slightly parted in shock. Trying to find a crack in Jaehyun’s walls is like hitting thick steel. It’s equal parts difficult, painful, and maddening. He isn’t even sure that he wants to break through to Jaehyun. But, of course, there’s that lingering feeling of intrigue that just won’t seem to leave. As the car cuts the distance with high speed, a crazy idea pops into Taeyong’s head. Maybe he’s been using the wrong method to find that supposed crack.

Not only does strength seem to have the opposite effect on Jaehyun, but he always seems to get the upper hand whenever Taeyong displays it in any shape or form. If Taeyong tries to be logical and push all his prejudice aside, the crack may be as simple as just Taeyong being Taeyong. It sounds strange even to himself as he thinks it, but Jaehyun has never shown interest in anyone or anything except for when it comes to his friends and soccer. Unlike Johnny and Jungwoo, he never has people hanging off of him. And it’s not from the lack of trying. Jaehyun just seems to tune everyone out, aside from Doyoung. 

Taeyong doesn’t know the story between them, but he does know that Doyoung is the only other person that Jaehyun lets ride in his car besides his friends. Even with Doyoung though, he usually keeps his infuriating poker face and nonchalant behavior intact. So, the fact that he’s directing all of his energy towards Taeyong is slightly disturbing. However, Jaehyun’s interest in him may as well be the only chip in his armor that he allows the world to see. Taeyong can use that. He can pretend to be Jaehyun’s toy in order to disarm him and, eventually, destroy him. Taeyong isn’t so sure that he’s strong enough to play Jaehyun’s games, though. And considering how easily he can read Taeyong, it would be nearly impossible to fool him.

Taeyong is pulled out of his internal struggle when the car rolls to a stop in front of a coffee shop, and he blinks, slowly coming out of his haze. He glances around at the secluded location, taking note that the café isn’t on the main street and that there are only a few houses nearby. Taeyong swallows hard and can’t help but wonder if Jaehyun has some worn down place around the corner that he takes all of his victims to in order to kill and dismember them. Maybe this is how he dies.

“Why are we here?” Taeyong asks.

Jaehyun doesn’t answer as he pops open his door and climbs out. He makes his way around the car, over to Taeyong’s side, and pulls open his door, holding it for him. Taeyong doesn’t move, blinking up at Jaehyun in confusion like he’s some sort of otherworldly being.

“You just gonna sit there all day? Or would you rather me carry you inside?”

“We don’t have time for this.” Taeyong sighs. “We have class.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. If you bothered to check your school email, you would’ve gotten the notice that Mr. Carlson will be absent today.”

Taeyong fishes his phone out of his pocket at the revelation, quickly unlocking it and heading straight for his email. Sure enough, sitting there with a link to the student portal is the announcement that their first class is canceled. Taeyong’s brows furrow, and he glares up at Jaehyun.

“You tricked me.”

“Did I?”

“You knew before you came over that our class was canceled, yet you still ushered me out the door as if we were gonna be late.”

“We were gonna be late.”

“For what?” Taeyong bites out.

“Breakfast.”

Taeyong grits his teeth as he fingers the strap of his bag with a sweaty hand. And although fear is locking his shoulder blades, he can kind of see how Jaehyun is actually trying to do something civil. He doesn’t know why — or if it will come back to bite him in the ass — but at least it’s at a place where there’s other people. That makes Taeyong feel at least a _tiny_ bit better about the whole thing. Taeyong also doesn’t want to be stuck in the car with him again, so he slings the strap of his bag over his shoulder and steps out. If he’s deciding to start a dance with the devil, then he may as well do it now. Jaehyun offers him his perfect golden boy smile as he locks his car, but Taeyong is nowhere near impressed.

It’s the fake smile that Jaehyun gives to everyone else. But Taeyong already knows the truth about him, so he may as well drop the act. Swallowing down any passive aggressive retorts, Taeyong takes the lead and heads inside. Judging by the granite walls and overall ancient feel of the outside, Taeyong fully expects the coffee shop to be antique. But when he steps inside, all of his expectations are shattered. The walls are covered in a pastel green wallpaper, and the tables give off a little bit of a rustic vibe that’s more cozy than anything. The décor is actually soothing, and Taeyong allows his gaze to linger on the few motivational quotes that hang from the ceiling. This definitely isn’t a place he would ever picture Jaehyun, and he vaguely wonders how he came across it to begin with.

There are a few patrons scattered about the area, but Jaehyun doesn’t seem interested in taking any of the available tables surrounding them. Instead, he places a hand on the small of Taeyong’s back and begins guiding him up the white stairs situated to the left. A strange awareness coils beneath Taeyong’s skin, and it takes everything in his power not to flinch at the contact. When they reach the second floor, there’s only one other person there. The man is facing the window, but Taeyong would venture to guess that he’s probably in his forties. Maybe some kind of businessman from the way he’s dressed.

He doesn’t get to play the guessing game for long before Jaehyun is leading him over to one of the tables, and he slides into the booth situated on one side. The cushion beneath him is actually comfortable, he finds, and the soft material seems to mold perfectly to his form. He’s just getting settled, placing his bag on the floor between his feet as Jaehyun plants himself right beside him. Taeyong’s eyes narrow, having fully expected for his companion to take the seat across from him, but of course Jaehyun would never willingly meet his expectations. The distance between them is so minuscule that Taeyong can actually feel his body heat and get a clear whiff of his clean scent.

Taeyong purses his lips against the protest itching to be set free, trying to remind himself of the new game he’s trying to play. Already, it isn’t easy. If he tells Jaehyun to switch positions, he already knows the latter will do the complete opposite of his request. Jaehyun will more than likely even go above and beyond to make Taeyong’s skin crawl because that’s just the way he works. It’s predictable, yet infuriating all the same. Jaehyun places his elbow on the table, curling his hand into a fist as he leans his head against it and watches Taeyong with a smirk.

“What?”

“You’re so expressive, it’s honestly adorable,” Jaehyun states, like the words don’t completely contradict the dead look in his eyes.

“And you’re not.”

“I think I’ll live with not being considered adorable.”

“I meant that you’re not expressive,” Taeyong corrects. “And your little golden boy image doesn’t count. I know that shit is a front.”

“Oh? You know it’s a front, huh?”

“Would you stop deflecting everything I say by repeating it back to me?”

“Why? Do you know how fun it is getting under your skin?”

Taeyong rolls his eyes. “I’m sure it’s a blast if your continued desire to do so is anything to go by.”

Jaehyun laughs, reaching his other hand out to pinch Taeyong’s cheek between his fingers. “I wish you could see how red these get. Do I really affect you that much?”

Taeyong wiggles away from his touch. “Affect me? Yeah, sure… you infuriate me.”

“And that’s all?” Jaehyun quirks a brow, retracting his hand slowly and placing it on his own thigh. “You can lie to me all you want, but do you think it’s a good idea to lie to yourself?”

“I think everyone lies to themselves in some way,” Taeyong points out, mirroring Jaehyun’s lax pose so that they’re facing one another. Taeyong hopes the action will disarm him, make Jaehyun believe that he’s either relaxing into the conversation or that it’s getting to him. “Even you. Golden boy image, remember?”

Jaehyun leans closer, like he’s truly interested in what Taeyong is saying, and the boy nearly scoots back. Taeyong believes himself to be strong, to never be the type of person to back down, but just staring into Jaehyun’s eyes makes him cower. There’s something dangerous inside of him, and Taeyong doesn’t want to be on the receiving end when it eventually explodes out of its confines, crawling its way into everyday life.

“You show the world a calculated depiction of who you want them to believe you are,” Taeyong continues, rambling to calm his own erratic heart.

“What can I say? It comes with the family name. I can’t be some sobbing, emotional mess if I’m gonna be a leader someday.”

Taeyong zones in on him and really focuses on Jaehyun. Not the one who practically rules over the school like a king or the one who is the ace striker for their school’s soccer team, but the Jaehyun that is heir to Jung Enterprises. If he’s so mature at this age, knowing exactly how to behave and what to do for his leadership position, then he must have had a lot of pressure put on him growing up. The thought sends Taeyong down a rabbit hole and makes him think of all the true crime documentaries he’s watched over the years. They’re in no way a replacement for actual education on the subject, but he remembers a particular saying from one of them standing out: _sociopaths are made_.

In the moment, he has no real way of knowing whether there’s any truth to that or if it was just something said for dramatic effect, but it gets the wheels in his mind turning. It makes him wonder if Jaehyun was abused as a child. According to the documentaries, abuse is the greatest common factor when it comes to people who do bad things. Not all, but quite a few. The trauma from such a thing can warp a person’s thinking and cause them to lash out at other people. It’s not an excuse, but it certainly paints everything in a different light. In this case, it sort of puts some missing puzzle pieces together for Taeyong in regards to the boy beside him.

Sitting up straight, Taeyong runs a hand through his hair and picks at the edge of the table. “I’m guessing your father was hard on you when it came to that, huh?”

“Not any worse than yours, I’m sure,” Jaehyun replies.

But he’s staring at Taeyong so hard that he can’t help but think Jaehyun can somehow read his mind. Or maybe he just picked up on what Taeyong was really hinting at. Either way, the energy radiating off of Jaehyun becomes foggy and suffocating. Taeyong thinks if his eyes were his hands, then Jaehyun would have choked the life out of him by now. Luckily, Taeyong doesn’t have to come up with a response, or stew in the tension any longer, because a waitress stops by their table with a warm smile and small notepad in hand.

“Good morning, hope everyone is doing well,” she greets, obviously reciting a rehearsed script. “What can I get for you today?”

“I’ll just have a mineral water, please,” Taeyong says.

“Boiled eggs, bacon, and a large protein shake,” Jaehyun lists without even sparing a glance at the menu. “Could you also bring over a vegetarian breakfast menu? Preferably one that has a list of foods with zero fatty acids.”

Taeyong’s lips part, the words honestly rendering him speechless. Most restaurants don’t carry such distinct menus, and he has no idea what made Jaehyun bring it up so specifically. Such a thing is the reason why Taeyong hardly ever eats out.

The waitress nods as she quickly scribbles down the order. “I’ll have that out to you shortly,” she comments before turning on her heel and leaving the two of them alone again.

“How did you know that’s the only type of food I eat?”

“Saw your aunt packing a vegetarian lunch. Plus, there was a special brand of biscuits with no fatty acids on your table this morning,” Jaehyun explains, and Taeyong is shocked to learn just how observant he is. “Not to mention the fact that you only eat packed lunches at school.”

“Are you saying you’ve been watching me at school?”

Jaehyun ignores the question and tilts his head in thought. “Why don’t you just ask the cafeteria for the type of food you eat? It’s an elite academy, you have to know they’ll concede to your wishes.”

“I don’t like eating in the cafeteria.”

“Why not?”

Taeyong shakes his head, nearly scoffing. He doesn’t need Jaehyun knowing even the tiniest details about him. He just wants whatever _this_ is to be over, so he can actually think straight and form a better plan.

“Why did you really bring me here?” Taeyong asks, challenging Jaehyun’s question with one of his own.

“I told you…” Jaehyun smiles, “breakfast.”

“You actually expect me to believe that you brought me here without some ulterior motive?”

“My only _motive_ is to feed you,” Jaehyun replies, reaching out to pinch Taeyong’s cheek again. “Stop overthinking everything.”

Taeyong pulls away from his touch, nearly smacking him this time. “Kind of hard to believe when you’ve been tormenting me for years.”

“I’ve done nothing to you.”

“Do you seriously believe that?”

“Believe what?”

And Taeyong nearly explodes in rage. Between this conversation and the one in the locker room, he thinks Jaehyun may actually believe he’s done nothing wrong. The thought alone makes him want to throw Jaehyun off a building. Or maybe into a pack of wolves. Which is what Jaehyun metaphorically did to him on the very first day he arrived at Hearst.

“That you did nothing!” Taeyong nearly yells. “You may as well have signed my fucking death certificate that first day. We fought. Like… actually fought. You choked me, probably would’ve killed me if someone hadn’t stopped you. You had to know they would target me after that.”

“And why would I know that?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know the entire fucking school bows down to you like you’re some God. Can you honestly tell me that you thought they would leave me be after you so eloquently announced that you would destroy me? You had already beaten me, but you just had to get the last word in, too.”

A grin stretches across Jaehyun’s face, causing his dimples to pop. But the sadistic edge to it erases the usual swoon factor it emanates. “It’s not my fault that so many people admire me.”

Taeyong nearly blanches at his response. “You’re not even sorry, are you? You don’t care that you put a target on my back.”

“No.”

Something squeezes in Taeyong’s chest at the blunt truth, but he honestly has no idea why he ever thought Jaehyun would show a bit of remorse. Everything that Taeyong knows of him points in the other direction. Standing up, Taeyong glares down at him and starts to push past his legs so he can free himself from the booth. He doesn’t even remember to grab his bag and honestly doesn’t care about leaving it behind, either. He can’t be here for another second. Pressing a hand against Jaehyun’s chest, he pushes him back in order to squeeze through, but he doesn’t even bother to help with the process. In fact, he only makes it harder for Taeyong.

“Thank you for the clarification and the, _oh so wonderful_ , morning outing. Have a shitty day,” Taeyong tells him with a sarcastic smile to match.

He doesn’t get much further, though, before Jaehyun clutches his wrist and pulls him down so fast, so hard, that Taeyong yelps as he falls back on something warm. Not just something, actually, but Jaehyun’s lap rather. Taeyong’s heartbeat picks up at being so close to Jaehyun again, their faces just inches apart and the tips of their noses touching. He can feel every ripple in Jaehyun’s strong, hard thighs underneath him, and Taeyong swears he can hear his pulse in his ears. Jaehyun wraps his arms around Taeyong’s waist in a steely — almost painful — hold, and he doesn’t even try to hide it as his eyes zero in on Taeyong’s lips.

“I don’t remember saying you could leave.”

It takes everything in Taeyong to ignore both Jaehyun’s proximity and his demeaning words. “I’m trying to understand, I really am. But it’s impossible with you. This sudden interest you’ve shown in me is weird as fuck, especially considering all that’s happened between us. You can’t expect to get close to me without so much as an apology. I, at least, deserve that.”

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun says, not missing a beat.

“You don’t mean that,” Taeyong throws back. The nonchalant, fake apology hurts more than the lack of it. He would rather have nothing at all.

“You said you wanted an apology, you said nothing about me actually having to mean it. Besides…” Jaehyun’s fingers skim down Taeyong’s throat and to his pulse point before he wraps his hand around his neck. The gesture is gentle, almost caring even, if it wasn’t for the fact that Taeyong knows the danger his hold has. “You wronged me first.”

Confusion sweeps over Taeyong’s features, but before he can press the subject, their waitress returns with their order plus the menu for Taeyong. She doesn’t seem at all fazed by what’s happening, but Taeyong still scrambles away from Jaehyun’s lap and back into his previous seat.

“Just wave me over when you’re ready to order,” the waitress says, speaking directly to Taeyong.

He nods, and she leaves right after like she’s seen nothing out of the ordinary. But Taeyong is fuming. And, more importantly, he’s embarrassed beyond belief. Picking up the menu, he tries to distract himself while looking over the options, but such a task is difficult when Jaehyun just sits there watching him. He doesn’t even touch his food. Taeyong lifts his head, giving him a questioning look, but Jaehyun doesn’t bother to explain why he’s staring at him like a creep. He just keeps doing so until, finally, he seems to snap out of whatever trance he’s in and removes his jacket. Taeyong can’t find it in himself to look away, admiring Jaehyun as he slings the school-appointed blazer over the back of the booth. Then, he rolls the cuffs of his crisp shirt up to his elbows, revealing strong arms and, to Taeyong’s surprise, tattoos.

They’re not huge. In fact, they’re barely noticeable. But Taeyong zeroes in on them anyway. Two black arrows pointing in opposing directions mark the underside of Jaehyun’s forearm, and Taeyong leans closer to inspect the artistry. From what he can see, they appear to cover a faded scar. Or maybe more than one, it’s hard for Taeyong to tell. Either way, it’s intriguing and only seems to add to Taeyong’s growing sense of interest in the boy next to him. When Jaehyun moves to cut into his eggs, Taeyong sits back up straight and looks over the menu again, though he isn’t really seeing much of anything.

“Do they have a meaning?” Taeyong asks, motioning towards the tattoo.

Jaehyun’s dark eyes meet Taeyong’s, and he finds himself transfixed by their depth. It’s like someone has pushed Jaehyun into an impenetrable fog that he’s unable to get out of. A part of Taeyong wants to help him escape whatever is haunting him, but a bigger part is telling him to get as far away as possible while he still has the chance.

“Of course they do,” Jaehyun answers, finally taking a bite of his food. He chews it slowly, making sure to swallow it all down before he elaborates. “Some scars are better left hidden from the world. Kinda like yours, yeah? You hide it so well.”

Taeyong cuts eye contact at that, not wanting to delve into his own battles. He understands wanting to cover up scars, of course he does, but that’s precisely the reason he doesn’t want to talk about it. He shouldn’t have said anything, and he’ll make sure not to make that mistake again.

“So, you wanna talk about me, but when the spotlight is on you it’s suddenly a hard limit? Do you realize how hypocritical that is?” Jaehyun continues.

“Stop twisting everything around so it fits your agenda,” Taeyong says, flipping the menu closed and pushing it away. He isn’t really hungry anyway. “Do you get off on it?”

“On what?”

“On being so infuriatingly in control all the time.”

“Maybe a little.”

Taeyong’s lips twist. “Has there ever, once in your life, been something out of your control before?”

“Twice, actually.” Jaehyun hums, like he’s recounting those two very things. And Taeyong suddenly wishes he could read his mind. “And I’d consider you the third.”

The confession gives Taeyong pause, and he glances at Jaehyun out of the corner of his eye as he reaches for his water. He isn’t actually thirsty, but he needs some way to distract himself.

“How’s that?” he asks, bringing the drink to his lips to take a sip.

“Be mine.”

Taeyong chokes on his water, droplets splattering from his nose and all over the table. He’s not surprised that Jaehyun didn’t answer his question, but he is shocked at what came out instead. At this point, he’s convinced that Jaehyun actually is insane. He has to have lost his mind.

Jaehyun chuckles, pulling a napkin from its holder and offering it to Taeyong. “Chill. You’re acting like I asked for your firstborn.”

“I think this is worse,” Taeyong comments, snatching the cloth from Jaehyun and wiping the mess off of his face. “I hate to break it to you, but you’re not very funny.”

“You think I’m joking?” Jaehyun questions, one brow slightly raised.

“Yes. But even if you weren’t, my answer would be no.”

“Thought you might say that.” Jaehyun smirks, and a sinking feeling suddenly takes hold of Taeyong. “I dare you,” he says. “I dare you to be mine.”

Taeyong closes his eyes, sucking in a deep breath through his nose. He knows the game, knows he has to agree or suffer the consequences. He doesn’t know exactly what those consequences are, but if Jaehyun and his friends are involved, then they’re not anything good. 

“Besides…” Jaehyun resumes, placing his hand on Taeyong’s thigh. That causes Taeyong’s eyes to snap open, and he watches as Jaehyun’s fingers slowly trail up his clothed leg. “We’ve already established that you’re a liar. I think I’ll take my answer from something that doesn’t lie. It sure didn’t the other day in the garden.”

Taeyong gulps, skin igniting in a rush as he recalls their little encounter. It was that one instance of weakness that fucked him over big time, and he wishes he could take it back. He doesn’t even know why he let Jaehyun touch him, doesn’t know why he’s letting him touch him now. Jaehyun pushes forward, but it’s subtle. Almost like he’s just leaning in to tell Taeyong a secret, though there’s nothing secretive about the way Jaehyun is touching him. In a fruitless attempt to get himself out of this situation, Taeyong backs up against the wall and effectively traps himself. Jaehyun jumps at the opportunity Taeyong presents him and grabs the latter’s wrists, pinning them to the wallpaper behind his head in a death grip.

Jaehyun uses his free hand to maneuver Taeyong’s legs so they’re laying across his hard thighs, making it impossible to fight him off. That is, of course, if Taeyong wanted to. But he likes this. He likes it because something is wrong with him, he thinks. There has to be. Still, Taeyong curses his stupidity for locking himself between Jaehyun and the wall. Jaehyun’s hand moves farther up his thigh, and Taeyong’s skin prickles with the tension crackling in the air. Any normal person would be yelling at him, telling him to fuck off, but Taeyong is interested in seeing how this goes. He’s intrigued by the possibilities and practically clamoring to find out how far Jaehyun is willing to go.

“We’re in public,” Taeyong reminds him.

“And am I supposed to care about that?” Jaehyun asks. “Or am I supposed to believe that _you_ care about that.”

Heat floods Taeyong’s veins at being so blatantly called out. Jaehyun is on to him, and Taeyong knows that can’t mean anything good. The truth is that being in a public setting like this, where they run the risk of being caught by the waitress or the man by the window, actually excites him so much that he can’t even actively keep his arousal in check. Blood rushes in his ears, and he has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling at the excitement.

“All you have to do is tell me that you’ll be mine, and I won’t have to search your body for the answer we both know you really wanna say.”

Taeyong barks out a laugh, feeling deranged as he throws his head back with it. “Do you really think I would agree to be yours? Don’t be so stupid, Jung,” he says. “I’d rather rip all of my toenails off one by one. _Slowly_.”

Jaehyun hums, gripping Taeyong’s thigh tighter. “Let’s play that game you love so much. The choice one.”

“Funny, I don’t remember telling you I love any of your games.”

Jaehyun tilts his head to the side, watching Taeyong intently as his fingers draw circles on the latter’s inner thigh. “You don’t have to say it. I know you love them, you just don’t like admitting you do.”

A smile stretches across Taeyong’s face as he flexes his fingers underneath the hold Jaehyun still has on his wrists. “You really think you have me all figured out, don’t you?”

“No. I don’t think you’re that simple,” Jaehyun states. “What I do think, however, is that you should agree. Or else I’m gonna finger you so hard that the man over by the window will be calling for help when you come all over my hand.”

Taeyong’s thighs clench, lips parting slightly as his eyes widen the tiniest bit. He’s sure that his cheeks are pink from the intensity of Jaehyun’s words, but the latter’s expression remains completely unaffected. Taeyong has no idea how he does it. How can Jaehyun remain so passive after saying such a thing? How is Jaehyun able to start a riot within Taeyong’s body with just a few words?

“So, is that a yes?”

“No,” Taeyong answers with no hesitation whatsoever. 

He wants to see if Jaehyun will actually do it or if he’s all talk. The prospect alone excites Taeyong, but he fears the kind of hold Jaehyun will have over him if he actually goes through with his word. It’s the exact kind of thing that he craves. And if Jaehyun gives it to him, he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop playing this game. There’s too much lingering danger and anticipation attached to Jaehyun’s next move, but Taeyong can’t force himself to put an end to it. He has to know.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re an exhibitionist. Does the prospect of getting caught at any minute turn you on? I mean, that man over there could turn around right now,” Jaehyun says, fingers sliding further up Taeyong’s thigh and brushing over the bulge in his slacks. “Or now.”

Jaehyun’s voice seems to drop with every word, and it’s like molten lava is being poured through Taeyong’s veins. Taeyong closes his eyes at the sensation, head falling back against the wall as Jaehyun’s hot breaths brush against his throat. Taeyong wonders if Jaehyun somehow knows that this is really the farthest he’s ever gone with anyone intimately. Taeyong has always put on a show like he’s super experienced and confident, but he doesn’t know anything outside of what he’s seen in movies and what Jongin has taught him. Neither are much, but he likes to think he plays his part well. Maybe he should tell Jaehyun about his inexperience, but Taeyong doesn’t want him to use it against him, either.

“Say yes,” Jaehyun murmurs in a low, husky voice that causes goosebumps to break out over Taeyong’s skin.

“Why?” Taeyong asks, voice breathy and nearly unrecognizable.

“Because, if you don’t, you’ll have to suffer the consequences,” Jaehyun reminds him, though that’s not exactly what Taeyong was asking. “I could threaten your family’s company, you know? I know Jung Enterprises is their biggest contractor, and without my father’s company, I also know they’d eventually go bankrupt with the amount of debt they currently owe to the bank.” Taeyong’s eyes snap open, and he glares at Jaehyun. Despite all the fun the two have together, he has to remember that _this_ is who Jaehyun really is — a conniving asshole. “Not to mention the fact that I have information that’ll keep Mark gravitating towards me and away from you. If I choose to, I can threaten and destroy everything you love. Then, you’ll have no other choice but to fall at my feet.”

Taeyong clenches his jaw, jerking his hands beneath Jaehyun’s hold, but he doesn’t let up. It’s like he wants to show Taeyong just how weak he is in comparison. But Taeyong refuses to crumble. He isn’t going to show Jaehyun any kind of weakness.

“Why don’t you just fucking do it then?” Taeyong grits out.

“Because I wanna offer you the chance to make the first move.”

“Why?” Taeyong exclaims. “Why are you making this out like it’s so important to you?”

“Because it’s helping to test out one of my theories.”

“And what theory is that?”

“That you like being forced to make a move, any move, by anyone or anything. The rush of it all turns you on, doesn’t it? Tell me I’m wrong.”

Taeyong glares at him, but he can’t even deny his words. So, he doesn’t say anything at all. He keeps quiet. Maybe not giving Jaehyun a reaction at all will make him retreat. But the double assault of his breaths against Taeyong’s throat and Jaehyun’s fingers just barely grazing the swell of his arousal has awakened a deep-seated throb. Taeyong can’t concentrate and wants nothing more than to tell Jaehyun everything he wants to hear just to feel his touch. A beat passes between them, and Jaehyun releases his hold on Taeyong’s wrists. But Taeyong just drops his hands to his own lap, not even pushing the other away. And maybe that’s what Jaehyun wanted to see.

“No one at Hearst will come near you if you’re mine. Your senior year will be a dream.”

“I don’t give a fuck about having a dream senior year,” Taeyong states, now taking hold of Jaehyun’s wrist to keep his hand from moving any further.

“Then, what is it that you do want?”

Taeyong smiles, tilting his head to the side as he pushes against Jaehyun’s shoulder. Jaehyun’s body moves with the motion, and the two end up face-to-face again.

“You’re so good at reading me, so why don’t you just figure it out on your own?”

Something sparks in Jaehyun’s eyes and he leans impossibly closer, lips brushing against Taeyong’s. “I want you to admit your deepest darkest desires. I wanna hear it from your mouth.”

A violent chill lights up Taeyong’s spine, but he suppresses the shiver it creates. Standing up, he pushes Jaehyun back against the booth and slings one leg over his thighs. Taeyong stays standing, but he’s still practically straddling him. He stares straight down at him, but Jaehyun’s eyes are trailing the length of his body. He doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he’s basically ogling Taeyong.

Leaning down, Taeyong keeps one hand against Jaehyun’s chest and moves his mouth to the boy’s ear. “You should really try playing smarter, not stronger.”

He doesn’t give Jaehyun the chance to respond as he snatches up his bag and steps all the way over him. Taeyong doesn’t even look back. He makes his way down the stairs and out of the café with his head held high and a huge boost to his confidence. He doesn’t even care that he has no way of getting back home or to school because he’ll figure it out one way or another. Right now, he just wants to enjoy his newfound high.

❦

It’s been over a week since Taeyong and Jaehyun’s little impromptu visit to the coffee shop, and the latter hasn’t let up on his advances since. If anything, it seems like he’s more interested in Taeyong now than ever. He doesn’t really bother him at school though, it’s more so through text messages and the occasional voice memos. Taeyong doesn’t entertain him, however. In fact, he’s mostly been ignoring him. All of his confidence has since faded from that day, and he can’t stop thinking about the inevitable consequences coming his way for not going through with Jaehyun’s dare. Taeyong isn’t naïve enough to think that he hasn’t told his friends by this point. They’ve probably been planning his downfall since.

“Have you noticed anything… _strange_ lately?” Taeyong asks as he stares out at the tall pine trees in the distance.

“Like what?” Mark questions, digging around in his salad for a cucumber.

“Like… everyone’s been acting super weird, don’t you think? I mean, even Theo passed you by this morning without a word. And we both know he doesn’t miss the chance to put you down.”

It seems as though ever since Mark dropped a ton of weight years ago, people have only bothered him more. Taeyong knows that he struggled with it a lot before they knew one another, but apparently changing the thing that they all bullied him for didn’t stop them from continuing to do so. It seemingly made it worse.

“Maybe my new look shocked the hell out of him.” Mark grins, running his fingers through his light blond hair.

And as much as Taeyong loves his confidence, he doesn’t think that’s the case. “So, you don’t find it odd that they all left you alone after Jaehyun comforted you in front of the entire school?”

Deep down, Taeyong knows that he’s right. Everyone knows that they would be signing their death certificates if they bothered anyone after Jaehyun showed interest in said person. Because that’s just how he rolls. Those on Jaehyun’s good side live in paradise, but the rest are left to rot in hell. That’s just the way things are. The way they’ve always been.

“Well, yeah.” Mark shrugs. “But who cares? Use them while you can, Tae.”

“Is that what you’ve been doing with Jaehyun? Using him?” Taeyong asks, but Mark only lifts his shoulder in reply. “You need to be careful. Jaehyun isn’t the type to be used, and he’ll read right through your manipulations.”

“Maybe we’re using each other,” Mark says, putting his salad container to the side and grabbing an apple instead.

Taeyong can’t stop staring at him though, mouth parted in shock. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Taeyong doesn’t like where this is heading, but he also knows that he can’t very well demand that Mark stay away from Jaehyun, either. He’s playing a losing game here, and he suspects that’s exactly what Jaehyun wants. 

“Did I tell you that Jae played a near perfect game on Saturday? You should’ve seen the goal he scored, it was insane,” Mark goes on to gush. “He was nearly on the other side of the field.”

Taeyong pauses stabbing at his food. “You went to the game?”

“Yeah? I told you I was going out on Saturday, do you not remember?”

“When you said you were going out, I thought you meant you were going to have dinner with your family or something,” Taeyong says, lips twisting. “Plus, I thought you quit going to their games.”

“I did, but I dunno. I just felt like going,” Mark replies. “And I’m glad I did because Jae was a fucking star. So bright and dazzling. I can already tell he’ll be going off to play in the Premier League with his cousin once he graduates.”

Taeyong’s throat dries as he stares at Mark with what must be a horrified expression. “Are you hearing yourself right now? You’re practically fucking idolizing Jaehyun.”

“Oh, come on, Tae… he plays like a God. Even you can’t deny that,” Mark points out. “Johnny played like shit, though. He almost got a red card for tackling an opponent so hard that he nearly knocked his teeth out. But, guess what? Jisung _still_ wouldn’t shut up about him. Can you believe that little brat?”

“He’s just a kid,” Taeyong reminds him.

“He’s my baby brother, not Johnny’s.”

Taeyong sighs, but Mark doesn’t waste time in launching into a full report on the rest of the game. It’s not that unusual to hear, but this time, Taeyong notices the impressed tone Mark takes on whenever he talks about Jaehyun. Or maybe it’s always been there and he was too deaf to hear it. Either way, he actually feels as though he’s going to be sick to his stomach. Just when he’s about to stop Mark, a shadow looms over them, and Taeyong looks up to find Jungwoo grinning down at them like an idiot.

“What do you want?” Taeyong snaps.

“Relax,” Jungwoo says as he takes a seat on the grass beside Mark, smiling with unmistakable charm. “I come in peace.”

Taeyong doesn’t believe that for one second, and he finds himself searching behind Jungwoo, then through the trees, expecting for the other shoe to drop at any moment. There’s absolutely nothing that can convince Taeyong that this isn’t another one of Jaehyun’s depraved games. Especially not after Taeyong completely shot down his dare.

“Since when do you talk to us?” Taeyong asks, folding his arms over his chest.

“Since I found out that Mark is a fan,” Jungwoo says. “You don’t have to be a closet fan, you know?”

“I’m not,” Mark quickly corrects, the smile on his face only growing. “I love watching the team play. Yuta is the perfect captain, Jaehyun is an ace striker, and you’re one of the best midfielders in the school’s history. What’s there not to be a fan of?”

“Correction. Not one of the best, but the _very_ best.”

“Definitely!”

Taeyong wants to gag. He can’t believe he’s sitting here right now witnessing Mark and Jungwoo bonding over soccer. He isn’t about to continue sitting here and letting Jungwoo get the upper hand though, so he slams the lid of his container shut with a force that gets both of their attention.

“Are you done?” Taeyong asks with a bite to his tone.

“Jeez, someone’s antsy.” Jungwoo smiles, nudging Mark like they’re in on some secret. “Anyone ever told you that you really need to chill?”

“I’ll be perfectly _chill_ as soon as you’re as far away from us as possible.”

Mark frowns. “Don’t be rude, Tae.”

“Yeah, don’t be rude.” Jungwoo pouts before completely turning his attention back on Mark. “How about you come party with us next weekend?”

Mark’s eyes widen, nearly bugging out of his head. “Me?”

“Yes, you!” Jungwoo laughs. “I’ll even make sure to win the drinking competition in your honor.”

“You will?” Mark questions, nearly shouting with excitement.

“Oh, absolutely. I’d do anything for our fans.” Jungwoo winks, brushing his knuckles over Mark’s cheek before standing to his full height. “You can come, too,” he says, glancing at Taeyong. “Just drop the bitchy act. It’s not a good look on you.”

Jungwoo throws a dismissive hand their way, then leaves. But Taeyong continues aiming daggers at his back even as he disappears between the trees. It’s just his luck that even having lunch in the garden doesn’t grant him any kind of peace and quiet away from Jaehyun and his goons. 

“Holy shit! Did you hear that?” Mark exclaims. “We just got invited to one of Jungwoo’s parties.”

“So what?”

“I’ve been dreaming about attending one ever since I was a freshman, Tae! I can’t believe he actually invited us.”

“We agreed we wouldn’t mingle with them.”

“It’s just a party,” Mark says, looking as though he’s about to explode from excitement. “It’s our senior year, we should at least go to _one_ party.”

That’s when Taeyong sees it. The eagerness. The almost childlike thrill. Mark wants this. He’s always had this dreamy look in his eyes whenever he talked about the soccer games or when they overheard other students talking about Jungwoo’s parties, but it’s so glaringly evident right now. Unlike Taeyong, Mark wants to run with the big dogs — meaning Jaehyun and his pack of wolves. Maybe he’s just been holding back all this time because of the incessant teasing or because of Taeyong himself. Either way, the new Mark isn’t afraid to go after what he wants.

If anything, he’s ready to run straight into the fire. And Taeyong realizes that nothing he can do or say will change Mark’s mind about the party. Instead, he needs to take care of the source of the problem. The source being a certain asshole who’s been manipulating Mark throughout his new change. The sound of the bell ringing halts Taeyong’s thoughts, and the two of them gather their things in silence as they head back inside the academy. The whole way there though, Mark can’t stop talking about the party, and even Taeyong trying to change the subject does nothing to slow him down. As they near their next class, Jaehyun comes in from the opposite direction and stops right by the door.

“Morning, Mark.” Jaehyun offers him a nice, dimpled smile that somehow reaches his eyes this time, and Taeyong has to actively hold himself back from punching the snake in the face.

“Morning, Jaehyun!”

Mark returns the smile, yet somehow even wider and brighter than Jaehyun’s, and Taeyong’s chest squeezes in an uncomfortable, nearly painful way.

“Thanks for cheering us on last game. We seriously need more fans like you. The energy you were radiating from the stands? I’ve never felt so pumped up before. I was definitely feeding off of it.”

Mark grins. “You were amazing, I doubt you really needed my help. We’re so getting that championship this year!”

“Hell yeah!” Jungwoo cheers from behind, draping an arm around Mark’s shoulders and leading him inside.

Taeyong moves to follow because he isn’t about to leave Mark alone with the likes of someone like Jungwoo, but he doesn’t get very far before he’s being pushed back against the wall. All of the chatter around him seems to disappear, and his back snaps upright as he stares up into Jaehyun’s soulless eyes. All the smiles he offered Mark disappear, leaving only the shell of the person Taeyong knows behind.

“Have you decided to be mine yet?” Jaehyun asks, so low that the tenor of his voice vibrates Taeyong’s skin.

“No.”

Jaehyun has asked this same question what feels like a million times in the span of a week, and Taeyong has never given him any false hope. His answer has always been, and will always remain, a very firm _no_. Jaehyun hums, fingers digging into the back of Taeyong’s scalp beneath his hair. He grips Taeyong’s nape and pins him in place, effectively making it so that Jaehyun has all of his attention. There’s no escaping him even if Taeyong tried, though. Jaehyun is everywhere, and Taeyong knows that if he wants to protect his sanity, then he needs to play his cards smartly.

If this were a soccer game, then this would be the time when the team is losing and the coach has to start making some decisive choices. He can either lunge for offense and leave a void at the back that will cost him dearly in the case of a counterattack, or he can hold the formation, draw in the adversary, and then attack when the other party least expects it. Taeyong has always preferred the all-in attack, but he’s realized now that such a thing doesn’t work on Jaehyun. Not only is he a stronger, bigger, and meaner opponent, but he also gets off on Taeyong’s useless struggle. So, it’s time to put forth a second plan.

 _Lure_.

 _Wait_.

 _Attack_.

Jaehyun leans in closer, his breath tickling along Taeyong’s lower lip and causing his breath to catch. He’s always close enough to kiss Taeyong, but he never takes that extra step to do so.

“Careful,” Jaehyun warns. “You’re really starting to push me.”

“You pushed me first,” Taeyong retorts. “At least now you know what it feels like to be pushed.”

“That’s nothing,” Jaehyun whispers. “And I can promise you that you _really_ won’t like it when I push back.”

Taeyong meets his gaze, biting back the chill at his words. “When? Aren’t you doing it already? I mean, what the hell is your game with Mark, huh?”

Jaehyun tilts his head to the side, lips curving in a smirk. “Be mine and there won’t be a game for you to worry about.”

“You’re not playing fair.”

“Who said anything about fair?” Jaehyun questions, hand climbing to Taeyong’s throat as his thumb strokes his pulse point.

He seems really obsessed with Taeyong’s neck, and it’s starting to freak him out. At any moment, Jaehyun could latch on and choke Taeyong to death. And he really doesn’t want to die at the hands of some asshole. He bets no one would even bat an eye because they refuse to see past Jaehyun’s golden boy facade.

“I made it very clear that I have no problem threatening everything you love. Mark is only the beginning, and I promise it can get so much worse. No more waiting, it’s time for you to make a move,” Jaehyun explains, finally pulling away.

Taeyong is left breathless and boneless against the wall as Jaehyun saunters inside the classroom, calling out Mark’s name as he goes. And Taeyong knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that Jaehyun’s strike will hit so deep that it’ll be blinding. It’ll be a hit that Taeyong may not be able to come back from. Leaning over, Taeyong peeks around the door and finds Mark laughing with Jaehyun and Jungwoo. The sight makes his chest ache and his heart squeeze. He doesn’t want to give in to Jaehyun, but he also doesn’t want to put Mark in the crossfire, either. Right as he’s getting ready to step into the room, someone wraps their hand around his elbow and pulls him back. Taeyong finds himself in the same exact position as before, only this time he’s looking up into Johnny’s dark, gleamy eyes instead of Jaehyun’s.

“I have an offer that I think you might be interested in.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos, comments, and any kind of other feedback is always welcome and definitely encouraged. You get an extra thank you for taking the time to do so, but just reading is appreciated and you're still valid! If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, where I sometimes post edits and previews for upcoming fics, then I'll leave the link to that and my Curious Cat account below. 
> 
> My DMs are always open to anyone, no matter if you follow me or not, if you'd like to discuss anything or just need someone to talk to! I also have Discord and am willing to give out my username if you ask. Hope everyone has a nice day, be safe out there!
> 
> ( [twt](https://twitter.com/icaruswilts) ) / ( [cc](https://curiouscat.me/internetsdad) )


	3. Chapter 3

Taeyong manages to avoid both Jaehyun and Johnny for a record-breaking three days. He doesn’t really want anything to do with either of them, if he’s being completely honest, or the games they’re so good at playing. Taeyong didn’t even bother hearing Johnny out, entirely uninterested in whatever offer he had in mind. But that hasn’t stopped him from trying to track Taeyong down every chance he gets. Jaehyun, on the other hand, has mostly left him alone aside from the daily texts that just won’t stop coming. But that fact isn’t comforting in the way it should be considering that he is now spending more time with Mark. His innocent morning greetings have morphed into full-fledged conversations, and Taeyong doesn’t know how to tell Mark that Jaehyun is manipulating him without sounding crazy.

It’s just that Jaehyun knows all the right buttons to push and all the right things to say in order to sound proper and lovable. And Mark believes him, just like everyone else does. Taeyong is starting to wonder if there’s actually something wrong with _him_ rather than with Jaehyun. It’s even getting to the point where Taeyong wishes he and Jaehyun could just go back to the stage where glares had been their only form of communication. But he knows that’s not possible. It can’t be after they crossed the line. After they ventured out and allowed themselves to have a little taste. Taeyong has even been having fragmented dreams about Jaehyun ever since, and it’s like his scent won’t leave his memories. Then, there’s his hands and his lips. Taeyong thinks about those lips doing depraved things to him all the time.

Blowing out a long breath, Taeyong trudges through the hallway and tries to gather his senses. He doesn’t usually skip lunch, but today has been a really awful day. This morning, he woke up from a nightmare where blood, black eyes, and the feeling of drowning in murky water completely overwhelmed him. In this nightmare, he was seven years old and screaming for his father over and over to no avail. Over and over until his throat was raw and his voice was hoarse. Seeing himself like that again was surreal. He had practically forgotten about how he looked that day, all dirty and deranged. He hates that it’s the only memory he has of his life with his parents. Just him; scared, confused, and alone with a gaping hole in his chest where his heart should have been. In his nightmares, it’s a gory mess, but Taeyong knows it’s just visually trying to remind him of how painful the heartbreak was. And still is.

There are no photo albums, no keepsakes, no nothing. His entire life from that period burnt to the ground along with his house. The only reason Taeyong hadn’t met his end as well that day was because he wasn’t inside. And now nightmares are the only episodes that tie him to that dark past. He really thought he had been slowly escaping them, but today has proven him wrong. The incident even has him wondering if he should go back to Dr. Moon since he was able to stop the nightmares a long time ago. But he knows that option should be left as a last resort. He can’t even begin to think about what it would do to his aunt. He doesn’t want her to feel as though she’s failed him in some way. Hell, he doesn’t want to feel like he’s failed himself.

Digging his phone out of his pocket, Taeyong swipes his thumb across the screen to unlock it and heads to his texts to message Mark. He wishes his friend were here, but Mark had to take his lunch break to go pick up his little brother since his mother wasn’t able to do so. Though, it’s anyone’s guess as to why since she spends most of her days locked up in her art studio. It wouldn’t actually do any harm for her to step out and be a mother to her kids, but both of Mark’s parents have left that job to him for so long that Taeyong wonders if they even remember what it’s like. He wonders if they care about the burden they’ve put on him.

`TAEYONG`   
`u done?`

`MARK`   
`drivin jisung home now i’ll be back in a few`

`TAEYONG`   
`kiss his adorable little cheeks for me will u?`

Just a second later, Mark sends a selfie of himself giving Jisung an open-mouthed kiss on the cheek while he tries to shove his older brother away. The image makes Taeyong laugh, and he zooms in to coo over Jisung’s innocent, boyish features. He’s truly adorable and just seeing him gives Taeyong an instant boost of serotonin. The feeling quickly vanishes, however, when he remembers Jaehyun’s whispered threats about stealing Mark away from him. It brings a taste of nausea to the back of his throat, and he has to actively will himself not to cry when his eyes begin to water. Normally, Jaehyun’s warnings wouldn’t affect him this much, but he feels stretched way too thin after his restless night. Not to mention the fact that his plan to lure, wait, then attack hasn’t even gotten off the ground since Jaehyun didn’t take the bait. 

Taeyong is so caught up in his racing thoughts that he isn’t watching where he’s going and ends up running into another person. He startles, coming to a screeching halt as he fumbles his phone. He scrambles to catch it, but a hand shoots out and grabs it before he can. He’s about to sing this person’s praises until he looks up and realizes that it’s Johnny. He’s wearing his uniform with meticulous care, and Taeyong notices even the cuffs of his shirt are rolled over his jacket neatly as if someone has dressed him up. Which, honestly, wouldn’t be surprising considering he’s a minister’s son. Johnny keeps his gaze on the phone, face closing for a second too long before he hands it back with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. Any other day, Taeyong may have a quip to throw his way, but he’s so exhausted that he can’t even be bothered. 

“Why does it feel like you’re running away from me?” Johnny asks as he leans against the wall, subtly blocking Taeyong’s way.

“Probably because I am,” Taeyong confirms. “Just waiting for you to get the hint and leave me alone.”

“I told you, I have an offer for you.”

“And I told _you_ that I’m not interested.”

“So, you’re not interested in all of this stopping? People trying to push you and Mark around, Jae manipulating your closest friend…”

Taeyong lifts his chin, wanting nothing more than to record Johnny confirming Jaehyun’s manipulations for Mark. But he fears that his best friend is in so deep that he still wouldn’t believe it. He would probably first believe that Johnny was saying it to mess with him and not because it’s the truth.

“I know this may hurt your ego, but I don’t think even you have the power to put an end to all of that,” Taeyong states. “But, please, I’m all ears. I’d love to hear how you think you can. I’m due for a good laugh.” 

Johnny breathes out a short chuckle, eyes flicking towards a few passing students before returning to him again. “You really are something. The obsession is starting to make more sense by the day,” he says, and Taeyong nearly jumps to ask him to elaborate. But he’s not that desperate. He doesn’t care, he truly doesn’t. “Let me put it this way, I’m a star on the soccer team. The moment anyone sees you with me, it’ll be enough to put an end to it all. They’ll set their eyes on some other poor soul, and you can go about your year without any troubles.”

Vaguely, Taeyong registers the fact that Johnny’s words sound a whole hell of a lot like Jaehyun’s. At least he can be sure of the fact that Johnny isn’t about to ask him to be his boyfriend or anything, though. That already puts him one step ahead of his friend when it comes to the chances of Taeyong accepting whatever deal is attached to his offer. 

“What about Jaehyun? How would you stop him?”

“Let me worry about that.”

“No, I don’t think I will. Because I don’t think you _can_ stop him.”

Johnny tilts his head to the side. “Are you willing to bet on that? What if I really can stop him, but you didn’t even try to give me a chance? You would be just as responsible for Mark’s inevitable breaking point as the rest of us.”

Taeyong’s nostrils flare, and he has to bite back any harsh remark threatening to claw its way up his throat. “Say I do agree, then what would I have to do in return?” Johnny’s gaze slides over him from head to toe, and Taeyong folds his arms over his chest as he narrows his eyes. “In your fucking dreams, Seo.” 

Johnny laughs, the sound long and genuine. “Come on, I’m kidding! I want something a lot more simple than that. All I want is for you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

And Taeyong swears his jaw nearly drops to the floor. “Excuse me?”

“You know, _pretend_. As in, you’re not _really_ my boyfriend, but we’re putting on a show for people.”

“Yeah, I know what pretend means.” Taeyong rolls his eyes. “What I’m asking is why you want me to act like yours.”

“Because I wanna teach someone a lesson and you’re the key in doing that.”

Taeyong’s brows furrow. “Who?” As soon as the word leaves his mouth, though, it hits him. Johnny was beyond pissed off when Jaehyun comforted Mark, and he’s been unnecessarily aggressive with him during practice since. Taeyong has even noticed that the two of them only hang around one another if Jungwoo and Yuta are present. “You’re doing this to spite Jaehyun?”

Johnny quirks a brow. “Do you have a problem with that?”

“No, but I think your plan is severely flawed. You’re overestimating Jaehyun’s temporary obsession with me. He isn’t gonna give two shits.”

“Is that right?” Johnny questions. “Then, let me ask you this: why do you think it is that no one has asked you out these past two years?”

“What?”

“I mean, everyone around here is pretty open. Guys date one another all the time, it’s not really a problem. Plus, you’re pretty. Definitely better looking than nearly every dude in this place, yet you don’t have a boyfriend and no one’s ever tried. Don’t you wonder why?”

“No, and I don’t care why.”

“See, I think you do,” Johnny tells him. “You remember that rumor? The one about you sucking off the Biology teacher?”

Taeyong swallows, looking away. That rumor wasn’t true in the slightest, but it does cause him to fidget a bit when he thinks about what other teacher he’s now messing around with. God, if something like that ever got started again, then he’s sure that Jongin would sever every tie they have to one another. And Taeyong doesn’t know what he would do in that situation. Not when Jongin is one of the few things in his life that actually brings him some sort of comfort. 

“And let’s not get started on the rumor about you having a bunch of STDs. Even I still hear people whispering about it some days. So, who exactly do you think started those? Who do you think has that much power that they could just say something without any proof and still have people talking about it like it’s the truth to this day?” Johnny asks. “I’ll give you a hint… his name starts with _Jae_ and ends with _hyun_.”

Taeyong finds himself too stunned to speak. All these years, he had thought Jaehyun pretty much just stayed in the background and let everyone else tear into Taeyong. But, turns out, he staged it all and let his little buddies do the rest. Minimum effort, similar results. Just thinking about it has Taeyong’s blood whooshing with a red, hot feeling. He has no idea what he ever did to be this hated by Jaehyun, but he’s really starting to lose his patience. He didn’t deserve all that, and he doesn’t deserve what’s happening to him now, either. Taeyong isn’t exactly a good person, he knows that, but he also knows that he’s done nothing to warrant such treatment.

“Why would he do that?”

“It was his way of eliminating the competition.”

“And why in the hell would he need to eliminate any kind of competition?”

“Beats me.” Johnny lifts a shoulder. “I’ve known Jae his entire life, and never once have I seen him as transfixed by someone as he is with you.”

Taeyong’s first instinct is to think of Johnny as a liar, to think that this is just another part of the game, but he remembers Jaehyun himself telling him that his care isn’t normal or conventional. Still, that doesn’t give him the right to act the way he does, and Taeyong shouldn’t have to pay for his unconventional ways. Just thinking about the kind of hold Jaehyun has over him, has over Mark, causes anger to sweep over him like a black, bottomless ocean. Deep down, Taeyong knows he really shouldn’t make snap decisions while he’s angry, but at the moment, he couldn’t care less.

“Then, I think you have yourself a deal,” Taeyong agrees before he loses his nerve. “I’ll be your pretend boyfriend.”

There’s no better way to get revenge on Jaehyun than to date his best friend. He isn’t sure exactly what Johnny’s motives are, but Taeyong can only venture to guess that he likes the idea of Jaehyun spending years successfully eliminating the competition just to have Taeyong end up in Johnny’s arms in the end. It’s an asshole move, but Taeyong finds that it makes him like Johnny just a _tiny_ bit more.

Johnny’s lips stretch into a wolfish grin as he offers Taeyong his hand. “I guess it’s time we make our first appearance then, _babe_.”

Reluctantly, Taeyong slips his hand into Johnny’s and the two intertwine their fingers like they really are some loved-up couple. Johnny tugs Taeyong along down the hallway, but neither of them speak the whole way. This isn’t really in Taeyong’s character, but if Jaehyun is using his best friend against him, then the only way to truly strike back is for Taeyong to use his best friend in return. Call it an eye for an eye. Jaehyun started the war, Taeyong is just playing along. He can’t be blamed for what happens as a result of it.

When they reach the cafeteria, Taeyong’s feet falter in front of the double doors, and he swallows hard. He doesn’t ever eat here for a reason, and it’s not because of the food. This is the only area where the entire student body gathers all at once, and if something happens in this place, it’ll be engraved in everyone’s memories forever. Last week, Doyoung spilled his drink on a freshman and even _that_ became the talk of the week. Something as simple and inconsequential as that reached both Taeyong and Mark separately and was treated like the biggest news to come out of Hearst since they opened their doors to the public. He doesn’t even want to think about what kind of uproar something like the news of Johnny dating him would cause. Though, it’s a little too late to back out now. 

“Relax.” 

Johnny’s cool voice wrenches Taeyong from his thoughts, and he finds himself looking up into his grinning face. That’s easy for Johnny to say, though, because he’s a star athlete and the son of a minister. He thrives in the attention, and attention has never been something he’s found himself short on. Everyone loves him. The same can’t be said from the other side. The only attention Taeyong has ever gotten hasn’t been the good kind. Taeyong could, realistically, end this all now and save himself the trouble, but his need for revenge simmers beneath the surface like an untamed animal. This time, he’ll be the one who inflicts pain and takes control. Sucking in a deep breath, he watches as Johnny pushes open the door and leads him into the cafeteria.

Chatter and utensils clicking fill the air, and Taeyong looks around to observe his surroundings. Some students are laughing at one another, others are in heated conversations, and there are even a few brave souls sitting off to themselves in the back. Taeyong’s heartbeat increases with every step he takes, and beads of sweat gather on his temples as a tremor shoots through his limbs. It’s when they’re in the center of the cafeteria that all chit-chat withers away and almost everyone’s focus turns on them. Taeyong watches as some people jab their friends, while others begin murmuring in hushed tones. Being in the spotlight like this stiffens Taeyong’s shoulder blades, and his heart does a flip when he realizes where exactly Johnny is guiding him.

The soccer team’s table. 

The one that Jaehyun is currently sitting at, nodding at something Yuta says while nonchalantly moving his fork around his plate. Jungwoo is half-sitting on the chair across from him, speaking enthusiastically while the rest of the team snickers. All of them except for Jaehyun, that is, who’s watching with his signature poker face. Yuta is the first to notice their approach, and his laugh quickly fades, smile falling along with it. His eyes stray from Taeyong to Johnny and then straight to Jaehyun. He doesn’t need to alert him of their presence, though.

As if having a sixth sense, Jaehyun pauses picking at his food and lifts his head. Everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion as Jaehyun’s smoky gaze falls on Taeyong, and for a split second, he appears to be taken aback. As if he has no idea what Taeyong could possibly be doing in the cafeteria. Then, his eyes dart to where Taeyong is clutching Johnny’s hand, and it’s at a time like this that he truly wishes Jaehyun had an expressive face. His mask is strapped tight around his features, though, as he drops his fork with a loud clank and stands.

Jaehyun calmly — too calmly, in fact — wipes his mouth with a napkin, then places it to the side. And Taeyong’s heart nearly leaps out of his throat as Jaehyun stalks towards them with sure, confident strides. He wants to believe that Jaehyun won’t humiliate him in public now that he’s with Johnny, but he also knows that he can’t put anything past him.

“He’s pissed,” Johnny tells him.

“How do you know?” Taeyong whispers back, not able to take his eyes off of a quickly approaching Jaehyun.

“The twitch in his left eye,” Johnny points out. “He can control anything but that.”

Johnny removes his hand from Taeyong’s, but just so he can wrap his arm around Taeyong’s waist and rest his hand on his hip. For the briefest moment, Taeyong gets sidetracked by Johnny’s scent engulfing him and thinks that he smells nice. Like sandalwood. But that’s the last thing that crosses his mind before Jaehyun slams his fist across Johnny’s jaw. Taeyong’s back hits the edge of a nearby table from the force, and he grips the hard wood for balance as he stares in stunned silence at the events unfolding in front of him. Johnny’s body jerks back, but Jaehyun lunges at him with another fist before his friend can recover. It’s the first time Taeyong has seen Jaehyun this way. So violent. Animalistic. _Out of control_. It’s like a completely different Jaehyun altogether.

A mocking laugh bursts from inside Johnny before he shoves Jaehyun, then follows it up with a punch of his own. Blood explodes from Jaehyun’s lower lip at the contact, and Taeyong swallows hard. It’s all starting to get very out of hand, but he isn’t about to step in and interfere, either. He refuses to put himself in the middle of two athletes fighting. Aside from the sound of punches, the cafeteria is completely silent. None of the other students utter a word, and Taeyong doubts they can even process what exactly is going on. Jaehyun and Johnny have been close for as long as anyone can remember, and no one would have ever imagined they’d turn against each other.

This fight may as well be the event of the year. Yuta and Jungwoo are the first — and the only ones — who dare to approach them. Yuta tries to grab Jaehyun, but he’s like a bull. He shoves Yuta away and lunges back at Johnny. At the captain’s sign, the rest of the soccer team joins, and it takes a few of them to stop Jaehyun and Johnny from killing one another. Two teachers and Coach Velasquez rush over, and Taeyong finds Mark hot on their trail, having probably just come in from dropping his brother off. Coach Velasquez appears every bit pissed off as he orders the soccer team to drag both Jaehyun and Johnny to the disciplinary office.

Uncontrolled murmurs erupt between the students, and even the two teachers appear stunned that Jaehyun and Johnny were caught having a go at one another. Both because they’re best friends and because Hearst isn’t the type of place for fights. The school is full of heirs to large companies, star athletes, and academically accomplished students. Rank, grades, and money are the only things that matter at Hearst. Violence has never been something the board had to worry about. Especially not from two star soccer players. On their way out, Jaehyun brushes past Taeyong, and his skin electrifies at the harsh contact. Taeyong shrinks into the table, the wood digging into his spine as Jaehyun’s hard stare falls on him.

The corner of Jaehyun’s left eye twitches as he comes to a stop in front of him. And hot, intrusive breaths tickle the side of Taeyong’s face as he leans in to whisper words only meant for him to hear. “You’ll pay for this.”

The incident in the cafeteria becomes everyone’s favorite subject of gossip for the rest of the day. And Taeyong keeps getting weird looks from everyone, but no one dares to speak to him. Everyone’s theory is that Jaehyun and Johnny will get disciplinary actions that may include temporary suspension from the team, but Taeyong finds it hard to believe that Coach Velasquez will allow Hearst to take his two star players. However, the board is strict when it comes to any act of violence, so he may not have a choice. Taeyong doesn’t really know what to think of the whole ordeal. It’s true that he wanted revenge and wanted to inflict some sort of pain onto Jaehyun, but it doesn’t feel as good as he thought it would.

Taeyong finds it impossible to concentrate during the rest of his classes, and he keeps catching himself watching the entrance, expecting Jaehyun and Johnny to return. The day comes to an end though, and neither of them do. Taeyong and Mark leave their last class together, but they don’t speak a word to one another. Mark has been throwing him glares since lunchtime, and Taeyong has been too out of his skin to focus on his friend’s moodiness. They make it all the way to the car park without incident before Doyoung cuts into their path.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Doyoung questions, not bothering to wait before he starts tearing into Taeyong. “Before you came, things like this never happened. Yet, as soon as they open their doors to all the trash of the world, everything starts falling apart. You should have never even been allowed to attend. Hopefully, the board will start to realize that now, too. There’s an order to the world, Taeyong. Learn your place before it gets taught to you the hard way.”

Taeyong rolls his eyes — too exhausted to humor Doyoung today — and steps around him to head towards Mark’s car. But, of course, that doesn’t put an end to their interaction. Doyoung has to get out everything he wants to say before he considers the conversation done.

“I guess I’ll just have to clean up your mess,” Doyoung calls out from behind them in a calm, smug voice. “Since Jae seems _very_ tense today, I’ll have to pay him a visit to loosen him up.”

Taeyong pulls open the passenger-side door, but turns to look at Doyoung with a smile. “Please, I encourage it. Maybe then he’ll leave me the fuck alone.”

He doesn’t give Doyoung the chance to reply as he drops down into the seat and slams the door shut harder than he intended. There’s no denying that his breathing is coming out harsher though, and his ears ring as if someone has slapped him. Mark doesn’t waste time in pulling out of his parking spot, but Taeyong’s temper only flares more when Doyoung makes it a point to wave his phone in their direction. Jaehyun’s name and picture are flashing on the screen, and Taeyong turns in his seat to watch as Doyoung answers his call.

“So, after years of brushing off guys, you’re suddenly interested in Johnny?”

Taeyong blinks, turning back around as he glares at the side of Mark’s face. “I’m not interested in Johnny.”

“Really? You were just holding his hand for show?” Mark questions. “Did you have feelings for him this whole time?”

“What? No!”

“Then, what is it? You know what he did to me, how he made fun of me for years. I’m sure it’s written in some friendship code that you don’t date your best friend’s tormentor.” 

Taeyong stares at Mark’s reddened cheeks in disbelief. “But friendship code says it’s okay to hug your best friend’s tormentor, hang out with him, and cry into his chest? Does it somehow allow _you_ to act all friendly around Jaehyun when it clearly makes _me_ uncomfortable?”

Mark’s lips part as he hits the brakes, stopping his car right in the middle of the road. Taeyong jerks forward at the force, hand flying up to grip his seatbelt as a car blows their horn behind them. Mark lets out a loud sigh of frustration, like it’s somehow their fault, before he pulls his car over onto the side of the road.

“Is that what this is all about? Are you trying to get revenge on me because of that?”

“I’m not trying to get revenge on you, Mark.”

“Then, what are you trying to do?” Mark asks, eyes starting to water. “It’s Johnny, Tae. You can’t be with him… _please_.”

“I’m not with him. It’s all for pretend, just a game to put an end to all of _this_.” Taeyong waves his hands around. “Weren’t you the one who told me to use them while I can?”

“Yeah…” Silence takes claim over the car, and Taeyong averts his eyes out the window. “Jaehyun and I aren’t what you think.”

“Can’t you see that’s not what I care about? He’s already getting between us, and that’s what I was worried about in the first place,” Taeyong explains, voice defeated.

“No, I won’t allow that.” Mark shakes his head. “I’m not an idiot. And once I get the information I need, then I’ll get as far away from him as I can.”

“Information?” Taeyong repeats. “What information?” 

Mark taps his fingers against the steering wheel, staring out the windshield with some faraway look that Taeyong can’t decipher. “I’ll tell you when I’m sure. The point I’m trying to make is that I promise I would never hurt you, Tae. You saw me when I was invisible to everyone around me, and I’ll never forget that.”

A sad smile tugs at the corners of Taeyong’s mouth as he faces Mark. “And I promise I would never you, either. You’re seriously the best thing that has happened to me since I moved to this godforsaken town. Maybe the best thing that’s happened to me in my entire life.”

The words have just barely left Taeyong’s mouth before Mark is practically throwing himself across the center console to wrap his friend up in a tight hug. Taeyong reciprocates without much thought, closing his eyes as he inhales Mark’s soft, outdoorsy scent. It calms Taeyong almost immediately, and until this moment, he truly hadn’t realized just how much he needed a hug. When Mark finally pulls away, he plants a chaste kiss to Taeyong’s cheek, making him giggle, before settling back into his seat.

“Why did Johnny ask you to be his pretend boyfriend anyway?”

Taeyong shrugs. “I don’t know for sure, but I think it has to do with all the attention Jaehyun has been giving you since you two hugged in the hallway.”

Mark sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, trying to bite back a smile that Taeyong still catches despite his best friend’s attempts at hiding it. “You think?”

“Mhm,” Taeyong hums, narrowing his eyes playfully. “And why exactly do you sound so happy about that?”

“I don’t!” Taeyong jabs a finger into Mark’s side, causing him to squirm before he smacks him away. “What about you and Jaehyun, then?”

Taeyong’s chest constricts a little at his name, but he tries his best to ignore it. “What about us?”

“Come on, Tae. Jaehyun literally started a fucking fist fight for you. That’s gotta mean something.”

“It means that he has some issues with Johnny that he needs to work out. It wasn’t for me or because of me.”

“ _Right_ ,” Mark drags out. “The issue he had with Johnny was that he was touching _you_. I’ve never seen him lose control like that, not even when his mother died.”

That causes Taeyong pause. “You were there when his mom died?”

Taeyong knows that Jaehyun’s mother is long gone, but he never actually wondered how her absence could play into his life. How could he have not thought about it before? Lots of people’s psychological issues start with their parents. Taeyong is more aware of that fact than anyone.

“Of course,” Mark confirms. “I told you… we were friends. Plus, it’s kinda hard to not be so present in his life when we’ve been neighbors since we were kids.”

“Yeah, guess so,” Taeyong says. “How old were you when it happened?”

“Seven… I think. I was anyway. She apparently died in a car accident, but…”

Mark trails off, but Taeyong doesn’t stew in the suspense he creates for long. “But what?” he urges. 

“There’s lots of rumors that her cause of death was actually suicide, but Jung Enterprises disguised it as an accident.”

“Why?”

Mark shrugs. “No idea. But I figured it was because of stocks and stuff.”

“Was she suicidal?” 

“I don’t think so? But I guess you never know. Plus, I was a kid, so I doubt I would’ve been able to tell. She was always so sweet and caring. Super protective over Jaehyun, too, which is something his father didn’t appreciate very much. Jaehyun wasn’t even around when she died.”

Taeyong leans forward in his seat. “What do you mean?”

“He was away at summer camp. I still remember the hollow look in his eyes at the funeral. It gives me chills just thinking about it,” Mark tells him, shivering slightly. “You know, he didn’t cry at all that day. He just stood beside his father in complete silence throughout the whole ceremony.”

Something tightens in the pit of Taeyong’s stomach. Losing his mother at such a young age while he was away must have been devastating for Jaehyun. For Taeyong, he doesn’t even really remember his own parents. But, sometimes, he still feels the loss as if it happened yesterday. It still effects him all the same, and he can’t imagine it’s any different for Jaehyun. The thought doesn’t get to fully take shape in his mind, however, before Mark is pulling back out onto the road and the two of them are dancing along to a song on the radio like nothing happened at all. Even such a simple act as that lifts a tremendous weight off of Taeyong’s shoulders.

When they reach Taeyong’s house, he quickly climbs out and tells Mark he’ll be back down in a few minutes. After waking from his nightmare, Taeyong was so disoriented that he forgot to grab his bag for track practice, but like the savior that he is, Mark offered to give him a ride. Not wanting to take up any more of his time, Taeyong quickly bursts through the front door, then up the stairs to his room. He drops off his school bag, then grabs his duffel and stops off in his attached bathroom. There’s an itch forming under his skin as Doyoung’s words continue to ring in his head now that he’s alone and with nothing to distract him.

Turning on the faucet, he places his hands underneath the water and begins to scrub them. Over and over and over. He does it what feels like a million times, but his hands still feel dirty. He only really gets obsessive about washing them when he’s anxious, but he doesn’t want to think about the cause right now. He shouldn’t feel bad for what happened, and he shouldn’t care about Doyoung loosening Jaehyun up. None of it should matter. But it does. It _really_ does. When his skin is raw and feels like it’s about to peel off at any moment, Taeyong finally pulls his hands away from the sink and turns off the water.

He tries not to grant himself any more time to think about his overall shitty day and how he was responsible for a good portion of it. He just hooks his bag over his shoulder and bolts back out the door to Mark’s waiting car. The drive from his house back to the school is much shorter, and there doesn’t seem to be many students still loitering around once Taeyong is dropped off. Not that he gets the chance to really look around because he’s cutting it close and needs to rush to the locker rooms to get changed. By the time he makes it onto the track, there’s less than a minute left before practice begins, and Jongin shoots him a questioning gaze. Taeyong returns it with a shrug and a smile before he puts one foot forward and just starts running.

Doing so usually helps to ease Taeyong’s worries, but no matter how fast or how hard he runs, he still feels a weight bearing down on his chest. It’s suffocating and feels as though it’s robbing him of any clean air. Images of Doyoung _loosening up_ Jaehyun keep playing on loop in the back of his mind, pushing him harder and harder until he’s sure that he’s beat his record. Jaehyun hasn’t texted him once since the entire ordeal, which is very strange considering that he’s been messaging him all the time lately. He must be too busy with Doyoung to bother. Gritting his teeth, Taeyong tries to purge the images out of his head and tells himself that he doesn’t care about their after school activities.

Doyoung and Jaehyun are made for each other.

The only thing that really pisses him off is why Jaehyun even asked him to be his when he already has someone to tend to his every whim. What’s the point? In fact, what’s the point of any of this? Not wanting to dwell on the things that shouldn’t even be plaguing him in the first place, Taeyong retreats into his own head and wipes the slate clean. All he focuses on is the ground underneath his feet and the feel of cool air whipping against his skin. By the time practice is over, Taeyong’s heart feels kind of funny and he comes to think he may have pushed himself a little too hard. Pressing a hand against his chest, he breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth until he believes himself to have calmed down.

And, from there, it’s like he’s just going through the motions. He doesn’t register his actions or even the small exchanges between him and his teammates. He’s on autopilot and just ready for the day to finally be over with. Stopping in front of one of the showers at the end of the row, Taeyong slips off his shoes and hangs up the robe on the wall outside. And when he steps underneath the warm water, it’s like nothing else exists around him. He lets it take him away, lets it consume his every thought until there’s nothing left. He closes his eyes, leaning his head against the tiled wall as he begins meticulously running a washcloth over his body.

It feels like he’s been standing under the rush of water for only a few minutes when a hand closes over his shoulder and startles him out of his trance. He blinks his wide eyes open and whips his head around, fully expecting to find Jaehyun. But he finds his coach instead. Those few minutes must have been a much longer time in actuality if Jongin is confident enough to join him in the shower. As the realization hits him that this is the first time either of them are seeing each other naked, Taeyong can’t help letting his gaze trail down the length of Jongin’s body.

All he finds is smooth skin, hard edges, and abs that may as well be the envy of every man. He wants so badly to find _some_ imperfection to make him like Jongin less, but he comes up with nothing. Any imperfections on his body just make him that much more appealing. And, of course, when Taeyong’s eyes fall lower, he finds that Jongin isn’t lacking in that department, either. He wants to be mad at the unfairness of it all, but he’s more excited than anything. This is the distraction he needs. The one he craves.

“I heard about what happened today,” Jongin tells him, hand sliding from Taeyong’s hip to rest across his stomach. “Are you okay?”

Taeyong expels a sigh through his nose, not really wanting to rehash the happenings from today. “I’m fine. I wasn’t involved in the fight.”

“I heard you were in the middle of it.”

“Not really. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I didn’t get hit, and I didn’t hit anyone, either. Though, I kinda wanted to.”

Jongin smiles, though it’s small and just barely noticeable. “Word is that it was over you.”

Taeyong shakes his head. “They’re wrong. Jaehyun and Johnny have been having issues for weeks now. I had nothing to do with it.”

“Is that the truth, or is that just what you wanna believe?”

“What I _want_ is to stop talking about it.” Taeyong narrows his eyes, annoyance bubbling to the surface. “I’ve had a really shit day, stupid fight aside, and I just wanna forget about it all for a while. If you don’t plan to help with that, then leave me alone.”

Taeyong hates that his voice tapers off at the end, lips wobbling. But, luckily, his now watery eyes are hidden underneath the shower fall. Still, Jongin is attuned to him at this point, so he recognizes something else is wrong without the visible cues.

“You can talk to me about it, you know? Whatever it is that’s troubling you.”

But he really can’t. And that’s one of his biggest problems. He has to deal with his nightmares and the loss of his parents all on his own because there’s no one who he can talk to about it. There’s no one who understands. He hasn’t even told Mark because he doesn’t want to be looked at differently or pitied. But the burden of their deaths weighs heavy on him, and Taeyong swears he’s reaching his breaking point. He’s called out Jaehyun so many times for putting on a mask and pretending to be someone he’s not, but Taeyong does the same. Probably does it more. He just doesn’t like who he is, and it’s easier to pretend to be someone else.

He hates feeling this way. Broken. Helpless. Terrified. _Weak_. He wishes he could just shed his skin and be reborn again. After today, he prays for it more than ever. He tried hurting Jaehyun because he believed he deserved it, but it didn’t make him feel any better. He just feels worse, in fact. It’s like he’s trying everything he can to push all of his pain onto others, and even Jaehyun — with all his vices — doesn’t deserve that. Perhaps this feeling is why he seeks out people who won’t hesitate to hurt him more than the other way around. Because feeling a different kind of pain will erase the heartbreak that squeezes at his chest every moment he’s left alone with his thoughts. Deep down, Taeyong knows it’s a dangerous cycle that can only end in tragedy, but he doesn’t care if only it takes away his troubles for a little while.

He doesn’t even realize he’s practically sobbing until Jongin spins him around and pulls him in for a tight embrace, rubbing a soothing hand up and down his back. Taeyong doesn’t know if the action makes him feel better or worse. He hates crying in front of people, but especially in front of someone like Jongin who he respects and cares for so much.

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out.

He’s ruining everything. This should be a defining moment in their relationship, should be a step forward, but here Taeyong is crying instead of getting dicked down. Why does the universe have it out for him so much today?

“Don’t be,” Jongin assures him. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

Taeyong shakes his hand frantically, pulling away to look up into Jongin’s eyes almost pleadingly. “No! I don’t wanna go yet. We can… we can have sex.”

“ _Tae_ …”

Even though Jongin doesn’t say anything more than that, Taeyong can see the pity in his eyes. That only propels him forward, though. He can’t let this moment get away from him. There may never be another time where he and Jongin get this kind of opportunity. He doesn’t want it to go to waste. 

“Please, I want to,” Taeyong pleads, wrapping his arms around Jongin’s neck and kissing the underside of his jaw. “That’s what you came in here for, right? And I want you to fuck me, so _please_. I don’t wanna go home yet.”

He’s rambling, he knows, and his words are so jumbled that he isn’t even sure if Jongin can understand him over the running water. But he needs Jongin to know that just because he’s a little out of sorts, that doesn’t mean they can’t mess around. In actuality, Taeyong needs the distraction now more than ever.

“Tae, stop,” Jongin tells him, grabbing his wrists and pushing him back ever so slightly. There’s no power behind it, and Jongin doesn’t appear mad, but Taeyong starts crying again anyway. Rejection hurts no matter the reasoning or manner. “You don’t have to go home yet, okay? You can stay with me while I finish up some paperwork, then I’ll take you.”

Taeyong drops his eyes to the floor, nodding slightly as he sucks his bottom lip between his teeth to stop it from trembling. Jongin reaches forward, cupping Taeyong’s face with his hands as he uses his thumbs to wipe away his tears. 

“You still want me, right?” Taeyong mumbles, somewhat terrified to hear the answer. Especially when Jongin takes a little too long for his liking to speak.

“Look at me,” Jongin demands softly, and Taeyong does just that. He tilts his head to the side, eyes roaming over Taeyong’s face like it’s the first time he’s really seeing it. “More than I should.”

His words bring Taeyong ease, and he turns to switch off the water as Jongin leads him out. They help dry one another off, which is somehow more intimate than anything else they’ve done, then get dressed in clean clothes. Jongin holds Taeyong’s hand all the way back to the office, and he can’t even deny how good it feels. Definitely different than holding Johnny’s hand, that’s for sure, and he elects to consider this his first time ever doing so instead. 

Jongin lets Taeyong sit in his lap as he finishes his paperwork, and more than once, Taeyong nods off. His eyes are heavy, and he’s so mentally drained that he can barely form a coherent sentence. He isn’t even sure how much time passes before Jongin starts packing up his things and helps Taeyong to his feet.

“I would carry you, but I don’t even wanna know what would be said if someone saw us.”

Taeyong understands his worries, but he still pouts. Luckily, Jongin knows the exact remedy for his sadness and kisses it away. That makes Taeyong feel a million times better. When they make their way outside, it’s just started raining, so they make a break for the parking lot and climb inside the vehicle as quickly as they can. This is the first time Taeyong has been inside Jongin’s car, and he idly thinks he could get used to riding with him. It all feels so normal, so right. It only makes him think about their future though, and how they really don’t have one. 

“Do you think after I graduate we can actually, you know, see one another?” Taeyong ventures to ask.

He’s too scared to look at Jongin’s reaction, so he continues to stare out the window and watches as the rain turns into a downpour. It doesn’t really take Jongin that long to reply, but it feels like a lifetime has passed by the time he does.

“I don’t know,” Jongin tells him truthfully. “If we started dating or something right after you leave Hearst, that’ll start a lot of rumors. They’ll know we were messing around while you were still in school.”

Taeyong frowns at his reflection as he presses his forehead against the cold glass. “Oh. Does that mean you’ll find someone to take my place?”

“What? No!” Jongin replies. “I’ve never done something like… _this_. Never. And I won’t do it again after you, either. You’re the only exception.”

Sitting up straight, Taeyong finally turns his attention to Jongin. “But you won’t see me after I’m gone?”

Jongin sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “That’s not what I meant. I just mean… we’ll still have to be careful. At least for a little while. And we won’t know where your head is at by that point. You may want to head off to college single. Get all those experiences you’d miss out on if you were in a relationship.”

“I don’t care about that,” Taeyong says. And it’s the truth. He would much rather have Jongin. There’s no way some dumb college guy could compare. “I wanna be with you. And I’m willing to wait until you’re ready.”

“We’ll talk about it, okay?” Jongin compromises, turning off down Taeyong’s street. “Later. When we have more time and less prying eyes.” 

“Okay,” he agrees, though he’s already forming a plan to keep Jongin exactly where he wants him. “Can you drop me off around back? I forgot my key.”

Jongin nods as he turns once again, then pulls up next to the sidewalk lining the side of Taeyong’s house. It’s even darker back here, and with the rain still pounding down heavily, it’s nearly impossible to see anything. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Don’t I get a kiss goodnight?” Taeyong tries, unable to keep his smile in check.

Jongin shakes his head, though he’s smiling as well. “Do you know how dangerous that is? Anyone could see us.”

“Come on, no one can see us. It’s pitch black and pouring the rain. And even if it wasn’t, we’re out back. Who’s gonna be looking this way?”

“Tae…”

“You know you want to,” Taeyong sings, already climbing across the center console.

And Jongin just lets him. He even reaches underneath his seat and pushes it back so Taeyong can straddle him comfortably without pressing against the steering wheel. As soon as he’s in Jongin’s lap, he wastes no time in capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. The heat from it spreads all throughout Taeyong’s body, shooting through his veins and settling in his toes.

“You like the thought of being caught, don’t you?” Jongin whispers, nipping at Taeyong’s bottom lip, then trailing his kisses down his throat.

Taeyong cranes his neck back, staring up at the roof of the car as Jongin devours him. “I think you like it, too,” he comments, making it a point to roll his hips against Jongin where he can feel his arousal beneath him.

Jongin grunts. “That’s because of you, not the situation.”

Taeyong smiles as he slides his fingers through the hair at Jongin’s nape. “Then, it’s only fair I take care of it. Don’t you think? I can suck you off.”

The words are out of his mouth before he has the chance to fully think them through. He’s never done that before, and he’s certain that he doesn’t know how. Just watching someone do it in porn isn’t the same at all. Still, he’s willing to give it his best shot. If only to make Jongin happy. 

“Don’t say things like that,” Jongin breathes, biting down on the juncture between Taeyong’s neck and collarbone.

Taeyong moans at the feel and finds that he wants nothing more than for Jongin to mark him. “I mean it.”

“Not here,” Jongin tells him, rolling his tongue over the same spot.

Taeyong groans in frustration, dropping his head and severing the contact between them so he can look into Jongin’s eyes. “At least let me…” he trails off, letting his hand fall to Jongin’s lap.

But the latter catches his wrist and quickly brings it back up. “It’s getting late. You need to get inside before your aunt thinks you’ve been kidnapped.”

Taeyong snorts, rolling his eyes. “Fine. Have fun getting yourself off, then.”

He starts to climb back over the center console, and Jongin smacks him on the ass lightly. “Don’t be mad. I’m doing this for your own good.”

“Yeah, yeah. Got it, Coach,” Taeyong comments, smiling mischievously when Jongin shoots him a warning glare.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be who I’m thinking of when I get off tonight,” Jongin assures him as he leans over to give Taeyong a quick peck on the lips. “Seeing you naked today… I’ve dreamt of that for a long time.”

Reaching behind him, Taeyong grabs his bag and drags it to the front seat. “Was it as good as you imagined?”

“It was better than any of my fantasies.”

A blush creeps its way onto Taeyong’s cheeks at the praise, and he’s more thankful now than before that Jongin can’t see him clearly. “Maybe I’ll send you a pic later. You know, just to remind you how good it is.” 

He smiles, grabbing hold of the handle and popping the door open. It’s still pouring the rain, so Taeyong bids Jongin a quick goodbye, then runs over to his back gate. His shoes flap against the muddy ground, dirtying up the bottom of his pants, and he has to catch himself several times when his feet nearly slide out from under him. As soon as he reaches up to unlock the gate, he sees Jongin pull away from the curb out of the corner of his eye. And it’s during that split second distraction that a strong hand clamps over his mouth. Taeyong’s eyes widen frantically, and he screams. But the sound is entirely drowned out by both the heavy rainfall and the hand.

He drops his bag to the ground instantly, using both hands to grab onto the person’s wrist as he jerks his body side to side with the hopes that it’ll dislodge the hold. The person only seems to tighten their grip though, wrapping an arm around Taeyong’s waist and spinning them around. Taeyong is hauled forward, towards the overgrown dirt path behind them, and he finds that he can’t even think properly, let alone get his body to snap into action. It’s usually hard to see back here anyway, but in these current conditions, it’s nearly impossible. And all he can think is that he’s going to die.

As they step farther into the brush, Taeyong trips over his own foot and is subsequently pushed down against the hood of a car. His cheek smashes against the metal roughly, and he blinks rapidly to try and get the water out of his eyes. The hand around his waist moves to the back of his neck, and a puff of hot breath tickles his skin when the person leans down to whisper in his ear. If his voice didn’t give him away, then it should have been his scent. Taeyong could recognize it from anywhere, no matter the circumstances or the weather. It’s been haunting him, been fogging up his brain so that he can’t think of anything else besides one thing.

 _Jaehyun_. 

“Time to pay, Lee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos, comments, and any kind of other feedback is always welcome and definitely encouraged. You get an extra thank you for taking the time to do so, but just reading is appreciated and you're still valid! If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, where I sometimes post edits and previews for upcoming fics, then I'll leave the link to that and my Curious Cat account below. 
> 
> My DMs are always open to anyone, no matter if you follow me or not, if you'd like to discuss anything or just need someone to talk to! I also have Discord and am willing to give out my username if you ask. Hope everyone has a nice day, be safe out there!
> 
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	4. Chapter 4

Taeyong’s heart lunges in his chest, beating sporadically against the hood of the car as Jaehyun holds him in place. He isn’t afraid of what Jaehyun may do to him — even though maybe he should be — but what he is afraid of is what Jaehyun may have seen. Sure, it’s dark and raining, but that’s no guarantee that he didn’t see what was going down in Jongin’s car. Taeyong can’t fathom what Jaehyun may do with that type of information. He just prays to God that the universe works out in his favor. Just this once.

The dim light coming in from the street doesn’t allow him much vision, but Taeyong can feel Jaehyun all around him. It causes the bottom of his stomach to hurt with a strange kind of awareness that he always feels when in Jaehyun’s presence. The same awareness that’s like an incurable disease refusing to leave his body. Taeyong tries lifting his head in order to peel himself off of the car, but Jaehyun merely smashes his cheek back down against the wet hood.

Taeyong grunts, gritting his teeth as his fingers curl against the metal. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Jaehyun grabs a fistful of his hair harshly, and his words are spoken with so much venom that Taeyong swears he’s been poisoned. “Shut the fuck up.”

Taeyong whimpers around the pain ripping at his skull and the uncomfortable position Jaehyun’s forcing him into. The car’s cold, wet metal digs into Taeyong’s stomach the more he tries to move, and when he opens his mouth to retort, Jaehyun pulls him up by his hair so that they’re face to face. Taeyong’s dark eyes meet Jaehyun’s own, and he can’t help but to notice how the boy’s black shirt sticks to every muscle of his torso. Rain forms rivulets down Jaehyun’s hard face, outlining his strong jawline and the bump on his lip from his fight with Johnny. He appears angrier than usual. _Lethal_. And maybe it’s because of the dark or the rain or the desolate streets, but a chill of terror spreads over Taeyong’s skin briefly.

“You really don’t wanna test me right now.”

Taeyong narrows his eyes, having to hold himself back from spitting right in Jaehyun’s face. It would be a foul thing to do, but he’s a foul person. He would deserve it. 

“My aunt is home,” he tries. “All I have to do is scream and she’ll come running.”

Jaehyun’s lips brush Taeyong’s ear as his voice takes on a cruel edge. “Then, why is it that you’re not screaming?” 

Before Taeyong can reply, Jaehyun bites down on the shell of his ear so hard that it’s like he’s attempting to tear off his flesh. And Taeyong doesn’t know what Jaehyun’s intent is with the action, but he doesn’t think it’s to make Taeyong swell with arousal. Though, he elects to believe that it’s from his little make-out session with Jongin in the car and not anything to do with what’s happening now.

“Do you like having blood on your hands?” Jaehyun continues with a dark, chilling tone.

Taeyong’s back snaps at the image Jaehyun’s words create, and he’s suddenly thrown into a memory that seems so familiar yet foreign all the same. There’s blood on his hands and in his hair. It’s everywhere, and he can’t breathe. He’s suffocating.

“If I killed Johnny today, that would’ve been on you. His death would’ve been _because_ of you. Do you understand that?” Jaehyun’s voice brings Taeyong back to the present, but he doesn’t feel like himself. All he wants to do is crawl out of his skin. “Do you know how I feel when someone touches you? Fucking _murderous_. That’s why you pulled that stunt, isn’t it? You wanted to see me lose control.”

Taeyong shakes his head, the lump in his throat preventing him from speaking. Not that he knows what to say anyway. Jaehyun truly is an enigma. Every time Taeyong thinks he has him figured out, he goes and changes the game. Why is he telling Taeyong all of this? Jaehyun is just exposing a weakness in his own armor. Taeyong could exploit the hell out of this. That’s why Taeyong doesn’t trust his words. There has to be something more to it.

“Answer me,” Jaehyun demands. “Or I’ll fuck you raw, right here on the hood of my car, until the entire neighborhood learns my name.”

His threat rips a laugh right out of Taeyong’s throat, and he suddenly finds himself delirious with power. Jaehyun wants him, like _really_ wants him. So badly that even Taeyong just holding someone else’s hand has him riled up enough to wait for him outside his house. To have him acting like a complete Neanderthal. And it’s fucking funny how he truly thinks he’s the one calling the shots here when that couldn’t be farther from the truth. As if Jaehyun can hear his thoughts, he pins Taeyong back against the car with a strong hand around his nape.

“You’ve been using Mark against me,” he pants. “Is it really that hard to believe that I’d decide to use your friend against you in return?”

“Is that right? Maybe I should consider getting rid of all my friends, then.”

Taeyong’s ears ring at his dispassionate tone, and there’s no denying that Jaehyun is being completely serious. They’re not his friends in the way Mark is to Taeyong. If anyone — including them — poses any kind of threat to Jaehyun’s plans, then they become disposable. They become _nothing_. Jaehyun’s disregard for human emotions is the only thing that really terrifies Taeyong, especially considering the fact that someone of Jaehyun’s caliber has a sick fixation on him. But what does it say about Taeyong when he wants to be infected by that sickness?

“I know you started all those rumors about me,” Taeyong says with the knowledge that it’ll only provoke him. “You’re the reason why no one approaches me or gives me the time of day.”

“And no one will,” Jaehyun retorts, not even bothering to deny it. “Do you know why that is?”

“Why?” Taeyong grits out.

“Because you’ve always been mine. The only difference is that now you know,” Jaehyun explains. “So, tell me, how do you plan to pay for what you’ve done? I can’t just let you get away with it.”

“How about I don’t finish what Johnny started and we call it even.”

Jaehyun leans over his body then, and Taeyong feels the hard outline of his cock as he presses against him. “That’s not good enough for me,” he whispers.

Taeyong can’t help but to rub against him, wanting to feel what he can while he has the chance. Just once. _Lightly_. And he covers it up by pretending to squirm in Jaehyun’s hold.

“Get the fuck off of me, you sick bastard.”

Using the very small distraction that he’s created, Taeyong is able to pry himself off of the hood and shove Jaehyun away. He stands to his full height, watching as Jaehyun stumbles slightly before his eyes drop down the length of Taeyong’s body. A slow smile spreads across Jaehyun’s face at what he sees, and he steps forward. But Taeyong moves to the side, both of them in what looks like a standoff as they circle one another.

“You’re sick with me,” Jaehyun points out.

That’s when Taeyong looks down, realizing that the rain has completely soaked his sweatpants and, in return, exposed how turned on he is. Before he can comprehend it, Jaehyun is right in front of him. Every inch of his body is touching Taeyong’s, and the latter swallows hard as he cranes his neck slightly to look up into Jaehyun’s eyes. Neither of them step back to put any space between them, they just continue to share air until their lips are crashing together with such force that it splits Jaehyun’s busted lip all over again. Taeyong doesn’t know who actually initiated it, but it’s not like it really matters. They’re all over each other now.

Their teeth clash with the intensity, tongues fighting for a taste, and Taeyong threads his fingers into the back of Jaehyun’s wet hair to tug on the strands as harshly as he did to him. Jaehyun grunts, biting down on Taeyong’s bottom lip in return until his flesh breaks and blood coats the inside of his mouth. Taeyong pulls away then, pushing against Jaehyun’s chest so hard that it causes Taeyong to slip. He reaches out to grab onto something, anything, but Jaehyun just lets him fall onto the muddy ground. It dirties Taeyong’s clothes in an instant, and he glares up at Jaehyun with fire behind his eyes.

“Asshole,” he bites out.

“Now, we match,” Jaehyun tells him, smiling as if he’s done something to be proud of.

That’s when he comes down on Taeyong, pressing him into the wet and muddy ground as their lips once again find one another. Taeyong can feel the back of his hair getting caked with dirt, but he ignores it in favor of trailing his hands around Jaehyun’s waist to feel the strong muscles of his back. He spreads his legs for Jaehyun, allowing him to fit himself between them and provide them both with a little bit of friction. The way they touch each other and mold together has a certain type of intimate familiarity that worries Taeyong. They shouldn’t be this comfortable, not when they’re practically strangers. Still, that doesn’t stop Taeyong from opening his mouth to allow Jaehyun more access.

And Jaehyun takes advantage of the unspoken permission, kissing Taeyong with the type of passion only lovers do. It’s strange, and it makes Taeyong wonder if Jaehyun kisses everyone this way or if he’s just special. Gliding his hands farther down, Taeyong slips them into the back pockets of Jaehyun’s jeans and grips, forcing his body to roll against Taeyong’s. They moan into each other’s mouths, but then Jaehyun is pulling away abruptly. 

“I was right,” Jaehyun says, curling his fingers into the mud by Taeyong’s head. “You don’t want nice. I gave you the chance to make the first move, but you want to be at my mercy. You want me to dominate you because it turns you on.”

Taeyong’s nostrils flare, and he swallows hard. “I like you a lot better when you don’t speak.”

Jaehyun smiles. “I’d say it’s a good thing, then, that I don’t need words to tell you _exactly_ how I feel.”

Jaehyun maneuvers Taeyong’s arms from around him, then situates them over his head and pins his wrists to the ground. Jaehyun holds them with one hand, then uses his other to pull at the strings of Taeyong’s sweatpants. Taeyong can only watch, both intrigued and nervous at what Jaehyun is planning on doing. But he doesn’t stop him. Once his pants are loosened, Jaehyun grabs the waistband and tugs it down to rest on Taeyong’s thighs. His heart starts thundering against his chest, and he blinks rapidly to clear the water from his eyes as rain pelts down on his face.

Jaehyun’s eyes flick up to him, like he’s giving Taeyong the chance to put a stop to this, but he doesn’t. He just blinks back, so Jaehyun continues. He sits up on his knees, breaking the hold he has on Taeyong’s wrists, but the latter gets the unsaid demand of keeping them exactly where they are. It’s only when Jaehyun hooks his fingers into Taeyong’s briefs that he quickly reaches down to stop him.

“I am _not_ putting my bare ass on the ground,” Taeyong tells him sternly.

If he feels mud even just _barely_ touch his ass crack, he will actually die. And even the potential of getting dicked down by someone as hot as Jaehyun won’t change his mind about that. Not to mention the fact that there’s no way in hell he’s actually willing to lose his virginity this way, either. He’ll take the car, but even he has more self-respect than to do it on the ground in a torrential downpour. To his relief, Jaehyun doesn’t push it. He just smiles and stands. Only Taeyong kind of feels like an idiot now as he lays there with his pants down, so he reaches to pull them back up. He isn’t even given _that_ courtesy, though, because Jaehyun drags him to his feet and throws him over his shoulder.

Then, they’re right back to where they started with Taeyong on the hood of the car and Jaehyun holding him place. Only, this time, one of Jaehyun’s hands is down the front of his briefs and his fingers are squeezing around his cock. Taeyong’s ears heat with shame when he instinctively bucks into his fist, and Jaehyun doesn’t hesitate to start jerking him off in quick succession. Jaehyun thrusts against him from behind, rubbing his erection against Taeyong’s ass and causing his eyes to roll into the back of his head. He thinks about what it would be like for Jaehyun to actually fuck him and is surprised when he’s able to continue to stave off his orgasm. 

With every calculated flick of Jaehyun’s wrist, Taeyong is gasping, panting and mewling. And the worst part is that he has no control over it. Even with the rain, the public place, and the fact that his aunt could come looking for him at any second, he just can’t stop. The thought of getting caught, of someone seeing them, just makes him hotter. So hot that the rain nearly evaporates on his skin. It’s like Jaehyun is possessing him and transforming him into some other foreign, scary version of himself.

“Promise me that you won’t let anyone else touch you.”

But Taeyong is too consumed by Jaehyun’s devilish fingers to pay attention to his words. Something brutal and destructive builds at the bottom of his stomach, clashing and smashing with his rhythm. Taeyong can feel the wave, it’s just within reach, but he finds himself afraid of the intensity it may bring. Though, he wouldn’t be able to stop this even if he wanted to. There’s something about Jaehyun, something about the way that he’s touching him, that draws a fierce sensation within in his body.

“Promise,” Jaehyun demands, squeezing Taeyong’s balls in his hand. And no matter how much he tries to confine it, a loud moan escapes from between his lips anyway. “Promise, or I’ll stop.”

His rhythm drops in intensity as if to prove that he’s serious, and Taeyong’s eyes bulge as he whimpers. “I… I…”

“Say it,” Jaehyun grits out, pumping his hand harder as stars start to form behind Taeyong’s lids.

“I promise! I promise!” Taeyong nearly screams as his toes curl in his shoes, and his orgasm slams into him with the force of a truck.

He comes, cock pulsing in Jaehyun’s hand as he continues jerking him off through it. Taeyong’s mouth forms into an ‘O’, like he’s about to say something, but no words come out. His ability to speak has been completely stolen. He can’t breathe or even think. The fierce wave of pleasure doesn’t let him go, not even when Jaehyun stops his ministrations and removes his hand from Taeyong’s underwear. His chest heaves up and down, body going lax against the hood of the car. He feels like he could drift off at any second, but then Jaehyun holds his hand out in front of Taeyong’s mouth and shows him the evidence of his desire. And that wakes him right the hell up.

“Open.”

Taeyong shakes his head, parting his lips to protest, but Jaehyun uses the chance he provides to stuff both of his fingers into his mouth. He gets past Taeyong’s lips with ease and strokes his fingers on his tongue. Taeyong’s mouth waters, but he wants to jerk away in mortification. The slight twitch of his cock answers before he can utter a word, though.

“Suck.”

He does so, tentatively. Tasting himself is a strange, out-of-body experience, but he doesn’t stop. He can’t. It’s like his tongue wants to express his gratitude after the sensation Jaehyun just brought him. Jaehyun pops his fingers out as suddenly as he thrust them in, leaving Taeyong dazed and still slumped against the car, breathing harshly and in an uneven manner. Then, Jaehyun does something that shocks even Taeyong. He leans over and places a gentle kiss to Taeyong’s temple, like the two of them are longtime lovers and not sworn enemies. Jaehyun’s eyes are still dark, but they seem a whole lot clearer now, too.

“Good boy.”

  
❦

  
The next week is quite peaceful for Taeyong. Both Jaehyun and Johnny were suspended after their fight, so they don’t show up to school and they don’t show their faces anywhere else. According to the gossip, Coach Velasquez has them both in a private camp until the end of their suspensions as a form of discipline. And, honestly, Taeyong believes it. It’s a coach’s worst nightmare to have his two star players at each other’s throats, especially in their last year, so Velasquez is probably doing everything in his power to rectify the situation before it costs him what’s to be the best year in their school’s history when it comes to soccer.

Taeyong is just glad it gives him some space from Jaehyun. After unraveling all over Jaehyun’s fingers during that rainy night, Taeyong really needs more than that. An entire continent between them wouldn’t be enough. It’s not like he didn’t enjoy it, but thoughts of that night have been plaguing him ever since. He can’t stop thinking about it, and that’s what really bothers him. Jaehyun is starting to get under his skin in new ways, and Taeyong doesn’t like that. He knows giving him too much power is a mistake, but he just can’t stop doing it. 

It doesn’t help that Jaehyun still sends him crude texts about what he’s thinking about doing to Taeyong once he returns. They’ve gotten more and more dirty as each day passes, but Taeyong keeps eating it up like a starved animal. He’s starting to crave Jaehyun’s attention an unhealthy amount, and he finds himself starting to get irritated when he doesn’t get it. If too much time passes between Jaehyun’s texts, Taeyong automatically assumes the worst. More than once, he’s nearly called him up to cuss him out and accuse him of seeing someone else before he’s come to his senses. He’s acting like a crazy boyfriend, which is _actually_ insane considering the fact that the two aren’t dating and never will be.

Even now, as he stands in Mark’s bedroom staring out his window, Taeyong’s eyes are on Jaehyun’s house. It’s huge and imposing, but entirely lifeless. He hasn’t seen anyone go in or come out, so he assumes that Jaehyun must still be at the camp his coach sent him to. Not that he actually cares. God, the bastard is ruining Taeyong and he has no way of putting a stop to it. Pulling his focus away from anything related to Jaehyun, he drags his feet over to Mark’s bed and hops onto the mattress. He wants nothing more than to bury his face into the pillow and scream until he can’t anymore, but he turns all of his energy onto his friend instead.

“What’re you doing?” he asks as he watches Mark dig around in his closet.

“Looking for something to wear,” Mark replies. “Jungwoo’s party is tonight, remember?”

Taeyong groans, crawling to the end of the bed and sitting up on his knees. “Please tell me you’re not _actually_ going to his party.”

“I am. And so are you.”

Taeyong is about to vehemently deny that, but he’s interrupted by his phone vibrating in his pocket. And like the pathetic person he is, he quickly digs the device out of his pocket to check his new messages. He clicks the notification fast enough to embarrass himself and is both happy and irritated to see that it’s Jaehyun.

`JAEHYUN`   
`lets meet`

`JAEHYUN`   
`i miss u`

`JAEHYUN`   
`i know u miss me too`

Taeyong rolls his eyes. No, he doesn’t miss Jaehyun. He just misses their games, that’s all. Still, something squeezes so hard in his chest that it’s painful. And pitiful. How can Jaehyun say things like that so easily?

`JAEHYUN`   
`so? u comin to meet me or do u want me to improvise… again`

`TAEYONG`   
`dont u fuckin dare`

He _really_ doesn’t need a repeat of last time when Jaehyun showed up to his house completely unannounced. Taeyong doesn’t think he even knows that he’s at Mark’s, but he also doesn’t want to take that chance. Because he knows Mark wouldn’t turn him away. They would probably spend the entire night up each other’s ass, and Taeyong would be the third wheel. That’s not happening. He waits for a few more minutes to see if Jaehyun will reply, but he never does. And he has no idea if that’s a good thing or not.

“Why don’t we just stay in and binge Netflix?” Taeyong suggests, sliding off of the bed and making his way over to his friend.

“We can do that _literally_ any other time,” Mark points out, pulling out two shirts and holding them up in front of himself.

“Johnny’s back from camp,” Taeyong blurts, “and you know he’ll probably be at the party tonight. Do you really wanna deal with him?”

“Johnny can go fuck himself,” Mark states, lips twisting in defiance. “I’ve decided that he’s not gonna ruin my life anymore. This is my last year, and I’m gonna enjoy it.”

Mark’s words bring a sort of pride to Taeyong, and he realizes that there’s no talking him out of this. He’s made up his mind. And maybe Taeyong should let him do what he wants. This could be good for him, and Taeyong should only want the best for Mark. He’ll just have to suck it up and tag along. Because there’s no way in hell he’s going to leave Mark to the wolves.

Taeyong is at the edge of himself with that all too familiar awareness slicing and clawing at the bottom of his stomach. This is the first time he’ll be seeing Jaehyun after their little encounter in his car, and he would be lying if he said that he isn’t nervous. Getting all tangled up with Jaehyun is provoking parts Taeyong never wanted provoked, but he finds that he can’t stop thinking about chasing the sensation Jaehyun is pulling out of him. It’s frustrating. Of course, maybe he’ll get lucky and Jaehyun won’t show. But, somehow, he doesn’t think that’s the case. There’s no way he would miss one of Jungwoo’s parties, especially after having been away for an entire week.

Mark’s eyes sparkle with excitement as they walk through the front door, loud music thumping from the walls and people stumbling all over themselves before they even get fully inside. It seems like everyone from Hearst is there, and Taeyong finds it so strange to see them out of their uniforms laughing, drinking, and grinding against one another. Of course, this is a normal weekend for them. Taeyong and Mark are probably the only ones who actively avoid things like this. In fact, for two years now, Taeyong has never felt like he was missing out on the whole teenage scene.

However, Mark has always talked about these parties with a certain sadness that knotted Taeyong’s heart. Unlike him, Mark has longed for the normal teenage life and wants to make sure he’s had his fill before leaving for college. Taeyong isn’t about to kill his wishes just because the scene isn’t exactly for him. He figures that’s what best friends do. They abandon their comfort zones in favor of doing nice things for the people they care about. Still, Taeyong keeps his guard up and eyes open. And when Mark grabs a drink from one of the tables, Taeyong decides to pass. He needs to be completely coherent and aware of his surroundings. 

“Are you nervous?” Taeyong asks as they find themselves in a less crowded area of the lounge.

“Not at all!” Mark laughs. “I’m already having the time of my life!”

“Are you sure? Because we can totally head back to your place, if you want.”

“Thought we agreed not to run away anymore.” 

“You know it’s okay to run away sometimes, right? For self-preservation.” 

He watches as Mark nearly chugs half of his drink, then starts to speak. But Taeyong can’t hear him. Instead, his attention catches on a dark figure in his peripheral vision and the blood in his veins turns to ice. 

Blood.

So much blood.

_The Lee blood runs in your veins. You will not disgrace it._

A haunting voice booms in his head like it belongs to some sort of demon, and the tips of his fingers start to tingle. The urge to scrub them clean takes over Taeyong like a drug addict burning for a fix, and a weird sensation crawls down his spine as he feels eyes on him. Blank, lifeless eyes. They’re watching. They’re coming to get him. They’re going to completely consume him.

_Run, Taeyong!_

_Now!_

“Tae?”

His gaze snaps to Mark who’s waving a hand in front of his face. “Sorry, what?”

“You kinda just zoned out there,” Mark tells him, brows pinching in what Taeyong recognizes as concern. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Taeyong confirms, forcing a smile. “I just… I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.”

He bolts out of there before Mark can get another word in. It takes him a few tries, but he eventually finds a restroom and locks himself inside. The burn under his skin becomes like hellfire, and it only cools once Taeyong sticks his hands under the sink, scrubbing them clean over and over again. His eyes bounce around his surroundings the entire time, almost as if he’s expecting someone — or something — to jump him from the walls or mirrors. He stares at his spooked reflection, pupils round as saucers and face pale. He doesn’t look like himself at all.

“It’s nothing,” Taeyong whispers to himself, trying to force a smile out of his trembling lips. “You’re okay. Everything’s fine.”

After smoothing out his expression, fixing his hair, and splashing a little water on his face, Taeyong pulls open the door and steps out of the bathroom. As he makes his way back to the lounge area where the main party is happening, he still can’t seem to pull himself out of his thoughts. They’re swirling around in his head like a hurricane, and they have him so distracted that he nearly runs right over some poor, unsuspecting soul.

“Sorry,” Taeyong is quick to blurt out, both his arms and the other person’s reaching out to steady one another. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“Clearly.”

Their laughter draws Taeyong’s attention to the tall, broad, and very familiar face. Jung Sungchan — previous captain for Hearst’s soccer team and current midfielder for Arsenal in the Premier League. He has absolutely no idea what Sungchan is doing back in Vermont, but he finds that he’s a little starstruck in his presence. Junmyeon would lose his shit if he knew Taeyong was meeting a Gunner in real life.

“You happen to know where my cousin is?” Sungchan questions, his inquisitive eyes roaming over Taeyong’s shoulder.

“No,” Taeyong states, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why would I know where he is?”

Sungchan studies Taeyong closely. “Well, you’re at Jungwoo’s party, so I figured Jae dragged you here.”

“We don’t know each other like that.”

Which isn’t exactly a lie. It’s not like he and Jaehyun are dating. Hell, they’re not even friends. They’re nothing to each other but a game, and Taeyong wants to keep it that way. He’s already been slipping into uncharted and forbidden territory, he doesn’t need to dig himself deeper into an early grave.

“Huh,” Sungchan replies, like he’s almost thrown for a loop at Taeyong’s words.

He opens his mouth to say something more when he’s interrupted by the music coming to an abrupt halt. Both of their attention zeroes in on the cause for interruption as Jungwoo jumps on top of a table in the middle of the room and begins greeting his guests.

“Listen up!” he calls out, using a beer bottle like it’s a microphone. “Tonight isn’t just any night. Tonight, we’re celebrating our win against Westlake. One to nothing! They took home the championship last year, yet we stomped them like they were dirt on our shoes. We’re getting that fucking championship this year!”

That causes a whole chorus of hoots and cheers to sound, and Taeyong notices that even Sungchan has a proud smile on his face. Truth be told, he’s probably more pumped than they are. He’s practically helped build the team into what it is now. His legacy is something that people at Hearst will more than likely be talking about for decades.

“It wasn’t an easy feat without our two best strikers,” Jungwoo continues, “but yours truly is a fucking chameleon! I can transform into a striker any day!” He grins, eyes scanning the room until they land on the spot where Taeyong and Sungchan are standing. “And to help celebrate our win, we have a special guest here tonight. All the way from England, please welcome our very own Premier League star and former captain, Sungchan Jung!”

Sungchan shakes his head, though he’s still smiling as everyone cheers and bangs on the table in sync. Jungwoo calls out for him to join him on the table, then him and Yuta start a chant of his name that everyone else quickly joins in on. Sungchan steps forward in order to give them what they want, but quickly stops and turns to Taeyong again.

“Stay away from Jaehyun,” he warns, and Taeyong is about to tell him off when he continues. “For your sake, not his.”

Taeyong stares at his back incredulously as he walks away, watching with his mouth hanging open as several soccer players slap Sungchan on the back and pull him in for hugs. He wants to chase after him, ask him what he means, but it isn’t long before Sungchan is being swallowed by the crowd. He goes up to give a speech like Jungwoo asked of him, but Taeyong isn’t listening. How is he supposed to concentrate when Sungchan’s warning is still ringing so loudly in his ears?

“Tae!”

At the sound of his name being called, he rips his attention from the gathering in front of him to Mark, who’s grinning widely as he clings onto another boy’s elbow.

“This is Donghyuck,” he introduces, beaming. “Lee Donghyuck. You know, the one I told you about? That sat with me during last year’s games?”

Taeyong smiles at Donghyuck and the warmth he seems to be radiating. Taeyong is a firm believer in auras, and he can see that Donghyuck has a bright one. It’s not exactly the first time he’s seen him, though. He can vaguely remember catching glimpses of Donghyuck hanging out with Jaehyun and Doyoung last year. Not that Taeyong has been watching him or anything. Jaehyun is just hard not to notice at times.

“Hyuck, this is my best friend, Taeyong.”

“Taeyong, huh?” Donghyuck says, rolling Taeyong’s name off of his tongue with a discreet smile. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You were, like, the hot topic when it came to Jae. He wouldn’t shut up about you. I’m honestly surprised you didn’t notice him watching you all the time.”

Taeyong’s lips part, and he nearly laughs right in Donghyuck’s face. “What? I think you might have me mixed up with someone else.”

Donghyuck is about to say something in return when his gaze strays to where Sungchan is standing with the soccer team. An electric current passes between them, and Taeyong finds himself caught up in the way they watch each other. It’s like they’re the only two people in the room. The longing and the passion are so tangible that he can almost taste it on his tongue, and his chest squeezes for no apparent reason. It’s like nothing and no one exists outside of their little bubble.

“Over here, babe!” Sungchan shouts, cupping his hands around his mouth so the sound travels farther.

“Yeah, come over here!” Jungwoo yells. “What do you say to a drinking competition for old times’ sake?”

“I’m in.” Donghyuck laughs, then looks to Taeyong and Mark. “Let’s go. I’ll need some backup.”

Mark takes his hand, but Taeyong shakes his head. “That’s not really my scene,” he admits, “but thanks for offering.”

“No worries, I’ll have enough fun for the both of us.”

Donghyuck winks, and Taeyong shoots him what he hopes is a friendly smile. Out of the corner of his eye, though, he sees Mark give him a reprimanding look as he follows Donghyuck to the middle of the room where Jungwoo is already preparing the drinks. Donghyuck doesn’t seem like the type of person to let anything bad happen to anyone, so Taeyong thinks it’s safe for him to wander off. He doesn’t know exactly what for, but his mind immediately goes to food. He doubts he’ll be able to actually eat any of it, but it’ll at least give him something to do so he doesn’t look like such a loser at the party.

However, as he fights his way through the crowd, a strong arm surrounds his waist and a body presses against him from behind. Taeyong is about to knock the fucker out for touching him before their warmth and familiar scent completely envelops him. Taeyong’s heart does a slight jump that turns his insides upside down, and he tries to step away on instinct. He needs to be as far away from Jaehyun as possible. But he doesn’t end up getting all that far at all since Jaehyun is gripping him tightly, intent on keeping him exactly where he is. Taeyong turns in his hold, placing a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to get some distance as he looks up into Jaehyun’s turbulent eyes. 

It feels like it’s been forever since they’ve seen one another, but the strong feelings are still as present as ever. Taeyong doesn’t know exactly what those feelings are — love, hate, something else entirely — and he isn’t sure he wants to find out. His gaze locks onto the healing cut near the corner of Jaehyun’s mouth, and guilt starts to take over. He doesn’t know why he feels bad really, but it doesn’t exactly delight him to see Jaehyun hurt. It isn’t as satisfying as he hoped it would be. The chaos of the drinking competition, the music, and the excited chants around them cease to exist in this moment. It’s only Jaehyun and Taeyong now, and the latter finds himself reaching up to touch his lip.

“Does it hurt?”

Jaehyun yanks his hand free, holding his wrist tightly between his fingers. “You’re getting better at lying.” His eyes gleam, but it’s not in the playful sense. They’re downright sinister, and it has Taeyong jerking his wrist out of his hold. “You almost got me for a second there.”

“What?”

“There’s no need for you to pretend that you care about me.”

Taeyong scoffs, lifting his chin. “Yeah, you’re right. I _don’t_ care about you. You’re nothing to me.”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah. Absolutely nothing. You’re—”

He doesn’t get a warning before Jaehyun’s lips crash into his in an animalistic frenzy. He isn’t given the chance to think or breathe, all he can do is feel. Still holding him by the waist, Jaehyun’s other hand grabs Taeyong’s nape in a possessive hold as his teeth nibble on the latter’s bottom lip before he thrusts his tongue inside his mouth. It’s more like a claim than a kiss, but Taeyong melts into it all the same. There’s a clashing of tongues and teeth and lips that’s all too suffocating and liberating, but Taeyong loves it.

His fingers dig into the hard ridge of Jaehyun’s chest and fist into his shirt for balance. Jaehyun’s hold only seems to tighten as he lifts Taeyong up and sits him on some foreign surface that feels a lot like a table. Taeyong wraps his legs around Jaehyun’s waist while he continues ravaging his mouth, making Taeyong’s head turn dizzy and hazy until it feels like he’s floating. Jaehyun’s presence doesn’t only fill his air, it conquers it. Smashes it. Breaks it apart. His hand sneaks under Taeyong’s own shirt, and the boy sucks in a sharp breath when Jaehyun’s rough, calloused hand meets his softer skin. That’s when Jaehyun pulls away and air comes flooding back in to his lungs. Taeyong feels disoriented when his eyes flutter open, blinking into focus the way Jaehyun smirks in a lazy, yet sinister way.

“So, I’m absolutely nothing to you, huh?”

Taeyong is still trying to get his bearings back when his eyes catch on the crowd over Jaehyun’s shoulder. It feels like every single person is looking at them, though he knows that’s not the case. There are a few people who are looking their way and whispering into each other’s ears, but it’s way less dramatic than his brain is interpreting it as. Either way, he knows it’ll be a shit storm come Monday morning. If the rumors and glares surrounding him after the Johnny incident were bad, then this will be a million times worse. He feels like he’s in some sort of daze as Jaehyun takes his hand and helps him down off the table. Taeyong doesn’t even realize that he’s moving, that he’s following Jaehyun away from the party, until he leans down to whisper into his ear.

“I think it’s time you finally become mine.”

Jaehyun’s steps are confident and sure as he squeezes Taeyong’s hand in what can only be construed as a comforting manner. Taeyong wants to think that it’s some kind of endearing touch, but he also knows that’s not how Jaehyun works. Nearly everyone at Hearst and tons of other people from surrounding schools just watched them practically dry hump one another, yet all Taeyong can think about is the meaning behind them holding hands. Truth is, he doesn’t care about the audience, and he also shouldn’t care about such a mundane gesture. He actually is losing his mind, he thinks. What other explanation is there?

All his senses are filled with Jaehyun, and he’s been all that Taeyong can think about. Even now, as they make their way further and further down the hallway, Taeyong is still thinking about him and not about what’s actually happening. He doesn’t even realize that Jaehyun is opening a door and leading him inside because Taeyong is too busy trying to safeguard his scent to memory. It’s embarrassing, and he’s never been more thankful that mind reading isn’t a thing. The room they enter doesn’t look as extravagant as the rest of Jungwoo’s house, but it’s still nice. There’s a full size bed situated in the middle with nightstands on either side as well as a dresser, but that isn’t really what catches Taeyong’s attention.

What he really notices is the floral wallpaper and how it reminds him so much of home. And not his home with Irene and Junmyeon, but his actual home with his parents. It’s a disturbing thought, but Taeyong can’t shake it. He doesn’t remember that place, and he doesn’t want to. The sound of a door clicking brings Taeyong back to reality, and he turns to see that they’re now closed inside and Jaehyun is watching him intently. It’s then that Taeyong realizes he’s still gripping Jaehyun’s hand like a vice, so he lets go. No way in hell is he about to be in a room alone with Jaehyun. But when he moves to step around him, Jaehyun just continues to block his exit. And Taeyong knows this is bad. It’s bad because Taeyong himself can’t be trusted when it comes to Jaehyun. It’s like all his common sense gets thrown out the window.

“Move,” Taeyong demands, eyes narrowing.

“Why?” Jaehyun asks, tilting his head to the side. “I mean, you came here for me. Didn’t you?”

“You wish.”

“Then, who is that you came here for?”

Jaehyun’s eyes spark, and something about it really pisses Taeyong off. In fact, Jaehyun just pisses him off in general. And, apparently, Taeyong is more vindictive than he thought because he shoots him a taunting smile and steps right up into his space.

“Who do you think? I came for my boyfriend. You may know him. Name’s Johnny.”

Jaehyun’s eyes darken, but he smiles in a chilling sort of way that reminds Taeyong of a horror movie. “I dare you to say that again.”

Taeyong gulps, and the sound crackles in the burning tension permeating the air. Considering the near murderous energy swirling around Jaehyun, he knows he should cut his losses and shut up. But Taeyong has never been one to play by the rules and has never been one to back down.

“I _said_ ,” Taeyong starts, licking his lips, “I’m here for my _boyfriend_ , Johnny. Actually, I’m sure he must be looking—”

Jaehyun grabs Taeyong then, throwing him on the bed and crawling on top of him. It happens so fast that Taeyong can barely even register it, and his breath hitches when he looks right into Jaehyun’s crazed eyes. It’s as if his words have flipped some kind of switch. Taeyong lies still beneath his looming body, admiring the way Jaehyun’s shoulders strain against the cloth of his shirt. His arousal is in full-force at this point, and Taeyong attempts to clench his thighs together, not wanting Jaehyun to see the overwhelming affect he has on him. Because at this moment, when he’s all threatening and scary, Taeyong doesn’t see the danger. Instead, he’s searching behind that danger, clambering to dig his claws into Jaehyun and rip off the mask to take a peek behind it.

He’s almost positive that he’ll find a monster, but he still wants to see it anyway. He still wants to see what Jaehyun is made of, why he’s made this way. Jaehyun’s hand reaches for his face, and Taeyong swallows as he traces a sensual finger down his cheek. It’s meant to be soft, but all Taeyong can see is the darkness lurking beneath the surface. A darkness that he craves, a darkness that Taeyong wants him to unleash.

“Seems like the night we spent together last week didn’t do you any good,” Jaehyun states, voice eerily calm as he pinches Taeyong’s cheek. “I told you that you already belong to me, so there’s no reason to fight it.”

“I don’t belong to you.”

“Oh, it’s not an option.” Jaehyun laughs lowly as he nuzzles his nose against Taeyong’s cheek. “And I’m done playing this game. You don’t get to act like you don’t belong to me anymore.”

Deep down, Taeyong realizes that there’s nothing romantic about his words and that he would be running for the hills if anyone else were to utter the same thing to him. But the truth of the matter is that a part of him _wants_ to belong to Jaehyun. No one else in his life gives him the sort of thrill that Jaehyun does. He craves the unpredictability. And maybe it won’t last for a week or a day or even an hour, but Taeyong still wants it all the same. But he also doesn’t want to stop playing. He knows he can’t just give in without giving Jaehyun the illusion that he’s got Taeyong wrapped around his finger.

“I’m not acting.”

“Then, let me put it to you this way.” Jaehyun pauses and flicks his tongue out to lick Taeyong’s lower lip. “What’s the most powerful piece in chess?”

Taeyong blinks, slightly thrown off by his question. “The queen…”

“And what’s the weakest?”

“The pawn.”

“So, which would you rather be?” Jaehyun asks. “Be mine and you’ll have all the power of the queen. Continue to fight against it and you’ll simply remain a pawn.”

Something bubbles up into Taeyong’s throat, and he can’t swallow past it. To any other person, this version of Jaehyun would appear normal — soft even — but he’s the type of person who hides his anger beneath layers of calmness. And Taeyong can tell that he’s enraged. The mask appears to be down, and Taeyong can see Jaehyun’s true obsession with him. He can see the way Jaehyun seems so physically intent to possess him. There’s a certain spark there, a want. But that isn’t scary to Taeyong. The scary part is the way Taeyong is reacting to Jaehyun. And as if his senses aren’t filled with him enough already, Jaehyun squeezes his jaw between his fingers so that Taeyong is glued to the dark storms raging in his eyes. They’re turbulent and beautiful. But, most of all, they’re downright terrifying.

“Choose,” Jaehyun demands.

“Neither,” Taeyong tells him. “I’m not a chess piece, I’m a human. And I refuse to be seen as some object.”

Jaehyun’s lips tug with a smirk before his lips once again claim Taeyong’s. The latter opens his mouth almost instantly, and Jaehyun threads his fingers into his hair as he brutalizes his mouth. Their earlier kiss was head-turning, but this one is absolutely mind-blowing. It’s almost barbaric, like Jaehyun has never kissed anyone before in his life. And though Taeyong obviously knows that’s not true, it still feels like Jaehyun is only now discovering what it feels like to kiss. It’s like he wasn’t kissing Taeyong at all earlier, it’s like he was holding back.

Taeyong is in that phase where there’s no air and no other thoughts but Jaehyun and his lips. His firm, yet soft lips that are completely consuming him. Jaehyun’s body crashes into his, and all of his hard lines mold into Taeyong’s soft curves. Taeyong’s hands find refuge on Jaehyun’s hips, and he moans into his mouth. That’s when Jaehyun breaks away, breathing harshly as he trails kisses down Taeyong’s jaw. He expected for Jaehyun to let go of his anger with the kiss, but it only seems worse now. Jaehyun’s rage is a living, breathing being, and he doesn’t even bother to mask it.

“You know, Johnny is lucky that he’s my friend. Because if anyone else touches you, I won’t hesitate to fucking kill them.”

Taeyong laughs. “You’re so dramatic. I can’t take you seriously.”

Jaehyun’s lips graze his ear as he brings his voice down an octave, like he’s telling Taeyong a secret. “Will you take me seriously when I fuck you so hard and so deep that you start begging me to never leave your tight ass again?”

The image his words paint inside Taeyong’s head cause him to freeze up, the smile quickly fading as they truly sink in. This is probably the best moment to fess up and tell Jaehyun that he’s never done anything like that, but he’s afraid it’ll ruin the moment. He’s afraid that Jaehyun won’t touch him if he knows how inexperienced Taeyong is. And maybe it’s a stupid thought to have, but it still nags at him all the same. He wants Jaehyun to fuck him, yet he’s too afraid to speak up and be honest with him. Is he defective? Wrong in the head? The feeling of his jeans being unbuttoned brings him crashing back to reality, and Taeyong looks down to find Jaehyun prying them open.

Before he can fully register what’s actually going on, Jaehyun is yanking the material down his legs and ridding Taeyong of his shoes, socks, and pants all in one go. Taeyong’s heart starts pounding against his chest as Jaehyun trails his hands up his thighs and over the material of his underwear. He doesn’t stop, leaving a path of fire everywhere he touches as he pushes Taeyong’s shirt up and eventually removes it from his body as well. Jaehyun’s heated gaze travels up and down Taeyong’s nearly naked body, and he tries his best to ignore how turned on it makes him but fails miserably.

Jaehyun’s eyes fill with overwhelming lust, and Taeyong finds that he can’t look away. That is, of course, until Jaehyun zones in on his scar. Taeyong isn’t embarrassed about his body — not at all — but the scar is a different story. It feels like a disgrace in a lot of ways, and he hates for anyone to see it. Realistically, he knows there’s nothing actually wrong with it and that it’s not even very noticeable, but it’s the key to his very own Pandora’s Box. If Jaehyun knows of his internal struggles, he doesn’t show it as he looms back over him and kisses along the scar. Shock reverberates beneath Taeyong’s skin and tears start to fill his eyes.

As if sensing his inner turmoil, Jaehyun looks up to meet Taeyong’s eye and tilts his head to the side like he’s studying him. Like he somehow understands and doesn’t all at the same time. Reaching up, Jaehyun swipes a thumb under Taeyong’s left eye to catch his unshed tears before his thumb and index fingers latch around a nipple and squeeze. Taeyong cries out in a gasp as a zap of intense pleasure and pain pools between his thighs, effectively wrenching him out of his thoughts before they wander too far. Jaehyun does the same thing to Taeyong’s other nipple, and he hisses. He alternates between doing that and massaging them right after a few more times, giving Taeyong a feeling of hazy pleasure.

Taeyong becomes delirious and drunk on the ecstasy Jaehyun pulls out of him, and that only amplifies when Jaehyun bites a nipple into his hot mouth. Taeyong’s back arches as he surrounds the bud with his lips and nibbles slightly, Jaehyun’s warm breaths sending shivers along his skin. Taeyong breathes heavily, chest rising and falling rapidly before Jaehyun bites down harder than before. Pain zips down Taeyong’s spine and a strange sensation tightens the bottom of his stomach. Jaehyun massages his throbbing nipple with his tongue, and Taeyong whimpers. He’s a writhing, crying mess beneath Jaehyun, but he can’t tell him to stop.

He doesn’t want him to.

He hasn’t felt such an onslaught of emotions in his entire life before, and he’s craving it. He’s craving more. He wonders if crazy is contagious because, right now, he’s starting to feel as depraved as Jaehyun. Just like with his fingers, the soothing massages are just a build up before Jaehyun tortures him with his bites again. He does the same to the flesh of Taeyong’s chest before his mouth is traveling south to do the same to the soft skin of his stomach. Jaehyun’s fingers curve into the hem of his briefs, and Taeyong’s breath catches in his throat as he slowly brings the material down his legs. He shudders when the cool air hits his sensitive flesh, but Jaehyun just grins as Taeyong’s fully hard cock slaps against his stomach after being freed.

Jaehyun grips each of his thighs, spreads them wide, and lowers himself between them. For what feels like entirely too long, Jaehyun just studies him and Taeyong starts to feel like he’s going to explode. It’s a little embarrassing, but a primal sensation takes hold over any feelings of self-consciousness. It’s like Jaehyun is burning and melting him with his gaze. It’s the most out of control that Taeyong has felt yet. Jaehyun releases one of his thighs, then, and traces a finger up a vein on his shaft before pressing his thumb into his slit. Taeyong’s mouth parts on a silent gasp, and it’s by some miracle alone that he doesn’t come right then and there.

“I think you were made for me,” Jaehyun whispers as he places a chaste kiss on the head of Taeyong’s cock. The contact is so intimate, so crude, that it causes a shudder to crawl down Taeyong’s spine. “How many people have you let suck you off? How many have you let eat you out?”

There’s a slight edge to Jaehyun’s tone, as if he doesn’t really want to hear the answer, but Taeyong is so focused on the picture he’s painting in his head that he doesn’t say anything. All he can think about is how he wants Jaehyun to be the first.

“Answer me,” Jaehyun continues, pressing a blunt nail into his slit with more force.

Taeyong hisses to suppress a moan. “None! No one has.”

Jaehyun freezes and so does Taeyong. He’s already beating himself up for revealing such a thing when Jaehyun uses the hold he has on him to flip Taeyong over onto his stomach. It happens so fast that it makes his head spin. Using the grip on his hips, Jaehyun maneuvers Taeyong up onto his knees and sucks a finger into his mouth.

“And no one else will,” Jaehyun finally says before he spreads Taeyong’s cheeks and presses his finger against his hole.

Taeyong has fingered himself before, but this is the first time that anyone else has touched him in this way. His body’s instinct is to scurry away from it, but Jaehyun doesn’t allow that. He pushes with a little more force, and Taeyong does his best to relax as the tip of Jaehyun’s index finger finally breaches him. It’s sort of a weird feeling — it always is — but his skin electrifies underneath the touch.

“You’ll only know my fingers, my tongue, and my cock. Isn’t that right?”

Taeyong nods, but he would’ve agreed with anything Jaehyun had said in this moment because he’s too busy trying to contain himself. Too busy trying to keep himself from grinding against the bed and from fucking himself back on Jaehyun’s finger.

“I’m not gonna take it easy on you,” Jaehyun warns. “There won’t be any tapping out, and I need you to understand that.”

Goosebumps erupt all over Taeyong’s skin, and Jaehyun’s grip on him tightens as if he’s physically restraining himself. This is the moment that Taeyong knows he should flee and never interact with Jaehyun again, but he doesn’t want that. Jaehyun is going out of his way to give Taeyong the chance to stop now before they’re both all in, and he knows that any normal person would take this chance. But he’s not normal.

“I understand.”

Two simple words is all it takes for Jaehyun to lunge at him like a madman. In a split second, he removes his finger and replaces it with his tongue. Any protest dies on Taeyong’s lips as Jaehyun swipes his tongue from his perineum to his hole, swirling the appendage around his rim. Taeyong’s mouth parts and his fingers clutch the bed sheet with such strength that it’s a miracle it doesn’t rip. Jaehyun repeats the same action before dipping the tip of his tongue inside, and Taeyong cries out at the intrusive, yet enthralling sensation. He can feel Jaehyun’s tongue lapping at his walls, and while it’s still a pretty odd feeling, it’s also a welcome one.

Pulling away, Jaehyun gathers spit into his mouth, then lets it drip down onto Taeyong’s ass crack before using it to coat his hole. Spit is, in no way, a good replacement for lube, but Taeyong couldn’t care less in the moment. Not when Jaehyun pushes his finger all the way inside of him and begins a steady rhythm. An unfamiliar tightness suddenly grips his stomach, and his chest squeezes so hard that Taeyong is genuinely scared that something is wrong with his defective heart. The fact that a single touch can cause such a raw reaction is thrilling, but terrifying all the same.

Jaehyun fits a second finger in beside his first, and Taeyong squirms at the stretch before giving in to the sensation. Jaehyun keeps to his word, not going easy on Taeyong as he pumps his fingers in and out. His pace gradually gets quicker and quicker, the action becoming more rough with each passing second. Then, Jaehyun presses right against his prostate, and something within Taeyong unlocks. It’s a detonation, an awakening. He starts thrashing, mewling, and gripping the bed sheets as if they’re his lifelines. He’s so close that he thinks he can actually _taste_ his orgasm.

“Jae… fuck! Oh, my God…” Taeyong nearly screams, glazed eyes glancing over his shoulder at the boy with a wide smile on his face.

“I love that idea,” Jaehyun tells him, licking his lips like he’s preparing to devour Taeyong whole.

“What idea?”

“The idea of me being your God.”

Before Taeyong can make some kind of retort, Jaehyun removes his fingers and uses his thumbs to spread him impossibly wider. That’s when Jaehyun dives back in with his tongue, snaking a hand around Taeyong’s body to tug on his cock at the same time. He fucks Taeyong with it like he’s both worshipping him and punishing him at the same time. Jaehyun’s pace is relentless, unapologetic, and so out of fucking control that it’s driving Taeyong mad. There’s nothing predictable about what Jaehyun will do next or how far he’ll go, and Taeyong can’t help falling into his well-crafted web like a dumb fly. He can’t resist it. He can’t resist _him_.

Jaehyun’s tongue and hand work in tandem, and with one particular flick of his wrist, Taeyong falls apart with a wordless scream. The fierce sensation is unlike anything Taeyong has experienced before, and he rides it out, not wanting to find a landing. Taeyong’s entire body is shaking when he finally comes down, and his limbs feel like jelly. He expects to find Jaehyun staring at him with a smug gleam, but he’s not. Instead, he wipes his come covered hand over Taeyong’s ass cheek and proceeds to lick off every last drop. Taeyong is at a loss for words and even more so when Jaehyun goes right back to eating him out.

Taeyong’s skin is so sensitive that every lap of Jaehyun’s tongue springs both pleasure and pain. Reaching behind him, Taeyong grabs a handful of his jet black hair and tries to push Jaehyun away. But he’s relentless. Jaehyun continues to thrust his tongue in and out of him before, once again, adding a finger. Taeyong writhes against the bed, eyes rolling into the back of his head as the assault of endless sensations kills him slowly like death by a thousand cuts.

“This time, I wanna hear you scream,” Jaehyun rasps, eyes hazy with lust before he pounds both his finger and tongue inside Taeyong.

As soon as his finger slams into Taeyong’s prostate again, another shattering orgasm sweeps over him. Taeyong’s scream cracks into a sob, and he becomes so dizzy that he can barely open his eyes. 

“Please, please…” Taeyong cries, trying to push Jaehyun away again. “I can’t take any more.”

He fully expects for Jaehyun to brush him off and bring him to climax once again, but he surprises him by pulling away. He makes a show of licking his moist lips before flipping Taeyong over onto his back. Jaehyun crawls back over top of him and kisses Taeyong with a completely indescribable need. Grabbing his face with one hand, Jaehyun holds Taeyong still as he plunges his tongue inside his mouth so the latter can taste himself.

“See how good you taste?” Jaehyun whispers against his lips. “See why I can’t get enough?” Taeyong’s cheeks flame as Jaehyun swipes his tongue along his bottom lip. “I think I deserve a little something in return, though. Don’t you think?”

Taeyong’s breath catches in his throat. He wants to keep going and wants to taste Jaehyun, too, but he’s also nervous. Tonight is the farthest he’s ever been sexually, and he truly has no idea what he’s doing. Of course, he’s watched porn and read up on articles to try and prepare himself, but those things can only do so much. They’re nothing like the real thing. And he doesn’t want to disappoint Jaehyun. Hoping to distract him, Taeyong raises up and captures his lips in a tentative kiss. Jaehyun groans before he deepens the kiss, leaving Taeyong breathless and boneless. When they break apart, Jaehyun smirks.

“As much as I love kissing you, that’s not exactly what I’m talking about.”

Sitting back on his haunches, Jaehyun pulls the back of his shirt over his head and throws it behind him. Taeyong tries not to gawk, but he fails miserably. The hard ridges of Jaehyun’s muscles aren’t only cut, but they’re also so defined it’s like he spent time sharpening every ab. Taeyong shamelessly lets his gaze roam over the exposed bits of skin and notices that one of the arrow tattoos seems to be pointing straight at Jaehyun’s heart. Taeyong reaches a hesitant hand forward to where his heart lies underneath his skin, and his palm burns at the contact.

His own heart nearly topples over at the skyrocketing beat in Jaehyun’s. The regular, healthy beat. For a moment, Taeyong finds himself feeling jealous, no matter how ridiculous it is. Not wanting to be caught feeling his heartbeat like a creep, Taeyong caresses his hardened nipple and feels his own tighten and throb as if Jaehyun is touching him back. It doesn’t last for long, though, before Jaehyun slaps his hand away and begins unbuttoning his jeans.

“I think you’ve teased me enough.”

Jaehyun unzips his jeans as he climbs off of the bed and quickly rids himself of every remaining article of clothing. Taeyong’s eyes widen slightly at the sight, and his pulse drums in an irregular rhythm. This is only the third dick he’s ever seen in person, and that’s counting his own. And just like when he saw Jongin naked the first time, he also can’t stop staring at Jaehyun. It’s unfair how they both have no physical flaws and how they both carry themselves with a distinct type of confidence.

“Have you ever wrapped those pretty lips around a cock before?”

Deciding that it’s probably best to be honest, Taeyong gulps and shakes his head. Jaehyun’s cock twitches in response, and his eyes shine with a sheen of possessiveness that strikes deep within Taeyong. His body leaps to attention, and he keeps licking his lips even though he doesn’t mean to. Throwing one leg over his body, Jaehyun climbs back over top of Taeyong. Though, this time, he rests his knees on either side of Taeyong’s head.

“You gonna let me fuck that mouth?” Jaehyun asks, causing Taeyong’s frantic eyes to bounce between him and his cock. “Or would you rather I fuck your ass?”

Despite the fact that Taeyong wants both, he knows that he’s not entirely ready for the latter. Jaehyun will probably break him in half if he lets him inside of him, and he’s not mentally prepared for it anyway. So, he slightly parts his lips and that’s all the permission that Jaehyun needs. He presses his thumb against Taeyong’s bottom lip and pushes down, forcing his mouth to open wider before he plunges inside in one go. A breathy curse spills from between Jaehyun’s lips, and Taeyong does his best to take as much of him in as possible. But as soon as Jaehyun hits the back of his throat, Taeyong’s gag reflex triggers and tears spring to his eyes. Jaehyun pulls almost completely out then, letting the tip of his cock rest between his lips, and Taeyong just barely gets the chance to catch his breath before Jaehyun slams in once again.

“Do you know how many times I fantasized about shutting your smart mouth up like this?” Jaehyun rasps, grabbing a handful of Taeyong’s hair to angle his head and hit deeper. “Do you know how fucking pretty you look stuffed with my cock?”

Taeyong makes an unintelligible sound at his words, back arching slightly as he tries to massage Jaehyun’s cock with his tongue in an attempt to slow him down. Jaehyun rolls his hips with a low moan, caressing Taeyong’s hair with rough fingers and attempting to fit more of his cock inside his mouth. Taeyong heaves almost instantly, pressing a hand against Jaehyun’s hip to get him to back off a little. He listens, dragging his cock against Taeyong’s tongue until he’s in a position he can handle again.

“I should’ve done this a long time ago,” Jaehyun tells him. “You should’ve already been mine.”

Taeyong is too full of his taste and the effects Jaehyun has on his body to pay any attention to what he’s saying. Since Jaehyun seems to like what he’s doing, Taeyong focuses on doing that with a little more energy. He tries to remember what he’s read and seen and attempts to apply that knowledge. Though, he knows that he’s probably doing so with a lot less grace and accuracy. As long as it feels good though, then that’s all that matters. Taeyong swipes his tongue up and down, then cups Jaehyun’s balls in his hand as he hollows his cheeks. He tries to think of things that he would want done to him and applies them accordingly. 

Jaehyun allows him to have his freedom, but he still keeps a harsh grip on Taeyong’s hair. Then, Taeyong swallows around the head of his cock, and Jaehyun begins to frantically thrust in and out of his mouth with uncontrolled desperation. Taeyong watches with rapt attention, trying his hardest not to gag before Jaehyun’s shoulders stiffen and a curse falls from his lips. Taeyong watches mesmerized as Jaehyun grunts and finally spills down his throat. He can feel Jaehyun’s cock pulse against his tongue, and he forces himself to try and swallow it all despite the position and bitter taste. Come streams down the corners of his mouth, and Jaehyun watches him with a mixture of awe and manic interest. His eyes shine as he wipes it with his thumb, then smears it on Taeyong’s lips.

“Open.” Taeyong does without hesitation, and Jaehyun thrusts his thumb into his mouth to coat his tongue with his taste. “This mouth belongs to me, too,” he states as he rearranges himself down Taeyong’s body before slamming their lips together.

Taeyong is still hazy from his multiple orgasms, so he kisses Jaehyun lazily at first. However, it doesn’t take long for it to turn open-mouthed and hungry as he matches Jaehyun’s pace. They spend a few minutes tangled around one another, kissing and exploring each other’s mouths before Jaehyun eventually pulls away and brushes the hair off of Taeyong’s forehead.

“Sober up, babe. We’re just getting started.”

Taeyong’s eyes widen. “W-What?”

“Just give me a couple of minutes, then I’ll fuck you so hard they’ll be able to hear you screaming all the way down the street.” 

Taeyong’s body throbs at the prospect, but he grips Jaehyun’s bicep tightly and shakes his head almost desperately. “I’m too sensitive. I really don’t think I can take any more.”

A devilish grin pulls at the corners of Jaehyun’s mouth. “I told you from the beginning that there would be no tapping out and you agreed to those terms.”

“Yeah, well… I didn’t think it would be this intense.”

“And that’s not my problem,” Jaehyun says as he rolls Taeyong’s throbbing nipple underneath his finger, causing him to hiss from the overstimulation. “So, stop being such a cock tease. Your little twisted version of playing hard to get is just gonna get you in trouble.”

Jaehyun rolls off of him then, settling on his back and reaching out to take hold of Taeyong’s hand. He draws circles on his palm in a soothing manner, and the two lay there in silence for what feels like an eternity. Taeyong isn’t sure what exactly Jaehyun’s motive is anymore, and he kind of feels like he’s playing a game that he doesn’t know the rules of. But that doesn’t keep him from wanting to play all the same. Taeyong never thought he would be so invested in him to the point of craving him, but he’s quickly learning that Jaehyun has a way of engraving himself under his skin.

“Do I scare you, Taeyong?” he asks as he lays the boy’s hand on his hard abdomen.

“No,” Taeyong says softly. 

“Some things never change.” Jaehyun laughs. “You’re still an awful liar.”

Taeyong narrows his eyes. “It’s not a lie.”

“You think I don’t know when you lie?” Jaehyun quirks a brow. “You could tell me anything and I’ll know the truth. Go ahead and try it,” he challenges.

“I came here alone.”

“Lie. I saw you with Mark,” he says. “You can do better than that.”

“Well, it isn’t exactly fun if I’m the only one playing,” Taeyong states, hoping that he can trick Jaehyun into telling him more about himself.

“Fine. You go first, though.”

Taeyong doesn’t even bother to argue that he’s already gone as Jaehyun grabs the sheet and tugs it up over their naked bodies. Then, he pulls Taeyong into him and envelopes him in a tight embrace. The action is like a shock to Taeyong’s system, but he fits his head under Jaehyun’s chin anyway. It’s strange how natural it feels to be in his hold, so Taeyong tries not to dwell on it. 

“I’m adopted,” Taeyong says.

“Truth. But, again, that’s something I already know.”

“Fine.” Taeyong sighs. “You go, then.”

“I wish I was adopted.”

Taeyong tries to study the way he speaks, listening for any telltale signs that he’s either lying or telling the truth. But he really doesn’t hear a difference in his tone.

“Truth.”

“Wrong,” Jaehyun tells him, and Taeyong can feel him grinning. “I like who I am.”

“Do you?”

For some reason, Taeyong thinks he’s lying. Logically, Jaehyun has no reason to hate being the heir to Jung Enterprises or to hate having everyone wait on him hand and foot, but Taeyong just thinks there’s more to it. 

“Are we playing twenty-one questions now? Because I like that game better, and I wanna ask first.”

Taeyong rolls his eyes, wanting to argue that Jaehyun didn’t even answer his question. But he knows it’s a lost cause. May as well give him what he wants. “Whatever.”

“Why were you adopted?”

Taeyong blows out a long sigh as he props himself up on his elbow, so he can look at Jaehyun’s face. “I was told that my parents died in a house fire,” he answers, absentmindedly dragging his finger in various invisible shapes across Jaehyun’s chest. “So, my aunt took me in and eventually she and her husband decided to adopt me.”

Jaehyun doesn’t express any sort of pity that Taeyong usually gets from people and, instead, he actually seems calculative. “You were told? As in, you don’t remember what happened?”

“Nope,” Taeyong confirms. “That time of my life feels like a giant, looming, blank puzzle. It’s like all the pieces are so similar that I can’t even begin to start putting them together. I think the saddest thing, though, is that I don’t even remember my parents’ faces, and I’m absolutely fine with that. I’m sure that makes me a horrible son.”

“Or maybe it just means your brain made a wise decision,” Jaehyun says, voice drifting. “Sometimes, parents aren’t what they’re supposed to be.”

Taeyong wants to ask Jaehyun what he means by that, but his expression has already closed off. He doubts he’ll get anything out of him now, no matter how much or how hard he pushes. So, instead of poking his wound, Taeyong decides to take a leap and ask the one question that’s been haunting him for years.

“Why did you decide you hated me that first day?”

He’s not going to sugarcoat it for Jaehyun. He’s very much taken part in making Taeyong’s life hell ever since he got to Hearst, and he wants Jaehyun to know that he’s not just going to forget that. Sure, both of them are to blame in some aspects, but Jaehyun has done a lot worse to Taeyong than he could ever do in return. And he wants an explanation for that. He wants to know why Jaehyun beat the shit out of him and why he nearly strangled him to death on the edge of the field. He wants to know why Jaehyun has a fixation on him and why Taeyong is the only person he’s ever tormented. 

Jaehyun stares at him for what feels like an eternity, but it’s like he’s not really seeing Taeyong at all.

“You were a ghost.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos, comments, and any kind of other feedback is always welcome and definitely encouraged. You get an extra thank you for taking the time to do so, but just reading is appreciated and you're still valid! If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, where I sometimes post edits and previews for upcoming fics, then I'll leave the link to that and my Curious Cat account below. 
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	5. Chapter 5

A ghost?

Taeyong was a ghost?

His brows pinch together in confusion as he tilts his head and studies Jaehyun’s features, searching to see if he’s joking or just screwing with him as per usual. But Jaehyun doesn’t really joke, at least not in this sense. So, all Taeyong finds is a tight jaw and thick lashes framing a darkened look. Taeyong tries to appear calm, but his pulse rises with every passing second until he’s afraid that Jaehyun can hear it. He wants Jaehyun to elaborate, wants to know what he’s talking about, but a part of him fears what exactly that may be. Still, this isn’t something he can just sit on, so he takes the plunge.

“What does that mean?”

Jaehyun stares at him for what feels like hours, like he’s trying to see inside of Taeyong or read his mind. It makes Taeyong uncomfortable, but he doesn’t show it. He returns Jaehyun’s gaze with just as much intensity and forces himself to remain quiet until he gets an answer.

“You’re not ready for what it means, Lee.”

The fact that Jaehyun has now backtracked to addressing Taeyong by his surname can only mean that he’s putting him at a distance. Jaehyun isn’t exactly the closed-off type and isn’t afraid of admitting to all the fuckery happening in his head. However, Taeyong also isn’t foolish enough to believe that Jaehyun would bare his soul to him that easily. Jaehyun keeps a fraction of himself always hidden behind the walls of his fortress. And if he’s not going to go into any more detail or give Taeyong any kind of hint as to what he’s talking about, then he’s leaving.

“Okay, well, this has been fun. _Truly_. But I think it’s time to call it a night,” Taeyong states, not even able to keep the frustration from his tone.

His fingers have just _barely_ grazed the edge of the sheet, fully intent on ripping it off of him, when Jaehyun grabs hold of him and flips him underneath his body. Shivers break out all over Taeyong’s arms as the cool air hits his skin, and he watches as Jaehyun’s ferocious gaze dips to his nakedness as if he’s seeing it for the first time. Taeyong’s heart hammers so loud, it’s painful. There’s something about the way Jaehyun watches him.

A possessiveness.

An obsession.

A _madness_.

And Taeyong hates how his body reacts to this unhinged side of Jaehyun. Why can’t he be attracted to the prince charmings of the world instead of gravitating towards the villain? Taeyong tries his best to ignore the pool of heat gathering in the bottom of his stomach, willing his cock not to swell at the intensity of being the sole focus of Jaehyun’s attention. He grabs for the sheet in a poor attempt at keeping his desire hidden, but Jaehyun grabs hold of it, too. Taeyong tightens his fingers on the cloth, clutching it with all his might, but Jaehyun is still able to rip it out of his grasp. Taeyong gasps at the suddenness of it, rolling away from underneath Jaehyun and attempting to take the sheet with him.

Jaehyun just wrestles him back though, and Taeyong pushes at him in a fruitless attempt at getting him off. Lust, hate, and the need to win rush through Taeyong’s limbs. He loves fighting Jaehyun, and judging by how hard he is, he thinks he may love it a bit too much. It doesn’t help that Jaehyun’s eyes are gleaming with pleasure, making it clear that he loves the fight just as much. They continue to wrestle, both of their limbs fighting for control and swinging around wildly. Taeyong doesn’t even know for how long they go at one another, but soon his lungs are heaving and sweat is gathering on his skin.

Nothing changes in Jaehyun’s posture, however, except for that spark in his eyes. Either he has impressive stamina or Taeyong isn’t as strong as he likes to think he is. Raising his leg, Taeyong kicks out against Jaehyun’s chest and nearly knocks him off the side of the bed. Then, he pulls himself up onto all fours and tries to crawl away towards the end of the mattress for his grand escape. But just as his fingertips touch the edge, Jaehyun grabs him by the ankle and yanks him back. Taeyong falls flat onto his stomach, body getting dragged right into the middle of the bed.

Jaehyun crawls on top of him, his hard chest covering Taeyong’s back as he imprisons both of his wrists above his head. Jaehyun is panting in his ear, his breaths making Taeyong’s eyes flutter closed. Taeyong hates admitting this to himself, but being dominated by Jaehyun really does something for him. It pulls on his unhidden strings like an urge, a need, a _deprivation_.

“Do you still wanna fight?” Jaehyun murmurs into his ear, voice dropping to a chilling range.

He rolls his hips and a thick, hard bulge settles against the cleft of Taeyong’s ass. He doesn’t know if Jaehyun is hard because of their little wrestling match, or at the silent promise of making Taeyong scream. Maybe both. Jaehyun’s hot breath tickles Taeyong’s earlobe when he doesn’t answer, biting down with a force just a little too hard to be anything but a warning. 

“Don’t tempt me into fucking the answer out of you.”

Taeyong goes rigid when he feels Jaehyun’s fingers spread his cheeks and he presses a calloused thumb against his hole. They’ve already done this, but something feels different now. Jaehyun has gotten his fill — or at least it seems that way — and now he’s able to study Taeyong with a clearer head.

“You know, I can’t stop thinking about how this hole looks _very_ virgin to me,” Jaehyun states, pulling on Taeyong’s rim with his thumb. “But I’m surely mistaken, right? There’s no way you haven’t let anyone fuck you yet, no way you haven’t let some older man take advantage of you.”

Taeyong freezes, breath catching in his throat, but it’s not from what Jaehyun is doing. It’s from the words he’s saying. _Older man_. _Advantage_. Taeyong had contemplated over and over after the rainy night they spent together whether or not Jaehyun had seen him with Jongin, and to ease his own worries, he had convinced himself that he saw nothing. But now he isn’t so sure. Jaehyun is a snake, and Taeyong knows he would gladly sit on that kind of information until the time is right. He would sit on it until he was certain he could get the maximum amount of damage out of it.

But Taeyong still forces out a laugh, pretending as if his words have had zero effect on him. “I’m not exactly shopping around trying to find some grandpa to blow my back out.” 

Jaehyun hums as he pushes the tip of his thumb in, and Taeyong stiffens. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna fuck you… _yet_. But you’ll let me when it’s time, won’t you?”

Taeyong swallows hard as he feels Jaehyun take hold of his own erection and slide it between his cheeks. He wants to tell him that he would never, but he knows that isn’t true. Even just this feels good. Not only Jaehyun’s touch, but his entire presence at Taeyong’s back. The way he touches Taeyong feels like he’s known his body for decades. Like Jaehyun has _owned_ his body for decades. There’s something about his absolute confidence that reduces Taeyong to a mere marionette in his hands.

“I’ll own every part of you eventually,” Jaehyun tells him. “And if there _was_ ever anyone else, I’ll fuck the memory of them out of your system.” The onslaught of his words is like having his tongue licking Taeyong in that delirious, maddening pace again. Jaehyun nibbles on his earlobe, and tiny bolts of pleasure erupt across Taeyong’s spine. “You’re gonna let me own every inch of you, aren’t you?”

Taeyong’s nerve endings are so stimulated that he can’t breathe in a normal manner, let alone think or speak straight. The only thing he manages is a deep moan when the tip of Jaehyun’s cock slightly catches on his rim. In a split second, Jaehyun flips him over so that they’re face-to-face, and his stormy eyes study Taeyong intently as if some mystical language is written all over his features. A language that only Jaehyun is able to decipher.

“Stop me,” Jaehyun says in a strained voice.

“S-Stop you?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “Do it.”

“I thought you said I couldn’t tap out.”

“So feel lucky that I’m giving you a second chance. All you have to do is tell me to leave and I will.” Jaehyun rolls his hips, sending a shock of pleasure down Taeyong’s abdomen as his hand wraps around his throat. “I’ll kill the fantasy and end it all. You’ll get to finish your last year at Hearst in peace without me so much as looking your way.”

Taeyong’s lips tremble. He knows he should want Jaehyun to leave him alone and should want to finish out his senior year without having to worry about him always lurking around, but he doesn’t. In fact, it scares him more just thinking about not having Jaehyun’s attention. There’s also the nagging feeling that this is still part of the game, that Jaehyun wants him to admit that he doesn’t want this to stop so he can hang it over Taeyong’s head. And _that_ pisses him off.

“Let me guess, this is the part where you laugh in my face and say _I told you so_ ,” Taeyong snaps.

“No. Actually, this is the part where you lose your chance to escape me.”

Jaehyun gives his neck a squeeze before his lips crash against Taeyong’s in an all-consuming, mind-crippling kiss. The part of Taeyong that yearns for freedom dies inside, but another bigger part fills with an odd sense of relief. Jaehyun lowers his weight fully onto Taeyong, as if to remind him of just how trapped he is. His torso flattens against Taeyong’s chest, fingers still squeezing at his neck and knees immobilizing his thighs. Even if Taeyong wanted to escape, there’s no way he could in this position. He’s completely at Jaehyun’s mercy.

Jaehyun could crush him, completely ruin him, and no one would know. Taeyong’s mouth falls into a gasp when he feels Jaehyun’s cock nuzzle between his cheeks again, the tip dragging across his hole in such a delicious way that he’s ready to reach down and guide it right in. Taeyong screams in his mind, not knowing whether it’s at Jaehyun or at his own body. Jaehyun doesn’t deserve to take his virginity, and he shouldn’t even be humoring such thoughts. It may be naïve of him, but Taeyong wants his first time to be with someone who loves him. And that someone will never be Jaehyun.

A loud bang on the door interrupts his chain of thoughts, and Jaehyun wrenches his lips from Taeyong’s with an almost animal-like growl. “Fuck off!”

“Emergency, dude!” Jungwoo’s muffled voice responds from the other side of the door.

“If you’re not fucking dying, then I swear I’m gonna kill you myself,” Jaehyun grits out, pushing off of Taeyong.

“Just get out here!”

Jaehyun’s eyes darken to that familiar shade Taeyong knows all too well as he climbs off of the bed and reaches down to pull his briefs back on. Taeyong has to practically peel himself off of his back as he crawls up the bed and quickly covers himself with the sheet. He doesn’t need Jungwoo and whoever else may be outside seeing him naked as well. Taeyong is practically panting, skin sweaty and on fire as he blindly searches for his own scattered clothes on the floor. As soon as his fingers touch his underwear, however, Jaehyun cuts him a glare.

“Don’t even think about it,” he warns. “We’re nowhere near done yet.”

Taeyong shoots him the most sarcastic smile he can muster as he drops the piece of clothing to the ground, like he’s a kid who’s been caught stealing from the cookie jar. Jaehyun stares him down for a few more seconds before he heads towards the door and slips out. As soon as it clicks behind him, Taeyong practically jumps out of the bed. Standing on wobbly feet, he quickly puts on his clothes and tries to ignore the potent smell of sex in the air. If anyone were to step inside, there would be no hiding what the two of them were doing. It’s kind of embarrassing, and that’s exactly why Taeyong needs to get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

Just as he’s attempting to tame his hair back into place, the door opens and Jaehyun makes his way back inside, not even bothering to hide the glare he shoots at Taeyong’s now clothed body. “You’re _very_ lucky that Jungwoo wasn’t bluffing.”

“Is it something to do with your cousin?” Taeyong asks, fighting the sense of disappointment that hits him out of nowhere.

“My cousin?”

“Yeah, Sungchan? I spoke to him earlier.”

“You spoke to him earlier,” Jaehyun repeats with clear menace in his tone.

Taeyong nods slowly. “He was looking for you.”

“Right.” Jaehyun sighs, actively appearing as though he’s holding back from rolling his eyes. He bends to pick up the rest of his clothes and begins slipping each article on with a practiced ease. “I’m sure he’ll catch up with me later.”

“If it doesn’t have to do with Sungchan, then what’s going on?”

Jaehyun narrows his eyes before schooling his expression into something unreadable once again. “Mark passed out.”

The drive back to Mark’s is spent in suffocating silence, a kind that would be funny because of his snoring if not for the other two occupants in the car. Jaehyun is in the driver’s seat, jaw tight and gaze focused solely on the road, while Johnny sits on the passenger’s side and sneaks a peek at the two of them in the back through the rearview mirror every now and then. The tension is so thick that Taeyong could nearly choke on it. He wants nothing more than to dissipate the silence between them, but he doesn’t know how so he focuses on stroking Mark’s hair out of his face instead. That doesn’t even last long, though, before Mark is swatting Taeyong’s hand away as if he’s a fly. Mark huffs, and the smell of Tequila permeates the air. 

“I could’ve driven,” Johnny says in a bored tone. “There was no sense in you leaving your car when I live here, too.”

Jaehyun’s expression remains stoic. “You’re not allowed near him when I’m not around.”

Taeyong isn’t sure who Jaehyun is referring to, but something twists in his chest at the thought that he could mean Mark. They were childhood friends, after all, and were practically raised together. As far as Taeyong can understand, it was always the same school, same hobbies, and same social circle. Maybe Jaehyun has a bond with Mark that Taeyong just isn’t aware of. A bond that he, truthfully, doesn’t _want_ to be aware of.

“You mean my _boyfriend_?” Johnny turns around and winks at Taeyong. “Want me to drive you home after we drop Mark off, babe?”

Jaehyun grips the steering wheel so hard that Taeyong is surprised it doesn’t crush to pieces. And when he smiles at Johnny, it’s almost manic. “Do you have some kind of fucking death wish or something, Seo?”

“Do you?”

Johnny’s expression hardens until his jaw ticks. But, luckily, Jaehyun pulls up outside of Mark’s house at that very moment, putting an end to what would have surely been another fight. Still, Taeyong swallows past the lump in his throat as he watches the two of them. Despite the bruises from last week, they still look as though they’re on the verge of tearing each other limb from limb, and there’s no soccer team around to stop them from killing each other this time.

“If you two are done with your macho man bullshit, can one of you help me get Mark out of the car?” Taeyong asks, trying his best to sound nonchalant as he opens the door.

Johnny breaks their unwavering war of murderous glares and steps out of the car. He pulls Mark from Taeyong’s lap with ease and alcohol wafts off of Johnny with the movement, but it’s still not nearly as strong as the smell coming from Mark. Johnny lifts the lighter boy in his arms bridal-style with no trouble at all, almost as if Mark is a rag doll. At the sudden shift in motion, Mark’s eyes crack open the slightest bit and he groans, head falling against Johnny’s chest. Then, as if just realizing who’s holding him, Mark raises his head to check him out and pokes him right in the sternum.

“You’re so mean,” Mark slurs before his face cracks into a grin, and he kicks his legs out. He lets his head fall back and that’s when he spots Taeyong. “Yongie! Do you think I’m pretty?”

Taeyong laughs, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. “Yes, of course.”

“Johnny?” he starts again, remaining sprawled out. “Am I pretty?”

“No.”

He doesn’t even hesitate with his answer, and Taeyong shoots him a glare when Mark’s eyes start to glisten with tears. “Are you ever gonna forgive me?”

“No.”

“Fuck you, then.”

Johnny halts and so does Taeyong in order to avoid slamming into his back. Some kind of staring contest erupts between Johnny and Mark, while Taeyong just stands there trying to figure them out. It’s like an entire conversation is happening silently, like they’re reliving some shared memory that Taeyong has no part in. He wants to know, though. Whatever it is obviously has some kind of adverse effect on them both. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get to ask or observe their little interaction any longer before a strong hand wraps around his arm and pulls him back, severing his connection with whatever is going on between them. Mark falls limp again, and Johnny punches in the code to his house.

“It’s the last door on the left. Second floor,” Taeyong tells him.

“I know,” Johnny replies over his shoulder.

Once he disappears inside and is completely out of sight, Taeyong turns to meet Jaehyun’s narrowed gaze. His posture is rigid at best, and he looks like he’s about two seconds away from throwing some kind of temper tantrum.

“What?” Taeyong bites out, not understanding what reason he has to be angry with him.

“Make sure to lock up all the doors and close the windows tonight.”

“The house has an alarm system, I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

“Just do what I say,” Jaehyun grits out. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

His words ring in Taeyong’s ears, but they no longer sound like they’re coming from Jaehyun. They sound like someone he doesn’t recognize. And when he looks around, he’s somewhere he can’t pinpoint. There’s a familiarity there, but not one that brings him a sense of comfort. It’s almost as if he’s having an out-of-body experience, like he’s watching himself from a different point in time. But he can still feel _everything_. He watches as a whip comes down on his back, followed by another and another. Taeyong flinches, hands shooting up to cover his ears when his own scream sounds so loud around him that his ears pop. 

“Taeyong?”

Suddenly, Jaehyun is right in front of him again and is clutching Taeyong by the shoulders to keep him from toppling over. Taeyong blinks once, twice, three times, but he can’t keep himself from shaking. He realizes that he still has his hands over his ears, so he drops them to his side and looks around. They’re still outside of Mark’s house though, and nothing seems out of the ordinary at all. When he finds Jaehyun’s face again, it’s like his inquisitive eyes are boring right into his soul.

“What the hell just happened?”

“I don’t—” Taeyong pauses, unsure of what exactly to say. He doesn’t even know what happened himself. It’s like he had some kind of vision or experienced some repressed memory. “Nothing.”

“I don’t fucking lie to you, Taeyong, so give me the same respect in return.”

“The same respect?” Taeyong scoffs, wiggling free of his hold. “You and the word respect should never be in the same sentence.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“I don’t want to.”

Jaehyun grips his jaw, forcing Taeyong to look right into his eyes. “You know I’ll find out anyway, so would you rather tell me or have me get it out of you the hard way?”

“Fuck you,” Taeyong spits. “It’s none of your business.”

All he wants to do is curl into a ball in some dark corner and hide away forever. But, first, he wants to give Jaehyun a piece of his mind. Just as he’s preparing to do just that, though, the front door opens and Johnny exits with a deep frown etched between his brows. Using the momentary distraction, Taeyong breaks free from Jaehyun and runs inside the house, making sure to lock the door behind him. Leaning to the side, Taeyong peeks out of the tall window to his left and watches as Johnny crosses the street to his house while Jaehyun remains in the same spot, staring at the door. It seems like an eternity passes before he digs his phone out of his pocket and begins typing out a message. And it isn’t long before Taeyong’s own phone vibrates in his pocket. He startles at the feel before pulling it out and reading over the two new messages he’s just received. 

`JAEHYUN`   
`queen or pawn?`

`JAEHYUN`   
`dont make me choose for u`

  
❦

  
Taeyong avoids Jaehyun completely on Sunday and barely even sleeps in fear of having another vision or nightmare or memory or whatever else it could possibly be. Visions are what Dr. Moon used to call them, but it’s not like Taeyong is some psychic. They have to be something else, but nothing that he actually wants to deal with. By the time Monday morning rolls around, Taeyong would rather be doing just about anything else besides going to school. He’s exhausted and confused, and he isn’t prepared to deal with Jaehyun again. Not after everything that went down between them at Jungwoo’s party on Saturday. It feels like a completely different life, and Taeyong is unable to wrap his head around what it may mean.

“Everyone’s staring,” Mark whispers.

Taeyong was afraid this would happen. After Jaehyun kissed him in front of everyone, then disappeared with him into one of the guest rooms at the party, Taeyong knew it would be the talk of the school. The reality of it is that Jaehyun obviously did it on purpose. He kissed Taeyong in front of everyone to stake some kind of claim. Johnny may have held his hand, but he certainly didn’t kiss him. And the latter holds a lot more weight than the former when it comes to the validity of a relationship.

“Do you think they’re really dating?”

“I thought he was with Johnny the other day.”

“No fucking way Jaehyun has a boyfriend.”

“Did you not see his Instagram?” 

“I saw them practically fucking at the party.”

“Boyfriend…”

“… boyfriend…” 

All the voices around him keep droning on and on and on, and he’s only saved by Mark who pulls him around to a quiet corner of the school. Although, his eyes are nearly bulging out of their sockets, so maybe he shouldn’t feel so relieved just yet.

“Holy fuck, Tae.”

“What is it now?” Taeyong sighs, voice filling with dread.

Mark holds up his phone, and Taeyong looks at the screen only to see it pulled up to Jaehyun’s latest Instagram post. Apparently, someone took a picture of the two of them while Jaehyun had him sat on the table, completely ravaging his mouth. Taeyong’s legs and arms are wrapped around him and their bodies are practically glued together. His gaze flicks to the attached caption, and his own eyes nearly fall right out of his head. 

_Mine_.

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” Taeyong whisper-yells, not knowing if he’s more mortified or shocked.

“He looks like he’s fucking eating you alive.”

Taeyong rolls his eyes, opting to ignore the grin on Mark’s face as he steps around him and heads in the direction of their first class. However, it doesn’t take long for his friend to fall into step right beside him.

“This is insane,” Mark states. “Jae has never been in a relationship, and he’s certainly never posted a picture of himself kissing someone.”

Taeyong tries not to let it get to his head, but he can’t deny that it does give him somewhat of an ego boost. He could have Jaehyun completely wrapped around his finger, if only he could stop shutting down and giving in to him every time they’re around one another. Jaehyun shouldn’t be holding all the cards, it should be Taeyong. As soon as they enter the classroom, the distinct chatter of Jaehyun and all his friends ripples in the air. Taeyong zones in on him immediately, observing the way Jaehyun leans back against his chair with his legs crossed in front of him and his fingers interlaced over his stomach. Jaehyun’s eyes are on Taeyong as well, as if he’s been waiting for his entrance.

The clouds in Jaehyun’s eyes are gleaming with both triumph and a darkness so pitch black that it knots Taeyong’s stomach. He got what he wanted, and he isn’t even trying to hide his smugness about it. The entire school thinks they’re dating, and Taeyong is beyond pissed about it. Squaring his shoulders, Taeyong walks right up to Jaehyun with wide steps and plants his hand on his desk. Jaehyun arches a brow, as if challenging him, and Taeyong lowers himself to meet him point-blank.

Then, in a clear voice that the entire class can hear, he says, “I’m _not_ yours.”

Taeyong expects anger, expects a harsh remark, and expects Jaehyun to push back at his declaration. But instead of letting go and showing his true self, Jaehyun’s lips curve into a mocking smile. One that tells Taeyong that he’s not going to like what’s about to come out of his mouth.

“Didn’t seem that way when you were coming all over my face,” Jaehyun states. “ _Twice_.”

Taeyong’s jaw nearly hits the floor, and he hears Mark suck in a sharp breath from beside him. Murmurs break out all over the room, and Taeyong’s head begins to pound with how quickly his blood is rushing.

“I can confirm that.” Jungwoo laughs. “Heard the screams myself.”

Taeyong’s eyes widen, and right as Jaehyun opens his mouth again, he silences him with a hand against his lips. Whatever he has to say will only ruin Taeyong more than he already has, and he isn’t about to let that happen. Jaehyun raises his brows in a silent dare, challenging Taeyong to deny it, but he has no idea what to do in this situation. How can he get out of this? The bell rings before he’s able to say anything, and Taeyong lets go of Jaehyun to plop into the seat in front of him. It’s just the cherry on top of an already shit cake that it’s the only one available. Taeyong’s movements are flustered as he pulls out his notebook and pen, trying to get settled before their teacher arrives. It isn’t long, though, before warm breaths tickle his ear and a smooth voice follows.

“Keep denying that you’re mine and I’ll fuck you in front of everyone to prove it,” Jaehyun whispers.

Taeyong grits his teeth as he grips his pencil tighter. He doesn’t normally wish to be in Mrs. Ryan’s presence more than he has to, but right now, he’s practically begging her to show up. It’s unlike her to be late anyway, and he finds it odd that she wasn’t already in the classroom waiting for them. He isn’t left to wonder long, though, before his attention is brought to the door and he’s forced to school his features. Instead of their regular teacher, Jongin is walking past the threshold and pushing the door closed behind him. Taeyong’s eyes follow his every movement as Jongin makes his way to the front desk and leans back on it to address the class.

“Mrs. Ryan had a bit of an emergency this morning, so I’ll be filling in for her today,” Jongin tells them.

He goes on to read over what they’ll be doing for the remainder of the class, but Taeyong isn’t hearing any of it. In fact, he feels like he can’t breathe. Having Jaehyun at his back and Jongin at his front would seem like a dream scenario in some other circumstance, but it’s a nightmare in their current setting. Especially when Taeyong still isn’t sure if Jaehyun knows what’s going on between them. Taeyong swallows hard, trying to regulate his breathing as he feels a bead of sweat slide down his spine. He doesn’t normally see Jongin in this setting, and it really isn’t helping his fantasies, either. He’s freaking out, but he’s also kind of turned on. 

“Mr. Lee?” Taeyong startles at Jongin’s voice, and his cheeks feel like they’re on fire from the heat he’s currently radiating. “Are you all right?”

“What?”

“You look a little flushed,” Jongin tells him, the concern on his face making Taeyong feel guilty about the arousal swirling around inside of him. “Do you need to go see the nurse?”

“No, I’m fine,” Taeyong answers quickly.

Jongin stares at him for a second longer before nodding and diving straight back into the lecture. Taeyong decides, then, that he’ll keep his focus solely on his notebook and put all of his energy into taking notes. 

“Certain memories got you wound up, babe?” Jaehyun murmurs into his ear.

And Taeyong doesn’t know why he does it, but he turns in his seat to face him with a condescending smile. If only Jaehyun knew that he was actually thinking about how good Jongin looks in his slacks and not at all about what they did at Jungwoo’s party a few days ago.

“Actually,” Taeyong starts, making sure his voice is just barely a whisper, “I was thinking about how good Mr. Kim looks. And about how badly I want him to bend me over that desk and fuck me in front of the entire class. Was thinking about how funny it would be to make you watch him take something you want so badly but will never get.”

Instant regret sets in as soon as the words are out of Taeyong’s mouth, but it’s far too late now to take them back. All the smugness on Jaehyun’s face fades in an instant, and Taeyong can tell that he’s no longer playing. Something sparks in his eyes, but Taeyong just shoots him a glare as he turns back around. Fear crawls all over his skin, and he closes his eyes briefly to mentally berate himself. He has no idea what he was thinking. Apparently, something struck a chord in Jaehyun because he doesn’t bother Taeyong for the remainder of the class.

When lunchtime rolls around, Taeyong decides that he’d rather skip and go talk to Jongin. After being humiliated by Jaehyun, he really just wants someone to talk to. And if that someone also happens to be down for a make-out session, then that’s just an added bonus. He can’t really stop thinking about Jongin from this morning anyway, dressed in a nice button-up and a pair of slacks that hugged his thighs in all the right places. Just the thought of potentially getting to ride one of those thighs has him nearly skipping down the hallway in the direction of the locker room. As soon as he rounds the corner, though, a tall frame steps right in his path.

Taeyong skids to a halt to avoid a collision, raising his hand to his chest as his heart skips a few beats. He blows out a breath to calm himself down as his eyes narrow on the boy before him who’s really fucking up his plans. 

“Shouldn’t you be in the cafeteria?” Taeyong asks with a little more bite to his tone than necessary.

“Shouldn’t you?”

“No. You know I don’t eat in there,” Taeyong reminds him.

“Then, where are you going?” Jaehyun questions, and there’s something about the way he asks that tells Taeyong he already knows.

“I don’t know… for a walk? Why does it matter to you?”

Jaehyun tilts his head slightly as he reaches forward to stroke some of the hair off of Taeyong’s forehead. The gesture is so caring and gentle that it almost crumbles Taeyong’s defenses. But he doesn’t give in because he knows Jaehyun is probably only doing it so Taeyong will let his guard down in front of him.

“What were you really thinking about in class earlier?” Jaehyun asks, changing the subject.

“I told you,” Taeyong says. “Thinking about our hot substitute bending me over his desk.”

“Liar,” Jaehyun says, his voice dripping with a seductive drawl. “Coach Kim would never be able to satisfy someone like you. I think you were reliving Saturday night. I’m just curious if it was the part where I had my tongue buried inside of you while you screamed my name or—”

“Jaehyun!” he scolds, covering his mouth with his hand. Mortification tugs at Taeyong’s stomach as he searches around to see if anyone heard.

Jaehyun removes his hand but doesn’t release it as he cocks his head to the side. “Why are you so embarrassed?”

“Why wouldn’t I be embarrassed?”

“I fantasized about you all weekend, but do you see me being embarrassed about that?”

Taeyong rolls his eyes. “Well, that’s because you’re a different species.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Try to turn this into an argument of you versus me,” Jaehyun says, gripping his hand in a tight hold. “Own your sexuality, Tae. You have an abundance of it, and believe me when I say that I don’t plan on letting any of it go to waste.”

“God, shut up,” Taeyong scolds, tugging his hand away so he can cross his arms over his chest. “If I let you fuck me, will that get all this out of your system? Will you leave me alone, then?”

“No.”

Taeyong gawks at his quick response. “No?”

“I tried giving you an out, but you didn’t take it. Spreading your legs won’t change anything. Sure, I love having control over your body, but that also isn’t the only thing I’m interested in.”

“What else could you possibly want?”

Jaehyun’s voice drops to a haunting whisper. “Everything.”

Taeyong is completely over Jaehyun’s cryptic answers, and he’s just about to tell him that, too, when Jungwoo suddenly slams into Jaehyun’s back. The latter holds his position as a grinning Jungwoo drapes his arm over his shoulders and sticks himself right in the middle of their conversation.

“Dude, I heard we’re having chicken nuggets for lunch. This is the first time since, like, what? Early last year?”

Jaehyun cuts him a glare, but his voice remains calm. “I see your death wish has extended to today.”

“Bad timing?” Jungwoo asks as his inquisitive eyes bounce from Taeyong to Jaehyun. 

But Jaehyun only continues to glare at him. “Leave.”

“Ouch,” Jungwoo pouts, massaging his chest. “You know when you say things like that it really triggers my abandonment issues.” 

The two of them continue to go back and forth, with Jungwoo calling Jaehyun an asshole and Jaehyun threatening to break his nose before Taeyong realizes that they’re joking. That _Jaehyun_ is joking. It’s weird because his same facial expression remains, but there’s still something different with the way he’s interacting. It throws Taeyong off, and he can do nothing more than to stand there staring with a dumbfounded expression.

“Wait, so _this_ is how you joke?” Taeyong asks. “How the hell can you ever tell the difference?”

“It’s really adorable how confused you look about it all right now.” Jaehyun smiles.

“I’m sorry… what?” Jungwoo pipes up, staring at Jaehyun as if he’s grown another head. “Did you just call him _adorable_?” In a split second, Jaehyun’s poker face returns, but Jungwoo has already latched on and doesn’t plan to let go. “No, no, no… don’t close off on me now. Come on, Jae.” He digs his phone out of his pocket and holds it up to Jaehyun’s face. “Say it again for the camera this time.”

Jaehyun stares right into Jungwoo’s camera before mouthing, “Fuck you.”

Jungwoo flips him off before tucking his phone away into his pocket again, then leaning over to whisper into Taeyong’s ear. “I’ll pay you good money if you get me footage of Jae saying shit like that.”

“Don’t you have some place to be?” Jaehyun cuts in. “Chicken nuggets, remember?”

Jungwoo grins. “Of course! How could I forget? You should come eat with us, Tae.”

“ _Tae_?” Jaehyun snaps.

“What? Mark calls you that, doesn’t he?” Jungwoo asks, now turning his attention to Taeyong.

“Don’t you exclusively call me by my last name?”

Jungwoo lifts a shoulder. “Well, I like Tae better. Come on, let’s go eat before I collapse from lack of nutrition.” 

“Um, yeah… _pass_ ,” Taeyong tells him as he moves to step around them and head towards the locker room.

But he barely gets a step before a strong hand wraps around his elbow and Jaehyun all but drags him to his side. “You’re coming.”

Jaehyun wraps his arm around Taeyong’s waist and the three of them begin the trek to the cafeteria. Taeyong nearly stomps his foot in protest, not wanting to spend his lunch break with people he doesn’t even like. What he wants to do is get off with his hot coach instead. Is that really too much to ask? It’s not like he can actually eat anything in the cafeteria anyway, so what’s the point? As Taeyong is in the middle of sulking, he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and digs it out.

`JUNMYEON`   
`will probably be home late tonight so make sure to lock up`

`JUNMYEON`   
`theres veggies in the fridge for you`

`JUNMYEON`   
`irene said to make sure i tell you no ice cream`

`JUNMYEON`   
`but i wont tell if you dont`

`TAEYONG`   
`no worries i’ll behave`

`JUNMYEON`   
`you always do`

`JUNMYEON`   
`love ya bud`

`TAEYONG`   
`love you too`

As Taeyong shoves his phone back into his pocket, he can’t help but feel a pair of eyes on him. Lifting his head, Taeyong finds that Jaehyun is watching him intently and not even trying to hide the fact that he was reading his texts over his shoulder. Taeyong could honestly smack him for putting his nose in places it doesn’t belong. And he damn near does call him out, only to be distracted by the feel of Jaehyun’s thumb grazing the small of his back. A shiver blooms across Taeyong’s skin at the intimacy of the gesture, and it’s like he suddenly forgets how to speak. So, he keeps quiet as they finally make their way into the cafeteria and straight over to the soccer team’s table.

Johnny grins at their approach, and the action seems genuine enough so Taeyong is happy to return it with a tentative smile. Apparently, Jaehyun doesn’t like that very much because he cuts them both a harsh glare as he guides Taeyong into one of the seats and places both hands on his shoulders.

“Taeyong is gonna be joining us for lunch from now on,” Jaehyun tells the team. Not realizing that this is supposed to be a permanent thing, Taeyong moves to stand up and tell him off, but Jaehyun keeps him in place as he leans down to whisper in his ear. “I suggest you stay, or else I’ll tell them just how many times I fucked you over the weekend.”

“You didn’t _fuck_ me,” Taeyong hisses.

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “But they don’t know that.”

Taeyong has to bite the inside of his cheek just to keep from screaming. It has to be some kind of talent that Jaehyun possesses to piss him off so much with so little effort. None of the team members say anything about the new eating arrangement, but Taeyong didn’t expect them to, either. Jaehyun’s word is practically a royal decree.

“I’m hurt,” Johnny speaks up, scooting closer. “I thought we were supposed to be a couple.”

Jaehyun’s grip on Taeyong’s shoulders tighten, and he doesn’t even need to look back to see his pissed off face. Taeyong doesn’t know why Johnny keeps insisting on provoking Jaehyun, but it’s getting tiring being in the middle of it.

“You know, if you keep saying things like that, I’m gonna start saying shit you won’t like,” Jaehyun warns.

The smile immediately disappears from Johnny’s face, and he narrows his eyes before dropping his fork onto his plate. “Fuck you, Jung.”

“Things? What things?” Jungwoo asks, eyes bouncing between the pair. “Seriously, this is so unfair! You guys don’t tell me shit.”

“Probably because you have a big mouth,” Yuta says.

“Do not.”

No one at the table seems to agree with Jungwoo, so he decides to launch into a long argument about all the secrets he’s kept for them. Though, he doesn’t exactly help his case when he goes on to spill those very same secrets in his defense. Taeyong finds that it’s kind of amusing, though, to watch Jungwoo be a bit of a drama queen with Johnny provoking him and Yuta trying to shut him up. With one last squeeze to his shoulder, Jaehyun leaves the table and heads over to the food bars to grab himself something to eat.

“You sure you wanna be involved with someone like him?” Johnny asks as he slides over to Taeyong’s side, grinning like an idiot and appearing entirely unaffected by Jaehyun’s threat. “Cause I’m here if you change your mind.”

He starts to inch closer, but Yuta takes the initiative of stepping between them in order to stop whatever is happening. He gives Johnny a knowing look, and some sort of secret conversation goes on between them. After only a couple of minutes, Johnny rolls his eyes and focuses back on his food, appearing to concede to Yuta’s wishes.

“I wish you two would stop provoking each other,” Minhyuk says from the other side of the table. “We’re gonna fuck this championship up if our two best players continue being at each other’s throats.”

A few of the soccer players at the table shoot Taeyong a condescending look, as if he’s the source of all their chaos. “Don’t fucking look at me like that,” he says. “If you can keep them both the hell away from me, believe me, I would appreciate it.”

“You think anyone can actually tell Jae anything?” Jungwoo shakes his head with a sly smile. “Especially when it comes to someone he thinks is adorable? Real quote, by the way.”

“What?” Minhyuk exclaims.

“Swear to God! I still have the creeps from hearing it,” Jungwoo confirms, shivering. “Come on, Tae. You gotta record it for us next time.”

Yuta clears his throat. “Knock it off, Woo.”

“Come on, Cap. Don’t be such a buzzkill,” Jungwoo retorts.

He still drops it, though, which says more about his respect for Yuta than anything. Jungwoo launches into an entirely new topic of conversation as Yuta seems to relax in his seat, focus now solely on Taeyong.

“Are you not gonna eat?” Yuta asks. “You can have mine, if you want.”

“He doesn’t eat that shit.”

Jaehyun’s voice sounds from behind them, and Taeyong hates the chills that shoot down his spine because of his presence. Jaehyun pushes Yuta aside without much care and plants himself beside Taeyong, placing down two plates. They both have similar things, but Taeyong can tell the one in front of him is different. It’s subtle, but he’s been eating the same kind of food for so long that he wouldn’t be able to miss it.

“Where did you get this from?” Taeyong questions, looking over at Jaehyun. “As far as I’m aware, the cafeteria doesn’t carry this type of food.”

“They do now.”

Taeyong doesn’t want to be impressed that Jaehyun somehow was able to acquire his first special meal at school, but he is. It’s the most thoughtful thing that anyone other than his family has done for him. Taeyong can’t believe that Jaehyun even remembered, let alone made it happen. Taeyong swallows hard, peeking over at Jaehyun a couple of times before he picks up his fork. He’s seen what being on each side of Jaehyun has to offer, and now it’s time to choose which to officially make his home.

  
❦

  
Taeyong barely sees his aunt and uncle the entire week. They mostly just stop by the house to change their clothes, fill the fridge with food, then give him a quick kiss on the cheek before they’re off again. And Taeyong hates it. He hates being at home when neither of them are there, especially when it spans over the course of several consecutive days. Luckily, he’s been able to talk Mark into spending a few nights with him. They’ve filled their time with binging shows, studying, and just goofing off, and Taeyong was even able to convince Mark to join him at the soccer team’s table at lunch. He was both shocked and proud of Mark when he sat at the same table as Johnny, yet managed to pretend like he didn’t exist at all.

“You sure you can’t stay?” Taeyong asks from the doorway as Mark sits on the steps and ties his shoes.

“You know I’d love to, but I can’t let Jisung down.”

Mark’s dad returned from his endless business trips just earlier today, and his mom has finally dragged herself out of the studio. They’ve been promising Jisung a real family dinner for months now, and this is their only chance to make it happen. So, while Taeyong doesn’t want to be alone, he isn’t about to try and crush the poor kid’s dreams, either.

“Yeah, I get it.” Taeyong sighs. “Have fun, and don’t forget to text me cute pictures of Jisung.”

“I will,” Mark agrees, lips twisting. “I just hope everything goes well and mom and dad will actually be parents for once. I don’t think I can handle them disappointing Jisung again.”

“At least he has you,” Taeyong says.

Mark grins. “Exactly. And you have me too, you know? As in, you can talk to me about the whole Jaehyun thing.”

“What Jaehyun thing?”

“Oh, I don’t know. The thing you’ve been avoiding talking about. The thing about you coming all over his face…”

“Mark!” His cheeks heat, and Taeyong wishes the Earth would just swallow him whole. “Jesus, I thought you’d forgotten about that by now.”

“How could I?” Mark laughs, nudging him as he stands. “I’ve been waiting for you to spill.”

“I just…” Taeyong hangs his head against the wall. “I don’t know. I feel like if I give in to Jaehyun, I’ll never find a way out. Not to mention that he’s distracting as fuck, which is _exactly_ what I don’t want or need. Harvard is right around the corner, and there’s no way in hell I’m letting anyone or anything take it away from me. Especially not some stupid ass high school boy. But…”

“But?”

“But I feel some kind of sick relief or pleasure or _something_ whenever his eyes are only on me. Isn’t that a little insane?”

“All the best things are.”

Taeyong jabs his shoulder playfully. “You’re not helping. Like, at all.”

“Tae, you’re my best friend and I love you. But you’re too… _safe_. Sometimes, I feel like you’re a thirty-year-old trapped in an eighteen-year-old’s body.”

“That’s not true.”

“Oh, come on! You didn’t even touch the ice cream in the fridge even though Irene hasn’t been here to scold you for it for days. I’m sure a little bite or two or three won’t kill you, but you won’t even consider going against her wishes.”

“That kind of food can rot your body.”

“See! Do you hear yourself? You sound just like Irene when you say shit like that, and it’s not a compliment!”

“Mark…”

“Look at your interests, Tae.”

“What about them?”

“They all revolve around your aunt and uncle. You picked up yoga because of Irene, and you like soccer because of Junmyeon. Hell, you’re even planning to go to Harvard because they’re alumni.” 

Taeyong crosses his arms. “What do you want me to say? Irene and Junmyeon saved me from a life of alternating foster homes. They gave me a safe, healthy upbringing, and if it weren’t for the heart surgery they paid for, I would have died. The least I can do is make my time with them as happy as possible.”

“And I’m not arguing against that, but have you ever thought that you should be living your life for you and not for other people? Maybe that’s why you’re so inexplicably drawn to Jae.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jaehyun is free in ways that you aren’t. Maybe that’s why you’re so attracted to him, too,” Mark suggests, and Taeyong flinches a little at the accuracy. “They say souls are attracted to one another for a reason.”

Even though Taeyong isn’t at all hungry, he still sits down for dinner and eats what he can manage because he doesn’t want Irene to feel upset if she comes home to find the boxes the exact way she left them. Plus, he needs to eat anyway because his heart has been acting up again. He knows he should visit his doctor soon, but he needs to get the track competition out of the way first. The last time he saw his doctor, there was talks of another surgery and if that were to happen, then Taeyong knows he can kiss track goodbye. He may also lose precious months of his senior year that he should be using to prepare for college, which is something that he just won’t risk. He intends to live this year to the fullest, and then when the surgery can’t be put off any longer, he’ll have it.

As he continues to eat, he finds himself at the chessboard and playing against himself like a true loser. He goes for a few rounds before he finally pushes the board away and moves on to playing with his phone. He isn’t even surprised when he goes straight to Jaehyun’s Instagram profile to look over his feed. He hasn’t posted anything after the picture of them kissing, though. Which, honestly, is extremely unlike Jaehyun since he usually posts at least once a day. Dragging his fingers out, Taeyong zooms in on the picture and observes just how entangled they really were. Jaehyun has a look of utter possessiveness and rogue claiming his face, while Taeyong has more of a look of abandonment on his.

Scrolling down to the comments, Taeyong reads over each one and finds that it’s mostly just teasing from the soccer team. Especially from Jungwoo in particular, who was the one who caught them in the act. Taeyong can’t help but to blush as he remembers, and he finds himself thankful, for once, that he’s alone so no one can see. As he continues reading, his pulse spikes when he happens upon the last comment from just a few minutes ago.

`@doiekim: side dish ‘til the real meal comes`

Taeyong stabs his fork at his empty plate aggressively, wanting nothing more than to dive through the screen and rip Doyoung’s hair out one follicle at a time. Deciding not to torture himself any longer, Taeyong hits the home button and throws his phone down on the table. Then, he takes a few calming breaths and stands to take his dishes to the sink. He washes them as calmly as he can manage, not even bothering with the washer, but he’s so wound up that he nearly breaks every piece he scrubs. With the water still running, Taeyong grips the sink’s edge with both hands and attempts to regulate his breathing.

He always thought jealousy was for weak, insecure people, but if that’s true, then he’s turning into one of them. It’s blinding and downright scary how much he wants to hurt Doyoung for messing with what’s his. But, then again, Jaehyun doesn’t actually belong to him. Not really. So, he’s being all pissed off over nothing. And that pisses him off more. Willing himself to finish washing the dishes, Taeyong does just that before making his way upstairs to study.

He only manages about an hour of doing so before he crawls into bed and tries his hardest not to think about Jaehyun. He tries not to think about how he has been bringing him food every day, how he’s been walking him to every class, how he brings him water after practice, or how he’s been watching Taeyong with a look of concern when he’s running as if Jaehyun somehow knows that his heart isn’t doing so well. Taeyong shouldn’t appreciate the thoughtful gestures, but he just can’t help it. And they’re tearing down all of his defenses faster than he can put them up. His thoughts don’t get a chance to spiral much more before his phone is vibrating against the bedside table, and Taeyong is gladly reaching over for the distraction.

`JAEHYUN`   
`cant sleep`

`JAEHYUN`   
`cant stop thinkin abt u`

Taeyong knows he should just ignore him, pretend to be asleep or something, but he just can’t. It seems to be a running theme in his life as of late to not be able to resist Jaehyun. Plus, he’s feeling so off tonight and he’s afraid that if he closes his eyes, the nightmares will come barging in.

`TAEYONG`   
`i cant sleep either`

`JAEHYUN`   
`why`

`TAEYONG`   
`i guess i’m just scared of going to sleep sometimes`

Taeyong regrets his message as soon as he hits send because Jaehyun is the last person who needs to know something like that. He watches with bated breath as those three little dots appear and disappear multiple times, as if he’s thinking about what to say, before a text finally comes through.

`JAEHYUN`   
`me too`

`TAEYONG`   
`why?`

`JAEHYUN`   
`its boring`

`TAEYONG`   
`oh cmon… really?`

`JAEHYUN`   
`remember that ghost i told u abt? it visits me in my dreams`

Taeyong’s brows pinch together, and he finds himself lost once again. Jaehyun told him that he was a ghost, but he wouldn’t elaborate on what that meant. So, is he saying that he doesn’t like to sleep because he dreams about Taeyong? Or is he hinting at something else? Could it be his mother?

`JAEHYUN`   
`why dont we distract each other`

`TAEYONG`   
`i dont like where this is going`

`JAEHYUN`   
`liar`

`JAEHYUN`   
`what’re u wearing`

`TAEYONG`   
`seriously? this is what we’re doing?`

`JAEHYUN`   
`just tell me`

`TAEYONG`   
`fine`

`TAEYONG`   
`these very sexy pjs with little rabbits on them`

`JAEHYUN`   
`what’re u wearing underneath`

`TAEYONG`   
`nothing`

`JAEHYUN`   
`fuck… i wish i was there`

`TAEYONG`   
`what would u do if u were?`

`JAEHYUN`   
`is this a trick question`

`TAEYONG`   
`no… i really wanna know`

`JAEHYUN`   
`first i’d get rid of the pjs cause i personally`   
`believe u should be naked at all times`

`JAEHYUN`   
`then i’d play with ur nipples a bit (cause i know u like that)`   
`while i finger fuck u until u come all over my hand`

Taeyong’s breathing is already uneven, and he can’t stop himself from slipping his hand underneath the waistband of his shorts. He sucks his bottom lip between his teeth as he rubs his thumb over the head of his cock and spreads around his precome.

`TAEYONG`   
`keep going`

`JAEHYUN`   
`while ur coming down from the wave i’ll open u up`   
`with my tongue until ur screaming all over again`

`JAEHYUN`   
`then i’ll grab u by the hair n hold u down while`   
`i fuck u until both of us pass out from the exertion`

Taeyong closes his eyes as his fingers wrap around his shaft and he begins jerking himself off. It’s not an easy slide at first, but it gets more and more slick as he begins to use his precome as lube. He drops his phone to the mattress as his pace increases, and he pushes his shorts down to his thighs so he doesn’t ruin them. He flicks his wrist in a perfect rhythm, back arching as he uses his other hand to massage his balls. In his mind, none of this is his doing. Instead, it’s Jaehyun’s mouth that’s driving him insane. He can imagine Jaehyun’s fingers inside of him, his cock down Taeyong’s throat, and the delicious way he stretches him open. Taeyong whines, coming with a cry as he tries to muffle the sound by sticking the end of his shirt into his mouth.

He explodes all over his own stomach, muscles twitching as he continues to jerk himself through his orgasm. His chest rises and falls rapidly before he finally blinks open his eyes languidly. Sitting up, he groans when he stares down at the mess on his abdomen and hand, getting ready to go clean himself up when his phone vibrates again. He leans over to quickly read the notification before the screen fades to black again.

`JAEHYUN`   
`dont go to sleep`

Slightly ashamed of what he just did, Taeyong doesn’t bother with replying and stands from the bed. He makes his way into the bathroom and quickly cleans himself up before heading over to the window to let some air in. It’s raining ever so gently, and Taeyong closes his eyes as he holds his hand out to feel the droplets. He sits on the sill for a moment, just enjoying the chill from outside, before his eyes catch on a black car parked across the street. His brows furrow as he attempts to see inside, but the windows are tinted so it’s nearly impossible. He has no idea who it belongs to, he just knows that it’s been there since he left for school this morning and hasn’t moved since. However, something feels very off about it, so he abandons the window to crawl back into bed. Tugging the sheets right up and under his chin, Taeyong breathes in the scent of the Earth and the rain and lets sleep take hold of him.

_Whimpers travel all throughout the house, and Taeyong’s tiny feet patter against the floorboards as he follows the sound. He’s whimpering himself at this point, but the ones he can hear from the basement are louder and full of pain. His eyes dart behind him, fully expecting for the bogeyman to follow him down the stairs. His mother always tells him that he should never go down to the basement because monsters hide in places like that. But his mother looks like a monster sometimes as well when she’s talking about the boy who has no name. Sometimes, she even hugs and squeezes Taeyong until he’s on the verge of joining the boy who has no name._

_“Taeyong?”_

_His heart picks up speed, thundering in his chest. If his mother finds him, she’ll squeeze him to death again. And Taeyong doesn’t like the monsters in her eyes because his father won’t stop hitting her when she has them._

_That’s when his monsters and her monsters become the same._

_The whimpers turn into moans, and Taeyong stops at the basement’s door to peek through the opening of the keyhole. The monsters have taken another person, just like they took the boy who has no name. This time, though, Taeyong knows he can help them. He has to stop the monsters in his mother and father’s eyes._

_“Taeyong!”_

_A blow smacks into his back, and Taeyong’s head hits the door as something warm and red trickles down his temple. That’s when he looks back and sees the monsters._

_They’re black._

_They’re murky._

_They have holes where their eyes should be._

_Taeyong’s lips tremble as he’s struck again. Blow after blow after blow until his ears ring and his vision turns red._

_“You’ll pay for that, Taeyong.”_

Taeyong wakes with a start and a gasp on his lips. He can feel sweat trickling down his spine and causing his pajamas to stick to his back. His pulse is hammering away in his ears, and no matter how many times he blinks, his vision doesn’t seem to clear. He places a hand to his chest, trying to calm his racing heart, but he swears he’s on the verge of a heart attack. Darting his eyes to the side, Taeyong tries to make out the lamp on his nightstand in the dark, but all he finds is a shadow looming over his bed. His breath catches in his throat before the most raw, earth-shattering scream explodes from between his lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos, comments, and any kind of other feedback is always welcome and definitely encouraged. You get an extra thank you for taking the time to do so, but just reading is appreciated and you're still valid! If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, where I sometimes post edits and previews for upcoming fics, then I'll leave the link to that and my Curious Cat account below. 
> 
> My DMs are always open to anyone, no matter if you follow me or not, if you'd like to discuss anything or just need someone to talk to! I also have Discord and am willing to give out my username if you ask. Hope everyone has a nice day, be safe out there!
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	6. Chapter 6

_The monster stands over Taeyong’s bed like a shadow. They’re finally coming for him, finally coming to finish what they started. Blood roars in Taeyong’s ears and his heartbeat catches on an irregular, sick rhythm. He screws his eyelids shut and covers his ears with both hands. This a dream, he tells himself. It’s all in his head. Monsters aren’t real._

_No matter how much he chants that, though, it doesn’t stop the voices from filtering through his highly built fortress. Murmurs, haunted moans, and pained whimpers all close in on him until he can barely breathe. Heavy footsteps get closer and closer, suffocating him like a vice._

_“Hush little baby, don’t say a word…”_

_Taeyong squeezes his head between his hands impossibly harder, trying to smother the haunting sound. He hates that song, hates the way she sings it with that manic humming and monsters in her eyes._

_“… everything is going to be all right… Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird, and if that mockingbird won’t sing…”_

_“You’ll never escape me, Taeyong.”_

_“You’re my greatest creation, Taeyong.”_

_“Taeyong.”_

_“Taeyong…”_

_“Taeyong!”_

_He won’t let them take him. Not again. Never again. Taeyong balls his hands into fists and bangs them against their chest. Their arms surround him, making him nauseous. Taeyong swore he would never let them put their hands on him again. He swore._

_“Mama!” he screeches._

_She can help him. She has to help him. That’s what mothers do, right? They save their children from the monsters._

_“Mama, help—”_

_Taeyong’s voice and breathing are cut off in an instant as he’s thrown into the water. The dark, murky, bottomless water. He gasps, but only water fills his throat and lungs. Thrashing, he tries to surface and find refuge from the monsters. But a hand holds his head underwater. It fills his nostrils, his mouth, and his frantic eyes. He can’t breathe. Cold shocks his skin and his limbs go numb. He’s floating, drifting. It’s useless to fight it. Maybe the boy who has no name tried to fight it, too. Maybe that’s why his name isn’t spoken anymore. Maybe Taeyong will be like him. Through the foggy haze, he can hear someone calling his name with a panicked edge to their voice._

_He’s calling Taeyong’s name._

_He won’t be like the boy who has no name._

_He knows Taeyong’s name._

_“Can you see me behind the monsters?” Taeyong asks._

_“I can.”_

_Taeyong doesn’t think he can, but he holds on to that glimmer of a voice. It’s soothing, so soothing. Maybe the monsters are invisible to him. He sees Taeyong like no one else has before. He sees him…_

  
“Taeyong!”

Like being hauled from the depths of the ocean, Taeyong gasps and his eyes pop open. His vision is blurry and all he sees are dark shadows. His heartbeat doesn’t calm, thinking he’s still at that place again. However, the arms surrounding him aren’t scary. If anything, they’re comforting. It’s like suddenly having an escape that Taeyong couldn’t ever seem to find. He blinks the tears from his unfocused vision, and furrowed dark features greet him. Taeyong can make out more of the shadow now, observing the way strands of hair fall against his forehead. Taeyong blinks once, twice, but the shadow doesn’t disappear. It just continues to loom over him from the usually empty space next to him on the bed.

“J-Jaehyun?” His voice is so hoarse, Taeyong barely manages to get the words out.

“Shh, it’s okay.” Jaehyun strokes his back in tiny circles. “You’re not alone, I’m here.”

Taeyong’s fingers curl into Jaehyun’s shirt, forehead falling against the hardness of his chest. And he doesn’t know if it’s because of Jaehyun’s words or because of the nightmares, but he lets his tears loose. Sobs wrack Taeyong’s body as he lets it all out, and it’s sort of embarrassing because he isn’t even sure what he’s crying about. They were only nightmares. They aren’t real. Taeyong curls further into Jaehyun and holds onto him tighter. His warmth and the strange sense of security Taeyong feels in his arms more comforting than anything he’s experienced in a while. _This_ is real.

Jaehyun scoops Taeyong up and pulls him onto his lap, while Taeyong wraps his legs around his waist, nearly squeezing him to death. But Jaehyun doesn’t complain. He remains silent, continuing to stroke Taeyong’s back, hair, and the side of his arm. Taeyong couldn’t be more thankful for the calm, anchor-like presence he creates. Jaehyun is there, but he’s not talking. He’s just letting Taeyong deal with it on his own. The last time Taeyong remembers having an episode like this was two years ago — right after his first day at Hearst — and his aunt and uncle had freaked out even more than he had.

Taeyong had thought that Irene was with the monster and hit her, screaming and cursing so loud that he’s still surprised that no one called the cops. He didn’t stop either until Junmyeon locked her out of the room. When Taeyong regained consciousness, Irene wouldn’t stop asking him what he saw. She had this horrified, sick look on her face like she was actually going to throw up. And in the morning, they took him to Dr. Moon, where he had to endure six months of therapy sessions nearly every day of the week. Since then, Taeyong has been avoiding the nightmares. Or, at least, the strong crippling ones that seem all too real.

For two years, he’s never bothered Irene or Junmyeon with his nightmares even when he needed a shoulder to cry on. Even when what he saw — what he _felt_ — scared the hell out of him. It’s strange that, now, Jaehyun is filling the role that no one else has. Still gripping his shirt, Taeyong finally moves to stare up at him. Jaehyun’s brows are drawn together over the stormiest color Taeyong has ever seen in his eyes, and his features are closed with deep concern. Taeyong’s breath hitches. Who thought there would ever be a day where Jung Jaehyun would be worried about him? Taeyong should feel self-conscious about all the crying or hate the vulnerability he just showed him, but he’s too exhausted to care.

“Hey,” Taeyong whispers, clearing his throat.

Jaehyun’s hand doesn’t stop caressing his back while he uses the other to lift Taeyong’s chin. For an extended moment in time, Jaehyun searches his eyes as if he’s looking for something in particular. But Taeyong isn’t sure what he finds. Or if he finds anything at all.

“Do you feel better?” Jaehyun asks, voice firm but not harsh. Taeyong nods, reaching up to wipe away the unshed tears rimming his eyes. “Did I cause that? Did I trigger something by coming in through your window?”

Taeyong shakes his head. “No, I was already having the nightmare before you showed up. I guess it got triggered before by something else.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.”

Taeyong blows out a quiet sigh, head pounding so hard that he feels like he might throw up. He wants nothing more than to sleep, but he pushes the idea away as fast as it manifested. He doesn’t want to risk his nightmares returning again.

“Are your nightmares always triggered by something, or do they just happen?” Jaehyun questions, still holding Taeyong’s jaw and making him stare into his unyielding eyes.

Taeyong finds that Jaehyun’s gaze isn’t intruding as usual. It’s more so just curious. Caring, even. And maybe that’s why Taeyong decides to confide in him. “Up until now, they’ve always been triggered by something. Dr. Moon used to tell me to stay away from things that may serve as a trigger.”

“Such as?” Jaehyun prompts.

“It’s kind of embarrassing,” Taeyong mumbles, but continues anyway. “Candles, basements, and red lights usually cause them. But the more severe ones are always caused by deep water and sleeping in the dark.” Then, Taeyong remembers something he saw before falling asleep. Suddenly, he shoots up from the bed and stumbles to his feet. “The black car,” he says, voice breaking. Jaehyun stands as well, staring at Taeyong as if he’s about to have another episode. “Was there a black car parked across the street when you came in?”

“No,” Jaehyun answers. “I parked across the street and there was no other cars over there.”

Slowly, Taeyong walks over to the now closed window and peels back the curtain. Surely enough, the only car parked across the street is Jaehyun’s, and the black car from before is nowhere in sight. Taeyong sighs, falling back into a sitting position on the bed as he pushes wild strands of hair out of his face. He feels like death personified with his puffy eyes and stuffy nose, but he can’t muster up the energy to care enough to make himself look presentable. This isn’t exactly how he wants Jaehyun to see him, but there’s nothing much he can do about it now.

“Why are you here anyway?” Taeyong asks, turning to climb fully onto the bed and hide himself underneath the covers.

A sly grin lifts Jaehyun’s lips as he sits himself beside Taeyong. “I told you not to go to sleep. Thought that was clear enough.”

For some reason, that makes Taeyong smile back. “Do you climb through people’s windows often?”

“Just yours. I make it a habit to use doors most of the time.”

Some part of Taeyong’s brain thinks he should be mad at Jaehyun for sneaking into his room, but he’s not. Far from it, actually. He doesn’t know what would’ve happened if he was left to deal with such a strong episode all on his own. In a lot of ways, Jaehyun is his saving grace right now. And he’s thankful for that.

“I wouldn’t normally say this to some creep who snuck in through my window,” Taeyong pauses, looking pointedly at Jaehyun, “but thank you.”

A small smile flits across Jaehyun’s face before he kicks off his shoes and climbs underneath the covers beside Taeyong. His broad frame and long legs practically dwarf the bed, and Taeyong pulls the sheet all the way up to his chin in an attempt to close himself off.

“What’re you doing?”

“Going to sleep,” Jaehyun replies casually.

“You can’t sleep here.”

“Sure I can.”

“But—”

The words die in Taeyong’s throat when Jaehyun presses their lips together in a soft, quick kiss. He isn’t able to fully process the action before Jaehyun pulls him into his chest so that Taeyong’s head is resting against his bicep. Taeyong’s nostrils immediately fill with his clean scent, and he can’t help inhaling more and more like some kind of addict. 

“Just go to sleep,” Jaehyun murmurs as his strong arms surround Taeyong.

But he doesn’t know that Taeyong never sleeps after a nightmare because he’s scared it’ll just pick up right where it left off if he does. However, in Jaehyun’s embrace, he doesn’t feel scared or paranoid. He doesn’t even dwell that much on his nightmares at all. He feels… _safe_. Taeyong curls his fingers into Jaehyun’s shirt and scoots over to place his ear against his soothing heartbeat. Then, Taeyong closes his eyes and surrenders to the pull of sleep.

The first thing Taeyong thinks when he manages to pry his eyes open in the morning is that he’s way too warm. In the midst of his sleepy consciousness, he doesn’t understand the reason right off the bat, but then the hard body underneath him serves as a reminder. Craning his head slightly, Taeyong stares at Jaehyun’s sleepy face and scrunches up his own when the slight stubble on his chin tickles his forehead. One of Jaehyun’s arms surrounds his waist, hand resting in the middle of Taeyong’s back, while the other lies limp from Taeyong using his bicep as a pillow. Both of Jaehyun’s legs are also caging Taeyong’s, like he’s attempting to keep him from escaping, and Taeyong can’t help but to admire how serene he looks while he’s sleeping.

He’s never seen Jaehyun look so peaceful in all the time they’ve known each other. Taeyong can’t forget who exactly this is, though. Just because everything is fine now doesn’t mean it will be forever. Jaehyun is still the same person who beat the shit out of him on the field and nearly choked him to death. Taeyong can’t start trusting him just because he climbed through his window and soothed his nightmares.

Feeling confused — and not wanting to deal with it so early in the morning — Taeyong slowly peels Jaehyun’s heavy arm from around his waist and inches towards the edge of the bed. He makes sure not to make too much noise or shake the bed with his movements as he scoops his phone up from the side table and stands. Taeyong throws one last peek at the massive body sprawled out in his bed, and he swallows hard as tingles shoot throughout his limbs. Closing his eyes, he mentally berates himself before trudging into the bathroom and quietly closing the door.

When Taeyong flips on the light and locks eyes with himself in the mirror, he’s shocked at what he sees. Saying that his appearance is a mess would be the understatement of the century. His eyes are puffy and bloodshot, and it’s honestly a miracle that they’re even able to open all the way. Strands of his dark hair poke out of his scalp like little antennas and his tears have left streaks down his cheeks. He wants to know how Jaehyun even looked at him, let alone held him to sleep because it’s his own face and even he’s disgusted by it. 

Turning the faucet, Taeyong reaches underneath the water and splashes some on his face. Usually, he has the overwhelming need to scrub his hands clean after he has a bad nightmare, but he doesn’t feel that urge in the moment. It’s strange, but he decides to take the little wins as they come. Once he’s satisfied with his washed face, he moves on to brushing his teeth and taming his hair into something more presentable. He’s in the middle of preparing to leave the bathroom when his phone buzzes on the counter. It’s not even seven yet, so he doesn’t have to wonder who it could be checking in on him this early.

  
`IRENE`   
`Hope you enjoy sleeping in this morning! It’s a Saturday so enjoy it while it lasts!`   
`Me and your uncle are still caught up at work, but we’ll do our best to make it back tonight.`   
`And don’t forget to eat! I’ll be checking the boxes so I’ll know if you skip any meals.`

A light laugh escapes from between Taeyong’s lips at the amount of angry emojis attached to her message, but he decides that he’ll reply to her later. He can’t stop thinking about Mark’s words, about him calling Taeyong out for living his life for his aunt and uncle instead of himself. He wishes Mark never said anything because now he can’t stop replaying them over and over. It’s like it was some sort of catalyst for getting the wheels turning in his head, and now he can’t stop questioning everything in regards to them. His nightmare even reminded him of how he always puts Irene and Junmyeon’s reactions to his episodes on the back-burner. He doesn’t want to believe they’re keeping things from him, but all signs are starting to point to exactly that.

His nightmares have been the same since he was seven years old. They aren’t normal, and they always follow the same pattern. They’re either in a basement, in the water, or in the dark. Sometimes, even all three. It’s been that way since the death of his parents. Taeyong grips the counter as tendrils of fear shoot down his spine. For ten years, he always thought that the past should stay where it belonged. Irene and Junmyeon offered him a new life, after all, and the only way he knew to embrace it was to erase any memories of life prior to that. Then again, ignoring it doesn’t mean it suddenly disappears. So, with shaky fingers, he pulls up Google and begins to type.

_Bardot fire 2010_

The first articles to pop up are about a huge fire that happened at some factory. Fifty people died on site, twenty later in the hospital, and a dozen others succumbed to their injuries in the weeks following. It was a massive fire that apparently shook not only the entire state, but had a huge impact on the country as a whole. The cause was ruled as being because of a negligent smoker and was subsequently closed fairly quickly. According to some of the articles, a lot of people believe a thorough investigation was never conducted and that there was some sort of conspiracy behind it. Some kind of cover-up.

Taeyong soon finds himself falling into a rabbit hole of theories and studies all of the articles, comments, and interviews. A few workers even came out to say that Hyunki — the one accused as being the negligent smoker — was never seen smoking inside once. There seems to be a lot of conflicting accounts of the day, so Taeyong decides to go back to the search engine and look for any domestic fires. It takes combing through a few pages before he finds what he’s looking for. Just a week after the huge fire at the factory, his own house had burned to the ground. Leaning back against the counter, Taeyong reads over all the information that he can find.

_Seven-year-old son survives fire that killed entire family because he was playing outside by the lake._

_Detectives found it hard to gather evidence as the fire had burned the house completely down, even destroying the basement._

_The remains of Mr. and Mrs. Lee have finally been recovered and identified._

Taeyong has always heard that being burned alive is one of the most painful deaths anyone can experience, so he thinks he should probably feel something at being reminded that his parents died in so much pain. However, he finds himself disconnected. Probably because he doesn’t really remember them. But, he has to ask himself, is that really an excuse?

_The only witness to the fire is the Lee’s son, who is only seven. He has been under attentive mental and physical care since the incident. Doctors are saying that the boy has no recollection of what happened, and after further investigation, the police have ruled the case an accident due to a gas malfunction._

He feels his stomach turn after reading each word and decides that he doesn’t want to read anymore, so he exits out of the article. It’s strange for Taeyong to consume this kind of information because he doesn’t even remember having a lake near his house, nor does he remember having a basement. But Irene and Junmyeon have always made it very clear that they’re never taking him back to Bardot, so maybe he should just let it go. It’s not like he’s ever wanted to go there anyway. Well, not until now. He wonders if he’s ready to bury his head in favor of the nightmares only increasing. He really should probably go see Dr. Moon again.

Releasing a breath through his nose, Taeyong exits the bathroom and finds himself immediately transfixed by Jaehyun’s frame on his bed. He’s still in the same position Taeyong left him in, with one arm resting on the pillow as if Taeyong is still there sleeping and the other arm slumped against the mattress. Taeyong tiptoes, with the hopes of not waking him, and lifts Jaehyun’s arm gently to snuggle into the crook of his warm body. Any other time, Taeyong would be concerned about how nice it feels to be in Jaehyun’s embrace, but he ignores it for the time being. He thinks he deserves a little comfort after what he’s been through. Even if it doesn’t last very long.

Wrapping his arm around Jaehyun’s midsection, Taeyong presses his body into him and slings his leg over to tangle with his companion. He freezes instantly, though, when his thigh skates over the bulge in Jaehyun’s jeans. After everything that went down between them at Jungwoo’s party, Taeyong really doesn’t need to be swept up in that same kind of lust. No matter if the thought has heat pooling in the bottom of his stomach. Retracting his leg, Taeyong instead begins drawing invisible shapes across Jaehyun’s torso. He drags his finger over every indention he can feel through Jaehyun’s shirt, taking extra time to explore all the dips of his abs.

“Having fun?” Taeyong halts at the sound of Jaehyun’s husky voice, ears heating in embarrassment. “Please, don’t stop on my account.”

Jaehyun slowly peels his eyes open, and Taeyong cranes his head slightly to be able to look at him. Jaehyun threads his fingers through his hair and tugs slightly at the strands before moving to bury his nose into the top of Taeyong’s head. He hears him inhale, feels Jaehyun’s chest rise beneath him, then fall slowly. As if he’s trying to commit the scent to memory.

Taeyong offers him an awkward smile. “Morning.”

Jaehyun grunts. “Fuck mornings.”

“I’m guessing you’re not a morning person?” Taeyong questions, laughing a little at Jaehyun’s grumpiness. A beat of silence passes between them, where Jaehyun is watching Taeyong intently with his inquisitive eyes before they narrow slightly as his hand skims down to grip Taeyong’s hip. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because I’m selfish,” Jaehyun tells him, causing Taeyong to furrow his brows in confusion. “I want all of your smiles and all of your laughter to myself.”

Taeyong scoffs, with a roll of his eyes and a quirk of his lips. But his heart does flutter slightly, which is extremely concerning. He would much rather Jaehyun act like an asshole than express himself in much sweeter ways. It feels like a trap, and Taeyong isn’t yet accustomed to the ways of handling it. His throat clogs and he tries to swallow past the nervousness, but it just makes him feel sick. He can’t fall for Jaehyun’s manipulations. Because, in the end, that’s all they really are.

“Seriously? You’re so confusing. Half the time, you say things like that and the other half, you act like you’d rather lock me up in a cave and keep me there as some kind of sex toy.”

Jaehyun’s mouth curves in amusement. “I’m not one-dimensional, Taeyong. I can want both.”

Taeyong’s mouth hangs open as he searches for any signs that Jaehyun is messing with him, but he has an impressive poker face. “Now, I know you’re joking. I don’t believe for one second that you really want all my smiles and laughter to yourself. You’re ridiculous. And you probably heard that on some cheesy Rom-Com and are now feeding the line back to me because you think it’s what I wanna hear.”

“Weird how I never joke around with you, but for some reason you still think I do.” Jaehyun rolls over, flipping their positions so he’s holding himself over Taeyong. “And, for the record, I’ve never lied to you. You’re mine, and I think it’s time you finally accept that. It’s time for me to stake my claim.”

Taeyong’s muscles lock as Jaehyun hovers over him like a looming danger, like a force not to be reckoned with. The boy with storms in his eyes, harsh glares, and an unhinged character has officially gotten under Taeyong’s skin. And, because of that, Jaehyun fully has the power to break him. One of the first things Jaehyun ever said to him was a promise of destroying him, and those words have been the defining point of their relationship. Jaehyun can’t just erase all of that with a few thoughtful actions. Taeyong thinks it could all just be another ploy to get him to lower his guard, more mind games to fuck with him.

And once Jaehyun has his virginity — or stakes his claim as he likes to put it — Taeyong knows he’s going to drop him like a bad habit. Jaehyun will crush him and stomp all over his remains. And maybe it’s old-fashioned or naïve, but Taeyong really has always wanted to save himself for someone he deeply cares about and vice versa. He knows Jaehyun isn’t that person. He’ll _never_ be that person.

Taeyong places a hand at the center of Jaehyun’s broad chest and pushes slightly. “I’m not ready,” he says, though that’s not really his problem. It’s just the first thing he thinks of.

Jaehyun tilts his head to the side, supporting himself on tense hands at either side of Taeyong’s head. “What do you mean?”

“I… I just need more time.”

“More time for what?”

 _For a lot of things_. Taeyong needs time to understand himself and to make sure that he’s doing the right thing. He needs to make sure that he’ll be able to handle the downfall. He doesn’t care about Jaehyun, but what if he gets attached to him because he has something Taeyong can never get back? Mark’s words slice through his brain like razor-sharp claws, words about him being too safe and living his life for others instead of himself. And this is the worst time for them to do so, too. He wants to prove Mark wrong, but does he really want to do so in this way?

“I’ve been patient with you, Lee.”

Taeyong fixes him with a glare. He hates when Jaehyun calls him by his last name because it feels so… _impersonal_. Closed-off. “So, that’s what this has all been about? You’ve been patient just so you could stick your dick in another warm hole?”

“If that’s all I wanted, then I would’ve fucked you and gotten you out of my system a long time ago.”

Angry tears blur in Taeyong’s eyes, and he loathes himself for ever feeling the slightest bit comfortable in Jaehyun’s presence or thinking that there’s another layer beneath the suffocating smoke that is his life.

“Why haven’t you, then? We could’ve gone our separate ways and never had to speak to one another again.”

“I think I’ve made it very clear that sex isn’t my end goal here, and I’ve been patient in communicating that with you,” Jaehyun explains, his tone losing its nonchalance. “You know I’m not a patient person, either. So, quit pushing me.”

Taeyong is tempted to scream every obscenity in the book at him and to shove him off, but he also knows that will only trigger Jaehyun’s predatory side. He has to be smart in handling this situation. He knows he shouldn’t have to burn neurons just to get Jaehyun to act like a decent human being, but this is also what he gets for being involved with someone who blatantly disregards what’s considered normal.

So, Taeyong forces his body to relax and sucks in a few calming breaths. “What exactly have you been patient for, then?”

Jaehyun lifts a brow, apparently taken aback by Taeyong’s course of action. He likes thwarting his plans, though. Jaehyun is easier to handle when he’s caught slightly off-guard.

“For you to want me,” Jaehyun answers with an air of casualty. 

“Why would that matter to you?”

“It just does.”

Taeyong scoffs, laughing on a breath. “You’re delusional. And stupid, too, if you think I’ll actually believe that you care about something like that.”

Jaehyun lowers himself onto his elbows, fingers threading through Taeyong’s hair and stroking it gently. “You know, the more you claim that I’m delusional, the more sure I become that you’re actually the delusional one. You wanna deny yourself? _Fine_. You can lie to yourself all you want, but don’t fucking lie to me. You don’t get to look at me like you do or let me take you apart over and over, then pretend as if you don’t want me.” Taeyong’s lips tremble slightly before he thins them into a line. “I’m trying to get through to you.” Jaehyun’s nose drops to his neck, and Taeyong sucks in a shaky breath. “I’m really fucking trying to be nice here. But if you keep retreating into that little fortress of yours, then I’ll have no choice but to conquer it.”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Taeyong grits out, trying to ignore the tremors in his voice. “Just let me go.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t have a choice.”

Something sharp and heavy slices through Taeyong’s chest at his words. Jaehyun always has a choice. Most of the time, he even makes it clear that all choices are made to his benefit. So, it doesn’t make sense that he’s the one without a choice now.

“Is this another one of your mind games?”

“Is it one of yours, Taeyong? Because I was never supposed to like you this much, yet here we are.”

Taeyong freezes, unsure if he’s heard Jaehyun right. Did he just admit to liking him? And does he actually believe him? Unlike him, Jaehyun is assertive to a fault and unafraid of admitting to what he wants. Mark’s words about Jaehyun being free in ways that he’s not hits him like an unexpected blow. And Jaehyun’s confessions of waiting for Taeyong to want him and liking him dig holes in his defenses. Maybe Jaehyun is right. Maybe Taeyong really is just lying to himself. Maybe he wants Jaehyun just as much. Maybe more. Maybe he’s perfectly fine with giving Jaehyun everything because he legitimately believes he’s being truthful. And if Jaehyun does care about him in the way he’s expressing, then why wouldn’t Taeyong be willing to give him his virginity? 

Taeyong lets his hand travel up from his chest to the rippling tendons of his collarbone, but Jaehyun grabs his hand quickly to stop him and shakes his head. “Not so fast.”

“Why?” Taeyong asks, shame at being rejected sinking to the bottom of his stomach.

“Kiss me.”

“You want me to kiss you?” Taeyong repeats, confused out of his mind.

“Yes. Wrap your arms around my neck and kiss me first this time.”

Taeyong should have known that Jaehyun won’t only take, should have known that he would eventually want him to give. He thinks there’s only been one time that he’s actually initiated a kiss between them, and that was when he was trying to distract Jaehyun during their little roll in the sheets at Jungwoo’s. A small voice whispers that he’s going to regret this come tomorrow, but Taeyong doesn’t care about that right now. So, he pulls his hand out of Jaehyun’s grip and wraps both of his arms around his neck. Then, Taeyong seals their lips together. His kiss is tentative. Experimental, even.

At first, it’s merely a slight press of his lips against Jaehyun’s firm ones. Then, Taeyong’s tongue darts out and he licks Jaehyun’s bottom lip over and over. Gaining more boldness, he raises up a tiny bit and nibbles on the flesh before trailing soft kisses to the corner of his mouth. The whole time, Jaehyun just watches him with hooded eyes like he’s studying him and his techniques. Jaehyun doesn’t touch him at all, doesn’t even really respond, and Taeyong’s bold phase and confidence shrinks a little.

“That’s not how you kiss,” Jaehyun states. And it causes a ball of dread to lodge itself in Taeyong’s throat. He still hasn’t broached the topic of Jongin with him, hasn’t found out what all he knows, but it’s becoming more and more apparent that Jaehyun is more privy to his life than Taeyong wants him to be. “Drop the innocent act and kiss me like you mean it.”

He doesn’t wait for Taeyong to rectify his mistake and instead crushes their lips together. Jaehyun’s kiss is the complete opposite of Taeyong’s gentle ones. Jaehyun kisses like a madman searching for his sanity. It’s always out of control, and Taeyong’s breathing ceases when Jaehyun thrusts his tongue inside his mouth, practically devouring him. But that’s what Jaehyun does best. He shreds Taeyong apart and strips him bare until he owns every part of him. And now that he’s taking charge, Taeyong almost feels like he can let go.

Jaehyun’s body is practically molded to his, legs barging between Taeyong’s trembling thighs and chest flattening against his own. While Jaehyun’s hands are all over Taeyong’s hair, cheeks, and face. Jaehyun is everywhere, his raw intensity seeping under Taeyong’s skin and shooting straight into his veins. It’s contagious. _He’s_ contagious. Jaehyun wrenches his mouth from Taeyong’s, both of them panting and breathing each other in. Taeyong finds himself caught in Jaehyun’s stormy gaze, lost in the way he always looks at him like they’re connected in some way that he doesn’t understand. Like Jaehyun knows him better than anyone else, like Taeyong maybe knows him better than anyone else, too.

Jaehyun breaks eye contact to tug Taeyong’s shirt over his head and toss it onto the floor. Then, his fiery gaze finds Taeyong’s again as he sucks a nipple into his mouth and pulls at it with his teeth. Jaehyun doesn’t bite, but the threat is still there. Taeyong’s eyes droop and a moan spills out from deep within his throat. Still teasing with his teeth, Jaehyun pinches the other nipple and keeps his eyes transfixed on Taeyong as if he’s challenging him or taunting him. Taeyong’s fingers slide into his hair and pull on the strands, not knowing if he’s trying to push him away or pull him closer. But he doesn’t get to decide.

Jaehyun wraps a firm hand around his throat and bites down on Taeyong’s nipple so hard that it has pain shooting up his spine and pleasure pooling in the bottom of his stomach. His tongue laps around it, soothing the ache before he does it again. Taeyong cries out, back arching, but he can’t move because Jaehyun is imprisoning him by the grip on his neck. And it’s like falling off of a cliff. There shouldn’t be anything pleasing about it, he knows, because when he hits the bottom, he’ll be dead. But right now? Taeyong isn’t thinking about the landing. He’s merely suspended in the act of falling. Beyond the fear and the self-imposed shackles, there’s thrill and excitement. There’s the unknown.

And he’s becoming addicted to it.

Still biting down on his nipple, Jaehyun uses his other hand to yank Taeyong’s pajama shorts down and tosses them to the side. His fingers wrap around Taeyong’s shaft, and he gives it one quick tug as they both groan in unison. Taeyong’s body feels like it’s been lit on fire, and a thousand goosebumps cover his skin, seeping into his bones. Jaehyun’s name falls from his lips on a breath, and he lifts his head to look at Taeyong. Lust, and something else that Taeyong can’t put his finger on, contorts his face, but he doesn’t have the brain capacity to worry about what it is in the moment.

Taeyong’s fingers curl into Jaehyun’s shirt and he attempts to pull it over his head, but he’s stopped by the clutching of Jaehyun’s fingers over his own. Something crosses his handsome features then, but it’s too fast to catch. And maybe if Taeyong wasn’t so completely under his spell, he could have figured out its meaning. The expression vanishes just as quickly as it came, however, and Jaehyun proceeds to remove his own shirt. Now that he’s bending his arms, the arrow tattoos seem to be pointing straight at his heart. Or maybe even straight at Taeyong’s.

When Taeyong’s gaze slides back to Jaehyun’s, he’s watching him with a hard expression as if he’s waiting for him to pounce. His fingers trace up Jaehyun’s hard sides and to his taut stomach, taking his time in feeling every groove and crevice. Taeyong doesn’t know when touching him became such an addiction. A pleasure. A necessity. And he wonders what it would feel like to engrave himself under Jaehyun’s skin. He’s so lost in his thoughts that Taeyong doesn’t even realize that Jaehyun has pulled open the drawer of his nightstand and has already fished out his bottle of lube. He’s only brought back to the present when he feels the press of a cold finger against his hole.

He sucks in a breath just as Jaehyun pushes it inside, not working it in quite long enough before adding a second. Taeyong’s fingers squeeze the sheets underneath him, mouth parting as he stares at the ceiling. He knows he has a very short window right now to change his mind, but he figures the decision is clear enough if he’s already allowing the pleasure to flood his mind. He wants this. Jaehyun scissors him open, spreading him so he can fit a third finger inside, but Taeyong is already getting impatient. He knows that he isn’t prepped enough to have sex, especially not when it comes to his first time, but he also wants it to hurt.

Popping his fingers out, Jaehyun finally undresses himself completely and uses a generous amount of lube to slick himself up. Taeyong watches him with hazy eyes, completely enraptured by the way his hand squeezes his cock. Throughout everything, Jaehyun never releases his hold on Taeyong’s throat, and his hard eyes seem to forge a path straight into his soul. Positioning himself between his legs, Jaehyun guides the tip to Taeyong’s rim and pushes against it just enough to be felt, but not enough to actually penetrate it.

“You drive me fucking crazy.”

“You drive me crazy, too,” Taeyong tells him. “And it isn’t funny anymore.”

Jaehyun is the cliff. Unknown. Unplanned. Unpredictable. Jaehyun is his worst nightmare, but he’s also the closest thing Taeyong has had to freedom. Giving his throat a slight squeeze, Jaehyun presses forward and past the ring of muscle. It feels like he’s tearing him apart, and Taeyong nearly shrieks as his body twitches at the foreign pressure. It’s like being shred open from the inside by his size, but Taeyong wants the pain to stay. His body arches into Jaehyun’s, and he grips his shoulders so tightly that his blunt nails sink into the skin. That’s when Jaehyun pauses, eyes meeting Taeyong’s like he’s trying to decipher his thoughts.

“D-Don’t stop, it’s okay,” Taeyong tells him, though his knees are shaking from where he has them bent.

He wants Jaehyun to go hard on him because he needs the pain. He doesn’t even know why, he just does. The pain makes him feel more alive, it shackles him to this very moment. Considering Jaehyun’s rough nature, he expects him to accept the invitation without much thought and to give in to his animalistic tendencies. But he doesn’t. Instead, he slowly rocks his hips forward and keeps his thrusts at a minimum as he waits for Taeyong to adjust. Then, Jaehyun kisses him. It’s passionate but gentle, and their tongues intertwine in an erotic, slow dance. 

That’s when Jaehyun finally releases his throat and sits back on his knees, pulling Taeyong with him onto his lap. The new depth hurts even worse and causes all of his muscles to lock as he wraps his arms tightly around Jaehyun’s neck. His cock somehow presses even deeper, and Jaehyun holds Taeyong up underneath his thighs as his thrusts become slower… and longer… and more maddening. Until the pain completely shifts into a euphoric feeling that Taeyong had no idea he needed. Jaehyun completely smashes any illusions Taeyong had. He breaks it, and something inside of Taeyong cracks.

His fingers thread into Jaehyun’s hair, and he kisses him back with an intensity that matches his while meeting the gentle rock of his hips. For what seems like forever, they kiss and allow their bodies to become accustomed to one another. They kiss like it’s the last one they’ll ever have, like a disaster will happen if they stop. Taeyong tries urging him to go harder by pulling on his hair, but Jaehyun tugs on his in return as if to silently communicate to him that he won’t follow his command. Their limbs are so entangled that Taeyong doesn’t know where he starts and Jaehyun ends. A sheen of sweat covers their bodies, and the smell of sex lingers in the air like an aphrodisiac. 

Taeyong tightens his legs around Jaehyun’s waist, locking his ankles together against his back, and that’s when Jaehyun starts thrusting in faster and sharper than before. A whimper-like moan escapes Taeyong’s lips when he hits his prostate, and he knows that he’s already close to coming. Without breaking his rhythm, Jaehyun lays Taeyong back down and situates both of his legs over his shoulders. He pounds into Taeyong with renewed energy, hand coming down across his throat again to hold him in place. The new angle causes Taeyong’s walls to contract, and the headboard creaks with every wild thrust and rock of Jaehyun’s pelvis. Taeyong’s heart is beating so fast that he’s legitimately afraid he’s going to have a heart attack, but he thinks it’ll be worth it.

“You’re so beautiful,” Jaehyun groans, his thrusts becoming rougher and faster with every word he says. “But you’re also maddening and addictive. You’re fucking up everything.”

Taeyong doesn’t last. Maybe it’s because of his words, maybe it’s the way Jaehyun feels inside of him, or maybe it’s his hand around his throat, but a wave slashes through him. He screams as he tumbles off the cliff with no landing in sight. This orgasm is nothing like the ones he’s had before. This one is primal, raw, and so overwhelming that he can’t breathe. Jaehyun continues his unforgiving onslaught, chasing his own orgasm. He goes on and on and on, until Taeyong thinks he may never stop. And he’s in that delirious state again, like back at Jungwoo’s house, where he’s so sensitive and sore, but he still doesn’t want him to stop. He craves Jaehyun. Suddenly, his shoulders tense, and Taeyong stills, wanting to watch him fall over the edge. But Jaehyun doesn’t let him.

He reaches down to Taeyong’s cock and presses his nail against the slit before thrusting into him one final time. A dry orgasm rolls through him, causing Taeyong to come again with a hoarse cry.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun groans as he hits his own peak and comes inside of him.

Warmth floods Taeyong, and even in his current state, he thinks about berating Jaehyun for not wearing a condom. He has no idea who Jaehyun has been with or what he may have, but he doesn’t get the chance. Before he can open his mouth, Jaehyun is rolling over and bringing Taeyong’s body with him. His head rests on Jaehyun’s chest, ear pressed right up against where his heart is. Taeyong brushes his lips against Jaehyun’s skin and keeps them there as his lids flutter closed. 

Then, he wonders, is this what freedom is supposed to feel like?

Something warm envelops Taeyong’s skin, and he startles awake, expecting to find himself in that murky, dark lake from his nightmares. But his breathing quickly returns to normal when he recognizes his surroundings. He’s in his bathroom, but he’s also sitting in his bathtub. Which is slightly confusing. Warm water cascades from the faucet, slowly submerging his chest, and Jaehyun is facing him, but currently staring sideways as he fusses with a shampoo bottle. Taeyong can’t help but to openly gawk at him, biting down on his lower lip as his eyes drink Jaehyun in greedily. There’s a primal quality to his beauty that has drawn Taeyong’s attention since the first time they met, and he can’t deny it any longer. Jaehyun’s muscles flex with every move, and his arrow tattoos slither with the rippling of his biceps. 

“You’re finally awake,” he says, though he still doesn’t lift his head.

Taeyong lets his hand roam in the water, not able to believe that he’s sitting here right now as Jaehyun runs him a bubble bath. “How long was I out?”

“About two hours, give or take.”

“Two hours?” Taeyong questions, brows raising. “What have you been doing that whole time?”

“Watching you.”

Taeyong freezes. Jaehyun’s bluntness isn’t something he thinks he’ll ever get used to. If that were him, he would have never admitted to such a thing. But he also knows that Jaehyun isn’t quite wired like the normal person. When Taeyong remains silent, Jaehyun slides his dark eyes up his body and takes him in.

“I was also snooping around on your Instagram page.”

Taeyong gulps. “You actually look at my Instagram? I didn’t think you cared about things like that.”

Jaehyun tilts his head to the side. “Why else do you think I followed you?” Taeyong always thought it was some reverse psychology thing, but he realizes now that maybe he’s been thinking about things involving Jaehyun way too deeply. “You still haven’t followed me back, by the way.”

Taeyong rolls his eyes. “So, why exactly do you snoop around on my account?” he deflects. 

Jaehyun shrugs. “To see what you’re up to.”

“Some people would call that stalking.”

A grin pulls across Jaehyun’s face, causing his dimples to pop. “I like to call it inquiring.” 

Taeyong can’t help it, he smiles too as he splashes water in Jaehyun’s direction. “You really are something else.”

“I am curious, though…” Jaehyun trails off. “Why do you never post any selfies?” 

“What?”

“You post pictures of food, your aunt and uncle, and even Mark and his brother, but never any full shots of yourself. There’s pictures of you taken from behind or from the side, but not one where you’re looking at the camera. It’s like you’re scared of it or something.”

Taeyong lifts his shoulder. “Not everyone loves the attention.”

“Why do I feel like that’s not the case when it comes to you?”

When Taeyong doesn’t reply, Jaehyun hums and turns around to grab the shampoo bottle. That’s when Taeyong sees it. Jaehyun has two slashes down his back, though the scars are faded into his skin. Which is probably why he hasn’t noticed them before. Taeyong’s brows furrow, and he has an overwhelming urge to reach forward and touch them. _What happened to you?_ The question is on the tip of his tongue when Jaehyun faces him again, the darkness in his eyes cutting through Taeyong like a thousand needles and silently confirming that he caught him staring. It’s like he’s in a losing battle with his demons. The expression on his face disappears quickly, and Jaehyun’s infuriating poker face erases any decipherable emotions.

“You’re probably sore, huh?” Jaehyun says as he maneuvers them around so he’s sitting behind Taeyong and out of view. “I read somewhere that a warm bath usually helps.”

“Jaehyun…”

His voice catches in his throat, not knowing what exactly he wants to say. The scars appear deep and old, but they must have hurt like hell when he first got them. Then, it hits him. Those marks must be the reason why Jaehyun is such a social anomaly. It has to be abuse. It looks so much like abuse. Something inside of Taeyong shifts and red, hot fury shoots through his veins. The need to hurt whoever did that to Jaehyun washes over him like a compulsion. Jaehyun doesn’t say anything, though, he just glides his fingers over Taeyong’s scalp, massaging it as he shampoos his hair. Taeyong tilts his head back then and sighs in contentment. 

“Jaehyun,” he tries again. “Did your father…”

“Minho Jung isn’t a violent man,” Jaehyun tells him, though he sounds sarcastic in doing so. “And he’ll sue you for defamation if he hears you saying such things.”

“Then, who did it?”

“None of your business.”

“I’m making it my business.”

“You’re not ready for that.”

“Try me.”

“If I tell you, then you’ll have to tell me everything in return. And I mean _every fucking thing_ , Taeyong. Including your nightmares. If you’re ready to bare your soul to me, then, by all means, you can go first.”

Taeyong clamps his lips shut, and horror seeps into his bones at the thought of his nightmares and of his childhood. He doesn’t like thinking about it, let alone talking about it. He’s itching to know about Jaehyun’s scars, but not to the point of probing his own.

“That’s what I thought.”

Jaehyun dumps water over Taeyong’s hair, and he closes his eyes as the shampoo cascades down his face. He hates that Jaehyun has managed to shut him up so easily, but his counterargument is fair enough. Still, he can’t help sulking. They spend a few more minutes in silence as Jaehyun finishes rinsing Taeyong’s hair before he finally speaks again.

“Why were you still a virgin?” he asks casually.

Taeyong pauses, startled by the drastic change of subject. “What kind of question is that?” He cranes his head to look at Jaehyun, but the latter grips him by the neck and keeps him facing forward.

“A simple one,” Jaehyun says as his hands curl over Taeyong’s shoulders. “Why did you wait this long?”

The real reason is because he was waiting for the right person, but Taeyong doesn’t dare tell Jaehyun that in fear that he’ll think the right person is him. So, he lifts a shoulder and pretends it isn’t a big deal. “No reason really.”

“You know,” Jaehyun starts, tone casual even though the undertone isn’t, “there won’t be any trust between us if you keep lying to me.”

Taeyong looks over his shoulder then, brows pulled together as he narrows his eyes. “Trust? Do you really think I’ll ever trust you?”

Jaehyun’s lips tighten into a thin line, but he still smiles. “Why wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know, Jaehyun. Maybe it has to do with the fact that you beat my ass the first time you ever saw me for literally no reason. At least not a reason you’ll divulge to me. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that you’ve had an active part in making my life a living hell for the last two years. Take your pick.”

One of Jaehyun’s hands wraps around his nape, his hold firm as if to keep Taeyong in place. “Then, why the hell did you give me your virginity?” 

“Because I’m attracted to you,” Taeyong whispers. “I fucking hate that I am, but that’s just the way it is. It doesn’t erase everything you’ve done to me, though. I just don’t have a choice in the matter.”

“Is that what you want?” Jaehyun asks. “A choice?”

“Why bother asking? You always get what you want anyway,” Taeyong huffs. “Even when you try giving people choices, it always ends up playing in your favor.”

Jaehyun seems thoughtful for a bit, but not the kind that Taeyong wants to see. It’s the scary, silent type of thoughtful. “I see.”

Then, Jaehyun drops his hands and a strange chill crawls up Taeyong’s spine despite the warm water. His words get stuck in his throat as Jaehyun stands from the bathtub and steps out. He doesn’t bother drying himself off, and Taeyong can only watch helplessly as he walks right out the door without another word. Taeyong stays completely still, listening to the quiet house as Jaehyun moves around before the last thing he hears is the front door closing downstairs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos, comments, and any kind of other feedback is always welcome and definitely encouraged. You get an extra thank you for taking the time to do so, but just reading is appreciated and you're still valid! If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, where I sometimes post edits and previews for upcoming fics, then I'll leave the link to that and my Curious Cat account below. 
> 
> My DMs are always open to anyone, no matter if you follow me or not, if you'd like to discuss anything or just need someone to talk to! I also have Discord and am willing to give out my username if you ask. Hope everyone has a nice day, be safe out there!
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	7. Chapter 7

“I wanna see Dr. Moon.”

Two pairs of eyes snap up from their tasks at Taeyong’s declaration. Junmyeon pauses drinking his morning coffee and reading from his tablet, while Irene stops packing Taeyong’s lunch, her hands starting to shake slightly around the container she’s holding.

“Are you having nightmares again?” Irene asks, her tone bordering on hysterical. “What did you see?”

“Stop it, Irene,” Junmyeon scolds as he abandons his coffee and tablet on the table, then rises to his feet. Taeyong faces him as Junmyeon makes his way over and clutches his shoulders. “Is everything all right, Yongie? Why didn’t you give us a call or shoot us a text when you had the nightmares?”

Taeyong can’t help noticing the difference between his aunt and uncle’s reactions. Irene’s eyes are shifty and she keeps opening and closing the container as if she’s not aware of what she’s doing. Whenever the topic of Taeyong’s nightmares resurfaces, she never even asks him if he’s okay. Her first question is always about what he saw. Junmyeon, on the other hand, always makes sure to ask if Taeyong is fine. It’s weird, because in everything else Irene cares about his wellbeing more than Junmyeon. She’s even the one who is scarily obsessed with making sure Taeyong eats healthily. Maybe she just doesn’t believe that his mental state is part of his health. Either way, he isn’t exactly in the mood to talk about his episode that happened two days ago now.

So, Taeyong smiles and hopes it comes out as convincing. “It’s not about the nightmares, honest. I just need to talk about my stress. Exam season is killing me.”

Irene’s shoulders droop, and she stops opening and closing the container. But Junmyeon doesn’t seem so satisfied with his answer. “You’ve never had exam stress before, bud.”

“I know, but everyone is just so competitive at Hearst. And I keep thinking that maybe someone will end up pushing me out of the top ten percent.”

Junmyeon nods, seeming to believe his lies. “Okay, well… I’ll book an appointment for you.”

“Thanks,” Taeyong replies, shooting him a small smile. Neither of them need to know about his plans with Dr. Moon, but he has all the intentions of changing tactics when it comes to his previous psychotherapy. 

Junmyeon returns his smile as he kisses Taeyong on the top of the head. “You know you can talk to us at any time, right? No matter the time or place. You don’t have to hide anything from us, not like you did in regards to your relationship with Jaehyun.”

Just hearing his name causes a sharp pain to slash across his chest. Since Jaehyun walked out of his house Saturday morning, there has been no trace of him. He hasn’t called or sent any of his usual crude texts, but Taeyong has seen pictures of him on Instagram after the game on Saturday night. Their team won two to nil, with Johnny scoring both. It’s so rare for Jaehyun to not get a single goal at a game, but Taeyong knows he shouldn’t be concerned with it. When he said what he said in the bathroom, he hadn’t expected for Jaehyun to just walk away. He’s not the type to walk away at all. Not from anything. But he had. And now Taeyong has the chance to do the same before someone gets seriously hurt.

However, he keeps telling himself that Jaehyun will come back to pester him as usual and that he’ll barge into his life like he has every right to. But he hasn’t so far. And that hurts more than Taeyong cares to admit. Instead of answering Junmyeon with his words, Taeyong just nods at him absentmindedly as his uncle goes back to his seat and resumes his morning routine. Taeyong takes a sip of his orange juice, just to give himself something else to focus on, but it tastes bitter and he wants to immediately spit it back out.

Silence fills the room then as Irene places the container in Taeyong’s bag and touches her collarbone in that familiar tell of hers. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but did you ever think that you may be stressing more than usual because you have a boyfriend?” Junmyeon’s stare hardens as he looks at her from above the rim of his mug. “What? Like you said, he’s never stressed about it before. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he’s starting to stress now that he has a boyfriend.” Irene turns her full attention on Taeyong, a warm glow overtaking her face. “It’s subconscious, Tae. Your attention span will unknowingly be divided. You can’t possibly expect to give your studies one-hundred-percent of your energy like you used to.”

“Drop it, Irene,” Junmyeon says, voice low in warning. 

“No, she’s right,” Taeyong cuts in, setting his glass down on the table. “I shouldn’t let anything come before my studies.”

“Right?” Irene smiles with a victorious gleam as if she had been waiting for someone to agree with her. “He’s not good for you anyway.”

Taeyong’s ears perk up, suddenly very interested in what his aunt has to say. “What do you mean?”

Irene gives an awkward laugh. “I just mean that his last name is Jung. Their world is different from ours, and it’s better to end it now before you grow too attached to him.”

Taeyong fears it might be too late for that, but he doesn’t express it. Junmyeon sighs, pinching his nose. “He has the right to make his own decisions.”

“I just don’t want him to get hurt or to sacrifice his future over some boy drama,” Irene shoots back just as Taeyong’s phone vibrates.

`MARK`   
`i’m here`

Taeyong stands up and slings the strap of his bag over his shoulder. “Mark’s here. I have to go.”

“Oh, okay. Have a good day,” Irene tells him as she smooths his hair back.

Junmyeon gives him a tight smile, apparently still angry with Irene. “You too,” Taeyong echoes, kissing them each on the cheek before heading out. But he’s not even at the front door before their voices are rising. 

“He’s not a child, so stop treating him like one,” Junmyeon snaps. 

“I don’t want him to make any mistakes he might regret.”

“Mistakes? Come the fuck on, Irene. Are we really going down that road?”

“He’s my nephew, okay? Mine! You wouldn’t even be in his life if it wasn’t for me, so stop interfering, Junmyeon.” 

“He’s eighteen, Irene, and graduation is right around the corner. I can’t wait to see what happens when the other shoe drops.”

Taeyong’s feet falter at the last sentence. He wants to know what the hell that’s supposed to mean, but he doesn’t get the chance to ask. Mark texts him again, and Taeyong opens the door to step outside. The wind whips through his hair, and Taeyong hugs his bag closer to him like it’s some security blanket. Then, he opens the car door and slides into the passenger seat of Mark’s car.

“Morning, Tae!”

“Hey, Mark.”

His smile immediately drops. “Is something wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’m fine.”

Mark’s expression softens. “No, come on. None of that. Tell me.”

Where would Taeyong even start? Should he tell Mark about how he was ditched after giving up his virginity? Or should he try telling him about his terrifying nightmares? Or should he start off with something simple, like how his aunt and uncle are fighting because of him? Everything is tumbling over his head, and he can’t seem to find a way out. He wants to cry so badly, but he doesn’t want to ruin Mark’s good mood. Due to his own family and school drama, Taeyong rarely sees Mark this happy and he refuses to take that away from him.

“Just feeling stuffed up,” Taeyong lies. “I think I’m coming down with a cold or something.”

“Oh, shit. Well, that sucks,” Mark comments as he backs out of the driveway.

He goes on to talk about his family dinner, but Taeyong’s mind keeps drifting back to how Jaehyun just left without a word. It doesn’t help that he’s still sore from Saturday and that he can’t move without feeling Jaehyun inside of him. At first, he was sort of ashamed at having been abandoned, but then he realized that it was in tune with Jaehyun’s character. He only approached Taeyong for sex, after all. And now that he got what he wanted all along, everything is over. If Taeyong can spend the rest of his senior year in peace, then he’ll consider his virginity a sacrifice. Still, that familiar pressure of tears builds behind his eyes. He just wishes Jaehyun hadn’t lied to him and made him feel like he meant something.

“By the way,” Mark’s voice cuts through his thoughts, “I heard my parents talking about something super weird yesterday.”

“Yeah?”

“Remember when we were talking about Jaehyun’s mom and I told you she supposedly passed in a car accident?”

Jaehyun is the last subject Taeyong wants to talk about in any way, but he can’t help his curiosity. “Yeah, and?”

“Well, my dad was saying that Inez — Jaehyun’s mother — _was_ actually suicidal, so her death wasn’t a surprise. However, my mom said that she wasn’t, that she was only trying to save her baby.”

“She was only trying to save her baby?” Taeyong echoes.

“Weird, right? As far as I know, Jaehyun is an only child and he was away at camp when she died. What baby was she trying to save?” Mark questions. “Unless she had a child outside of her marriage.”

“I don’t know. Seems a little soap opera to me.”

“Hey, most familial problems stem from secret births. Just saying.”

Somehow, Taeyong doesn’t think that statistic is very accurate, but he drops the topic anyway. Mark doesn’t seem to think the subject needs to be dwelled on any longer and quickly switches to talking about their upcoming tests. However, Inez is all that occupies Taeyong’s thoughts. He keeps thinking about something he once read in a psychological thesis that stated that most, if not all, mental issues start in childhood. Taeyong dislikes umbrella terms that roll all mental health problems into one, but that one has always stuck with him. And the more he thinks about it, the more it rings true.

A person is formed with jigsaw pieces, and if you really want to know someone, then you should always start with the pieces that formed in childhood. They’re the base, and everything else is built on that. Junmyeon, for example, had a healthy childhood. Lawyer parents. Steady income. Football team player. All of those things that are looked at as normal, and he grew up into a stable, ambitious adult. Meanwhile, Irene and Taeyong’s mother had a poor background paired with a violent father when he was on the liquor.

Unlike his mom though, Irene left Bardot as soon as she turned eighteen. She worked hard for a scholarship, so she could leave all the pain and suffering behind. She never even returned to Bardot until the accident that took his parents’ lives. Her poor background is what pushed her to strive for perfection, and she sees anything less as an insult to her intelligence. But no matter how much of a perfectionist she is, a bit of her childhood has seeped into her adult life. She’s hotheaded and resorts to yelling when she doesn’t get what she wants. Even subconsciously, she’s starting to replicate the violence her father exerted on her.

It’s an endless, vicious cycle.

And Taeyong is sure that Jaehyun’s behavior has something — if not everything — to do with his childhood. Starting with Inez. She’s beginning to sound more and more like a mystery to be unraveled. But that isn’t his problem. He refuses to bother with Jaehyun anymore, not after he completely ditched him. Still, as Mark pulls up to the school and they make their way inside, Taeyong can’t help searching for jet black hair and dark eyes. It’s nearly instinctive. He doesn’t see either, though, as they arrive at their first class and slip inside. 

Upon their arrival, Jungwoo grins and throws his hand up into the air in a wave. “Good morning to my two favorite classmates!”

Yuta nods in acknowledgment from beside him, and Taeyong smiles back as he slides into his seat. Mark falls into easy conversation with Jungwoo, but Taeyong isn’t really feeling up to engaging with anyone today. So, he hangs the strap of his bag over the back of his chair and digs out his notebook and a pen. 

“So, you ready for another party at my place?” Jungwoo asks as he waggles his eyebrows, the insinuation of what happened last time excruciatingly clear.

Taeyong has to physically restrain himself from blushing, but the teasing falls short when Mark reaches forward and slaps him on the shoulder. “Holy shit,” he whisper-yells. 

Taeyong’s brows furrow. He turns to see what Mark’s referring to, following his field of vision until his gaze lands on the door. And he swears his heart stops beating entirely. Jaehyun walks into the classroom, confident in his strides with his head held high and his hand enclosed in Doyoung’s. And it’s like Taeyong’s entire world stops. His grip tightens around his pen so hard that he’s surprised it doesn’t snap in two. Doyoung is chatting so happily as if the two of them are in some cliché teen drama, and Jaehyun offers him the same dazzling smile that he flashed Taeyong just forty-eight hours ago.

Something inside Taeyong breaks. He can hear the sound, loud and final. He can feel the remnants shattering. Piece by piece, they gather at the dark corners of his chest. Jaehyun’s eyes meet Taeyong’s and they gleam with mock condescension. Taeyong can almost imagine what he would say if he spoke: _I got what I wanted, now I’m back where I belong_. There’s a smug expression plastered on Doyoung’s face, but Taeyong tries his best not to look at him. Pressure builds behind his eyes, but he refuses to let them see the effect they have on him. He refuses to let Jaehyun see him cry again. He was stupid enough to show weakness before, but not anymore. Never again. For once, Jungwoo is speechless. He keeps staring between Jaehyun and Doyoung, then Taeyong as if he’s in some sort of freak show. Yuta glares at Doyoung himself, then at Jaehyun before throwing Taeyong a sympathetic look.

“You okay?” Mark whispers.

Taeyong forces a smile onto his face and, for some reason, he thinks it comes out as convincing. “Can I borrow your notebook for a sec? Just wanna make sure I got everything down from Friday.”

Mark appears confused for a moment, but Taeyong pleads for his help by using his eyes. “Oh, uh, yeah. Sure.”

He bends over to dig around in his bag before pulling out his notebook and handing it to Taeyong. He opens it in front of him and begins comparing their notes from the last class. His hand is still tight around his pen and his shoulders are crowding with tension, but he manages to keep his expression as cool as possible. Even when Doyoung stops right beside his desk. Since Taeyong doesn’t raise his head, his view is constricted to Doyoung’s hand clutching Jaehyun’s. And he has nothing else to focus on other than Doyoung’s perfectly manicured nails and sweet aroma. He always smells and looks classy, and although Taeyong has never felt an inferiority complex before, it hits him like a hurricane now. His eyes then drop to Jaehyun’s shoes, taking in his pressed trousers and getting a whiff of his clean scent. It only brings back memories of how he held Taeyong against his chest, though. He can’t believe it was all just some stupid game.

“Aw, is little Taeyongie crying?” Doyoung taunts.

Although he knows that he shouldn’t stoop down to Doyoung’s level and indulge him, Taeyong refuses to let him walk all over him. So, he wipes under his eyes with his middle finger, then flashes it at him with a smile. “Aw, there’s nothing there.” Taeyong fake pouts. “Guess you’ll have to try harder next time.”

Jungwoo snorts, and Yuta’s lips curve into something that resembles a small smile. Doyoung’s cheeks tint a light shade of red as he leans closer as if to intimidate Taeyong. “You’d do well to remember what I told you the last time.”

“What you told me last time,” Taeyong repeats, pretending to ponder Doyoung’s words. “Hm, I can’t remember. I guess your words aren’t important enough to stick.”

“You—” Doyoung opens his mouth to say more, but Mrs. Ryan makes her entrance at the exact same time. “You’re nothing,” he hisses in Taeyong’s ear. “Know your fucking place.”

Jaehyun then guides him away without a look in Taeyong’s direction. Not even a word. Usually, Jaehyun would sit on Taeyong’s desk and try to charm him with his signature grins. He would wish him a good morning and ask him if he dreamed of him the night before. He would poke and probe Taeyong until the teacher came into class, then he would talk dirty into his ear and watch with amusement as Taeyong squirmed in his chair. At first, it was an infuriating routine, but then Taeyong got used to it. Sometimes, he even looked forward to it.

He just doesn’t understand why Jaehyun did all of that if he planned to take it all away. Is this some sort of punishment? Or is it another one of his many mind fucks? Taeyong attempts to focus on the class, especially since they have an upcoming exam, but he just can’t. His attention keeps drifting back to Jaehyun and Doyoung, no matter what he does. The two of them are sitting right next to each other in the back row and openly flirting. Jaehyun will flash Doyoung a bright smile periodically, and the two of them pass notes back and forth to one another. Taeyong wonders what they’re talking about, though he guesses he wouldn’t like the answer.

_Find me after school._

_Fuck me after school._

_Let’s make fun of Taeyong._

He hopes they both rot in the darkest pits of hell. Taeyong focuses back on Mrs. Ryan’s monologue about the importance of Literature, but he’s still fuming and his leg keeps bouncing underneath the table. He figures he only has himself to blame, though. He’s the stupid fly who fell into Jaehyun’s well-crafted web. He’s the moth who knew it would burn, yet went straight to the fire anyway. He reminds himself of a thesis he once read that highlighted the behavior of men when it came to a pursuit. It mentioned that men lose a considerable amount of their drive once they score the sexual aspect of the deal. The general hypothesis is that, subconsciously, men still have a sort of caveman nature.

They live for the chase, and once they have what they want, they lose interest. Taeyong remembers how much he hated that thesis when he first came across it. He thought it was the epitome of sexism, but it wasn’t really wrong. It’s been proven time and time again that a sense of safety can make men lazy in a relationship. That’s why some of them cheat. They’re always seeking that sense of thrill. It’s like when they learned their neighbor was divorcing her husband because of adultery, and Irene told him that most cheaters who later get into an official relationship don’t last long. The strong desire they once had was only because they were in a forbidden relationship.

It’s all about the chase.

And there’s no denying that the chase turned Jaehyun on. Taeyong’s struggle gave him a challenge he needed to crack, a game he had to win. He did everything to make Taeyong bend to his will, and once he had him, Jaehyun’s flame turned to ashes. He got Taeyong out of his system, and now he’s done. It seems so very simple the more Taeyong thinks about it.

As soon as the bell rings, Taeyong stuffs his things into his bag and hurries out of the room towards the bathroom, ignoring Doyoung’s shrill laughter. There’s an itch forming under his skin, and he needs to wash his hands badly. No one talks to him or shoots any remarks in his direction as he passes, yet he doesn’t feel happy about it. He doesn’t feel… _anything_. For two years, he’s had Jaehyun’s attention in some twisted way or another. But now it’s like he doesn’t even exist. And he hates to admit that the realization hurts. Something invisible crawls on his hands, and they feel dirty both inside and out.

He barges through the bathroom door and immediately thrusts his hands under the faucet. He scrubs them over and over. Between his fingers. Underneath his nails. He rubs his palms, the back of his hand, and even his wrists. And he doesn’t stop until his skin is red and stinging. Then, he stands in the bathroom alone as the sound of water fills the empty silence. As Taeyong stares at his hands, the first tear falls onto the side of his palm. The second follows, then the third. He sniffles, trying to hold back the rest of his tears, but he can’t fight the tide. So, he lets it loose and promises himself that this is the last time he will cry for Jung Jaehyun.

For the rest of the day, Taeyong tries to pretend that Jaehyun and Doyoung don’t exist. But the thing about pretending? It’s all about putting on a cool mask on the outside while burning on the inside. Every time he sees Doyoung’s hand holding Jaehyun’s, he itches to break it. Taeyong finds himself seriously wanting to pound Doyoung’s face into the floor until he no longer breathes, which is a scary thought in itself. He’s been having too many of those lately. He’s probably backpedaling, but to what? He doesn’t know. He’s not even supposed to think he’s doing so because that would mean admitting to having a worse state of mind. He _really_ needs to see Dr. Moon. And he needs to do it soon.

With heavy feet, Taeyong heads to the pitch. Even though he’s really not in the mood to share a practice space with Jaehyun. He had contemplated cutting school, but that would mean that he’s running away. And after his episode in the bathroom, he promised himself to never cry or run away again. Taeyong’s gaze strays to the pitch where some of the soccer players are stretching and finds Jaehyun standing on the sidelines talking to Doyoung. He’s like a fucking parasite. But is he really if Jaehyun keeps smiling at him like that? If he keeps flirting with him? Jaehyun wreaks havoc on everything in his path with a smile on his face.

Including Taeyong’s heart.

He wants to play tough, wants to think that he’ll wake up tomorrow and Jaehyun will be in the past. But he knows that’s foolish thinking. So, Taeyong hides in the corner like a creep and has his very own pity party. They still have fifteen minutes until practice starts, but Taeyong is already dreading going down there. He doesn’t even have Mark to keep him company. The moment Taeyong straightens to his full height, trying to will some confidence back into his body, he notices a shadow lurking nearby the wall at the back and startles with a small gasp. Yuta is sitting under one of the trees there and reading a book — Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre.

Taeyong’s cheeks tint with embarrassment at the thought that Yuta has been watching him act like a coward for the past five minutes, but he tries to ignore it. Aside from Jaehyun, Yuta has always been the most mysterious out of their little group. He’s not talkative at all, and Taeyong can count the number of times he’s actually heard his voice. Usually, he’s the audience for Jungwoo’s animated speeches and the most mature out of the four of them. That’s probably why he was chosen as the captain of the soccer team over Jaehyun. He’s never even shown Taeyong malice or interest. Yuta just exists as if passing through school is merely a blimp in his timeline.

He’s just as well-liked and known, but he doesn’t hop from bed to bed like Johnny and Jungwoo do. He’s just serene. And as Taeyong studies him closely, he realizes that Yuta is actually quite handsome. But his type of beauty is calm in comparison to Jaehyun’s dangerous one. He must sense that he’s being stared at, though, because he throws Taeyong a glance over his book and raises a brow in question. Taeyong smiles back awkwardly at him, but it must read like something else.

“Is something funny?” he asks, though there’s no maliciousness in his tone.

“I just never thought athletes were interested in existentialism theories, I guess.”

“Aren’t you an athlete, too?”

“Touché. I guess I should’ve said soccer players.”

“Why? Because we’re stupid?” There’s still no threat to his tone, though, it’s more so filled with mild curiosity. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Well, we can be,” Yuta says before pointing at his book. “So, what are your thoughts on existentialism?” 

Taeyong is a bit taken aback by his question, but he tries not to show it. He hums as he leans back against the stone wall and contemplates his answer. “I believe it’s a bit of a negative and nihilistic philosophy.” 

Yuta’s posture quirks up at that, as if he’s a kid being given his favorite toy. “So, you’re someone who doesn’t believe existence precedes essence?” 

“Not exactly. I think it’s true to some extent, but the whole theory is hyper-individualist. A person isn’t an entity that can’t be touched or manipulated, you know?”

Yuta’s brow somehow raises more as he closes his book and lets it fall onto his lap. “Say a person’s lack of existentialism causes them to be a target of manipulation, then what?”

Taeyong approaches him then and sinks down into the grass beside him. “That means you would have to believe those that manipulate have a sense of essence.”

“They might suffer from an existential crisis, too.”

“Then, according to the theory, it’s an endless cycle. People who manipulate can be manipulated, too.”

“I agree that it’s an endless cycle,” Yuta says as he shakes the book in front of Taeyong. “So, you’ve read it?”

Taeyong nods, but he doesn’t mention that the main character nearly bored him to death with his existential crisis. He seemed very psychologically unwell and definitely needed some type of psychotherapy. It doesn’t help that Taeyong was never a fan of Jean-Paul Sartre’s theory to begin with. 

“Why do you think Antoine kept questioning his existence?” Yuta asks.

“Probably because he’s a freak obsessed with existentialism and a self-insertion of Sartre himself.”

Yuta laughs, the sound easy. “I guess that’s one way of looking at it, but I’d be interested to see what you come up with if you read it again.” Before Taeyong can say anything, he drops the book in his lap. “Jae gave it to me, so take care of it.”

Jaehyun gave it to him? Taeyong never thought he would be interested in philosophy, let alone existentialist theories. Then again, it’s not like he really knows anything at all about Jaehyun to begin with. Yuta and Taeyong spend the next fifteen minutes discussing Sartre’s work and some of his philosopher contemporaries. It’s a heated discussion since they disagree on almost everything, but it manages to keep Taeyong’s mind off of what’s happening at the pitch. Which he’s eternally grateful for. After a while, they finally switch topics to music, and Taeyong laughs when Yuta admits to liking the same Bubblegum Pop band that he does.

“At least we can agree on that.”

“Your taste in music is better than your taste in philosophy, that’s for sure.”

“Hey!” Taeyong scolds playfully as he bumps his shoulder into the boy next to him.

Smiling, Yuta hops up to his feet and offers Taeyong his hand. “Come on, this dumb jock has a practice to get to.”

“You’re one to hold a grudge, huh?” Taeyong says as he takes his hand.

“Me? Never.”

“You can’t fool me, _Captain_.”

Yuta chuckles and so does Taeyong, the sound drifting in the secluded area around them. If he knew Yuta was such a good sport, then maybe he would have befriended him sooner. Or maybe not. He is still a part of Jaehyun’s small circle, and that’s something Taeyong has always avoided.

“Am I interrupting something?”

Taeyong’s attention snaps to the voice and finds Jaehyun standing near the brick wall he was leaning against earlier, arms crossed over his chest. Taeyong’s heart skips a beat upon seeing him, no matter how hard he tries not to react. But that’s kind of how hearts work, they still continue to beat despite the pain. Taeyong looks around him, expecting to find Doyoung hanging off of his arm like some puppet, but he’s nowhere to be found. Jaehyun’s eyes narrow on Taeyong and Yuta’s hands, which are still clasped together, and if looks could kill, then they would be six feet under. Taeyong knows he should just ignore Jaehyun and let go of Yuta, but he’s feeling especially petty today. What right does Jaehyun have to make him feel as if _he’s_ doing something wrong? 

“You are, actually,” Taeyong replies. “Yuta and I were in the middle of something.”

Jaehyun’s jaw ticks, and he turns his focus on Yuta. “Let him go,” he grinds out, but Taeyong just grips the boy’s hand tighter. “Taeyong…” his voice drifts in clear menace. “Let go, or—”

“Or what? What will you do next? Make me watch while you fuck Doyoung?” he snaps, lifting his chin in false bravado. “I’m perfectly capable of doing the same, you know? If you’re into voyeurism.”

Jaehyun is in his face within a split second, and Taeyong flinches back as his heartbeat picks up speed. Jaehyun looms over him like death waiting to collect Taeyong’s damned soul, and he glares down at him with flaring nostrils that may as well breathe fire. In Taeyong’s stupefaction, he doesn’t even realize that Yuta has let go of his hand and is intent on making his exit.

“Don’t be late for practice, Jae. You still have to make up for that shit show of a last game,” Yuta states, offering Taeyong a warm smile before he disappears around the corner.

That’s when Jaehyun advances into Taeyong. He tries to stand his ground, but it’s impossible with all the demons swirling in Jaehyun’s eyes. Taeyong gulps past the lump in his throat, and with every step Jaehyun takes forward, he takes two back. It isn’t long before Taeyong’s shoulder blades collide with the tree, and he winces. Jaehyun leans into his space, resting his forearm across the bark above Taeyong’s head and effectively caging him in.

“Are you done playing?”

The fury from earlier sweeps over Taeyong, and his posture stiffens. But he manages to keep his tone level when he speaks. “Actually no, Jaehyun. I’m not done playing. Far from it. In fact, I think I’ll take Johnny up on his offer and become his boyfriend — for real this time. Or, maybe, I’ll go after Yuta. I didn’t realize he was so interesting and smart. Then again, there’s also Jungwoo. He’s quite the charmer and funny, too. So many choices…”

“You done now?” Jaehyun’s jaw is tight when he speaks, but he still manages to control whatever temper is trying to blaze through.

“You don’t believe me, do you?” Taeyong laughs. “You think I’m bluffing, huh? Well, I’ll show you just how serious I am.”

“You’re not going _anywhere_.”

“Watch me.”

Taeyong pushes at his shoulders with as much force as he can muster in the moment. He should know better than to use physical strength against Jaehyun, but he’s so worked up that he can’t think straight. Jaehyun doesn’t even budge an inch, keeping Taeyong pinned against the tree with an effortless hand around his arm.

“Let me go, asshole,” he pants with frustration.

“Never.”

Jaehyun says the word with so much conviction and so much authority that it makes Taeyong pause. “You had no trouble moving on, so let me do the same.” His voice breaks a little on his words, and Taeyong clears his throat with the hopes that it’ll help him come across as more composed. “What else could you _possibly_ want from me?”

“Don’t you realize that it would be impossible to move on from you?”

The strange mixture of tenderness and anger causes Taeyong’s heart to jump, but he doesn’t linger on it long. “Everyone already saw you move on with Doyoung just fine.”

“I don’t care about any of them. The show was only meant for you.”

“For me?” The bite of anger returns again. “Did I miss some fucking memo that said you should be parading around with some other guy after we had sex for the first time? Not only that, but after you completely abandoned me?”

Jaehyun’s lips quirk in a victorious smile. “Ah, there it is. There’s the reaction I’ve been waiting for.”

“What?” Taeyong snaps.

“You wanted this.”

“ _I_ wanted this? You may think you’ve perfected your manipulation tactics, but they’re definitely not strong enough to make me believe that I wanted you in someone else’s arms!”

“You wanted to have a choice, so I gave you the chance to choose me,” Jaehyun explains, the black of his eyes hardening. “Your reply is nearly three days late, but I’m willing to accept a late submission.”

Taeyong’s lips move to say something, but nothing comes out. He’s honest to God speechless. After a few seconds — or minutes — of staring at Jaehyun’s wrongfully beautiful face, Taeyong finally finds his voice again.

“Your way of giving me a choice was to shove Doyoung in my face?”

“Think of it as an encouragement.”

Taeyong laughs, but there’s no humor behind it. As usual, Jaehyun always makes the choices swing in his direction. “Why Doyoung? Why not any other guy?”

“Because he threatens you.”

“What?”

“It’s subconscious, but I’ve noticed that he’s the only person you glare at. Even when he isn’t bothering you or getting in your way.”

“Wow, you’re really something else. You don’t know how to play fair, huh?”

“Oh, but I did play fair. I gave you the choice that you were itching for, the choice you claimed to not have. If it were up to me, then I would have never left your side.”

The heavy weight that’s been perching on Taeyong’s chest since Saturday eases like a silent wave. He’s still angry as hell at Jaehyun, but he’s being truthful when he says that he was only giving him what he wanted. Even if his method in doing so sucks.

“All you had to do was send me a text or call me over the weekend and none of this would have had to happen,” Jaehyun continues, not appearing the least bit apologetic.

“So, how far would this have gone? What would you have done next with Doyoung? Date him? Kiss him? Fuck him? Maybe all of the above, just in the opposite order?”

“Doyoung means nothing to me and he knows it,” Jaehyun states, letting go of Taeyong’s arm to palm both of his cheeks. “You’re the one who’s always on my mind, the one who keeps me up all night.”

“Fuck you,” Taeyong says, his words becoming muffled when Jaehyun’s lips brush against his own.

A lump clogs Taeyong’s throat and a moan fights to escape. Taeyong holds back his tears, but this time it’s for an entirely different reason. It’s like his heart has been resurrected after being stabbed to death. He realizes that it’s a scary thing, though, how Jaehyun has such an adverse effect on his mood. Taeyong has lost his body and better judgment to him, and now his happiness seems to be controlled by Jaehyun as well.

“If you go near Doyoung again, then whatever this is between us will be over,” Taeyong whispers near his mouth.

That earns him a glare. Jaehyun hates being threatened, but Taeyong knows he needs to draw some sort of line. It’s not really about jealousy or possessiveness — though that is part of the reason — but mostly, it’s about his own self worth. As much as he hates to admit it, Doyoung _does_ threaten him and he’ll never allow Jaehyun to make him feel like he did this morning again.

“Don’t say that.”

“Then, don’t go near Doyoung. If there’s one thing I’ll never forgive, it’s cheating,” Taeyong tells him. “I wanna trust you, I really do. But until I can, then we can’t pursue any kind of relationship.”

Jaehyun narrows his eyes, but quickly lets it go. “I’ll prove that you can trust me.” Then, his expression seems to darken as another thought takes place in his head. “And what about you? Can I trust that you’ll never cheat on me, either?”

Taeyong swallows, his mouth opening to say something that he knows is treading into dangerous territory, but the curiosity gets the better of him. “What will happen if I do?”

“I’ll kill him.”

“And what about me?”

Jaehyun cups his jaw with false tenderness. “See, that’s the difference between you and me. You’d leave me in a heartbeat if I cheated, but nothing will ever make me leave you.”

It’s a hypothetical situation, but it strikes a chord within Taeyong and he suddenly feels an overwhelming need to kiss Jaehyun. Devour him. Just pluck him away and hide him from the world where Taeyong is the only one who can look at him, touch him, and talk to him. He won’t be sharing Jaehyun’s smiles with Doyoung or anyone else. Jaehyun moves first, sealing their lips together and biting Taeyong’s bottom lip into his mouth.

“Now, say it.”

“Say what?” Taeyong pants.

“Say that you choose me.”

“I think it’s pretty obvious by now, don’t you think?”

“But I wanna hear you say it.”

Taeyong’s arms wrap around his neck, and he threads his fingers through the hair at Jaehyun’s nape. “I choose you.”

His mouth claims Taeyong’s as his fingers grab a handful of his hair and his other hand snakes underneath his ass. Taeyong lifts himself, wrapping his legs around Jaehyun’s lithe waist and completely losing himself in the moment. In _him_. Everything seems to be moving way too fast and in a direction Taeyong doesn’t recognize, but he’s done pretending that Jaehyun means nothing. He’s done fighting against himself and the pull Jaehyun has on him. Taeyong opens up to him as his other hand grips his hip, pulling him against his hard muscles. Their chests crush into one another, and Taeyong suddenly finds that he hates their clothes. He hates his tracksuit and Jaehyun’s jersey, hates that his skin can’t be glued to the other’s.

The need to engrave himself under Jaehyun’s skin hits him again. It’s a strange, sporadic urge that overwhelms him and refuses to let go. Taeyong rubs his stomach against Jaehyun’s growing erection as the sense of time and space escapes him. He deepens the kiss, opening up to him more and refusing to break the spell between them. He wants to stay suspended in this moment forever, where there’s only them and no forces from the outside can penetrate the raw hunger they have for one another. But that’s not the way things work, and there is a force present and ready to break them apart. A force that is currently clearing his throat. They separate at the sound, eyes snapping to the intruder with a mix of frustration and fear. But then Taeyong’s gaze lands on Jongin, and his heart stutters.

“Practice has started, Taeyong,” Jongin tells him, crossing his arms over his chest and looking pointedly between the pair. He looks so much like an authority figure in that moment, and Taeyong has no idea why that shocks him. It’s his job, after all. “The team’s waiting for you. And I’m sure your coach is looking for you too, Mr. Jung.”

Taeyong scrambles to drop to the ground, but Jaehyun doesn’t let him get far. He keeps a firm hold on Taeyong’s ass even as he moves to stand on his own two feet, then Jaehyun buries his face in his neck and nibbles gently.

“I’m sure they can wait a little longer,” Jaehyun says, squeezing an ass cheek in his hand when Taeyong tries to push against his chest.

“You know the rules,” Jongin states, and Taeyong sees his jaw flex in an attempt to bite back any unprofessional remark. “There’s no PDA on school grounds. I don’t wanna have to send you in to the principal.” 

Jaehyun raises his head then, a cool smile gracing his features. “Come on, Coach Kim,” he starts, but something in the air has shifted and tension suddenly has the trio in a vice-like grip. “You can’t really blame me, can you?” he questions, taking Taeyong’s chin between his fingers and holding him in place. “I mean, look at him. It’s hard keeping my hands to myself when he’s around. I’m sure even _you_ can understand that.”

Taeyong sucks in a sharp breath, but to Jongin’s credit, he keeps his features completely passive. “Sure. I was a teenager once, too,” he agrees. “But I still have to do my job. So, _please_ , get moving.”

Jaehyun’s eyes narrow as he drops his hold on Taeyong and steps away. He pauses for a brief moment, almost like he’s sizing Jongin up, before he finally turns and heads in the direction of the soccer field. The tension doesn’t ease with Jaehyun’s exit, though. To Taeyong, it feels like it only becomes more suffocating. Both of them watch Jaehyun go, like they’re in some sort of trance, then their eyes meet and Taeyong nearly bursts into tears. He doesn’t even know why. In part, it’s because he’s scared of losing Jongin, which is why he scrambles for an explanation.

“We were just messing around. It didn’t mean anything, I swear,” Taeyong blurts, the lies spilling from his lips not sounding at all convincing. But he has to try. He isn’t ready to let Jongin go.

“You don’t need to explain anything to me, Tae. It’s better this way. You need to be with someone your own age.”

“What? No,” Taeyong exclaims, rushing forward to wrap his arms around Jongin’s neck. “I don’t want someone my age, I want _you_.”

“Tae, stop,” Jongin says, frantic eyes bouncing around them as he pries the boy off of him. “You know you can’t do this shit in public.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No, I’m not mad.” Jongin sighs. “Listen, we’ve always known that our relationship had an expiration date. It’s probably best that we stop seeing each other now, rather than later when it’ll hurt more.”

Taeyong takes a step back, like he’s been punched in the gut. “What are you trying to say?”

Jongin closes his eyes briefly. “We really need to get back to the team.”

“No! What are you trying to say?” Taeyong repeats, his voice rising.

“Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” Jongin tells him.

Then, he walks away. Taeyong can do nothing but stare at him as he goes, mouth slightly parted and vision blurring with unshed tears. He isn’t ready to let Jongin go, doesn’t _want_ to let him go. Ever. But what is he supposed to do? Jongin has probably been planning to dump him this whole time, waiting for the moment he could move on to someone better. He wonders if he already has someone lined up, wonders which one of his teammates is ready to take his place. Taeyong grits his teeth, wiping at his eyes and forcing himself to be better put together. He isn’t about to fall apart in front of everyone. Not when it comes to anybody. So, he holds his head high as he jogs over to the track and falls into line with the others.

During the entire practice, Jaehyun throws Taeyong smiles every chance he gets, and Taeyong’s cheeks flame at the attention he draws towards him. Especially after the absolute disaster that happened between him and Jongin. He wants Jongin to want him back, not push him further and further away. Although, maybe making Jongin jealous is the best course of action in this case. He can’t be making snap decisions though, so he pushes it to the back of his mind. He’ll think more on it, then make his move. Once practice finally comes to a close, Taeyong lingers back and glances over his shoulder at the soccer field. However, he doesn’t even need to search for Jaehyun since he’s running in his direction.

He has such breathtaking athletic ease when he runs, and Taeyong can’t help but to admire it. Jaehyun’s form is taut, graceful, and full of so much confidence. He reaches Taeyong in a few seconds, his hair sticking to his forehead with sweat and his breathing controlled. Almost everyone in their immediate surrounding grows silent as if they’re watching a show, waiting to see what’s going to happen. Taeyong fidgets, feeling slightly uncomfortable with all the eyes currently concentrated on them. Being under the spotlight causes his skin to prickle, but he knows that Jaehyun comes with attention plastered all over him. Plus, this is a great chance for Taeyong to try his hand at being nice while hoping that Jongin is somewhere watching him easily move on with someone else.

Taeyong clears his throat. “Nice game.”

Jaehyun tilts his head to the side. “Yeah, except I had Coach breathing down my neck the entire time. If only you had contacted me a few days ago, then I wouldn’t have played like shit during the official game.” He breathes out a laugh, fingers reaching forward to brush a few strands of hair out of Taeyong’s face. His skin tingles at the touch and he wants to lean into his hand so badly, but the audience stops him. Taeyong thinks it would be a little too much to do so. “Meet me in the parking lot after you shower.”

“Why?”

Jaehyun grins before giving Taeyong’s cheek a quick pinch. “Just meet me there.”

“Jung!” Coach Velasquez calls from behind him. “Locker room meeting. Now!”

“Yes, Coach,” Jaehyun grumbles, but he never takes his eyes off of Taeyong.

The pull between them is crazy and addictive. And despite the crowd surrounding them, Taeyong gets lost in his smoky eyes. It’s like he’s able to erase the world. He’s a compelling type of madness. However, the moment is completely shattered when Jungwoo approaches and clasps Jaehyun’s shoulder from behind.

“Dude, let’s go. Or else Coach is gonna make us run laps again.”

Jaehyun shoots him a glare. “Running laps is a lot better outcome than I have planned for you if you don’t fuck off.”

Jungwoo’s eyes flick in Taeyong’s direction. “Tame the beast, will you?”

Taeyong smiles. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Sure it is. With the right method.” Jungwoo waggles his eyebrows, and Jaehyun elbows him causing him to howl in exaggerated pain. “Our friendship just gained an expiration date, Jae, and the only way to save it is by letting me drive that sweet car of yours.”

“Then, I guess our friendship is over.”

“What about just for an hour?”

“Over.”

“Okay, fine. Let me just take it for a loop around the block,” Jungwoo tries as he drapes his arm around Jaehyun’s shoulders and starts guiding him away.

“Parking lot,” Jaehyun mouths to Taeyong as Jungwoo continues to drag him away, spouting a monologue about how his friendship is worth more than enough to be able to drive his car.

Taeyong can’t help but smile as he watches them go, but it soon fades when he feels someone glaring holes right through him. He turns sideways, but all he finds are the faces of his teammates that are still lingering around. That is, of course, until he spots Theo. He’s leaning against the railing leading to the soccer team’s locker room and staring at Taeyong with a completely unreadable expression. He isn’t alone, either. Doyoung is standing beside him, gaze full of contempt as the two lock eyes.

“Nevermind Doyoung,” Xiaojun, another member of the track team, says as he interlaces his arm with Taeyong’s. “He’s just bitter that Jaehyun will never look at him the way he looks at you.” Taeyong furrows his brows slightly as Xiaojun pulls him away from their unnerving stares and into the locker room. “Doyoung wishes he was you.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s been gunning after Jaehyun since junior high, but he’s never really showed interest in him. Then, you come along and he openly shows you off. Doyoung feels threatened.”

“Been gunning after him how?”

“In a territorial kind of way, I guess?” Xiaojun taps his lower lip, appearing deep in thought for a moment. “It’s weird because I don’t think he’s even attracted to Jaehyun, but he’s been working his ass off to score him anyway. Rumor has it that Doyoung is hiding a secret boyfriend by using Jaehyun as a cover-up.”

Or maybe Doyoung is actually dating Jaehyun. Or maybe they’re sleeping together and the whole secret boyfriend thing is a deflection method. Taeyong shakes his head, trying to will the thoughts away. He just promised Jaehyun that he would try trusting him, yet he’s already doubting him. Xiaojun keeps talking about multiple rumors that have circled around the school since their junior high days, way before Taeyong ever joined them. Apparently, he’s been missing out on half of what’s been happening at Hearst, though. Like the fact that Mr. Graham, the previous rugby coach, was fired for a complaint of harassment against one of his players. Taeyong always thought he transferred willingly, but according to Xiaojun, the school’s board made sure to keep everything under wraps.

It only makes Taeyong think of Jongin, and how he would be in so much trouble if his relationship with Taeyong got out. He doesn’t want Jongin to lose his job or to become a huge stain on his reputation, but Taeyong can’t just separate himself from him, either. Xiaojun doesn’t let him stew in his thoughts for too long, though, and quickly moves on to another topic. He tells him about how Jaehyun’s father, Minho, has been personally overlooking the soccer team’s schedule. He has friends that are a part of big teams in the Premier League in England and plans on sending scouts over. It makes Taeyong wonder if Jaehyun plans to pursue soccer professionally like his cousin.

Xiaojun keeps going on and on, even when they make their way to the showers. He doesn’t stop talking then, though, either. Taeyong kind of tunes him out as he showers, his mind racing with everything that’s happened during the day. Hell, with everything that has happened in the last few hours. He wants to stay back and talk to Jongin privately, but he knows he can’t now that Jaehyun is waiting for him in the parking lot. He would surely come looking for him if Taeyong was too late in showing up. He finishes with his shower in what feels like record speed before toweling himself dry and slipping on the warm bathrobe. Then, he steps out of the stall at the same time that Xiaojun does.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” he blurts, stepping closer as he lowers his voice so no one else can hear. “Some people have been saying that you and Jaehyun are old acquaintances or something and that you hurt him. That’s why he apparently hated you the moment he first saw you. Is that true?”

Taeyong’s heart jolts before suddenly picking up speed. The rumor makes a lot of sense, and if he weren’t one-thousand-percent sure that he had only met Jaehyun for the first time two years ago, he might have believed it, too.

“I didn’t know anyone at Hearst before I came here,” Taeyong tells him.

“Thought so. I guess that means the second rumor is more correct.”

“And that is?”

Xiaojun lifts a shoulder. “That Jaehyun only targeted you because you were new, and he thought you were hot.”

Taeyong snorts. “Seems kind of grade school, don’t you think?”

“Maybe. Jaehyun’s actions have never made much sense though, so I believe it.”

Xiaojun’s words stick with Taeyong as they both start getting dressed and begin to exit together. When they pass Jongin’s office, he can’t help but to let his eyes wander. Jongin is speaking to another one of his teammates, with a big smile on his face, and Taeyong’s eyes narrow. Maybe he’s already found a replacement. The thought makes him want to storm in there and stake his claim, but he can’t do that. Not today, anyway. So, he focuses his attention back on Xiaojun as they make the trek across the academy, ending up by the pool area where Xiaojun breaks off to talk to the swim team’s coach about his younger brother’s application. They bid their farewells, and Taeyong starts heading in the direction of the parking lot.

He visibly shudders when he passes by the indoor pool, though. Deep water stiffens his shoulder blades with fear, especially if it’s dark and he can’t make out his own limbs. After a few panic attacks when he was younger, Junmyeon and Irene quit taking him to the beach and to swim at all. They always made sure to eliminate anything of discomfort from Taeyong’s immediate vicinity, and he’s beyond thankful for the lengths they’ve been going through in order to make sure he lives a comfortable life. Just thinking about them reminds Taeyong that he needs to let them know he won’t be coming straight home, so he digs out his phone and opens their groupchat.

`TAEYONG`   
`wont be home after school`

`TAEYONG`   
`gonna go to marks for a bit to study`

He bites his lower lip as he sends the message. He hates lying to them, but after the tension this morning, he would rather lie about Jaehyun than have to endure Irene’s scrutinizing. At least until he figures out where he even stands with the boy in question.

`JUNMYEON`   
`have fun, bud!`

`IRENE`   
`Promise me that you won’t eat any junk food, please?`

`TAEYONG`   
`i promise`

He doesn’t wait for Irene’s reply before he’s exiting out of one chat and opening another. This time to Mark. He quickly tells him that he’s catching a ride with Jaehyun and asks if he’ll cover for him if his aunt decides to call or try to snoop around. Irene has a gift in being able to tell when something seems off, so he doesn’t want to take any chances.

`MARK`   
`werent u guys fighting just this morning? i thought doyoung was his date for the day`

`TAEYONG`   
`its a long story`

`MARK`   
`well i expect you to facetime me later & give me all the details!`

`TAEYONG`   
`k`

`MARK`   
`i’m serious!! dont leave ur best friend in the dark`

Taeyong shakes his head with a smile as his screen gets flooded with angry emojis. Then, he pockets his phone and pushes through the door to the back of the school. Once he’s outside, the humid air cools the skin of his face and has his body relaxing the slightest bit. He immediately spots Jaehyun standing by his car, his uniform completely disheveled as if he put it on in a hurry and shoelaces untied. That strange awareness starts a war, slashing and clawing at Taeyong’s abdomen as he walks towards him. His steps are quick and silent as if he’s floating through the air, as if he’s afraid he can’t reach Jaehyun fast enough. This pull is terrifying. _He’s_ terrifying.

Still, there’s no fighting how much Taeyong wants to be close to him. Now, he knows exactly how a moth feels when they fly straight into the fire. The flames are worth the burn. As he gets closer, Jaehyun must realize that his shoelaces are undone, so he bends down and begins tying them. Taeyong stumbles to a halt a small distance away and stifles a gasp of shock when Jaehyun’s slacks ride up, revealing a deep circular scar that surrounds his right ankle. It seems to be as old and faded as the scars on his back and the ones on the underside of his forearm. Taeyong is stuck staring at him when something light connects with his shoulder, causing him to jump.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Yuta apologizes.

“No, it’s fine,” Taeyong assures him, glancing back over at Jaehyun who’s already straightened up and is heading in their direction.

“You forgot this,” Yuta tells him as he holds up the book they had been discussing before practice and slips it into Taeyong’s bag.

“Didn’t anyone tell you that you shouldn’t go around opening people’s bags?” Taeyong smiles.

Yuta’s lips twitch. “I’ll remember that next time.”

“There won’t be a next time,” Jaehyun interrupts as he steps up beside Taeyong, slipping an arm around his waist and pulling him into the curve of his body.

“I think that very much depends on how you act from now on,” Yuta states, sounding half teasing and half serious.

Taeyong’s brows furrow, looking from one friend to the other. It feels like there’s some other conversation happening between them that he’s not privy to, and it makes him shift uncomfortably. 

“Tell me, do you want your grave next to Johnny’s or Jungwoo’s?”

A smile lifts the corner of Yuta’s mouth. “Preferably, neither.”

“Then, I suggest you stop threatening what’s mine.”

“I will as soon as you do the same.”

Taeyong’s gaze bounces between Jaehyun and Yuta. Unlike the war of gazes Jaehyun has had with Johnny in the past, Yuta appears completely nonchalant about the whole thing. However, Taeyong can sense the tension in the air. It’s like a cool sheen over his skin, threatening to explode at any second. It’s odd, because Jaehyun and Yuta don’t exactly strike him as the fighting type. They have always seemed to have the most laid-back relationship in the group. The little staring contest they have going on is interrupted, however, when Doyoung begins stomping in their direction, cheeks red and nostrils flaring. 

“Take care of him,” Jaehyun tells Yuta in a calm tone as if they’ve dealt with this very same thing a million times before.

“I’m on it,” Yuta replies, cool expression disappearing and features tightening as he leaves to intercept Doyoung.

Taeyong doesn’t get to watch what’s happening since Jaehyun guides him to the passenger seat of his car fairly quickly. He can’t hear the other two occupants in the parking lot, but he can see Doyoung screaming at Yuta. The weird part is that Doyoung doesn’t spare Jaehyun a single glance. Instead, he cuts Taeyong a glare before he starts pushing at Yuta’s chest. The latter simply keeps him at arm’s length, though, expression still as tight as earlier as Doyoung continues to struggle against him. Then, Yuta leans in and says something in his ear which causes Doyoung to go limp against him. Taeyong tilts his head, brows furrowed, as he watches Yuta drag Doyoung out of the parking lot until they’ve completely disappeared from Taeyong’s field of vision.

“What was that all about?” Taeyong asks, once Jaehyun is seated in the driver’s seat.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Do you always have Yuta take care of your problems?”

Jaehyun cocks his head to the side, small smile on his face. “No one can make Yuta do anything he doesn’t want to.”

“Not even you?”

“Not even me,” Jaehyun confirms. “Besides, Doyoung is his soon-to-be step-brother. He knows how to deal with him best.”

“His… what?”

“Their parents plan on getting married soon. Apparently, they’ve been dating secretly for a while. The news was dropped on them out of nowhere. Kinda shitty, if you ask me.”

Taeyong blinks, mouth slightly parted in shock. He doesn’t like Doyoung, but he agrees that it’s a shitty thing to do to keep something that serious from their kids. Plus, Doyoung and Yuta have completely different personalities, so he can’t see the arrangement going too well for either of them. Jaehyun turns the ignition, and the engine revs to life in a way that effectively cuts off any more of Taeyong’s thoughts. They weave out of the parking lot, and Jaehyun reaches over to thread his fingers through Taeyong’s before placing their intertwined hands on his thigh. Taeyong’s breathing cracks at the amount of tenderness in his touch. It’s almost… _normal_. Like they do this sort of thing all the time. 

“Where are we going?” Taeyong asks, trying to distract himself from getting too lost in Jaehyun’s false security.

“You’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos, comments, and any kind of other feedback is always welcome and definitely encouraged. You get an extra thank you for taking the time to do so, but just reading is appreciated and you're still valid! If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, where I sometimes post edits and previews for upcoming fics, then I'll leave the link to that and my Curious Cat account below. 
> 
> My DMs are always open to anyone, no matter if you follow me or not, if you'd like to discuss anything or just need someone to talk to! I also have Discord and am willing to give out my username if you ask. Hope everyone has a nice day, be safe out there!
> 
> ( [twt](https://twitter.com/icaruswilts) ) / ( [cc](https://curiouscat.me/internetsdad) )


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, fun fact, but this fic was originally supposed to be a one-shot and everything up until the end of this chapter was gonna be included in it. When y'all finish this chapter, just keep in mind that I was really gonna end it there lol.

“Why don’t you ever come to any of my games?” Jaehyun asks as he continues driving with one hand on the steering wheel and the other still clasping Taeyong’s.

“I’m not really interested in high school soccer.”

Jaehyun raises a brow. “So, you only like watching the Premier League? Is that it?”

“No, it’s—” He pauses, realizing that Jaehyun seems to be messing around with him. He glares at the side of his face, but the latter just laughs in return.

“You know, if you come to one of my games, then I’ll take you somewhere special to show my gratitude.”

“Like where?”

“Sorry, you have to agree first before I’ll tell you.”

“Why do you even want me to come? Aren’t your little groupies enough support? If not them, then surely your Instagram stalkers will make up the slack.”

Jaehyun’s grin widens. “Considering the fact that you know about them, that must mean that you’ve been stalking me, too.”

Taeyong swallows hard, cheeks heating. “That’s a reach.”

“So, you’re one of those silent stalkers, huh?” Jaehyun continues in a contemplative tone. “Always lurking without liking or commenting.”

“You’re so full of yourself.”

“Silent stalkers are always the scariest, you know?” He throws Taeyong an amused gleam.

“Just tell me where we’re going,” Taeyong grumbles.

“To a place you’ll love.”

Somehow, Taeyong is skeptical of that declaration. He doesn’t think Jaehyun knows enough about him to proclaim such a thing, but he opts to go along with it. Not that he has much of a choice since he’s already gotten into the car with him. For all he knows, Jaehyun could be leading him to the slaughter right now. As they get closer and closer to their destination, though, Taeyong realizes that he’s taking him to the state’s largest soccer stadium. That only confuses him more, however, because Vermont’s best soccer team is still the worst in the country on a good day. How could this be considered taking him somewhere he’ll love?

But he did promise to trust Jaehyun, so he doesn’t make any snide remarks. However, he truly longs to do so when they pull into the empty parking lot. He has no idea what they’re doing here still, and a part of him believes Jaehyun may be bringing him here to kill him in a place with no witnesses. Unclasping his seatbelt, Taeyong allows it to whir across his chest and back into its original place. He doesn’t let Jaehyun open the door for him like he so obviously wants to do, but that’s mostly because he’s too riled up with curiosity about the possibilities. Turns out, the big surprise is that Arsenal is in town on Minho Jung’s request, and Jaehyun wants Taeyong to meet the team.

And despite Mark’s assumptions that Taeyong only likes to watch soccer because of Junmyeon, he actually really enjoys it. So, getting to meet all the players and getting to take pictures with them puts Taeyong in an almost giddy mood. He feels like a kid again, the excitement from it all passing him in a rush as he gets lost in the glamour and glitz. He even gets to talk to Sungchan again — who’s on the team — and though he seems a little worried about Taeyong still hanging around Jaehyun, he reels himself in and welcomes them both with open arms. Taeyong doesn’t end up fully snapping out of his stupor until they’re sitting back in the same café that Jaehyun first took him to when he convinced Taeyong’s aunt and uncle that they were dating.

They’re in the same area as the first time as well, on the top level where no one else is around except for the older gentleman from before — who is near the window again, reading a book and sipping from his coffee. Taeyong figures he must come here a lot. Not that he can really blame him since he’s come to enjoy the place, too. It’s very cozy and inviting, there’s no denying that. 

“Junmyeon is gonna be _so_ jealous when I show him these,” Taeyong says as he scrolls through his pictures. “I’m definitely gonna be rubbing it in his face for the rest of my life.”

“Are you done now?”

Jaehyun doesn’t sound amused, but he’s kind of been in an irritable mood since they left the locker room. Taeyong peels his gaze from his phone and begrudgingly looks at the boy beside him. Jaehyun has removed his jacket and rolled the cuffs of his white shirt to his elbows, so his strong forearms and tattoos are on display. He seems to be completely distracted, though, as he stuffs some fries into his mouth and glares at Taeyong’s phone. He doesn’t seem to be impressed with Taeyong’s enthusiasm, but the latter smiles at him anyway. Meeting Arsenal’s players is already a highlight in his life, and he doesn’t want the mood to be spoiled. Especially not after what happened with Jongin. This is a good distraction for him.

“Thanks for taking me there,” Taeyong says. “It seriously made my day. Actually, scratch that, it made my entire year!”

Jaehyun grunts in response. “I think it’s time to put the phone down and eat. You haven’t even touched your food.”

“ _Okay_. You scarily sounded just like Irene right then.” Taeyong places the device face down on the table and picks up his fork to stab into the salad in front of him. “What’re you so upset about anyway?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know.”

“Uh, I really don’t?” Taeyong says, but it only takes a second longer before he realizes what it is and bursts into laughter. “Wait, don’t tell me that you’re actually _jealous_ right now.”

“I just want you to look at me like that. Is that so bad? I want you to be this excited to spend time with me, too.”

Taeyong bites back a grin and tries to conceal it with a forkful of salad. He can’t even deny that he likes the fact that Jaehyun gets jealous over such minuscule things like this. He loves driving him crazy. It’s like he’s getting high on this feeling, and like any junkie, he wants more.

“So, jealousy really drove you to punch Johnny and threaten Yuta, huh? Your closest friends aren’t even safe.”

Jaehyun pauses eating, eyes squinting the slightest bit before he flashes Taeyong a menacing smile. “Do you get some kind of enjoyment out of antagonizing me?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“That’s why you pulled that little stunt with Yuta earlier, isn’t it?”

“We were just discussing philosophical theories.”

“Like?”

Taeyong’s head tilts. Yuta had said that Sartre’s book, Nausea, belongs to Jaehyun, but he still doesn’t think he’s the type who would be interested in philosophy. “Existentialism.”

“Which is boring and illogical.”

If Jaehyun thinks that way of it, then there’s no way he would’ve kept a copy of the book. Taeyong sure as hell returned his own to the library as soon as he was finished with it.

“Have you ever actually read any book by Jean-Paul Sartre?” he prompts.

“A few. My mom had this _thing_ for French philosophers.”

As soon as Jaehyun mentions his mother, it takes everything in Taeyong not to immediately ask what _really_ happened to her. The question hovers on the tip of his tongue, but he highly doubts that Jaehyun will even answer it. And he doesn’t want to come off as rude or pushy, either.

“That’s interesting,” Taeyong comments. “What else did she like?”

“Me.” Jaehyun smiles, almost appearing lost in his thoughts. “I’m pretty sure I was the _only_ person she liked.”

“What about your father?”

“She may have liked him at some point, but I never witnessed it. She dissociated from Minho as much as he dissociated from her. His work always came first, his brother second, then me and Sungchan third. My mom was always last.”

Taeyong’s heart aches at the thought of a young Jaehyun and his mother being ignored by his dad for work. Maybe his transformation truly did start after he lost her, which means that Taeyong is right to assume Inez Jung’s death played a significant role in shaping Jaehyun’s deviant personality.

“I guess I can relate to having workaholic parents. It definitely sucks,” Taeyong says sympathetically.

“Is that what your real parents were like?”

A slash of pain grips Taeyong whenever they’re mentioned, and he thinks maybe this is how Jaehyun feels when he talks about his own mother. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” 

“I told you, I don’t remember anything about my life before the fire. The only parents I remember are Irene and Junmyeon.”

A contemplative looks crosses Jaehyun’s features, but it disappears so fast that Taeyong wouldn’t have even noticed it if he wasn’t watching him so intently. 

“I see,” Jaehyun says. “It doesn’t really matter to me if Minho wants to work his entire life away. I’m outta there as soon as I graduate anyway.”

“Are you planning to pursue soccer professionally?” 

Jaehyun laughs. “Do you really think Minho Jung will allow his only son to be a professional soccer player?”

“He let Sungchan.”

“Sungchan isn’t his son,” Jaehyun reminds him. “Plus, I may like soccer, but it was never my endgame. It’s a career with a short shelf life that’s insignificant in the greater scheme of things. At least Minho and I can agree on that.”

“What are your plans for after graduation, then?” Taeyong asks as he picks at his food.

“Well, I wanna get as far away from him as possible, so I’ve been thinking of attending Oxford.”

Taeyong’s fork stills against his plate and invisible hands grip his chest. Why does knowing that the two of them will be so far apart hurt so much? Taeyong will be at Harvard and Jaehyun will be all the way in England. They won’t even be in the same state, let alone the same country.

“Wow,” Taeyong says, forcing a smile onto his face. “You have to work really hard to get into a place like that.”

“I’m in the top five percent for a reason.” Jaehyun winks.

“Does your dad put in a good word with the teachers?”

“He doesn’t need to. They’d do it on their own,” Jaehyun says as he takes a drink from his soda. “I don’t need any of that, though. I’m perfectly capable of putting in the work and getting the grades.”

“Really?” Taeyong raises a brow. “I’ve never seen you study. Not even during finals.”

Jaehyun chuckles, eyes glinting with mischief. “So, you _are_ stalking me.”

“I’m just saying that everyone else seems to care more about their grades than you do.”

“That’s because I work smarter, not harder. What will slaving for grades even get you in the end?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Taeyong mocks. “A good university?”

“And then what? A boring job in a boring office, an expensive house in some gated neighborhood? German cars. Wife. Kids. The whole cliché.”

Jaehyun seems bored with the whole list, but then again, why wouldn’t he be? He’s known since he was born that he’ll be granted everything without making any kind of real effort. He has always been destined to be Jung Enterprises’ heir. Someone else might have felt the pressure, but Jaehyun is the opposite. He lives for challenges, so having his whole future mapped out must look extremely dull in his eyes.

“If it were completely up to you, what would you do?”

Jaehyun lifts his head abruptly, as if he’s been taken by surprise, then grins. “Kidnap you and hide you away where no one can find you again.”

“I’m serious.” Taeyong lightly kicks him underneath the table before taking a sip of water to soothe his dry throat.

“I’m also serious. You’ve been the only thing that breaks this endless vicious cycle that is my life.”

Taeyong’s eyes widen slightly, heart fluttering as he locks eyes with Jaehyun. There’s nothing that tells him Jaehyun is lying, but he still finds it so hard to believe. Jaehyun is here, saying all the right things and making him feel like he’s the most important person in the world, yet Taeyong is still struggling to accept it. Reaching forward, Jaehyun grazes his cheek with his fingers, then dips them down to Taeyong’s bottom lip. He traces the flesh with the tip of his finger as his smoldering gaze devours Taeyong’s mouth. Each stroke is like a lightning bolt to Taeyong’s aching core, and his thighs clench in a futile attempt to chase away the throb.

“We’re in public,” is the only thing Taeyong can muster.

“So? We’re not doing anything,” Jaehyun points out in a slightly husky tone. “This is completely innocent.”

“Nothing about you is innocent.”

“But there’s still so much innocence about you,” Jaehyun whispers as he leans closer. “And I’m _very_ tempted to destroy it.”

His words should scare Taeyong — and maybe they would if this had all been happening a few weeks ago — but now he can only feel himself falling faster and harder than anyone should. He feels his cock stir in his slacks, so he shifts in his seat slightly in an attempt to conceal it. Then, something flashes in his peripheral vision and hijacks his attention. Taeyong’s head snaps over to the window, but there’s no one there except for the man who’s still reading from his book and sipping from his mug.

“What is it?” Jaehyun asks as he puts two fingers under Taeyong’s chin and turns him back to face him.

“I swear I just felt like someone was watching us.”

“No one is even around. If anyone had been staring, I would’ve seen them.”

“I guess I’m just being paranoid,” Taeyong mumbles, though the uneasy feeling lingers. “I’ll be right back,” he stammers. “Need to use the bathroom.”

Taeyong stands and makes a hasty retreat before Jaehyun can stop him. He just needs to splash a little water on his face and get his head together alone. He’s had a roller coaster of a day, and he hasn’t even been able to process any of it. Pushing through to the bathroom, he’s happy to find that it’s empty and immediately makes his way over to the sink. He shrugs off his jacket, then rolls up his sleeves in preparation to scrub his hands for a bit. But he never gets the chance. The door clicks open, and Taeyong turns to look just as Jaehyun enters. He leans against the closed door and reaches behind his back to lock it.

“What are you doing?” Taeyong whispers as if someone can hear them.

Jaehyun abandons the door and strides towards him with sure, wide steps. Taeyong’s heart flutters at the look in his eye, and his fingers dig into the material of his jacket in anticipation. He’s just about to open his mouth to say something else — what that is, he isn’t sure — when his words die in his throat as Jaehyun’s lips crash into his own in an all-consuming kiss. The jacket slips from Taeyong’s hands then, and he wraps one around the back of Jaehyun’s neck as his shoulder blades hit the wall with a thud. Jaehyun places both hands under Taeyong’s ass and lifts him, while the latter wraps his legs around his waist in return.

“Jae—” he tries to argue. But Jaehyun just kisses him again, nipping at Taeyong’s bottom lip and effectively killing any protest he may have.

Jaehyun’s tongue thrusts inside of his mouth, and Taeyong doesn’t fight it. He threads his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair and lets him completely consume him. _Own him_. _Ruin him_. He doesn’t care anymore as long as Jaehyun continues to make him feel this overwhelming passion. The position they’re in is a bit awkward, but that doesn’t stop Jaehyun from reaching between them to undo the belt holding up Taeyong’s slacks. He makes the action look easy, and for some reason, that only turns Taeyong on more. He grinds against the very prominent bulge in Jaehyun’s pants, chasing the throb between his own shaking thighs as his movements become more frantic and uncoordinated.

That only seems to make Jaehyun more impatient, the two of them meeting in a rushed act of dominance as they fight against one another for control. Taeyong drops his legs, and as soon as his feet touch the floor, he’s pushing Jaehyun back until he’s pressed against the sink. Their lips never leave one another’s as Taeyong makes quick work of loosening Jaehyun’s belt and releasing the button of his slacks. But, in the span of a second, he finds their positions being reversed as Jaehyun spins them around and pushes Taeyong down face-first against the counter. If he were thinking straight, Taeyong would be completely grossed out, but the only thing on his mind is having Jaehyun inside of him. _Quickly_.

Jaehyun yanks both Taeyong’s pants and briefs down with one hand, then lifts one of his legs causing his shoe to slip off in the process. He maneuvers Taeyong how he wants, bending his knee as Jaehyun props his leg up on the sink. Taeyong watches as Jaehyun then reaches into his pocket and produces a travel-sized bottle of lube. Taeyong’s brows raise slightly and he breathes out a laugh. A small, playful smile dances across Jaehyun’s face, too, as he pops it open and squeezes out a generous amount onto his fingers.

“Don’t tell me you really carry around lube.”

“It’s a recent development,” Jaehyun tells him, punctuating his words by shoving his index finger deep inside of him.

Taeyong’s brows furrow against the sting, but he relaxes into it. He likes the way it feels, likes when Jaehyun gets a little careless with it. He grunts when a second finger joins, eyes squeezing shut as pain and pleasure mix together. For a moment, he forgets that they’re in the bathroom of a café, that they’re in public where literally anyone can hear what they’re doing. But the threat of it all doesn’t water down his wild need for Jaehyun. If anything, it makes his desire more animalistic and out of control. Taeyong is so lost in his head and in the feeling that he doesn’t even realize Jaehyun is three fingers deep until said fingers are gone and he slams inside of him in one agonizing go. Taeyong shrieks, but the sound is swallowed by a hand over his mouth.

His limbs melt into a puddle and his heart nearly leaps out of his chest. Jaehyun is relentless with his thrusts, pressing a hand down against the middle of Taeyong’s back as he moans in the back of his throat. Their breathing escapes them in a frenzy, and the air mingles with the scent of them as they chase the feeling of euphoria. And, idly, Taeyong thinks this is what Mark meant when he said Jaehyun is free in ways that he isn’t. He isn’t ashamed to express all of his wants and takes without question. Taeyong likes that, likes it more than he should. Because, in those moments, Jaehyun makes everything else fall away. Nothing matters but them. Taeyong smiles, one of genuine happiness. He would have never believed he would be this content with being fucked against a dirty bathroom counter, but it’s the happiest he’s been in a long time.

He’s never felt so alive.

  
❦

Witch each passing day, Taeyong wanders deeper and deeper into Jaehyun’s maze, making the weeks zip by in a blur. He doesn’t even see it as a bad thing, it’s more surreal than anything. It takes a lot to get used to Jaehyun’s mindfuckery and manipulative streaks, takes a lot to see past the facade and into his true image, but Taeyong gets there with time. And he learns so much about Jaehyun along the way. For one, he’s definitely the jealous type and unafraid of showing it. Whenever they sit down together for lunch, all of his teammates — excluding Johnny, Jungwoo and Yuta — try to keep contact to a minimum. Johnny, in particular, doesn’t seem to have any sense of self-preservation. Though, Taeyong does think it’s kind of funny how much it gets under Jaehyun’s skin.

He learns that the three of them are actually pretty fun to hang out with, too. They’re the only people in Jaehyun’s circle who aren’t afraid of crossing him and who don’t bow down to his every command. It’s refreshing. Jaehyun hasn’t been too bad himself, either. Not after loosening up little by little. The two of them have been stuck together like glue, sneaking off to dark corners to make out and get lost in one another. Of course, their kissing always turns into something more, but Taeyong lives for the thrill. And he’s starting to think maybe Jongin was right when he told him that he needs to be with someone his own age. Taeyong is starting to see the appeal more and more with each passing day.

Pushing the library door open, Taeyong holds it for Jaehyun — whose hands are full of books — as they exit, and even though the two of them have been together for a while now, people still stop and stare. Like they can’t believe Jaehyun is actually tied down to someone. But Taeyong doesn’t care. They can stare if they want, they can talk all they want, none of that will take away the happiness he feels. Jaehyun’s phone vibrates in his back pocket as Taeyong lets the door close behind them, and Jaehyun silently motions for him to get it. Taeyong sighs as he slips his hand into Jaehyun’s pocket and retrieves the device, but not without a quick pinch of his ass cheek beforehand.

“You know, I’m perfectly capable of carrying my own books.”

Jaehyun arches a teasing brow. “How will I get you to touch me inappropriately if I let you carry them, though?”

“Stop,” Taeyong scolds, playfully hitting him on the shoulder as his eyes catch the notification for the text on his screen before it disappears.

`JUNMYEON`   
`can’t thank you enough for the tickets! go gunners!`

His eyes narrow, brows furrowing in slight confusion as he tries to comprehend his uncle and Jaehyun being close enough to text one another. Maybe it’s a different Junmyeon who loves Arsenal and is thanking Jaehyun for getting him tickets to one of their games. It’s unlikely, but not _entirely_ impossible. Still, the new revelation has Taeyong stopping at the corner of the hallway and thrusting the phone in Jaehyun’s face.

“Since when have you been so close to my uncle? I didn’t know you two have been talking behind my back.”

“Why are you making it sound like it’s some sort of conspiracy?”

“Are you saying it isn’t?”

“Of course it’s not. He likes Arsenal and I have the means of getting him tickets, so why wouldn’t I?” Jaehyun explains. “I’m just trying to be a good sport so he’ll approve of me dating you.”

Not like that’s something Jaehyun actually has to worry about because Junmyeon adores him. It’s Irene that’s still skeptical and continues reminding Taeyong that his studies should come first. Junmyeon is always all over Jaehyun whenever he drives Taeyong home, though, and constantly invites him over for dinner and breakfast. Jaehyun is opportunistic by nature, so he jumps all over any invitation he gets. Taeyong isn’t too keen on admitting it out loud, but he does actually like having Jaehyun in his space. It’s nice to feel so wanted… so _loved_. Mark says that Jaehyun is making an effort for Taeyong, and maybe it’s time to come to terms with that. Taeyong is just scared that if he lets go completely, Jaehyun will swallow him whole. That’s part of the reason why he hasn’t attempted to make what they have official. They’re exclusive, but they’re not really dating in the conventional term.

“You really are something else,” Taeyong states.

Still holding onto his books, Jaehyun moves into him and backs Taeyong up so that his shoulder blades touch the wall. Then, he lowers his head until his warm breath causes shivers to break out across Taeyong’s skin.

“There’s nothing in this entire world I wouldn’t do to have you,” Jaehyun tells him, voice low and raspy.

“Nothing?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

The thought of such a thing should be scary, but Taeyong is feeling anything but right now. Pushing himself up onto his tiptoes, he plants a chaste kiss on Jaehyun’s cheek, but before he can deepen it, Taeyong ducks and starts walking again. There’s no way he’s letting Jaehyun kiss him in the school’s hallways. That’s still a little too much for him to handle. Jaehyun quickly catches back up, planting himself at Taeyong’s side as the latter checks the time on his phone.

“I really need to get going,” he says. “I have an appointment with my doctor.”

Jaehyun narrows his eyes slightly, tilting his head. “Okay, I’ll pick you up after practice.”

Taeyong suppresses a nervous smile and nods. They’re actually hanging out at Jaehyun’s house today and watching a game with Johnny, Jungwoo and Yuta. Thankfully, Mark agreed to join as well, so Taeyong won’t be completely alone with Jaehyun and his friends. He may be more tolerant of them now, but he isn’t about to start fully letting his guard down. Plus, it’s the first time he’ll be going over to Jaehyun’s house, and he’s nervous. Jaehyun is always eating at Taeyong’s place, sneaking into his room, and spending nights in his bed when Irene and Junmyeon are caught up with work. It’s become a comfortable routine, and Taeyong truly doesn’t know if he’s ready to make the leap of meeting the mighty and powerful Minho Jung.

Being back in Dr. Moon’s office so long after interrupting his own therapy is weird, to say the least. Nothing has really changed, though. The office is still bland as ever, white without anything distinctive other than the wall-length bookshelf opposite them. Dr. Moon told Taeyong long ago that the lack of paintings and objects is on purpose in order to not distract patients and to keep the mind as open as possible. Everything is exactly the same — even Dr. Moon hasn’t changed much — and Taeyong doesn’t know if that’s comforting or not.

“I’m very happy to see you again,” Dr. Moon — or Taeil as he likes to be addressed — says, tone welcoming as if he’s genuinely happy to have Taeyong back on his recliner chair. “Mr. Kim mentioned that you were experiencing a little stress concerning exams. What exactly do you think may be the cause of that?”

“It’s my senior year, so I think the pressure is just a lot because I’ll be heading off to university and everything,” Taeyong replies.

It’s not a lie, but it’s also not the reason he’s here, either. Taeil still takes the bait though, and his eyes fill with what Taeyong calls _detached care_. That’s kind of what makes him perfect at his job. Taeil has the ability to empathize while not allowing his patients’ feelings to rub off on him. 

“That’s understandable. I imagine lots of kids your age are experiencing the same thing. Even I remember feeling that way,” Taeil tells him. “What about everything else? Have you been struggling with any triggers lately?”

“Yes.” Taeyong shifts against the chair and it squeaks in the deafening silence. “I’ve been having a lot of nightmares, Dr. Moon,” he admits, holding eye contact. “Nightmares about you hypnotizing me, specifically.”

Taeil’s pen pauses on the notepad perched atop his knee and his shoulders tense. He doesn’t even need to say anything because that’s all the answer Taeyong needs. He knew it wasn’t just a play of his imagination.

“What do you think brought on such a nightmare, Taeyong?”

Taeyong sits up straighter. “But they’re not really nightmares, are they? They’re memories.” Taeil opens his mouth to say something, but Taeyong holds up his hand to stop him. “I’m not blaming you, Dr. Moon. I know you specialize in hypnotherapy, so it’s not like you’re doing anything illegal. I also know that my aunt and uncle probably asked you to do it, but I need to know _why_.”

Taeil shuffles his notebook as if he’s about to stand up, but his features remain passive. “Perhaps we should cut the session short today. It’s preferable that you call your guardian and—”

“Chloe Moore,” Taeyong cuts in. “She’s the reason why you don’t practice hypnotherapy anymore. After you helped her restore her memories, she committed suicide.”

Taeil’s eyes fill and shine with something akin to sadness, and Taeyong knows he’s struck a chord. That’s the whole reason he did so much research before coming here, though. He needs Taeil to understand how serious he is about this.

“I’m not Chloe,” he reminds his therapist. “I’m not suicidal. I promise not to hurt myself if only you promise not to have my aunt and uncle involved in this. They’re hiding something from me, I know they are. I just don’t know why.”

“Chloe said something similar.” Taeil sighs, rubbing at his eyes. “She begged me to tell her who she was before losing her memories, and when she found out that she was behind the accident that killed her husband and children, she couldn’t handle the truth. She hated who she was.”

“I’m not her. I can handle it,” Taeyong says, tone pleading. “I just wanna know what they called you for.”

Taeil slouches in his chair, but keeps his posture upright as he seems to contemplate the best course of action. But Taeyong is eighteen, and if there’s something he wants to know, then he’s entitled to that. He’s an adult. Irene and Junmyeon can’t make these decisions for him anymore.

“When your aunt and uncle first contacted me, you were having extremely violent episodes of screaming and constant falling in and out of consciousness.”

“Like how my nightmares are now?”

“Nightmares are simply a manifestation of one’s subconscious, and yours are no different. When you were a child, those nightmares showed themselves at all times of the day. You were traumatized and in severe shock due to everything that happened. So, I used regression on you, which is a hypnosis method best used to help resolve past traumas.”

“Are you trying to tell me that my aunt and uncle asked you to erase all of my memories? At least up until the fire?”

A sense of betrayal fills Taeyong’s chest at the thought of them doing something like that behind his back. It’s like they violated his mind. So what if he was a child and they were his fill-in parents? That didn’t give them the right to erase his past.

“They only called me with the hopes that I could reduce your anxiety because they heard hypnosis could help with that. They were very desperate, especially your aunt. She looked ready and willing to do anything in order to chase away your pain.”

“What does that mean? That you erased everything behind their backs, then?”

“No,” Taeil denies, giving him a quizzical stare. “I didn’t erase your memories, Taeyong. You did.”

Taeyong’s head is still spinning when he exits Taeil’s office, and he finds himself having trouble in wrapping his mind around everything his doctor revealed to him. He made it clear to Taeyong that he only put him in a stance to resolve his traumatic experience, but when he woke up, his memories were gone. The child version of himself had apparently decided that the best solution was to just erase everything. Taeil told him that sometimes, when things get too overwhelming, the brain can and will resort to skipping over the traumatic parts. Suppressing memories becomes more of a vital need rather than an option in some cases. After the fire, he was very mentally and physically all over the place, so it makes sense.

As he walks down the hallway, though, he can’t help in wondering if he did the right thing. And it still doesn’t really ease his mind in regards to Irene and Junmyeon. They knew all of this, but chose to hide the truth from him for ten years. He really doubts they would have told him anything if he hadn’t put two and two together on his own. He can’t entirely blame them for that, though. Since they swept him off from Bardot, they’ve done everything in their power to protect him. To the point of overkill, sometimes. But they did it all out of love and care, so how can Taeyong fully fault them for that? Sure, they made some mistakes, but can he really say he wouldn’t do the same?

He presses a hand to his temple, attempting to massage the headache away. But his mind doesn’t stop whirring, and it only gets worse. Taeil had also told him that he needed to think carefully about restoring his memories because it’s a one-way road. He said he couldn’t guarantee anything, but he can get Taeyong into a regression state and help him access places in his subconscious that his consciousness isn’t even aware of. When he first got here, he was so sure that he wanted his memories back no matter the cost. However, after learning more about Taeil’s other patient, he’s not so sure anymore. What if, like Chloe, he opens Pandora’s Box and discovers things he can’t handle? 

Besides, does he really want to relive his parents’ deaths? He shudders just at the thought, and that familiar itch finds its way under the skin of his palms again. The urge to scrub them clean washes over him, and with jerky fingers, he opens his bag to grab the small bottle of hand sanitizer he always keeps handy. He pours half of the bottle out into his palm and works it in until it’s completely dry. The itch slowly withers away with his actions, and he releases a breath when it finally disappears. Pocketing the sanitizer, he makes his way out of the building, only to stumble to a halt on the pavement when he finds Jaehyun’s car parked across the street. The latter is standing by the driver’s door, but he’s not alone. In fact, he’s talking to a very familiar annoyance in Taeyong’s life.

_Doyoung_.

His nostrils flare, and a violent rush shoots through Taeyong’s veins as he strides across the street, trying not to break out into a run. Doyoung isn’t known to lose his cool, but right now, his hands are flying all around him in a frantic manner. Jaehyun, on the other hand, appears bored. That should water down the fury bubbling through Taeyong, but it doesn’t. The fact that Jaehyun is even talking to Doyoung when he’s supposed to be here picking Taeyong up sullies his mood, and he wonders if they arrived together. Facing Doyoung isn’t really what he wants to do after having a life-changing talk with his therapist, but if that’s what has to be done, then Taeyong will absolutely do it.

“You promised, Jae,” Doyoung hisses.

“I told you I would think about it.”

“You don’t get to escape this.”

“Escape what?” Taeyong interrupts.

Doyoung startles at the new presence and whips his head in the direction of Taeyong, as does Jaehyun. It’s like they were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn’t even hear him arrive. A frown etches itself between Jaehyun’s eyebrows, but there’s no trace of guilt on his face. Then again, Jaehyun doesn’t exactly do guilt.

“You really shouldn’t sneak up on people. _Creep_ …” Doyoung spits, cutting him a glare over his shoulder.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Taeyong asks, meeting Doyoung’s haughty gaze with one of his own.

“Funny how you think I have to answer to you.”

“Watch it,” Jaehyun warns.

“Watch it? So now that you’re fucking him, I get to be on the receiving end of your threats? Is that it?” Doyoung questions, turning on his heel to face Taeyong. “How are you enjoying my sloppy seconds, huh?”

Taeyong has had enough of Doyoung and his constant bitchiness. He’s had enough of everyone controlling his life and humiliating him while he chooses to be the better person. He’s had enough of everything. Jaehyun steps forward, but Taeyong acts first. He doesn’t know what comes over him as his hand shoots up and he grabs a handful of Doyoung’s hair. Something resembling a shriek leaves his mouth as Taeyong tugs his head back so he’s staring down at Doyoung. The expression on Taeyong’s face must be scarier than the tug because Doyoung’s lips clamp shut immediately and his face contorts.

“Throw one more snide remark my way and I’ll fucking kill you,” Taeyong grits out. “Stay the hell away from Jaehyun.”

An overwhelming need to hurt Doyoung takes over him. Taeyong wants to stab him, wants to see him bleed— _Lee blood runs through your veins, my little prince_. _You’re my greatest creation_. _My legacy_. As if the words burn, Taeyong lets Doyoung go with a shove, and he stumbles forward, massaging his scalp.

“Crazy fucker.”

Taeyong can hear Jaehyun say something in return, but he’s not hearing him properly. Those haunting words keep playing in the back of his head, making Taeyong blink rapidly as he attempts to make some kind of sense out of them. _Lee blood_. _My little prince_. _Greatest creation_. _Legacy_. Taeyong is so caught up in his own thoughts that he doesn’t even notice Doyoung charging at him, but Jaehyun steps in-between them before things can get even more out of hand.

“ _Leave_.”

“This isn’t over,” Doyoung bites out. “Far from it.” Then, with one last look, he stomps off down the street and disappears around the corner.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Jaehyun asks as he moves in front of Taeyong and lifts his chin.

Taeyong is scared that he’ll see the disorientation in his eyes or see his very own monsters lurking somewhere deep inside. He really wanted to hurt someone, and he thinks if he hadn’t been ambushed by another episode that he would have seriously bashed Doyoung’s head against the pavement. That’s a scary thought for him. He’s _not_ like that. So, instead of thinking about his decimation, he redirects all of his anger at Jaehyun.

“Why did you think it was a good idea to pick me up with your ex?”

“We didn’t come here together, and he’s not my ex.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“I never dated Doyoung.”

“So, what? You only fucked him?” Taeyong spits. Jaehyun grits his teeth, but doesn’t say anything. “Oh my God, you did!”

“It’s more complicated than that.”

“There’s nothing complicated about sticking your dick in someone’s ass, Jaehyun. Either you do it or you don’t.”

An old lady passing by gives him a look of dismay, but Taeyong is too livid to care that he’s causing a scene. He’ll go off on her, too, if she keeps staring. Jaehyun doesn’t seem too pleased with how he’s acting, though, and grabs his arm to pull him around to the passenger side. He shoves Taeyong into the seat, then rounds the car to settle himself behind the wheel. The door slams behind him so hard that Taeyong would have winced if it weren’t for the pent-up energy swirling around in his body.

“I told you that if you went near Doyoung again, it would be over between us.”

“There’s nothing going on, Taeyong,” he says in exasperation. “If there was ever anything, it’s completely in the past.”

The fact that Jaehyun is talking so calmly with him doesn’t make Taeyong feel any better, it honestly makes him want to smash his head in. “But you did have something.”

“Yes, we did. I fucked him and loved it so much that I dumped him.” Jaehyun rolls his eyes. “What’s going on with you today?”

“Why was he talking to you, then? What did he want?”

“I don’t know? He wanted to piss me off, I guess. And judging by your attitude, I think it’s safe to say that he succeeded.” 

Taeyong inhales a sharp breath. Maybe he is being a little over the top because now that the haze is slowly starting to dissipate, everything seems absurd. Aside from the fact that he loathes Doyoung. If Taeyong ever sees him near Jaehyun again, he really doesn’t know what he’ll do. All he knows is that it’s becoming more and more clear that Jaehyun isn’t the only one acting like a complete Neanderthal. Jaehyun’s face completely closes off and his left eye twitches, which is how Taeyong knows he’s really fucked up. He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Jaehyun turns away from him then and starts his car.

As they weave down the streets, Taeyong hugs his bag to his chest and stares at Jaehyun’s solemn features. The entire ride is spent in an eerie sort of silence that Taeyong hates. Jaehyun doesn’t even try to hold his hand or place it on his thigh like he usually does, and he doesn’t spare a single glance in Taeyong’s direction. Taeyong tries to find the right words to say to make everything better, but he isn’t about to apologize because he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. However, he can’t stand the tension between them. It reminds him too much of those days when they were always on an invisible battlefield in regards to one another. When they finally pull up to Jaehyun’s house, Taeyong reaches a tentative hand out to the one still gripping the steering wheel and tries to ease the suffocating strain between them.

“Jaehyun, I—”

A loud bang hits the roof of the car and Jungwoo leans down on Jaehyun’s side, knocking his knuckles against the window. “Hurry up!” he yells from outside. “Game’s starting soon!”

He continues hitting the roof over and over with the soccer ball in his hand, and Taeyong glares at him. Jungwoo really does have the worst timing in the world. Before he can try again with Jaehyun, the latter flings his door open and exits without sparing either of them a look. He doesn’t wait and disappears inside, but Jungwoo falls behind. At least someone has the decency not to leave him alone on his first visit. Blowing out a frustrated breath, Taeyong steps out of the car and finally gets a good look at the house. There’s three levels to it, and it stretches horizontally across a large piece of land like a palace. All of the floors are filled with huge glass windows, and a fountain rests not far from the entrance. A ceramic statue of a sad angel sits in the middle, pouring water from a jar as a woman holds him with a tear sliding down her cheek. Tearing his gaze away from the sight, Taeyong digs out his phone and sends a quick message to Mark.

`TAEYONG`   
`u here yet?`

`MARK`   
`omw… just finishin up orgasming`

Taeyong’s eyes widen slightly, lips parting as he glances at Jungwoo with the hopes that he isn’t being nosy. A shit-eating grin greets him though, so he knows Jungwoo has read the text.

“Tell him to take _all_ the time he needs,” Jungwoo says. “Just let him know that I’m totally available if he needs a hand.”

“Don’t be gross.”

“What?” Jungwoo teases. “If he has time to text while finishing up his orgasm, then he’s not doing a good job. I’ve been told I’m a great teacher, though.”

“Best to keep your teachings for your horde of admirers.” 

“Hey, I’m just trying to be a good sport here.”

Jungwoo grins and Taeyong can clearly see why everyone seems to melt for him faster than cheese on pizza. Jungwoo’s handsome looks are the primary reason, but it also has a lot to do with his charming nature and outgoing personality. Those two things are what make him so desirable. Not to mention the fact that him and Johnny are way more approachable than Jaehyun and Yuta. And more playful, too.

`MARK`   
`shit!!! i meant ORGANIZING not ORGASMING?! HELLO?! fuckin autocorrect…`

Taeyong laughs as he thrusts the screen in Jungwoo’s face. “Looks like he doesn’t need your help after all.”

“Too bad.” Jungwoo frowns, which only makes Taeyong laugh harder.

The two of them continue to bicker playfully as they make their way inside, and Taeyong finds that being in Jungwoo’s company actually helps to ease some of his anxiety. But his heart does cave a little when he recalls his quarrel with Jaehyun. He can’t believe he allowed Doyoung to get under his skin like that.

“Do you hang out here a lot?” Taeyong asks, hoping to get his mind off of it.

“Nah, we usually prefer going to the cottage to chill.”

“The cottage?”

“Yeah, it’s kinda like our secret hideout.” Jungwoo laughs.

“Then, why are we here and not there?”

“It’s closer, but we usually only come over here when Minho isn’t around.”

“Do you bring anyone else?”

“Just Donghyuck and Doyoung,” Jungwoo answers, and Taeyong comes to a halt, fingers digging into the strap of his bag. “Shit.” Jungwoo lifts his head from his phone to meet eyes with him. “Doyoung doesn’t come around anymore, okay? So, just forget I mentioned it.”

“Why doesn’t he come anymore?”

Jungwoo shrugs. “Jae doesn’t want him around.”

He figures that’s supposed to make him feel better, but it doesn’t. Taeyong’s pessimistic brain conjures up a different type of theory instead. If Jaehyun threw Doyoung out after he got tired of using him, then that means he’ll throw Taeyong out at any time as well.

“We all grew up together. That kind of bond just sticks, you know?”

Taeyong knows Jungwoo is still trying to reassure him, but his words only tie the noose tighter around his heart. If Jaehyun discarded his childhood friend so easily, then what’s stopping him from throwing Taeyong out when they’ve only known each other for a couple of years? He’s being dramatic, he knows. After all, he’s the one that asked Jaehyun to stay away from Doyoung in the first place. Hearing such a thing should make him happy.

“Nansi!”

Taeyong’s attention snaps back to the present at the sound of Jungwoo’s loud yell, and he realizes that he’s been led into a spacious, glittering kitchen. The decor is a spotless gray and white — like in the cooking shows Taeyong sometimes watches — and he feels as though he should try his best not to touch anything. A petite woman is standing behind the counter, currently in the middle of closing the stove, but turns around to greet them both with a warm smile. 

“I told you not to scare me like that,” Nansi scolds in a motherly tone as she takes Jungwoo’s cheeks between her hands and places a chaste kiss to each one.

“Sorry,” Jungwoo apologizes, his demeanor shifting into something more visibly relaxed.

“Who’s this?” Nansi asks as her kind eyes fall on Taeyong.

Jungwoo clasps his arm around his shoulders, grin stretching his mouth. “This is Taeyong.”

Nansi smiles. “Taeyong, the great dragon. That’s a very powerful name,” she comments. “I’m Nansi, it’s very nice to meet you. It isn’t everyday that we see a new face around here.”

“He’s the one that has Jae all worked up.” Taeyong elbows him, and Jungwoo lets go with a wince. “And apparently the one hellbent on breaking my ribs. I didn’t know you were so strong, Tae.”

When Nansi looks at Taeyong again, it’s with a renewed type of interest. “In any case, I’m thrilled to finally meet you. Would you like something to eat or drink?”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“I do!” Jungwoo’s eyes glint like a kid waiting for his Christmas present. “Please tell me you made your infamous wings.”

Nansi motions to the counter behind her where there are wings, fries, and chips and salsa laid out. Taeyong can only guess these are some of the favorite snacks they like to chow down on while watching the game, but he idly wonders which is Jaehyun’s preference. It’s crazy to think that he doesn’t even know _that_ about him.

“You’re the best, Nans!” Jungwoo exclaims, slapping a noisy kiss on her cheek. “You know, my offer still stands. Ditch the Jungs and come work for my family. I’ll pay you double!”

“How many times have I told you to stop trying to steal Nansi?” Jaehyun asks as he strolls inside the kitchen with Johnny on his tail.

He’s changed into a pair of gray sweatpants and a plain white shirt that only seems to accentuate the darkness of his eyes. It doesn’t help that the cloth tightens around his chest every time he takes a step, only highlighting his agile and sculpted physique. Taeyong’s cheeks heat no matter how much he tries to control his reaction. It’s not his fault that Jaehyun is hot. But the latter doesn’t pay him much mind, only sparing him an unreadable glance before he focuses back on Jungwoo who is popping a fry into his mouth.

“I made the offer first, anyway,” Johnny comments as he tosses a ball into the air and catches it with his head. “Get in line.”

“No balls in my kitchen! I won’t have any more broken dishes,” Nansi scolds.

Johnny smiles sheepishly as he tucks the ball under his arm. “It was _one_ time, come on.”

“Yeah, Nans,” Jungwoo quips, “don’t be a dictator.” 

“I don’t wanna hear anything from you,” Nansi says, pointing at Jungwoo. “You nearly burnt my kitchen down over the weekend. I can’t even take one day off without all hell breaking loose.”

“Okay, that’s it,” Jaehyun cuts in. “No one’s allowed in Nansi’s kitchen anymore.”

“That’s my boy.”

Nansi smiles warmly at Jaehyun, and that motherly feel returns in full force. Even more so than the look she gave Jungwoo earlier. And when Jaehyun smiles back, Taeyong is struck by how beautiful the genuine nature of it is. He looks for any sign that Jaehyun is putting on a mask, but right here, in his home with the closest thing he has to family, he appears carefree.

“And no one is taking Nansi away.” Jaehyun gives a pointed glare to both Johnny and Jungwoo, but the latter only huffs in return.

“That won’t stop me from trying.”

Johnny lifts a shoulder, smile broadening. “Me neither.”

“All right, enough,” Nansi says, shaking her head. “Let’s not fight in front of Taeyong. It’s not often that Jaehyun decides to bring a boyfriend over, and we don’t wanna scare him away.”

_Boyfriend_. Taeyong doesn’t know why his face once again heats up at that word. He and Jaehyun have never actually talked about what they are to each other or what they are supposed to call one another. They haven’t even made it official yet. Taeyong looks over at Jaehyun, hoping he’ll give him some indication of how he’s feeling about it, but he has that infuriating poker face on. Johnny wraps an arm around Taeyong’s waist then and brings him into his side. 

“He was my boyfriend first. Weren’t you, babe?”

One moment, Johnny is standing beside him, but the next, he’s being shoved backwards. Jaehyun has him by the collar of his jacket and isn’t wasting any time in dragging him away. With a chicken wing now in hand, Jungwoo approaches and lowers his head to whisper in Taeyong’s ear.

“If I ever express my desire to have a threesome with you and Jae out loud, please don’t say a word about it. My life depends on it.” Still clutching Johnny, Jaehyun grabs Jungwoo by his nape. “My wings!” Jungwoo quickly scrambles to grab the tray and holds it close as Jaehyun drags them both away.

Nansi shakes her head at their antics again as they disappear around the corner, and she goes back to placing a fresh batch of wings onto a plate. “Let me help,” Taeyong offers, setting his bag down on top of a nearby stool.

“Oh, that’s all right, sweetheart. I can do it.”

“Please, I insist.”

Nansi smiles at him, silently agreeing as she steps aside and motions to another tray. Taeyong helps her plate more wings and a few other snacks before adding some dips to the mix. Then, the two of them balance them in their arms and head out of the kitchen.

“So, how long have you been working for the Jungs?” Taeyong asks. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I’ve been here since Jaehyun was born,” Nansi replies, a look of nostalgia and pride crossing her features. “I helped raise him.”

“Really? I assume you knew his mother well, then?” Taeyong pries, realizing that he’s being nosy. But he also doesn’t know when he’ll get another chance to ask about Jaehyun’s mother from someone so close to the family.

“I did. That poor woman died way too soon.”

Taeyong is like a cat who’s caught a fish and will do anything to keep it. “Jaehyun doesn’t really talk much about her.”

“That’s because there’s nothing really to talk about,” Nansi says, warm tone suddenly turning biting. “Inez was a very ill woman who liked to drown her sorrows with all sorts of pills.”

Taeyong doesn’t miss the note of dismay in Nansi’s tone, as if she either hates Inez or hates what she did. It’s probably the latter if rumors about Inez’s suspected suicide are true. Something like that would have wounded Jaehyun in unimaginable ways, and Nansi seems to care deeply about his wellbeing. Taeyong is about to probe some more and try to find out if her death really was a suicide or an accident, but Nansi suddenly stops and subsequently causes Taeyong to as well.

“Shoot, I forgot the salt.”

“I’ll go get it.”

“No, you go on ahead. The game is about to start, and the boys will flip if they don’t have their snacks at the ready.” She points down the hall. “The theater room is just around the corner.”

Taeyong nods as he watches Nansi trudge back the way they came before he sighs and continues on his trek. But he comes to another stop when he reaches the end of the hall. Nansi forgot to mention whether he should turn left or right, and there are equally long hallways on both sides. Footsteps sound down the hall, and Taeyong thinks he’s gotten lucky with one of the others returning to help guide him. But as the footsteps approach, he notes that they’re much more measured and confident. Then, a tall man appears from the right, wearing a tailored suit that screams wealth and status. It’s not until Taeyong meets his gaze, however, that he realizes he’s stuck staring at an older version of Jaehyun.

_Minho Jung_.

Taeyong has seen him on TV and in a few articles online before, but this is the first time he’s so close to him. He has the same jet black hair as Jaehyun, although Minho’s is more styled and peppered with a few white strands. His jaw is also more defined and eyes somehow darker than his son’s. If Taeyong thought Jaehyun’s gaze is intimidating, then his father’s has the power to kill with a single glance. Minho’s attention falls on him as he approaches, and all Taeyong can make out is pure aggressiveness. His grip tightens on the tray so he doesn’t accidentally drop it, and he seriously contemplates bolting towards the door. As he gets closer, though, he seems to cool down fast, and a welcoming expression takes over his silver fox features.

“Hello,” Minho greets in a smooth voice as he offers his guest a tight-lipped smile and holds his hand out for the other to shake.

If Taeyong didn’t sense the earlier aggression in his soul and feel it in his bones, he would seriously think it was all in his head. “Hi,” he replies, shifting the tray so he can balance it with one arm.

The moment Taeyong slips his hand into Minho’s, the latter squeezes so hard that he winces. Junmyeon taught him to always give firm handshakes, telling him that first impressions matter the most. Especially in the business world, where status and deals can be decided upon such a thing. As a rule, Junmyeon never deals with anyone who has weak or soft handshakes. Even Irene’s is as firm as Junmyeon’s, and Taeyong’s are as well as a result. However, the onslaught of a near-aggressive handshake from Minho catches him completely by surprise. Maybe this is simply the handshake of a business tycoon, or maybe this aggression is only directed towards him.

Either way, Taeyong doesn’t give weak handshakes or back down. He meets Minho’s cold eyes and squeezes back as hard as his strength allows. Taeyong’s other hand screams in pain at holding all of the tray’s weight, but there’s no way he’s bailing out first. Something like contempt flashes on Minho’s face, and in that moment, he looks so much like Jaehyun that it’s uncanny. Now, he knows for sure where Jaehyun gets his personality from. Minho and his son are both the types of people who can crush their opponents just by staring into their eyes. To say he’s not intimidated by the sheer power Minho exudes without saying a word would be a lie. However, Taeyong still doesn’t cower away. Minho can break his hand and Taeyong will still squeeze back with whatever intact bones he has left.

“Dad.”

Jaehyun’s detached voice comes from the side, startling Taeyong slightly. He was so lost in his silent war with Minho that he didn’t even sense his presence. Minho’s sharp gaze slides from him to Jaehyun without breaking the handshake, and Taeyong stares incredulously at the battle that erupts between father and son. It becomes even more clear just how much of a carbon copy Jaehyun is of the older Jung when they’re standing so close to one another. It’s like a battle royal between a larger-than-life power and his younger self. Taeyong isn’t sure who’s winning or if there even needs to be a winner, but the tension hangs in the air like a thick sheen of smoke.

Suffocating.

Mysterious.

Enthralling.

“Have fun with your party.” And, just like that, Minho lets Taeyong go as smoothly and as predatory as a panther would its prey.

“Will do.”

Minho smiles like a refined gentleman. Not too welcoming, but also not entirely repulsive. It’s conserved with a hint of the darkness that coats Jaehyun like a second skin. It must be in their damn genes. After giving Taeyong another once over, Minho starts towards the entrance with domineering strides as Taeyong watches him go. Then, the latter faces Jaehyun, thinking he’s probably watching his father as well. But, instead, he finds Jaehyun’s full concentration is on the tray perched atop Taeyong’s shaking hand. He snatches it out of his grip and carries it off without uttering a word or sparing Taeyong a glance. Jaehyun takes off in the direction Taeyong and Nansi were initially heading to, and he massages the hand that Minho nearly broke as he falls in step with the other.

“What was that all about?” Taeyong asks, only to be met with silence. “Jaehyun?”

More silence. However, his strides do turn wider. Who would have ever thought that someone like Jaehyun would use the silent treatment? Taeyong jogs to catch up and stands in front of Jaehyun with both arms flung wide to stop him from moving. Jaehyun halts and cuts him a glare so harsh, it’s like he’s slicing Taeyong open with knives. This side of Jaehyun always puts Taeyong on high alert. He isn’t the type who parades his emotions so freely, so the fact that he seems close to combusting means something disastrous is bound to happen.

“Say something,” Taeyong pushes.

“Stay _away_ from my father,” Jaehyun nearly growls.

“It’s not like I was seeking him out, I—”

“I don’t give a fuck about what you did or didn’t do. You don’t speak to Minho, you don’t shake hands with him, and you sure as fuck don’t talk to him. When you see him, turn and walk in the opposite direction. Is that clear?”

“Why?”

“Because I said so.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t do things just because you fucking say so.”

“Taeyong…”

“Tell me why.”

“This is one of those times where you just agree and don’t argue with me.”

“Or what?”

Jaehyun’s dark eyes turn calculative. “Or I’ll get Mark drunk and let Johnny take him home.”

Taeyong’s heart plummets. “You wouldn’t do that.”

“Watch me.”

Jaehyun brushes past him and into one of the rooms nearby. Taeyong has just provoked the ugly, monstrous side of Jaehyun, the side that doesn’t care who he hurts as long as he gets what he wants. But Taeyong refuses to take the blame. All Jaehyun has to do is communicate with him. Still, he knows he needs to tread carefully. For him, Mark is just a means to an end. He’s used him before and will use him again to prove he can make Taeyong agree to whatever he wants. He knows how much Mark means to Taeyong and that he won’t hesitate to protect him. What he doesn’t realize is that two can very much play this game. And, this time, Jaehyun isn’t going to win.

Taeyong should have known the night would be a disaster the moment Yuta and Mark walked into the theater room together. Or when Johnny’s jaw ticked. Or when Jaehyun watched the scene with cold calculation. But he tries to ignore it as he grabs a soda for both him and Mark. Of course, Jaehyun immediately snatches it from his hand and replaces it with a bottle of water. However, he lets it go. If there’s anything he’s learned so far from being with Jaehyun, it’s that he needs to pick his battles. And, right now, the most important battle is figuring out what Jaehyun has planned for Mark. He tries to slide in beside his friend, but Jaehyun simply drags him away and sits him between his parted thighs instead.

Jaehyun is all around him. His chest hovers inches away from Taeyong’s back, but he can practically taste his scent mixed with the after-shower gel he uses. Every breath Taeyong takes is filled with his overpowering presence. Jaehyun seeps under his skin and settles deep inside Taeyong’s body with a harsh wave of lust. He isn’t even touching him, but he doesn’t need to be. The air ripples with the promise of Jaehyun’s skin on his, and Taeyong clenches his thighs together as he tries to focus on the screen. Johnny and Jungwoo jump around like rabbits, shouting and kicking imaginary balls. The room fills with cheers, commentary, and Johnny and Jungwoo’s frantic madness all while Taeyong finds himself more distracted with watching Mark grab one beer after another.

Yuta and Jaehyun are more of the calm type of audience, barely reacting to anything that happens as they relax in their seats, and Mark is nursing what’s probably his third beer from his spot next to Yuta. He likes watching their school’s soccer games, but he doesn’t seem to care all that much about the one happening on screen. He’s more interested in watching Johnny and Jungwoo shout, curse, and throw snacks around everywhere. In a way, they do make an entertaining show. When the team is on the run, they kick balls with them, throw imaginary free kicks, and bump shoulders when something good happens. Taeyong is laughing by the time they start singing along with the fan chants, completely off-tune. Mark laughs, too, eyes half drooping. But when he finishes his beer, Jaehyun pushes another one into his hand and Mark accepts it with a sloppy smile.

Taeyong cuts him a glare. “Are you trying to get him drunk?”

Jaehyun’s cold gaze remains on the screen, but he doesn’t appear all that interested in the game himself. “I’d say he’s already there.”

“What the fuck are you doing?” Taeyong asks, half turning around so that his back is resting against Jaehyun’s bent thigh.

His eyes slide to Taeyong in a slow, predatory way, and just like that, Jaehyun’s loathsome side comes out to play. Just because Taeyong overlooks his nature sometimes doesn’t mean it disappears.

“Are you gonna agree to what I said earlier?”

“I won’t until you tell me why,” Taeyong says, lips thinning to avoid lashing out and causing a scene.

“Wrong answer.”

His attention shifts back to the game and Taeyong pushes away from him, but Jaehyun traps his elbow in a deathly grip, forbidding his escape. With a frustrated sigh, Taeyong settles back again and looks in Mark’s direction. A flush covers his cheeks and his pupils are dilated, indicating that he’s definitely in some kind of drunken state. Taeyong tries to snatch his beer away, but Mark only pulls it closer to his chest and pouts as if someone is trying to steal his favorite toy.

“Come on, Mark. Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“No. I’m totally sober,” Mark slurs.

For the next few minutes, Taeyong tries and fails miserably in his attempts at breaking Mark up with his beer, while Jaehyun watches with that emotionless coldness that Taeyong wants to slap off of his face. He knows that Mark becomes a little wild when he’s drunk, and now he’s using it to his advantage. The first half of the game comes to an end in a tie, and Johnny and Jungwoo finally sit down. Jungwoo devours a whole plate of fries like a starved soldier at war, while Johnny can’t stop throwing hard glances in Mark’s direction. When the national anthem starts playing, Mark staggers onto unsteady feet and starts singing his heart out. Jungwoo puts a hand on his heart and starts singing along as well. Though, both of them are making it sound more like gibberish than anything. Yuta laughs as he stands to join them, though his words are more comprehensive and significantly less slurred.

“Hey, Johnny… maybe you should take Mark home before his parents start to worry,” Jaehyun suggests.

“No!” Taeyong shouts at the same time as the song cuts off.

All eyes turn to him as if he’s the maniac who just suggested that Johnny — Mark’s archenemy — should drop him off at home. Taeyong cuts Jaehyun a harsh glare, then stands and pulls him outside of the room. He’s surprised when Jaehyun follows without a word, not even struggling against his hold. Taeyong slams the door shut behind them and gets right up in Jaehyun’s face.

“Stop using Mark to force me into doing whatever you want.”

“And if I don’t?”

“He’s my best friend.”

“I know that.”

“Then how can you suggest sending him home with _Johnny_? What if he hurts him? Are you willing to take responsibility for that?”

“You should know that I don’t take responsibility for other people’s shit. Besides, if Johnny wanted to hurt him, then he would’ve done it a long time ago. Not now.”

“That’s not the point!”

“Okay, so tell me what is.”

“Using my best friend’s wellbeing in order to threaten me will only make me trust you less, not more.”

“I wouldn’t have had to use this method if you only agreed. Stay away from Minho and I’ll stay away from Mark. It’s a simple solution.” 

The fact that he keeps insisting on it only makes Taeyong more curious about his father. However, he’s not curious to the point of risking Mark. “Fine!” he yells, stepping back inside with pent-up anger boiling underneath his skin. He immediately finds Mark and clutches his elbow, halting his drinking competition with Jungwoo. “We’re leaving.”

“ _No_ ,” Mark drags out in a whine. “Woo is teaching me how to take shots.”

“Come on, we need to go,” Taeyong tries again, attempting to pull his best friend out of the room.

“No, I’m staying.” 

Mark squirms free and goes back to Jungwoo’s side as if he’s holding baby Jesus instead of a bottle of beer. Taeyong’s attempts are futile, no matter how much he tries. It’s nearly impossible to control Mark when he’s drunk. Jaehyun smirks at him from his position beside Yuta, but Taeyong opts to ignore him while he keeps his eye on Mark. When the second half starts back up, Mark is the one cheering with Jungwoo nonstop while Johnny practically pouts from his place in one of the recliners. That’s when Taeyong decides that none of them are going to ruin his fun and starts downing a few beers of his own. Jaehyun attempts to get him to sit between his legs again, but Taeyong joins Mark, Jungwoo and Johnny instead. 

When the team scores, the four of them all pull each other into a group hug while Yuta cheers in the background and a strong hand grabs Taeyong by the collar of his shirt. He wiggles free of Jaehyun’s hold, though, and continues celebrating. He’s so mad at him right now that the least he can do is not ruin the game for him. There are still fifteen minutes left until the end of the match when Mark collapses on one of the chairs and starts snoring almost immediately. Taeyong takes the initiative of moving him into a comfortable position, then returns to watch the rest of the game. Jungwoo, Johnny and Taeyong argue over the substitute players that came in during the second half, but their team ends up winning anyway.

They all start celebrating together once again, with Yuta even joining near the end as they sing loudly. Then, Mark’s phone rings and Taeyong quickly fishes it out of his best friend’s pocket. His face falls, however, when he realizes that it’s Mark’s mom. Taeyong already knows that she’ll ground him if he returns home in this state, and his teeth sink into his bottom lip as he contemplates a solution.

“Spend the night,” Jaehyun quips from behind him, causing Taeyong to startle. But that only makes him push into his back more.

“What? No,” Taeyong says, though it comes out as more surprised than cold.

“Just spend the night with Mark.” He sighs heavily. “You don’t have to make everything so goddamn difficult.”

Taeyong’s options are limited. He can ask Jaehyun to drive them the short distance to Mark’s house and have him grounded, or he can drive them to Taeyong’s house and put Mark in a bad light concerning Irene and Junmyeon. Neither of those options are preferable. 

“Fine,” Taeyong agrees, “but I’m locking the door.”

He takes the phone outside where there isn’t any noise and answers. He spins a story about how Mark is spending the night with him and how he’s already fast asleep. His mother agrees without questions, thankfully. Then, Taeyong calls Junmyeon and tells him that he’s spending the night at Mark’s, which his uncle accepts easily since Taeyong has never given him a reason to distrust him. When he returns to the room, everyone is still celebrating aside from Jaehyun, who is watching Taeyong with an unreadable gleam that scarily resembles the one from the first day that they met. One that only solidifies the fact that Taeyong is _definitely_ locking the door tonight.

Johnny helps with getting Mark to the guest room, even though Taeyong tries his best to stop him. But he doesn’t seem to want to hear any of his protests. As soon as Johnny places Mark on the bed, however, Taeyong kicks him out and turns the lock. Then, he removes Mark’s shoes, tucks him in, and finally covers him with the sheet. Once he’s sure that Mark is settled, Taeyong strips himself down to his briefs and climbs in next to his friend. Exhaustion completely overtakes his body, but for the life of him, Taeyong can’t fall asleep. It’s like he can’t turn his mind off, can’t stop thinking about the chaos that happened today with Dr. Moon, then Doyoung, and finally Minho Jung. 

Taeyong puffs out a frustrated breath and screws his lids shut, but half an hour later, he still can’t sleep. So, he finds his phone and skims through Instagram, but gets bored with that soon after. Deciding that he can’t stay in this room any longer, he pushes the covers away and grabs one of the bathrobes sitting out. He pulls the material on, making sure to tighten it around his body before he unlocks the door and steps out. The house is eerily quiet as he makes his way back towards the kitchen. On the counter, he finds some fries and untouched wings, and despite the fact that he knows he shouldn’t, he plants himself on one of the stools and devours them all. The rich taste fills his mouth, and he moans quietly at the explosion of flavors.

Irene would kill him for this, but it’s been ages since he’s last had a meal that tasted this good. Junmyeon used to secretly take him out to have one every once in a while, but after Taeyong’s heart acted up in junior high, he stopped the habit altogether. Half of Taeyong feels guilty for doing this behind their backs, but the other half of him takes it for what it is and enjoys the rare meal. Once he’s done, he cleans up the kitchen and starts to head back to his room. Then, a crazy idea comes to mind. He kind of wants to see where Jaehyun sleeps. It’s stupid after all that he’s done, but it isn’t fair that he’s seen so much of Taeyong’s life when the opposite can’t be said. 

He doesn’t even know where to begin in the maze of a house, so he just starts walking. He doesn’t get very far, though, before he’s having to suppress a yelp when an automatic light flicks on. He’s about two seconds away from running for the hills when the sound of splashing water catches his attention. He follows the sound like a curious kitten, only to round a corner and find himself in front of a pair of glass doors. On the other side, water glints under a closed dome. The indoor pool is completely dark aside from the soft white lights coming from within the water, and he can see that Jaehyun is sitting on the steps, half in the water and half above it. He’s not swimming or even attempting to. He’s just sitting there, his naked back rippling with tension and his arrow tattoos pointing at his sides.

The mere sight of water increases Taeyong’s breathing, and his hands turn clammy as the need to scrub them overwhelms him. He knows he can do this though, so he takes a deep breath and opens the door. Jaehyun’s head cocks to the side at the intrusion, and his wet hair falls in a perfectly imperfect mess across his forehead. Droplets of water line the path along his chest and rippled abs before disappearing under the band of his shorts, and Taeyong can’t help but to follow it with his eyes.

“I was just getting ready to come and get you.”

Taeyong makes his way inside, but halts a safe distance away from the pool. “The door was locked.”

“A locked door wouldn’t keep me away from what’s mine.”

“If I want you to stay out, then you’ll stay out.”

“Right,” Jaehyun says, though it’s obvious that he doesn’t believe a word coming out of his mouth. “I guess I’m lucky you came to me then. So, take off that robe and join me.”

“I, uh… no,” Taeyong is quick to answer, fisting his hand into the material covering his body.

“I know telling me no is, like, a knee-jerk reaction for you, but you don’t always have to.”

“It’s not that.” Taeyong motions vaguely at the pool, where the bottom isn’t even visible. “I told you that deep water triggers some of my most severe nightmares. It terrifies me.”

Jaehyun’s smoky gaze roams over Taeyong for a second, as if he’s contemplating the information. “I won’t let anything happen to you. We can stay on the steps.”

“Still no,” Taeyong replies. “Besides, I’m mad at you.”

“I’m mad at you, too. But, you know, we can always continue being mad at each other while you’re sitting on my lap.”

While his body is tempted by Jaehyun’s offer, his eyes can’t help but to stray to the pool, then away again. There’s no way he’s getting into the water. He can’t even look at it for more than a second without feeling like something is crawling underneath his skin. But he hates that they’re mad at each other and hates that they’re not close when it’s his first time visiting Jaehyun’s house. So, he does something that he hopes he won’t regret. Untying his robe, he lets it drop from his shoulders and hangs it across the railing. Taeyong’s steps are cautious as he approaches the pool where Jaehyun is waiting with a furrowed brow.

“We can go to your room instead,” Taeyong tries as a last resort.

“Next time.”

Once he’s within reach, Jaehyun clasps his hand around Taeyong’s wrist and tugs him down. He gasps as he splashes into the water and lands on Jaehyun’s lap, facing one of his greatest fears. Taeyong’s heart slams in his chest, wanting out. _Needing_ out. He feels the color drain from his face as he continues staring, black dots appearing at the sides of his vision as he tries to control his breathing.

“Hey,” Jaehyun says, hands snaking along his sides. Taeyong turns around then, so his knees are resting on either side of Jaehyun’s thighs on the steps and his chest is flush against him. Taeyong wraps his arms around him and hides his face in the crook of his neck, breathing heavily against Jaehyun’s skin as the latter threads his fingers through his hair. “Talk to me.”

“I hate it,” Taeyong whispers, voice trembling.

“Why?”

“I wish I knew.”

“We can talk about something else.”

Taeyong opens his eyes the slightest bit, breathing still ragged. “Like what?”

“What about how you celebrated with all my friends earlier and just left me sitting there by myself?”

Taeyong laughs. “Don’t tell me that made you jealous.”

“Jealous? Who said anything about jealousy? I’m only stating facts.”

“Right.” Taeyong jabs his shoulder. “Besides, I haven’t even agreed to be your boyfriend yet, so I’m free to do as I please.”

Jaehyun’s arms tighten around his waist in a vice-like grip. “Titles mean nothing when you’re already mine. I thought you were done pretending like you aren’t.”

“I thought I was too, but you keep making me distrust you,” Taeyong explains, palming his cheeks. “I wanna trust you, Jaehyun. I _really_ do. But you have to help me out.”

“Okay, so trust me,” Jaehyun replies.

Then, with Taeyong still on top of him, Jaehyun plunges into the water. Taeyong shrieks when he’s drowned up to his neck and holds onto Jaehyun with all of his might because he’s afraid if he doesn’t, he’ll be left to the merciless water.

“Jaehyun…”

“Just imagine it’s only me and you here.”

“I can’t.”

The water is about to swallow him. Those hands will keep him down, and he won’t be able to breathe. Jaehyun’s lips press against Taeyong’s in a slow kiss, and his fingers tug on his hair gently as he continues his relentless exploration. Fear is suddenly the least of Taeyong’s worries as Jaehyun trails his lips to the hollow of his throat, then down to his nipple. He bites down on the hard nub, and Taeyong moans as his head tips back. Jaehyun divides his attention between both of Taeyong’s nipples; sucking, biting, and teasing consecutively. Using his free hand, Jaehyun then pulls down Taeyong’s briefs and runs the tips of his fingers across his rim. Taeyong’s forehead falls against his shoulder, closing his eyes as Jaehyun thrusts two of his fingers inside of him at the same time.

His muscles lock at the sudden intrusion. “Oh, _fuck_.”

“Relax,” Jaehyun rasps into his ear, working up a fast rhythm almost immediately.

Taeyong mentally orders his body to loosen, and when Jaehyun kisses him again, it’s like ingesting some kind of aphrodisiac. Taeyong curls his fingers into Jaehyun’s wet hair and kisses him back with complete abandon. A different kind of tension builds inside of him and he decides to let go. He caves into Jaehyun as the latter pushes him against the edge of the pool. Taeyong’s back hits the cold tiles, and he lets Jaehyun remove his underwear completely before positioning his legs around his waist. Then, he thrusts inside of him without any more prep or proper lube, and Taeyong can do nothing but gasp as he digs his blunt fingernails into his shoulders. Jaehyun kisses him wildly and with untamed frenzy as he pounds into him. Taeyong’s ass hits the tiles with each of his merciless thrusts, the water intensifying the friction one second and taking it away the next. The pain is almost blinding, but it’s easily soothed by the pleasure Jaehyun provides him.

Taeyong moans out Jaehyun’s name against his mouth, feeling as though he’s about to vibrate right out of his skin. Then, Jaehyun wraps his hand around Taeyong’s throat and something inside of him cracks. Jaehyun doesn’t even have to touch his cock before Taeyong is coming. He swears his vision whites out as Jaehyun picks up the pace, pulling almost all the way out and then pushing back in. He continues doing so for what feels somehow like hours and seconds all at the same time before he finally releases inside of him. Taeyong hides his face in his neck, tears rimming his eyes as they breathe harshly against one another. He wonders if Jaehyun is even aware of what he’s done. He wonders if Jaehyun knows that he’s just taken a scary place and turned it into something happy. Taeyong palms his cheeks for a second time and kisses him as Jaehyun carries him out of the water with his legs still wrapped around his waist.

❦

For weeks, the six of them watch football together. Even Mark has become a regular during their nights at Jaehyun’s house. Sometimes, Sungchan and Donghyuck join, too, when they fly in from England. During all the time spent at Jaehyun’s, they’ve really bonded. Taeyong has learned just how goofy Jungwoo really is, how passionate Johnny can be, and how cool, but enthusiastic Yuta is. Then, of course, there’s Jaehyun. Ever since that night in the pool, he’s been taking each of Taeyong’s phobias and flipping them on their head. He’s been using pleasure as a way to wash away all of Taeyong’s fears. But, so far, it’s only been temporary. Taeyong still won’t set foot near a pool, a basement, or the dark if Jaehyun isn’t holding his hand or carrying him in his arms. And the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes how much that sounds exactly like trust.

He wants to extinguish whatever little distrust he still has for Jaehyun, but it doesn’t help that he always resorts to his manipulative ways whenever he wants something. None of that really matters, though, when Taeyong finds himself happier now than he’s ever been. Even now, he can’t help but be bummed just because Jaehyun can’t drive him home due to practice. The only thing making him feel better is that Irene and Junmyeon are working today, so Taeyong is planning on asking Jaehyun to stay the night and watch movies with him. He doesn’t know when exactly he moved on from pleading with Jaehyun to leave him alone to wanting to spend every waking moment with him, but it’s just kind of snuck up on him.

Everything is a process with Jaehyun. It’s not easy to look past the surface, but when he does, Taeyong can clearly see the little gestures. Like the way he always puts Taeyong on top when they sleep, how Jaehyun always prepares breakfast for him when he wakes up, how he runs hot baths for him, and even his crude texts can sometimes be sweet. Jaehyun is slowly, but surely, crumbling every wall Taeyong has been keeping around his fragile heart. Hell, Taeyong even followed him back on Instagram after Jaehyun had all but given up on getting him to. But the truth is that he never really had a choice on whether or not he should let Jaehyun in.

Jaehyun barged into his life regardless and carved a comfy place right in Taeyong’s chest. The thought of plucking him out now brings on a taste of bitterness and horror. He doesn’t know what he would do without him, and he was stupid to think he could move on from him. On Taeyong’s way to the parking lot to meet Mark, his phone vibrates and he grins like an idiot when Jaehyun’s name flashes across the screen. Recently, he even changed his contact picture to one of them actually looking like a real couple. Taeyong isn’t sure what exactly to think of it, but he does take a few seconds to admire it all the same before he answers the call.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at practice?”

“Supposed to be, sure,” Jaehyun confirms.

“So, why are you on the phone with me? I can’t have your Coach killing you just when I’m starting to actually like you.”

Jaehyun laughs, the sound like music to Taeyong’s ears. “It would be worth it if I get to hear your voice.” Taeyong digs his teeth into his bottom lip to stop himself from grinning wider. “Where are you?”

“Getting ready to head home with Mark.”

“Don’t let him stay too long. I’m planning on coming over to stake my claim after practice.”

“Haven’t you done that already?” Taeyong questions, still smiling as he slows his steps and kicks at imaginary rocks.

“Not even close,” Jaehyun replies. “You keep inviting the guys over to the house every week and I’m starting to feel threatened.”

“Oh? The mighty Jaehyun Jung surely isn’t feeling threatened by _that_.”

“I am when it comes to feeling as though you’d rather hang out with them than me.”

Taeyong breathes out a quiet laugh. “They’re your friends.”

“And they’re disposable,” Jaehyun says, sounding completely serious. “I’m not afraid to start cutting people out of my life if that means I get more time with you.”

Taeyong knows his words shouldn’t be interpreted as romantic, but they still make his heart flutter. Sometimes, he truly feels like Yuta, Jungwoo and especially Johnny poke Jaehyun’s possessive side just to see him act out. They’re used to the calculative, albeit calm, version of Jaehyun. His carefully tucked away monstrous version is frightening, but they like seeing it anyway. It’s like spotting the Loch Ness Monster or something.

“Jung!” someone shouts in the background.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun groans. “It’s Coach.”

“Try not to get killed.”

“Never. I still have a claim to stake, remember?” Jaehyun reminds him, and Taeyong swears he can hear the smile in his voice. “See you later, babe.”

“See you,” Taeyong says back, but he’s already hung up.

Taeyong is still smiling to himself as if he’s lost his mind, which may be true considering the fact that he has feelings for Jaehyun. He can’t seem to shake him though, and he’s done trying to. He’s just accepting their relationship for what it is at this point. As he walks to the parking lot, he has to keep forcing himself to move forward and not go back to watch Jaehyun’s practice like some creep. He’s not really above doing so, but he needs to study before he loses not only his heart, body, and soul to Jaehyun, but also his future. 

“You promised!”

Taeyong’s feet come to a screeching halt at the sound of Doyoung’s agitated voice, and he practically jumps behind the side of the building to hide himself as he peeks around the corner. Doyoung is standing in the parking lot, near a fancy car that doesn’t belong to him, and is talking to… Minho Jung?

“Keep your voice down,” Minho says in a firm, authoritative tone.

“You told me that he would be gone by now, that Jaehyun would dump Taeyong in a heartbeat. But he hasn’t! If anything, he’s been doting on him more than ever.”

Taeyong’s fingers dig into the stone he’s leaning against as he registers the load of information. Did Jaehyun tell his father that he planned to dump Taeyong? Or is this just something the two of them assumed?

“Doyoung, have you never been taught the tactic of luring before attacking? Prey is always bound to fall harder when it trusts that it’s not in danger, not the other way around. That’s what Jaehyun has been doing this whole time. Luring the prey. Now that Taeyong trusts him, his fall will break him apart completely.”

Taeyong’s breathing hitches and that familiar itch starts beneath his skin again. He grips the strap of his bag and turns to leave, not wanting to hear anything else, but he pauses despite himself. They’re lying. They’re both lying. They have to be. But he also has to know for sure.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Taeyong’s parents killed his mother, Doyoung. The only reason Jaehyun has or ever will look in that monster’s direction is to make him pay for what they did.”

Minho and Doyoung continue talking, but Taeyong feels like he’s existing on another planet in the moment. His feet carry him in the opposite direction, and his fingers tremble around the strap of his bag. The color has drained from his cheeks, and his heart slams against his ribs, wanting out. Taeyong stumbles, catching himself as he starts to fall. Something burns in his knees, but it’s nothing compared to the itch beneath his skin. It’s like he’s igniting from the inside. Taeyong trips again. But, this time, a hand clutches his arm in an attempt to steady him and he pushes them away with as much strength as he can muster. They’re speaking, asking him something, but he can’t hear anything over the loud buzz in his ears. 

Taeyong’s unfocused gaze stays ahead, though his eyes are unseeing. He knows he’s in the school, knows he’s walking, but has no idea to where. He needs to go to the soccer field, needs to demand that Jaehyun ease his worries and tell him that what he just heard is a lie. That Minho Jung is mistaken. That Taeyong’s parents didn’t kill Jaehyun’s mother. That Jaehyun didn’t approach him for revenge. Once again, though, Taeyong is reminded that one of the first things Jaehyun ever said to him was a promise to destroy him. And, like Jaehyun has told him so many times before, he’s never lied to Taeyong.

His feet falter as he suddenly finds himself at the edge of the indoor pool. Everyone else, aside from the soccer and lacrosse teams, have left for the day so it’s empty and dark except for the too blue water. Taeyong doesn’t know what he’s doing here, has no idea how he even managed to stumble his way to this very spot, but he does know that he needs to get out of here. He turns to leave, but he’s barely taken a step before a strong hand is pressing against his shoulder and shoving him forward. Taeyong falls, crying out as his body crashes into the water. The sound is quickly drowned, though, when he’s swallowed whole into the dark depths. He kicks, thrashes, tries to somehow scream for help. But he just sinks further and further until everything turns black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos, comments, and any kind of other feedback is always welcome and definitely encouraged. You get an extra thank you for taking the time to do so, but just reading is appreciated and you're still valid! If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, where I sometimes post edits and previews for upcoming fics, then I'll leave the link to that and my Curious Cat account below. 
> 
> My DMs are always open to anyone, no matter if you follow me or not, if you'd like to discuss anything or just need someone to talk to! I also have Discord and am willing to give out my username if you ask. Hope everyone has a nice day, be safe out there!
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	9. Chapter 9

Intuition is an interesting thing, like turbulent energy slamming into a hard object. Without any conscious reasoning, one’s gut can tell them anything. People have predicted they would lose wars without even stepping foot onto the battlefield. But the thing about Jaehyun is that he never loses. Even if a feeling of dread finds itself lodged in the pit of his stomach, he’ll ignore it. Because he believes putting that kind of energy into the universe will only fuck him over in the end. Still, the feeling is strong and it makes Jaehyun’s skin prickle with the need to get out of there as quick as possible. So, as soon as Coach Velasquez finishes with his usual pep talk, Jaehyun wastes no time in grabbing his bag and striding straight out of the locker room without speaking a word to anyone. Yuta calls his name as he goes, but Jaehyun zones him and everyone else out.

He gets lost in his head more often than not, and they know better than to barge between him and his own mind. Besides, they’ve spent nearly their whole lives together, they should be used to it by now. Reaching into the pocket of his basketball shorts, he pulls out his phone and finds Taeyong’s name. His mind is always so full of the boy, leaving no room for much else, but he itches to hear his voice. However, the other line doesn’t even ring. It just goes straight to voicemail, meaning that Taeyong’s phone has been turned off. That feeling of dread roars its ugly head, and Jaehyun finds he has trouble ignoring it. Because Taeyong doesn’t turn off his phone. _Ever_.

He would never admit it, but Taeyong is always worried about not answering it just in case either of his guardians call him. Jaehyun’s brows furrow, and he stops outside the locker room to try again. Still nothing. He’s the type of person who has a bad habit of putting the negative before the positive because the positive will only fuck him up, but in this moment, he wishes there was an exception to his perception. He wishes he could pull the positive out into the light instead of focusing on the negative. But, most of all, he wishes Taeyong’s phone wasn’t fucking turned off. And he doesn’t do the whole wishing thing, so his desperation is blatantly apparent even to himself.

“Yo, Jae!” Jungwoo crashes into him from behind and wraps an arm around his shoulders.

Jaehyun stumbles a bit from the sudden weight of him, looking over to glare at his friend as he takes in Jungwoo’s rumpled uniform and damp hair that still has traces of shampoo left in it, like he couldn’t be bothered to rinse it properly. He’s truly an anomaly to his last name, with generations full of the closest thing one can get to royalty without actually being royal. But Jungwoo is entertaining sometimes, so Jaehyun keeps his judgments to himself. And despite his usual antics and appearance, there’s still people of all genders who bat their eyelashes in his direction and fall for his charms. If anything, Jaehyun thinks they should really up their standards. 

“You look like shit,” Jaehyun deadpans.

“You’ve always had a way with words,” Jungwoo says, sighing dreamily. “Anyway, was your dad meeting with the principal about the Premier League scouts today or something? When are they coming? I need, at least, a few days to prepare to win them over.”

“Minho was here?”

“Uh, yeah? I figured you knew.”

Jaehyun wants to chuck the fact that his father was at the school and Taeyong’s phone is turned off up to coincidence, but he knows there’s really no such thing. Coincidences are excuses weak people use when reality hits them in the face. It wasn’t a coincidence that he met Taeyong again, and it’s not a coincidence that he’s suddenly disappeared now. Jaehyun grits his teeth. He told Taeyong not to talk to Minho, made it pretty damn clear that he was to stay away from him. The sound of sirens cuts through the air, and Jaehyun’s attention snaps to it. His body freezes when he realizes that it’s not just an ambulance passing by, but one pulling up to the back entrance of the school.

“Ooh,” Jungwoo coos, moving to try and get a better look. “Sounds like drama to me. We should go check it out.”

Minho was at Hearst.

Taeyong’s phone is turned off.

There’s an ambulance parked at the back of the school.

So, that thing about intuition? When it comes to Jaehyun, it’s always right. No matter how much he tries to ignore it.

“Jung!” Johnny runs towards them, brows drawn together in concern. “You might wanna see this.”

“That’s what I was just saying!” Jungwoo points out. “Nothing interesting ever happens at this school, so we—”

“It’s Taeyong,” Johnny cuts him off. “They found him drowning in the pool.”

_“How can you ever expect to be mine if you’re weak?” The haunting voice becomes a buzz as water fills Taeyong’s mouth, nose, and ears. “Fight!” the voice shouts from above him. “Fight, Taeyong!”_

_His limbs flail in the water, chest constricting with pent-up energy. He can’t breathe. He wants to breathe so badly. He’s begging for it, but no one can hear him. That familiar dizziness lures him into its clutches, and he can barely move his limbs anymore. Then, he’s suddenly hauled from the water. He gasps for air, choking and spluttering saliva as his heart nearly beats right out of his chest. He blinks several times, but his vision remains blurry. The gloomy, cloudy air around him coats his skin with a sheen of stickiness, and his clothes stick to his body like glue as he shakes. His teeth clatter, but the monsters still refuse to leave him alone. There’s a name on the tip of his tongue, but he knows that if he says it, he’ll only be thrown back into the water again. He’ll also become the boy who has no name._

_So, he calls for the other._

_The only name he has left._

_“Ma—”_

_Taeyong is thrown into the water again. He doesn’t even get to suck in a lungful of air this time, doesn’t get to fight. He wonders what even is the use of fighting if the monsters won’t let him. Soon, he’ll be just like the boy who has no name. Soon, his mom will be hugging someone else because she won’t be able to hug Taeyong. The monsters took everything from them. The monsters killed him. Not once, not even twice, but all the time. Maybe he should have never come back to life. If he didn’t, the monsters wouldn’t have gotten ahold of him again. If he didn’t, he would’ve been like the boy who has no name and all the ones who came after him. That’s what happens to those who can’t escape the monsters._

_The monsters take everything they want._

_A hand pulls him up by the arm, hauling him out of the water, and Taeyong’s lips curl into a smile. He’s here for him. He’ll always be there for him. Taeyong’s limbs and lungs fail him, and he finds that he can’t even open his mouth to breathe. He can’t do anything except for close his eyes and drift off into the darkness._

Taeyong’s eyes crack open, and the smell of antiseptic assaults his nostrils. For what seems like forever, his unfocused gaze remains on the ceiling, letting the smell seep all around and inside of him. He’s in the hospital, but he just doesn’t know why. He’s too disoriented to recall what exactly happened for him to be admitted, but his mind immediately goes to his heart. He slaps a hand over his chest but finds no bandage. However, he doesn’t know if that’s a relief or not. He probes his brain for answers, but the dizziness is fogging everything up. It’s like a giant puzzle with no pieces for him to put together.

“You’re awake.”

Irene’s brittle voice reaches him from the doorway before she appears by his bed. Her dark hair is twisted up into a bun, and she has her black pantsuit on, like she rushed over straight from work. But what’s more alarming is the paleness of her face. She looks as though she hasn’t seen the sun in years, when Taeyong knows that isn’t the truth.

“What happened?” he asks, clearing his throat of the grogginess still clinging to it.

He tries to sit up, and Irene helps him by adjusting the hospital bed, then putting a pillow behind his back. When he starts to maneuver himself into a better position, a pull at his skin causes him to wince, and he stares down at the needle lodged in his arm. That all-too-familiar itch starts to creep in, so Taeyong rips his gaze away to focus on his aunt instead as she sits on the edge of the bed.

“You don’t remember?”

“I remember heading to the parking lot, and then—”

_Taeyong’s parents killed his mother, Doyoung. The only reason Jaehyun has or ever will look in that monster’s direction is to make him pay for what they did._

He blinks a few times at the sudden onslaught of Minho Jung’s words. It’s just a dream. It has to be. It can’t be true. But the more he denies it, the harder the memories hit him. They’re like the crashing water that swallowed him and attempted to suffocate him. Taeyong gasps for a breath, but there’s nothing. No air. He can’t breathe.

“One of your classmates found you floating in the pool. You had stopped breathing, and he called an ambulance…”

Irene continues speaking, but Taeyong is struggling to stay conscious. Something heavy smashes against his ribcage and lungs, and he curls a fist into the hospital gown covering his body. Then, he raises it and punches himself in the chest over and over. One hit after another until he loses count. He screams at his body to just breathe, but it doesn’t listen.

“Taeyong!” Irene yells. “W-What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

_Hit_.

_Hit_.

_Hit_.

But the harder he hits, the more he can’t breathe. No air comes in or out. He’s going to suffocate. Just like in the water, he’s going to stop breathing. He’s going to _die_. 

“Taeyong!”

Irene’s voice shakes in a way that makes her sound completely unlike herself and cracks so hard that she nearly chokes. She tries to grab Taeyong’s wrist, but she can’t. Nothing can stop him from hitting himself over and over again.

_Lee blood runs through your veins, my little prince_.

_You’re my greatest creation, Taeyong_.

_My legacy_.

_My pride_.

The room is suddenly flooded with noise, but Taeyong barely registers Junmyeon’s voice, Irene’s cries, the doctors, the nurses. Someone is talking to him, but he can’t force himself to focus on the voice before a blinding light is being shoved in front of his pupils. Strong hands try to restrain him, but he can’t stop hitting. Multiple people finally get ahold of his wrists and strap his hands to the bed, the material slashing into his skin. They’re still trying to speak to him, but Taeyong can’t hear it over the buzz in his ears. It’s all over now. Everything is over. A scream tears its way out of this throat, drowning out everyone else in the room. He just wants it to get out. He wants them to get out of his body. He feels a pinch as a needle pricks his skin, and his hands fall on either side of him as his movements start to slow down. His eyes slowly roll to the back of his head, and Taeyong is given barely a second to wonder if the monster is happy now.

When Taeyong wakes up again, he finds both Irene and Junmyeon sitting on either side of him. Irene’s eyes are puffy as if she’s been crying nonstop while she continuously wipes Taeyong’s hand with a soft, damp cloth. It’s soothing — almost lulling even — and he’s tempted to close his eyes to go back to the void he just came from. It’s quiet in there. So quiet that he sees nothing, smells nothing, and feels nothing. Here, antiseptic and detergent surrounds him from every side. He hates that smell. It’s like a constant reminder of the surgery he had when he was a child and of how utterly abnormal he is.

He’s about to chase sleep when he notices something on Irene’s own hands. The sleeves of her jacket ride up and reveal scratch marks all over her wrists. Taeyong’s frantic gaze bounces to Junmyeon, who is resting both of his elbows on his knees and watching him with furrowed brows and a stiff upper lip. Taeyong’s heart sinks. The scene is like a flashback from all those times he used to have debilitating nightmares and episodes. And now he’s just had another severe one in the hospital. He thinks he hit his aunt again, that those scratch marks are because of him. He hurt her. And not for the first time, either.

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong whispers, slowly sitting up.

“Sweetheart.” Irene stops wiping at his skin and lunges at him in the form of a tight hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m s-so sorry.” Taeyong sobs into her neck. “I didn’t mean to. I… I just… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with you,” Irene assures him as she pulls back and brushes his hair behind his ears, expression stern. “You’re just stressed, that’s all.”

Junmyeon inches closer then, too, and forces a smile as he takes Taeyong’s hand in his. “You had a panic attack. The doctor said it looked a lot worse than it actually was.”

“But…” Taeyong motions to Irene’s wrist, lips trembling. “I h-hurt you, and—”

“I shouldn’t have tried to stop you while you were in the middle of a panic attack,” Irene interrupts, stroking Taeyong’s hair like he’s the perfect son. “It wasn’t your fault.”

But it is his fault, and he doesn’t understand how Irene can be so calm and easy-going about it all. He hurt her. And he’s done it before, too. If Junmyeon hadn’t gotten her out of the situation then, there’s no telling what Taeyong would have done. And if the doctors hadn’t injected him with something earlier, he could have done much worse than just a few scratches. Irene is the only mother figure he’s ever known, and it can’t be normal that he’s hurting her.

“Listen, Tae… I need you to tell me about what happened at school,” Irene probes.

Taeyong’s lips tighten in a line as that familiar itch suddenly starts under his skin again. The initial reason he had a panic attack threatens to grip him again, but he does his best to push it down. The room starts spinning, and his free hand fists into the sheets until his knuckles turn white. Jaehyun approached him for revenge. He approached Taeyong with the sole intent of hurting him. It was all a lie. _A game_. Taeyong has merely been a pawn on his chessboard since the very beginning, but he was too naïve to notice. Actually, he did notice. He was just too stupid to take it seriously.

“Tae,” Junmyeon calls out to him, voice hardening. “Stay with us.”

Taeyong shakes his head, focusing back in on their faces, and the haze nearly vanishes when he takes in their worried expressions. Irene’s face is all flushed as if she’s expecting him to hit her again, and Junmyeon’s body is angled forward as if he’s ready to stop Taeyong if he tries to attack. He can’t put them through the hell that happened earlier again. They abandoned their work to be with him, and he can’t just burden them more than he already is. More than he already has. 

Irene takes his hand in hers. “They tried checking the cameras around the pool area, but apparently they weren’t working for reparation reasons. So, we need you to tell us what happened.”

A full-body shudder shoots up Taeyong’s spine and his limbs stiffen. He was floating and floating and floating. He couldn’t breathe. All he could do was suck in gulps of water. He can even still taste the chlorine on his tongue. And it was cold. _So_ cold as he floated in there. For a moment, he really thought that was the end. Because that’s how he’s always pictured it feeling. _Endless_. And lonely. And freezing. The water is his own special type of hell. Someone pushed him. He remembers feeling a hand press against his shoulder before he went crashing into the water. But he also can’t be sure if it’s true or just another figment of his imagination. After all, he was pretty out of it from the parking lot to the pool.

He should have never gone there in the first place, but he doesn’t remember being aware of his surroundings. If he lost time on his way to the pool and can’t even remember the faces he might have passed, there’s no reason why his mind couldn’t play a trick on him and make him think he was pushed. By thinking that way, his mind could protect itself from the very real possibility that he jumped in there on his own volition. It’s a scary thought, but not one that he can rule out. He has nothing to prove that he was pushed, and there’s no way he’s going to worry Irene and Junmyeon when he’s not sure himself.

Sniffling, Taeyong smiles. “I think I just lost my balance and fell. Maybe I tripped over something.”

“But what were you doing near the pool?” Irene asks. “You avoid large bodies of water like the plague.”

“Irene,” Junmyeon bites out, giving her a knowing look.

“What? There’s no way he would’ve gone near that pool on his own free will,” Irene points out, narrowing her eyes. “Did Jaehyun force you to do it?”

Taeyong’s heart squeezes into itself at the mention of his name, but he shakes his head. “He was at practice…” he trails off as a crazy thought barges into his mind.

Jaehyun is the ace striker for the team, a star player, and can ditch at any time. He could’ve been at the pool. Taeyong doesn’t want to think that he may have pushed him, but his lips tremble at the thought all the same. Taeyong inwardly hits himself. He needs to stop making Jaehyun out to be the saint that he’ll never be. Because the fact of the matter is that Jaehyun is capable of drowning him. After all, Taeyong doesn’t know anyone else with a bigger motive to do so.

“Stop jumping to conclusions, Irene.”

“I’m just trying to figure out what happened. He wouldn’t go there willingly.”

And she’s right. Taeyong wouldn’t. But he found himself in the pool area anyway. No one took him by the hand and led him there, he went by way of his own two feet. He just wonders what his subconscious was trying to tell him. Not that he gets to dwell on it for long before a knock sounds at the door and all three of them perk up.

“Come in!” Junmyeon calls out.

Taeyong wipes his eyes as a boy dressed in Hearst’s uniform walks into the hospital room with a small smile. He seems to be around the same age as Taeyong, but he can’t recall ever seeing him before. Which is weird because he’s certainly not the forgettable type, and there’s something about his eyes that appears familiar. It’s as if they’ve met before, but not quite.

“Oh, Baekhyun.” Irene stands with a bright smile. “Come on over.” She waves him closer to the bed, and Taeyong throws a questioning glance between them. “Tae,” Irene starts, gaze sliding from her nephew to the new boy, “this is Baekhyun. He’s the one who got you out of the pool and called an ambulance.”

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Baekhyun says with a warm smile, his eyes closing with the motion in a way that’s entirely charming.

“Oh,” Taeyong replies. “I don’t even know how to begin to thank you.”

“You just did,” Baekhyun assures him. “What a crazy start to Hearst, right?”

“Start?” Taeyong questions.

“Yeah, I just transferred. Today was my first day.”

Which explains why Taeyong can’t recall ever seeing him before. He’s just about to open his mouth to reply when the door swings in again, and his breathing catches in his throat. Jaehyun strides inside the room with all the confidence of someone who believes he belongs there, and Mark follows along behind him a little more cautiously. Taeyong’s lips tremble for the umpteenth time as he takes Jaehyun in from head to toe. He’s still dressed down in a pair of basketball shorts and a plain shirt, so it’s obvious he came straight from practice. His hair is tousled as well and his dark eyes appear neutral, like he’s out for a stroll. Then again, that’s just how Jaehyun is. He’s as irresistible as a God and as dangerous as a monster. 

And the sad part is that Taeyong has known all along.

Just because he refused to hear common sense or to look behind the facade doesn’t mean he was tricked. In reality, he tricked himself into believing that Jaehyun could be redeemed. But there’s no such thing for devils. They can only crash and burn. Jaehyun promised to destroy him, and he did. Now, it’s time Taeyong destroys him back. So, he wipes his face of anything that may give his true feelings away and flashes a small smile to the room.

“Sorry, but can I talk to Jaehyun alone? Please?”

Once he’s done, there won’t be anything left of Jaehyun. Just like there’s nothing left of Taeyong. There’s always been some kind of darkness lurking inside of him. Taeyong has fought it and denied it, but the time has come for him to embrace it. After all, it takes a monster to destroy a monster. The atmosphere in the room seems to shift at his request, but everyone slowly agrees and starts moving about to make their exit. However, as Mark does so, his quizzical gaze bounces between Taeyong and Jaehyun like a ping pong ball. Like he’s trying to figure out what exactly is going on. But Jaehyun merely tunes him out. He tunes _everyone_ out except for Taeyong. And the new boy, of course. Taeyong’s savior.

His knight in shining fucking armor. 

Bad news for him that Jaehyun knows exactly how to crush a knight into pieces. He won’t make it easy, either. He plans to burn him and watch as he turns to ashes. New boy gives Taeyong one last sickeningly sweet smile on his way to the door, and Jaehyun tilts his head to the side as he goes, studying his body language while he searches for a tell. Or a weakness. He’s too put together, but Jaehyun will find something. He always does. When the two of them are finally alone and the door clicks closed behind them, Jaehyun faces Taeyong and his left eyes twitches. People don’t call Taeyong cold for no reason. He’s not sociable. _At all_. And even when people do talk to him, his smiles are awkward at best. 

Inside, Taeyong is just hoping that they’ll leave him alone and stop disturbing his introverted bubble. So, seeing him as he is now, smiling as if he has everything to be happy about, deeply disturbs Jaehyun. He’s not just smiling, though, he also has that slight twitch to his nose and dreamy eyes. It’s a smile that Jaehyun usually only sees after they have sex, or when Taeyong sleeps tangled all around him. It’s a smile reserved only for Jaehyun. So, he has to wonder: why in the hell is Taeyong offering it to the new guy? Jaehyun makes sure to school his expression as he makes his way over to Taeyong and falls on the chair opposite the hospital bed.

Jaehyun keeps his eyes locked on Taeyong, taking in the way his dark hair has lost its shininess and the way his complexion appears paler than usual. The hospital gown he’s donning swallows him whole, giving nothing away, but he still looks as edible as ever. And it’s not even just about his physical appearance, it’s about his entire aura. Taeyong is like a lighthouse in the middle of a dark sea. Then, Jaehyun finds the needle that has punctured Taeyong’s skin and lodged itself into his veins. The reddening flesh is like a bloody red rose, and Jaehyun stares at it longer than needed. It’s similar to the hickeys he left around Taeyong’s scar.

An imperfection in little things.

His gaze slides back to Taeyong’s face, but the latter is focused on Jaehyun’s hands which are hanging nonchalantly over his knees. Jaehyun is so very tempted to start shit about the new boy, but today isn’t the day. Taeyong almost drowned. The thought that Jaehyun could have lost him after finally having him brings on a gloomy feeling similar to the one he felt when he lost his mother. If it weren’t for the new boy, Taeyong wouldn’t be sitting here. So, maybe Jaehyun won’t torture him for long, after all, before crushing him to pieces. Taeyong’s electric eyes focus back on Jaehyun’s face, only there’s nothing quite electric about them in that moment. They’re dark and dead like the bottom of the ocean. Taeyong is looking at him, but he’s not seeing Jaehyun. It’s like he’s lost in a world of his own making and no one is allowed inside.

But fuck that.

Taeyong doesn’t get to hide from him. Not now.

“What happened?” Jaehyun asks.

“Let me ask you something,” Taeyong starts with a detached tone, his face emotionless. “Do you have any idea how cold it gets when you’re drowning? When you’re suffocating? When you’re gasping for air but all you get is water?”

“No.”

Taeyong scoffs. “Of course not. And I don’t think you’d get it anyway. You don’t feel.”

“Is there some kind of purpose behind this?”

Taeyong stares at him for a beat, silent, and Jaehyun stares back, keeping up with his little game. This is one of the methods Minho taught him and Sungchan a long time ago. Silence can be used to anyone’s benefit because people are usually burdened by long, awkward pauses in speech and can be compelled to fill it. Usually in the form of all the answers one seeks. Taeyong better not be using that tactic on Jaehyun because it takes more than the silent treatment to crack him. Jaehyun tries studying him for a tell, but Taeyong remains as blank as a board. It’s interesting, albeit slightly jarring. He’s never this unreadable. And it’s strange because Jaehyun had called his father upon learning about the drowning and he said he never spoke with Taeyong at Hearst. The whole thing is supposed to be in Jaehyun’s hands anyways. However, that whole intuition thing just refuses to disappear. 

“Was it fun?” Taeyong finally asks.

“What?”

“Destroying me for what my parents did. Was it fun?” he repeats.

Jaehyun’s head tilts to the side. Taeyong isn’t supposed to know that. But Minho doesn’t lie, so if he said he didn’t talk to Taeyong, then he didn’t. Besides, he likes taking his victims by surprise. It’s not in his best interest if Taeyong learns that piece of information, so that begs the question of how exactly he found out.

“How did you know that?” Jaehyun questions, keeping his voice light.

“I have my ways.”

Jaehyun narrows his eyes at Taeyong’s tone. He’s challenging him, and the beast inside of Jaehyun is trying to claw its way out. But he pushes it down. He can’t give Taeyong a reaction like that or else he’ll be in control. And that’s the last thing Jaehyun needs right now.

“You know, I didn’t wanna believe it. But it makes sense. You told me straight up that you would destroy me, but I didn’t listen. Have you known my background the whole time?” Silence. “No answer? Maybe you’ll have something to say about this, then. How could my parents have killed your mother all the way from Bardot? I thought she died in an accident.”

The more Taeyong talks, the more confused Jaehyun gets. Just how much does he know? How far back can he remember? Did he get his memories back fully?

“Are you going to keep your promise?” Jaehyun asks.

Taeyong’s brows furrow. “What promise?”

So, he doesn’t remember. Makes sense. After all, Inez doesn’t belong in Taeyong’s memories. She has no place there, no reason to be present.

“You know what? Fuck this.” Taeyong shakes his head with a bitter laugh. “I wanna break up. Actually, I guess we were never really dating in the first place, so I wanna end whatever we have right now.”

Jaehyun’s left eye twitches, but he remains silent. If he talks, he’ll jump straight into action. He’ll pin Taeyong against the bed and fuck that idea right out of his head. But that’ll surely alert his guardians who may or may not be eavesdropping as they speak. Besides, Taeyong needs to rest.

Jaehyun forces a smile. “Try again, _babe_.”

Taeyong clenches his jaw and crosses his arms over his chest. It’s stupid, really. He should have learned by now that nothing — absolutely _nothing_ — will keep Jaehyun away from him. Taeyong can wear as much armor as he wants, and Jaehyun will stab right through it. He can even hide behind a fort if he chooses, and Jaehyun won’t hesitate to bring the whole fucking thing down.

“If that’s the way you wanna be, then I’ll tell everyone you pushed me into the pool,” Taeyong states. 

“What’s your proof?”

“I don’t need any. Call it a victim’s testimony.” 

“It’ll be your word against mine, and I happen to have the entire soccer team as my alibi.” 

Taeyong lifts a shoulder. “It won’t matter. The idea will be planted in everyone’s heads anyway, and they’ll think I’m not going out with someone I accused of pushing me.”

“I don’t give a fuck about what everyone else thinks.”

“You will,” Taeyong promises, his emotionless tone grating at Jaehyun’s nerves. “Because this time, I’m prepared to fight to the death.”

“You really think you can take me?” Jaehyun asks as he stands up and stalks towards him with slow, predatory steps. 

He thinks it’s a pity that Taeyong doesn’t smell of his usual coconut shampoo today. Instead, he’s all covered with that disgusting hospital scent. The old Taeyong would have watched him with a wild gaze, would’ve had a battle in those electric eyes about whether to fight or to save his energy. But not this Taeyong. He doesn’t even flinch. He just remains as still as a statue. This isn’t his Taeyong. And if he has to break the statue apart to bring him out, then so be it. 

Taeyong stares up at him with dim eyes. “Are we enemies?” 

“Maybe.”

“Then we’re over,” he says with more strength than needed.

Jaehyun brushes a stray hair off of his forehead, taking his time to feel the warmth of Taeyong’s skin against his own. “See, that’s where you’re wrong,” he murmurs near his mouth. “Even if we’re enemies, that doesn’t change the fact that you’re mine.”

He’s just about to press a light kiss to the corner of Taeyong’s lips when the door opens, and Jaehyun glances over his shoulder to find Junmyeon. He hates being interrupted, but at least it’s not by Irene. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” Junmyeon apologizes. “But your Coach is here for you, Tae. He’s very worried and asking to see you.”

Jaehyun’s jaw ticks as he stands up straight. “We’re not finished.”

“Actually, we are,” Taeyong contradicts. And when Jaehyun looks at him, a menacing smile is stretched across his face. “You can send him in.”

Jaehyun’s hard stare bores into Taeyong, but he doesn’t seem fazed by it at all. And when Jongin enters the room, Jaehyun swears the world slows. He doesn’t even look in Jaehyun’s direction, just makes a beeline straight for Taeyong, and the latter throws his arms around him as they embrace each other in the way only lovers do. How has no one else seen what Jaehyun does? Is there really no one else that knows? A hand on his shoulder snaps him out of his thoughts, and he turns to see Junmyeon who starts to lead him out of the room. He can do nothing but follow, even though everything inside of him is screaming for him to react. To do _something_. He could blow the entire thing out of the water right now, but he doesn’t need Taeyong hating him more. So, when he steps out of the room, he takes one final look back and watches as Jongin bends down with Taeyong’s face cupped in his hands. They’re looking at each other with a certain adoration that makes Jaehyun feel like he’s intruding, and they’re close enough that it looks like they’re about to kiss at any moment.

_Don’t do it_ , Jaehyun thinks. Then, the door closes.

  
❦

Mark interlaces his arm with Taeyong’s as they walk through the school’s hallways. It’s a bleak day, and dim energy comes off of the walls as if they’re filled with ghosts. And even though none of the students throw any snide remarks their way, it feels oddly reminiscent of the days Taeyong had to walk through this same hall as if he was wading through a war zone. Only, this time, it feels so much worse. It’s stupid, but he would much rather deal with the bullying from before than walk with this feeling of dead weight perched on his chest. Back then, none of them could barge through his icy exterior. None of them could reach him. In a way, he was untouchable. Now, he’s drowning and can’t come up for air. 

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be at home resting?” Mark asks, watching Taeyong intently as if he’s on thin ice and about to break. “School isn’t going anywhere.”

Mark, Irene and Junmyeon have all been watching him constantly since he got discharged from the hospital the day before and have refused to leave his side. Even when Taeyong would go to the bathroom, either Junmyeon or Mark would accompany him. He gets that they’re worried, but there’s more to it. The three of them aren’t voicing the suspicions running rampant in their heads, but it’s clear as day to Taeyong. They don’t buy the story that he tripped and fell and there’s no evidence that anyone pushed him, so they think he tried to hurt himself. They think he’s suicidal. And seeing as though Taeyong himself isn’t even sure about what happened that day, he can’t appease their worries.

“I’m fine, really.” He smiles at Mark. “Besides, there’s no way I’m leaving you to the wolves.”

Mark side-hugs him. “Do you wanna hang out with me and Jisung later then?”

“Sure.”

Taeyong knows Mark is only asking because it’s his way of keeping him in his sights and not leaving him alone with his thoughts. But he’s not wrong in thinking that way. Taeyong is better off not being stuck inside his own head. It’s starting to become a dark and scary place that he doesn’t recognize. 

“Good morning!”

Both of them come to a halt at the sound of Baekhyun’s voice, finding him leaning against the wall with a hand in his pocket and an easy-going smile on his face.

“Oh, hey.”

His eyes skim over Taeyong. “Are you feeling better?”

Taeyong nods. “And really all thanks to you. I seriously don’t even have the words to express my gratitude.” 

“Me either,” Mark says. “If something happened to Tae, I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

“I’m happy I was there.” Baekhyun smiles. “You owe me one.”

“Anything,” Taeyong says.

“Well, I could really use a tour,” Baekhyun admits. “Not gonna lie, I feel a little lost around here.”

“I know the feeling.” Taeyong laughs. “Is after school okay? I don’t have practice today, so we wouldn’t have to rush.” Or more like, Irene had called Jongin and practically ordered him ever so politely to give Taeyong a break.

“Sounds good to me. See you then.” Baekhyun gives one more smile before he disappears around the corner and out of their sight.

Mark’s gaze bounces between Taeyong and where Baekhyun had previously been standing. “I can show him around,” he offers.

“Why?” Taeyong questions, nudging his friend with a mischievous grin. “You got the hots for him?”

“Don’t get me wrong, he’s cute but not my type.”

“Then, why do you wanna show him around so bad?”

“Uh, well, it’s true that Baekhyun saved your life and you should totally be thankful for that, but you know Jaehyun will flip his shit if he sees you with him, right? I’m just trying to help you out here.”

“Fuck Jaehyun.”

“What?” Mark questions, brows furrowing in confusion. 

“Me and Jaehyun are over.”

The confusion on Mark’s face only seems to deepen. “But… why?”

“I guess you could say that I finally woke up and saw him for who he truly is.”

A monster.

Taeyong’s blood still boils when he thinks about the nonchalant way Jaehyun spoke at the hospital. He didn’t even apologize or try to explain. He didn’t attempt to tell Taeyong that everything he heard was lies and didn’t try to defend himself. He was just an asshole, plain and simple. But even if Jaehyun hasn’t really changed, Taeyong has. And, this time, there’s no way in hell Taeyong is letting him walk all over him. Not waiting around to delve any deeper into the topic, Taeyong makes his way into the classroom and is immediately approached by Jungwoo, Johnny and Yuta.

“Tae,” Jungwoo greets, clasping Taeyong’s hand in his own. “I was up all night thinking about you.”

“Don’t let him fool you. He was up all night, alright… _smoking weed_ ,” Johnny cuts in.

“That’s because I was worried about our friend! You know how much weed helps calm my nerves!” Jungwoo argues, pushing Johnny away before his pitiful gaze meets Taeyong’s again. “I didn’t even throw a party. That’s how stressed out I was.”

“Thanks… I guess?” Taeyong says, breathing out a light laugh.

“Are you okay?” Yuta asks.

Taeyong offers him a warm smile. “It’ll take a lot more than that to kill me.”

“That’s what I like to hear!” Jungwoo beams, turning around to face the class. “Party at my place tonight to celebrate Tae coming back to life!”

“I don’t really think that’s a good idea,” Mark interjects, smiling awkwardly. “Tae doesn’t really enjoy parties.”

“Actually, I’m in,” Taeyong says. “Sounds like fun, and I could definitely use a little of that.”

“You’ll really show up without any begging or further extortion?” Jungwoo questions, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Yep,” Taeyong agrees. “I promise that I’ll show up on my own free will. No bribes required.”

“You can’t change your mind,” Jungwoo says, pointing a finger at him.

“Don’t worry, I have no plans to.”

Excitement seems to wash over Jungwoo’s entire body at his promise, and he immediately dives into an entire monologue about everything they should do to prepare. Johnny, of course, causes an argument when he tries to slip in a few ideas of his own, and Yuta is left to mediate. It seems like everyone in the class is up for some partying, though, as they all take up their own conversations about what they’re going to wear and who they’re going to bring. Taeyong knows he could have declined, but he very purposely didn’t. He’s done running away and hiding. Besides, the more he sees Jaehyun, the more he’ll be reminded of just what kind of person he is. It’ll be easier to hate him that way.

Taeyong should have never allowed him to get close, but the same could be said for Jaehyun. Because now, Taeyong is going to take everything he’s learned and slam it right back into his face. Jaehyun isn’t one to show any kind of weakness, but Taeyong has always been observant. He’s always been able to take note of the little things. He may have had to have his heart broken to gather such information, but he’ll make great use of it. Upon thinking about the boy, Taeyong’s gaze strays around the room, but it’s useless to search for Jaehyun. If he were there, that awareness Taeyong always feels in his presence would have gripped him by the gut and his eyes would have automatically found Jaehyun’s. He’s not here, and Taeyong shouldn’t be searching for him anyway.

Clearing his thoughts of the boy, he then flops into an empty seat and takes out his notebook just as Baekhyun enters with his backpack and schedule clutched in hand. He smiles at Taeyong and Mark both, and the latter returns a huge grin, momentarily distracted from eavesdropping on Jungwoo and Johnny’s conversation. Baekhyun seems to draw everyone’s attention, though. He has an easy confidence about him, which only seems to cause all of their classmates to be mesmerized. Everyone except for Jaehyun’s closest friends, that is. Yuta doesn’t once look up from where he’s now studying, and Jungwoo continues arguing, even though it’s much more one-sided. Johnny isn’t listening to him or even pretending to. Instead, he’s staring at Baekhyun with a certain kind of contemplation that’s rare to see from him.

Baekhyun doesn’t pay anyone much mind, though, and slips into a desk close by Taeyong as Mark does the same. It won’t be long before Mrs. Ryan arrives and they’re all thrown into the ever boring hour of lectures anyway. Mark leans over to whisper something to Taeyong, but he isn’t listening. He can’t. His skin prickles, and he swears he can feel Jaehyun approaching even before he appears at the room’s threshold. Jaehyun strides through the door with a casual expression that almost seems to portray boredom. As if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. As if Taeyong’s entire world hasn’t been flipped upside down. Jaehyun, however, doesn’t even pretend to focus on anyone else and makes a beeline in Taeyong’s direction.

He stops by his desk, looming in front of Taeyong like suffocating smoke. “We hanging at my place or yours later?”

“Neither,” Taeyong states, taking his time in retrieving his English Literature book. “Jungwoo’s throwing a party for me tonight.”

Jaehyun narrows his eyes on Jungwoo who pretends to whistle before looking away. “Careful,” he warns. “I don’t think I need to remind you what it’s like when I push back, do I?”

Taeyong leans his elbows on the desk and meets Jaehyun’s eyes with a hard stare. “And I don’t think I need to remind _you_ that we’re over, do I?”

Jaehyun’s left eye twitches, but he remains as immovable as a boulder. “You’re still sticking to that, huh?”

“Absolutely,” Taeyong confirms. “I think it’s time you accept your new reality.”

“Or what?”

“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”

Taeyong smiles, but it falters slightly when Jaehyun reaches out a hand towards him. It takes everything in him not to flinch. Jaehyun is still Jaehyun no matter how courageous Taeyong is or what he thinks he knows about him. His calm demeanor is always terrifying, but Taeyong just has to learn how to ignore the fear it creates. Jaehyun grips a strand of Taeyong’s hair between his fingers and takes his sweet time in brushing it away from his face. The action only heightens Taeyong’s alarm. It’s never good when Jaehyun offers this sort of deceptive type of softness. 

Bending down, Jaehyun presses his lips right against Taeyong’s ear and whispers, “Show me what you got.”

Once classes end for the day, Taeyong takes his things to his locker and finds Baekhyun waiting for him. He has earbuds in and is tapping at his phone, so he doesn’t even see Taeyong approach. Baekhyun’s expression appears easy, but even to Taeyong, he seems lost somewhere out of reach. As he gets closer, he can hear heavy metal thrumming and it isn’t long before Baekhyun realizes that he’s no longer alone. He smiles, pressing a button to stop the music as he pops one of the earbuds out.

“You didn’t strike me as the metal type,” Taeyong admits, putting in his locker combination before tucking his books away inside.

“What can I say? Heavy things have always spoken to me,” Baekhyun replies with a light laugh.

Taeyong smiles at that as he finishes up, then begins leading Baekhyun down the hall and on their little mini tour. “Not sure if you know this, but Hearst is actually comprised of ten different buildings. The first two are reserved for the freshmen, the sophomores and juniors share the four in the middle, and the seniors get the last four all to themselves.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do the seniors get four buildings all to themselves?” 

Taeyong lifts a shoulder. “It’s a good reflection on the school, I guess? I mean, we are the ones getting ready to enter college.”

“Are you sure it’s not just because most of their parents are the ones shelling out money for the school?”

Taeyong laughs, shaking his head. “I mean, yeah. If we’re being honest, that’s exactly the reason. It’s that whole hierarchy thing. Just because Hearst suddenly started letting in normal folk doesn’t mean anything has really changed.”

“You know you can switch it up if you want, right?”

“Things have been like this for centuries. They can’t just be changed so easily.”

“You’ll never know until you try,” Baekhyun points out, eyes searching around their surroundings. “Where’s your friend?”

“Mark? He had to go make some arrangements for his brother so we can go to a party tonight.”

“A party?”

Taeyong nods, gaze falling on Baekhyun as a crazy idea comes to mind. One that might end the ill-fate between him and Jaehyun once and for all. Taeyong promised that he would make Jaehyun regret what he’s done, and he meant it. The more he tries to smother Taeyong, the harder he’ll fight. And the more Jaehyun suffocates him, the stronger he’ll fight in search of air. This time, Jaehyun is going to be the one who gets hurt. Not Taeyong.

“Do you wanna come?”

Baekhyun grins. “Hell yeah. I’m not one to miss a party.”

“Mark and I can pick you up?”

“Actually, I’d much rather pick you guys up instead. If that’s okay,” Baekhyun says, running a hand through his hair. “I’m not really a big fan of someone else driving me. It’s weird, I know.”

“That’s fine.” Taeyong laughs.

“What’s so funny?”

“It’s just that… we’re complete opposites. I hate driving,” Taeyong tells him. “I don’t even have a license.”

“Why’s that?”

“It just makes me anxious, I guess.”

“Well, if you ever need a ride, then I’m your guy.”

“Thanks, that’s very sweet of you.”

“I feel like I should really be the one thanking you,” Baekhyun says, eyes softening at the corners. “It sucks being the new kid, but you’re making it easier.”

“It’s my pleasure. You kinda saved my life, remember?”

“How could I not? You certainly aren’t gonna let me forget it.”

“Definitely not. I’m pretty much indebted to you for life.”

Baekhyun grins. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“Fine with me,” Taeyong says, chewing on his lip as he contemplates whether or not to ask Baekhyun about what’s been bothering him. “But, hey, can I ask you something about that day?”

“Sure.”

“When you found me, did you notice anything strange? Or did you see anyone else?”

Baekhyun hums. “Not that I recall. I was lost and trying to find my way around the school, so imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon a body floating in the pool.”

“Yeah… sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. It wasn’t your fault,” Baekhyun assures him. “Did you really trip and fall in?”

And even though Taeyong doesn’t know for sure, he still thinks it’s better to stick to that story until he knows the truth, so he nods. “Yeah.”

According to his nightmares and episodes, the hand that pushed him could very well have been a figment of his imagination. Which scares the shit out of him because that means he’s hallucinating and definitely has a worse mental state than he originally thought. Not wanting to get too into it, Taeyong clears his throat and opts to change the subject. 

“So, where did you study previously?” 

“Just at another nondescript private school across the state.” 

“Really? It’s pretty rare for other private school students to transfer during senior year.”

“I know, but we didn’t really have a choice. We had to move because of my dad’s job.”

“Ah, makes sense.”

The two of them continue walking, with Taeyong pointing out this and that, before they push through a set of doors and step outside. As soon as they do, though, Taeyong locks eyes with Johnny, and he narrows his gaze on Baekhyun like he’s attempting to see past his skull. Taeyong watches as Johnny starts to move towards them, but he quickly grabs hold of Baekhyun and steers him in the direction of the garden. He has no doubts that Johnny will relay all of this to Jaehyun, but it doesn’t matter. Jaehyun will see it all for himself tonight. 

As expected, most of the student body has congregated at Jungwoo’s, and the place is so crowded that Taeyong, Mark and Baekhyun have trouble squeezing their way through. Music thumps all around them, but it’s not loud enough to drown out the dozens of conversations floating through the air. People are grinding against one another to the beat in the middle of the living room, while others pass around drinks and make out in what they think are dark corners of the house. A few bottles of beer get shoved in their direction, and Mark grins mischievously at Taeyong.

“I’m not driving today, so you know what that means…”

“Driving never stopped you before.”

Mark sidles up in-between Taeyong and Baekhyun, interlacing his arms through theirs. “You need to lighten up and have a drink.”

“Pass.”

“Oh, come on!” Mark urges. “This whole party is in your honor, remember? We should be celebrating!”

“You and I both know Jungwoo only used that as an excuse.”

No sooner are the words out of his mouth does the man himself cut in front of them with a sloppy smile. “There’s my two favorite guys! You’re not supposed to be late to your own party, Tae.” Alcohol and expensive perfume waft off of him, and Taeyong notices lipstick smudged all around the collar of his shirt. “And who the fuck are you?” Jungwoo asks, smile falling as his eyes land on the other person standing there. The one that he would have known had he been paying any attention in class.

“I’m Baekhyun,” he offers with an easy smile. “Thanks for having me.”

“I don’t remember inviting you,” Jungwoo deadpans. 

“Chill,” Taeyong interrupts, elbowing Jungwoo. “This is my party, isn’t it? Shouldn’t I be able to invite anyone I want?”

Jungwoo’s gaze slides from Baekhyun to Taeyong as if he’s calculating something, then he leans down to whisper into the latter’s ear. “You’re playing with fire here, Tae. And we both know what happens when you do that. You get burned.”

But Taeyong is already burning, so it doesn’t matter. Jaehyun has set fire to his life since the first day he stepped foot into Hearst. Now, he has to do what he should have done back then: stop the fire from spreading. Stop the disease from devouring him from the inside out. 

“Come on, Baekhyun,” Taeyong says, pulling at his sleeve. “I’m hungry. Let’s find something to eat.”

Jungwoo opens his mouth to say something else, but Mark takes his hand and pulls him in the opposite direction. Taeyong can do nothing but watch as they disappear, then he finally lets go of Baekhyun and motions to one of the nearby tables full of all kinds of food. Baekhyun smiles as he goes straight for the cupcakes, scooping two of them up before taking a bite. Taeyong joins him, but his gaze keeps flitting around in search of Jaehyun. He’s not nearly naïve enough to think Jaehyun will let all of this slide, but it’s not like Taeyong is doing anything wrong. He ended whatever they had going on, so it’s not his fault if Jaehyun continues to think otherwise.

“Have I somehow stumbled into a weird situation?”

Taeyong’s attention snaps to Baekhyun. “What?”

“It feels like your friends hate me.”

Still chewing on the dessert in hand, Baekhyun motions behind him without looking. Taeyong follows the direction of his hand and finds Yuta and Johnny glaring at Baekhyun’s back. Or, more accurately, Johnny is glaring while Yuta just stands there, nonchalantly leaning against the door frame. Despite Yuta’s nonchalant expression, however, they still give off an air of intimidation. Taeyong decides to ignore them and focus back on his _actual_ friend.

“They’re not my friends.”

They’re Jaehyun’s friends, and when it comes to choosing sides, they’ll always protect him over Taeyong. The thought of having them turn on him makes Taeyong’s chest hurt more than he likes to admit, but it is what it is.

“It’s cool, I don’t mind making a few enemies,” Baekhyun tells him. “If they give you any trouble, just let me know.”

“They’re really not the type of people you wanna make enemies of.”

“I don’t care about all of that,” Baekhyun says with a smile that makes Taeyong actually believe him. “I’m not here to be liked or anything. Hearst is just a pit stop on my way to Harvard.”

Taeyong’s jaw nearly drops to the floor. “Wait, really? Me too!”

“You’re going to Harvard?”

Taeyong nods several times, and Baekhyun offers him a cupcake as he holds his own up in some kind of cheers motion. “I knew there was _some_ reason I liked you,” he teases.

“There you are.”

Taeyong’s smile drops, and a tremor shoots down his spine. No matter how hard Taeyong tries to erase his voice from his memory, it’s still engraved deep within like a curse. He can recognize that slight huskiness at the end and the deep tenor even with the music. Jaehyun wraps an arm around his waist from behind and pulls Taeyong into his side, but he might as well have wrapped a noose around Taeyong’s neck. His lower lip trembles with frustration as he forces himself to look up at Jaehyun. Then, he elbows him in the ribs. But Jaehyun doesn’t even budge.

“Baekhyun, right?” He smiles and offers his hand. “I don’t think I had the chance to properly introduce myself, I’m Jaehyun. It’s nice to meet you.”

Taeyong grits his teeth as the two of them shake hands in the most normal way imaginable. He meant to throw Jaehyun off by coming with Baekhyun, but now Taeyong is the one finding himself completely out of his element.

“Nice to meet you, too, man,” Baekhyun says. “I have to say, I’ve heard loads about you. Kinda hard not to around here.”

Jaehyun hums in reply, smile widening. “Then, I guess you’ve also heard that Taeyong here is my boyfriend.”

Taeyong’s eyes narrow. “I’m not—”

“I don’t really react well to people trying to move in on what’s mine,” Jaehyun interrupts, “but if you understand that, then welcome to Varon Grove.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Taeyong starts, focusing purely on Baekhyun, “I’m—”

The words die in his throat when Jaehyun’s lips slam against his own, and his fingers squeeze at Taeyong’s jaw, like he’s trying to urge him to open his mouth. But Taeyong doesn’t. He keeps his lips in a thin line as he pushes against Jaehyun’s chest. That doesn’t seem to make anything click in his head though, and Jaehyun wraps his other hand around Taeyong’s nape, bringing him flush against his body. Taeyong is like a wave, no matter how high or wild he gets, he’ll always crash against the rocks at shore. The rocks where waves like him go to die. When he still doesn’t open, Jaehyun bites down on his lower lip so hard that Taeyong is surprised it doesn’t split.

A whimper escapes his throat, but he continues to keep his mouth sealed shut. Even when a part of himself melts, wishing for a little friction. Wishing for something more. Anything. But he also recognizes that the part wanting for those things is a fucking idiot. That part is why he’s in a losing battle against the damn rock. But Jaehyun has him under his perfect control as he ravages his mouth. The kiss is just as much of a punishment as it is a claim. It’s a brute force and bruising without an ounce of tenderness. Not that Jaehyun is tender, but he used to at least pretend he was before. He used to try being gentle. However, the mask has dropped and he’s showing his true colors now.

A sudden wave of anger bubbles to the surface, and Taeyong bites Jaehyun back with as much strength as he can muster. A metallic taste explodes on his tongue from the action, and Jaehyun stops for a moment as if he’s taken aback. That’s when Taeyong seizes the opportunity and shoves him away. Blood oozes down the side of Jaehyun’s mouth, and Taeyong tries not to get caught up in the sight. Taeyong made him bleed. The itch to wash his hands overwhelms him out of nowhere, and it takes everything in Taeyong not to bolt straight out of there. Because he knows that if he does, Jaehyun will think he’s running away from him and he promised to never do that again. Jaehyun uses his thumb to wipe at the corner of his mouth, then stares at it as if it’s some kind of otherworldly wonder. 

“We’re through, Jaehyun. Done. Over!” Taeyong announces loud enough for everyone in the surrounding area to hear. “So, stop being the annoying and clingy ex and leave me the fuck alone.” Then, with his head held high, Taeyong knocks his shoulder against Jaehyun’s and walks right out of the party.

“You sure you don’t want me to spend the night? We can watch some movies and eat our weight in junk food,” Mark offers as he leans out the passenger side window. 

“Nah, that’s okay. Jisung needs you more than me.”

Mark winces, then smothers it with a smile. “You’ll text me, though?”

“Of course,” Taeyong assures him, bending down to meet Baekhyun’s gaze in the driver’s seat. “Thanks for the ride. And sorry for ruining your first party in your new town.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Plus, that was way more entertaining than any other party I’ve ever been to,” Baekhyun says, laughing.

Taeyong smiles as he stands and bids his goodbyes. Baekhyun shoots him a quick wink before the car revs to life and Taeyong watches as they disappear down the road. Once they’re out of sight, he turns and makes his way to the front door, letting himself inside to an empty and quiet house. Irene and Junmyeon are working late again, and while he doesn’t really want to be alone, he knows he couldn’t be selfish and ask Mark to stay. Taeyong makes sure to lock the door before heading upstairs to his room. He figures he could text Jongin and ask him to come over, but he still isn’t exactly sure where they stand and he doesn’t feel much like talking. Shrugging off his coat, Taeyong throws it over the back of his desk chair, then drops down onto his bed face first. 

Since he left the party, there’s been a crushing weight on his chest. It’s suffocating him and making him feel claustrophobic in his own skin, but he doesn’t know why. He won tonight. Not only did he stop Jaehyun, he also humiliated him in front of everyone. But, still, he feels no sense of victory. If anything, he feels a bit emptier inside. Rolling over onto his back, he stares out through his window and watches the shadows from the trees dance across his walls. It looks like they’re in for another storm, the scent of the Earth already filling his nostrils and ripping a sigh from within. Reaching into his pocket, Taeyong holds it above his face and navigates his way to the search bar. 

_Inez Jung_.

Several articles fill the screen, with all of them stating that Inez died in a car accident. Apparently, her crashed car was found at the bottom of a cliff, and the coroner’s office stated that she was alive for several hours before succumbing to her injuries. Taeyong swallows as he reads, his fingers hovering on the screen as his thoughts shoot off into a million different directions. It hurts to even imagine how she must have felt during those hours that she slowly and painfully died. Scrolling through more of the articles, he finds some where the reporters speculated about Inez’s suicidal tendencies and how they suspect Minho Jung may have camouflaged her death as an accident.

There’s also speculation that Minho’s older brother and Sungchan’s father — who was reported to have died from an accident four years ago — actually died from an overdose. He doesn’t spend too much time reading over that one, though, and flips back to the coverage about Inez, staring at the pictures provided of her. She was a very petite woman, with dark hair and pitch-black eyes. Her features are so tiny in the photos that Taeyong can barely distinguish them on the page. She looks like a maiden from one of those period films that Mark likes to watch, all sophisticated, elegant, and donning a mysterious smile. Jaehyun looks nothing like her, and even after seeing her pictures, it brings nothing to Taeyong’s memory. 

But his eyes skim over the article again, and he pauses. The date of Inez’s accident was only one day before the fire that took his own parents’ lives. His heart thumps loudly against his chest at the realization, but he thinks it has to just be a weird coincidence. Inez died in Varon Grove, while Taeyong’s parents died in Bardot. There’s no way they killed her as Minho told Doyoung. Exiting out of the article, Taeyong then types in his own mother and father’s names with the hopes that it’ll bring up something he doesn’t know. However, he doesn’t find much of anything. Not that it’s surprising, considering the fact that they weren’t nearly as important as Minho and his family.

Blowing out a sigh, Taeyong decides to drop it for the night and moves on to his phone’s gallery. It doesn’t take him long to find what he’s looking for: an old Polaroid of his mom and Irene. This picture is the only thing he has left of her since the fire destroyed everything else. And the only reason he even has it is because he sneakily took a picture of it while his aunt wasn’t looking years ago. Irene doesn’t really like talking about his parents, so he’s never been left with much of a choice when it comes to learning more about them. Actually, she doesn’t like talking about anything concerning the past. She always tells Taeyong that he’s better off saving his energy and focusing on the future.

Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he studies the picture and lets a small smile take over his face. Irene is grinning wide in the shot, her arm draped across his mom’s shoulders, but her own smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. The picture was taken of them when they were around Taeyong’s age, but his mom looks more like she’s thirty rather than eighteen. Still, it’s uncanny how much he resembles her. The eyes, the hair, and even the facial structure. It’s almost like he’s staring at a version of himself from some alternate universe. He swallows hard, finger trailing the outline of her face as he wishes more than anything that she was there to tell him what happened to her. Letting the screen fade to black, he hugs the phone to his chest and closes his eyes, fighting the tears that are trying so desperately to escape.

Taeyong doesn’t know when he fell asleep, or for how long, but when he opens his eyes next, the soft lamp he always keeps on in his room is off. Disoriented, he attempts to move, to search around him for his suddenly missing phone, but he freezes. He can’t move his hands. He tugs them hard, but they barely budge. And that’s when he realizes that a rope is keeping them locked together, both tied to the bedpost with his hands stretched above his head. He flexes his fingers, trying to crane his neck in a way to see better, but it’s nearly impossible in the darkness. He pulls at the ropes again, but they don’t loosen. If anything, they seem to tighten around his wrists almost painfully. However, before he can focus on that, movement catches in the corner of his eye and he finds a shadow looming over him. 

A dark, familiar shadow.

For a split second, Taeyong finds himself too stunned to react, and a thousand shivers break out over his skin as terror explodes down his spine. His first thought is that this is just another one of his nightmares and that the monsters are finally coming to get him, so he screams. But the sound is quickly cut off when a strong hand wraps around his mouth, suffocating the shriek and his breathing all in one go. Goosebumps form over goosebumps as Taeyong stares up with wide eyes and becomes very acutely aware that this isn’t some kind of figment of his imagination at all.

“You’ve really fucked up this time,” a cruel voice whispers near the hand blocking his mouth.

Taeyong takes a long breath through his nose, the smell of shower gel and a unique scent underneath assaulting his senses. And even though he can’t see who it is in the moment, he still knows. If the voice didn’t give him away, there’s no hiding his intoxicating aroma. 

Jaehyun is here.

And, this time, he’s made sure that Taeyong has no way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos, comments, and any kind of other feedback is always welcome and definitely encouraged. You get an extra thank you for taking the time to do so, but just reading is appreciated and you're still valid! If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, where I sometimes post edits and previews for upcoming fics, then I'll leave the link to that and my Curious Cat account below. 
> 
> My DMs are always open to anyone, no matter if you follow me or not, if you'd like to discuss anything or just need someone to talk to! I also have Discord and am willing to give out my username if you ask. Hope everyone has a nice day, be safe out there!
> 
> ( [twt](https://twitter.com/icaruswilts) ) / ( [cc](https://curiouscat.me/internetsdad) )


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of Taeyong not only doing a three-hour live today but also opening up his own [INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT](https://www.instagram.com/eh_ovo_nct) (please follow if you haven't already), I decided to go ahead and update early! Hope you all enjoy!

Jaehyun’s arm is taut as his free hand presses against the pillow underneath Taeyong’s head, and he climbs over top of him, straddling his thighs. Renowned energy slices through Taeyong’s haze, and he pulls at the ropes again, bucking off of the bed. That only makes Jaehyun tighten his knees where they rest on either side of him, though, pinning him down. It causes Taeyong to wince, but he doesn’t stop fighting. He pulls harder, trying to maneuver his legs out from between Jaehyun’s own so he can kick him right in the balls, but he’s left no space for Taeyong to do so. He screams again — more out of frustration this time than fear — but it’s muted by Jaehyun’s hand, like he’s some sort of victim in a horror film.

But Taeyong is _not_ a victim.

And he refuses to let Jaehyun reduce him to one.

“Stop,” Jaehyun grunts. “Before I make you.”

But his threat is hollow. Taeyong isn’t afraid of him, knows that Jaehyun won’t actually do anything. Taeyong knows all about his plan now, yet Jaehyun is still actively chasing him. To him, that means Jaehyun must be after something else. Taeyong figures that he probably just enjoyed the sex and is caught up in his own misplaced desires. Jaehyun already hurt him, so there’s nothing left for him to accomplish. He got what he wanted, so why is he here? Why is he here when there’s nothing left of Taeyong to destroy? Since he can’t speak, Taeyong narrows his eyes and glares at Jaehyun with all the energy he can muster. But it isn’t enough. It doesn’t make him feel any better. Just looking at Jaehyun causes his heart to break all over again.

“Fuck you!” he yells, but it comes out like a madman’s muffled screaming.

Still blocking his mouth, Jaehyun wraps his other hand around Taeyong’s throat and his thumb latches onto his pulse point as all of his fingers squeeze. Taeyong’s eyes widen, heart thumping erratically as his lungs start to burn. He freezes. He can’t breathe. _He can’t fucking breathe_. And he’s starting to freak out. Just like in the hospital. Only, this time, he can’t hit himself. He can’t do _anything_. And the only solace he receives is Jaehyun’s voice. So, he focuses on that and nothing else.

“If you were any other person, at any other time, I would’ve already finished you. Is that what you want, Taeyong? Huh?”

Taeyong’s fingers curl, and he squirms with the energy that still remains in his body. But Jaehyun just tsks at him like he’s some unruly child and squeezes harder, stopping Taeyong’s movements altogether. 

“What did I tell you about acting smarter? Is this you choosing to be a pawn?” Unintelligible sounds escape Taeyong’s throat as his energy fades away and his resolve starts to vanish slowly. “There’s still so much of you I can destroy, so don’t fucking tempt me.”

The shadows from outside cast an eerie cloak on Jaehyun’s face, making him look larger than life. He’s truly an unstoppable force. Taeyong isn’t sure there’s anything in the world that could put an end to all of his madness. The fear he’s been ignoring all this time, the fear he’s been pretending not to feel, crashes into him with a ferocity that nearly has him sobbing. He finds himself, once again, feeling like a wave hitting the rocks on shore and dying a slow, excruciating death. How could he have ever ignored this side of Jaehyun? He’ll break Taeyong without an ounce of mercy, and if he chooses to, Jaehyun will watch as he disintegrates into pieces.

Taeyong thought of Jaehyun as a cliff before, and cliffs are where people go to die.

Tears fill his eyes as he stares at Jaehyun’s shadowed face with no air coming in or out of his lungs. Taeyong is so lightheaded that he thinks he might faint, but he still forces himself to swallow his tears. He already promised himself that he wouldn’t let Jaehyun see him cry again. After what feels like an eternity, Jaehyun finally removes his hand from around Taeyong’s neck, but he doesn’t release his mouth. Taeyong sucks in greedy breaths through his uncovered nose, air flowing in the form of wheezes.

“You dressed up tonight.”

Jaehyun’s words are razor-sharp, meant to cut. He knew Jaehyun would notice something like that, something that most people would overlook, and that’s exactly why Taeyong did it. Because the best way to win against Jaehyun is to play his games. But play them _better_. He used to think he was above them before, but that only made him out to be a pawn that Jaehyun could use and kill off in whatever way he chose.

“What exactly were you trying to prove?”

It doesn’t seem like Jaehyun is really expecting an answer, however, since he keeps his hand firmly locked over Taeyong’s mouth. It’s almost as if he doesn’t want to hear his voice. Jaehyun traces a finger down Taeyong’s chest, only stopping when he reaches his belly button. But he’s not teasing. His touch feels sinister. Like he’s doing his absolute best to scare Taeyong. He doesn’t go any lower, though, seemingly lost in thought for a split second before he raises up slightly to reach across to the bedside table. Taeyong has no idea what he’s doing, if he’s going to turn on the light or dig around in the drawer for lube. But he doesn’t wait to find out because he’s given an opening he can’t ignore. Now able to slip his leg out from between Jaehyun’s, he quickly removes it and kicks him as hard as he can in the chest.

The force of it sends Jaehyun flying, hands scrambling to grab onto something before he crashes to the floor with a loud thud. He grunts when he lands, and Taeyong would probably laugh if he wasn’t busy sucking in breath after breath after having his mouth finally freed. He swallows hard, blinking away any lingering tears as he raises his head to try and see the boy on the floor.

“Untie me! Now!”

Jaehyun groans, moving around until his head pops up at the side of the bed where Taeyong’s feet are. “I think you broke my back,” he comments, hand disappearing to rub at the affected area as he leans against the mattress.

“Good,” Taeyong says. “What the fuck were you even planning on doing?”

“Reminding you how it feels to be with me,” Jaehyun admits as he stands, then takes a seat on the edge of the bed. 

“I’m not having sex with you.”

Jaehyun cocks his head in Taeyong’s direction. “I was gonna finger you,” he states bluntly. “Maybe even suck you off, if you let me.”

A familiar heat ignites in Taeyong’s lower abdomen. He does his best to ignore it, but there’s no denying the fact that he’s still attracted to Jaehyun. And, he supposes, there’s nothing really wrong with using him to get off if he’s offering. It’s not like there has to be any complicated feelings involved. Just pleasure.

“I won’t be returning the favor.”

Jaehyun smiles then, lifting his knee onto the mattress as he slowly crawls over Taeyong. “I would never ask you to,” he whispers as he bites Taeyong’s bottom lip into his mouth and his hand finds the buckle of his jeans.

Jaehyun knocks the white queen with the black king, enjoying the feeling of taking down something powerful. He lifts her back up, letting her stand proudly in the middle of the board, only to then knock her down again. But it doesn’t feel as good as the first time. He thinks this is probably how addicts feel, like it’s impossible to recreate the first high. But they keep chasing it anyway. Jaehyun should have known better than to run after an imaginary high. The light flicks on in the lounge area, and Jaehyun blinks when his father stops at the entrance. He’s still dressed in black slacks and a white button-down, so it’s safe to assume he’s pulling an all-nighter. Jaehyun just doesn’t know why he’s choosing to do so at home instead of at his office.

Minho’s eyes narrow on his son, silently reminding him of the fact that he hates when Jaehyun sits in the dark like this. Usually, he avoids triggering his father’s red alarms, but he can’t seem to find a fuck to give today. He just left Taeyong in his bed after wrenching an orgasm out of him, and he’s still moping around about having to leave without fucking some sense into him. But Taeyong didn’t want to have sex, and Jaehyun isn’t in the right mind to do so anyway. He wanted to hurt Taeyong more, wanted to break him. A recipe fit only for disaster. It was best to just leave.

He tries to tell himself that he doesn’t _really_ want to hurt Taeyong. That, deep down, he’s special. But the more he engraves himself under Jaehyun’s skin, the more persistent he becomes about ruining Taeyong. After he untied him and left, Jaehyun immediately went into overdrive in an attempt to blow off some steam by working out and playing chess. He had to stop himself multiple times from climbing back into Taeyong’s room and showing him the true darkness inside of him. Taeyong thinks he knows, thinks he has an idea of who Jaehyun is, but he’s so fucking clueless. Taeyong won’t really see Jaehyun until the truth hits him in the face.

“Do you wanna play?” Minho asks, motioning to the table.

Jaehyun lifts a shoulder, but he rearranges the board anyway so that the black glass pieces are in front of him. Minho always plays with the white because he’s a control freak who likes to make the first move, and that’s completely fine with Jaehyun. Whatever keeps his father even semi-happy. 

Minho sits across from his son, pushing his first pawn forward. “Why aren’t you asleep?”

“I’ve been thinking about Inez,” Jaehyun says with fake care, barely paying attention as he moves his own piece. 

“Knock it off, Jaehyun,” Minho bites out, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Knock what off?”

“You haven’t been thinking about Inez.”

“She’s starting to become a blur,” Jaehyun explains. “So, I was trying to remember what she looked like.”

“She’s been dead for a decade. It’s normal for her memory to fade,” Minho says as he pushes another pawn forward.

He lives by the belief that a king can’t rule without sacrificing a few pawns — or all of them — so his seemingly detached way of speaking isn’t that shocking. But Jaehyun still watches him closely and observes the way Minho is speaking about his dead wife with zero emotion. Not that he does so most days. Jaehyun can’t even remember the last time he saw his father smile. He treats the topic of Inez like she’s some kind of inconvenience, a nothingness. But there’s no way he would have started all of this if he didn’t care about her. Jaehyun tilts his head to the side, still finding it difficult to figure out his father’s exact angle. The challenge of going against Minho used to excite him, but now it’s more of a nuisance. Now, it’s dangerous. 

“You came in late,” Minho points out. “Where were you?”

Jaehyun pushes his knight forward. “Out.”

“With Taeyong?” Minho questions, and Jaehyun’s left eye twitches at the sound of his name on his father’s tongue. “I don’t care what you do with him, Jaehyun. Not as long as you keep your eyes on the endgame.” 

“Yes, sir,” Jaehyun says in a bored tone.

“Doyoung mentioned that you’ve been getting a little too cozy with him lately.”

“Yeah, well, Doyoung says a lot of dumb shit.” Jaehyun stares at Minho with eyes so similar to his that it’s kind of creepy. “Do I need to remind you that your little chat with him the other day when Taeyong was within hearing distance is fucking up my plan?”

Minho knocks Jaehyun’s knight and raises a brow. “I think you mean _our_ plan.”

“It’s fucking up _every_ plan. He won’t trust me anymore.”

“I have complete faith that you can convince him otherwise,” Minho says, holding the queen piece between his index and middle finger. “You did it once, you can do it again.”

“Taeyong isn’t a simple pawn.”

Using the queen, Minho knocks Jaehyun’s bishop down and threatens both his rook and king. “If you can’t handle it, I will.”

On the outside, Jaehyun is half-leaning against his hand as if he’s bored, but on the inside, a fire is starting to erupt. And it takes everything in him not to let the flames climb to the surface. Minho didn’t push Taeyong into the pool, he reminds himself in order to quell his anger. Jaehyun knows because his father doesn’t want Taeyong dead. Not yet, at least. And according to the parking lot’s surveillance cameras, Doyoung left without going back inside that day, so he’s out, too. Not that he would ever do something so stupid. Jaehyun also spoke to the janitor, but it didn’t get him anywhere. The janitor only saw Taeyong go into the pool area, which leaves the incident with two possible theories.

One, the culprit was already waiting for him by the pool.

Or, two, he fell in on his own.

And Jaehyun truly hopes it’s not the second one.

“You gave me your word,” Jaehyun reminds him in a neutral tone. “You said you would let me handle it.”

“Only if I see results. If you can’t deliver, then we’ll do things my way.” Minho pulls his queen again, but this time, he corners Jaehyun with no way out. “You’re distracted, son. Checkmate.”

Jaehyun grits his teeth, eyes boring into the pieces still on the board as he continues to fight his rage. He only looks up when Minho stands and glares down at him.

“I don’t believe in second chances,” Minho states. “Try to get some rest.”

Turning on his heel, he exits the lounge and disappears down the hallway. As soon as he’s out of sight, Jaehyun swipes his arm across the board and knocks every piece onto the floor. Taeyong is well and truly fucked now. Being Jaehyun’s isn’t a choice or a push and pull game anymore. It’s his only hope of survival. 

  
❦

“Are you sure about this?”

Taeyong sucks in a breath through his teeth, then releases it out of his nose. The truth is that he’s not actually sure. He feels like hiding in a corner and never coming out. But he also knows this is the only way to dig into his past and find anything of value. It’s the only chance he has to get answers. To find _himself_. And, hopefully, it’s his chance to escape Jaehyun. Maybe if he knows what happened, he’ll hate Jaehyun enough to stop reacting to him the way he does. The memories from last night still haunt him, moving underneath his skin like a living being. How could he possibly allow Jaehyun to touch him, allow him to bring him to orgasm, after everything he’s done? Does this mean Taeyong is becoming sick like him? Or has this been inside him the entire time and Jaehyun is just awakening it?

Taeyong meets Dr. Moon’s gaze from his position and forces out a smile. “Positive. I want you to help me.”

Taeil smiles, but there’s no warmth behind it. If anything, he seems more unsure about this than Taeyong does. “I need you to close your eyes, okay? And relax. That’s the most important part.” Crossing his hands over his stomach, Taeyong tries to get comfy on the recliner chair and closes his eyes. “Inhale through your nose, hold it for a beat, then exhale through your mouth.”

Taeyong does as he says.

_In_.

_Out_.

_In_. 

_Out_.

They spend what seems like hours doing the little inhale-exhale exercise before Dr. Moon determines that it’s time to proceed. “Imagine that you’re walking down a staircase,” Taeil instructs in a soothing tone. 

“A staircase?”

“Yes. Every time you take a step down, you’re leaving a piece of your consciousness behind in order to reach your subconscious. Can you see the staircase?” 

“I think?” Taeyong says, brows furrowing as he tries to concentrate on the image.

“Relax, Taeyong. This will never work if you’re tense. How about we take a few more deep breaths…”

Taeyong nods, swallowing down the lump in his throat.

_Inhale_.

_Exhale_.

_In_.

_Out_.

The staircase starts to materialize in front of him, sharpening at the edges and becoming less blurry. It’s black and grim, appearing as if it’s almost out of the medieval times. Taeyong looks around, but all he sees is darkness. And he finds that the walls surrounding him are covered in mold and something gray. 

“Is the staircase supposed to be this dark?” Taeyong asks, a tremor lacing his voice.

“It’s whatever your subconscious wants you to see,” Taeil assures him. “Just embrace it. Don’t try to fight it.”

Taeyong clenches his jaw in an attempt to keep his lips from trembling, but he can’t even hide the fact that he’s terrified. He has no idea what he’s about to find, and he isn’t sure if he’s fully ready to face his past head-on.

“Take a step down.”

With a shaky foot, Taeyong takes one step but doesn’t follow with the other. He’s overwhelmed, scared that the old staircase is going to disappear and he’ll end up falling into a dark hole.

“Go ahead and take another. It’s okay,” Taeil urges with a calm voice.

Taeyong clutches the wall for balance as he follows Dr. Moon’s instructions. One at a time. One black step after the other. But it’s dark as long as he can see, and Taeyong can’t make out what’s beyond it no matter how much he squints. He has to do this, though. He _needs_ to do this.

“Slowing down and shutting down,” Taeil says, voice so low it’s as if it’s coming from another room. And it only gets more and more distant with every word he says. “Slowing down and shutting down…” he keeps repeating over and over. “Shutting down completely.” 

Dr. Moon’s voice disappears, then. Or, at least, that’s what Taeyong thinks. Somewhere, he believes Dr. Moon is still speaking to him and asking him things. Taeyong could be answering him, but he doesn’t register that. Instead, he finds himself in front of an old wooden door, and he reaches out with shaky hands to push it open. A strong light blinds him, but it isn’t white. It’s _red_. Taeyong squints, trying to see past it, but the atmosphere is like a thick sheen of blood red. Like the red rooms used to develop pictures. Only this isn’t a red room at all… it’s his _home_. His home in Bardot, that is, not the one he now shares with Irene and Junmyeon.

Taeyong stands in the middle of a vast lounge area with elegant floral wallpaper, and it’s so large that he seems like an ant in comparison. The furniture and tall paintings hint at a refined taste, and he finds there are lion statues everywhere. Beside the sweeping stairs. In the foyer. Near the tall French windows. He shudders at the image. But no matter how much he blinks, the red won’t disappear. With careful steps, he approaches one of the tall windows from which the red light is shining brightly and freezes in front of it. When he glimpses through the window, he finds a large garden with unkempt trees and withering flowers.

It’s also bathed in red, more so than the inside of the house. Even the sun appears to project red light. A lake glints in the distance, dark and inky, but even the brightness all around it doesn’t take away from its pitch-black darkness. A shudder rips through him, and he averts his gaze elsewhere. He doesn’t want to look at the lake. Across from him, a dark-haired woman is sitting on a swing with her frail arms wrapped around a small child who’s sitting on her lap as she rocks back and forth. The child’s back is to Taeyong and is completely hidden in the woman’s lap, so he can’t make out anything about them. The woman, however, is in complete view. She’s wearing a white dress that stops just under her knees, and he vaguely thinks she looks like an angel in this environment. 

A heartbreakingly beautiful angel.

She stares in the distance with a vacant expression, like she isn’t seeing anything at all. A sudden sob catches in Taeyong’s throat, but he blocks the sound with a hand to his mouth.

It’s his mother.

He resembles her so much, it’s almost haunting. 

He starts to call for her, but his voice catches no matter how much he wants so desperately to get her attention. But, even more so, he wants her to call his name back. Taeyong’s eyes stray to the child sitting on her lap, carefully tucked into her chest, and his heart starts to beat louder as his mother strokes his hair and whispers something into his ear. That’s when Taeyong realizes that _he_ is the child, that he’s seeing some kind of memory. Or, at least, some kind of altered version of a memory. He opens the window with trembling fingers, heart beating so fast that it’s threatening to cripple him. The moment the outside air hits him, he nearly throws up. It’s asphyxiating with the stench of something rotten. Taeyong blocks his nose with both hands as he stares at his mother, but she doesn’t seem at all bothered by the smell. He doesn’t understand. It smells like a morgue. 

“Hush little baby, don’t say a word…” his mother sings, stroking the child’s hair, “everything is going to be all right…”

Taeyong’s hands fly up to his ears, trying to block out the sound. He wants to scream at her, to tell her to shut up, but it’s useless. The sound continues barging through his head like a symphony gone wrong.

The scratching of nails against a chalkboard.

The slow, haunting murmurs of a monster.

“Hush little baby… hush little baby…”

Her voice grows in volume and intensity, and it becomes the only thing Taeyong can hear. It possesses him and flows under his skin. He can’t even make out his own breathing, can’t hear his own heartbeat. 

“Hush… hush…”

“Shut up!” Taeyong screams.

The little boy raises his head, and Taeyong freezes. Slowly — _too slowly_ — his head turns in Taeyong’s direction, and his heart nearly stops when he meets those big doe eyes. The same as his own. It is him. The little boy is Taeyong. He looked so much like a little monster then, too. He was a monster just like them. Tears run down the child’s cheeks, black and inky. A chill crawls down Taeyong’s abdomen at the sight and straight to his ribcage as the smaller version of himself mouths something. Taeyong squints, trying to make out what he’s saying as he instinctively steps closer to the window.

“Help me,” he mouths over and over.

Taeyong’s heart jolts in its cavity, but before he can do anything, a dark figure snatches the child from his mother’s arms. She shrieks, and he mirrors her cry when the dark figure throws little Taeyong into the lake. The dark, murky water swallows him whole in an instant. 

“Help me!”

The voice echoes in his head, loud enough to bust an eardrum, but Taeyong wakes up with a hoarse cry and tears streaming down his cheeks. For a moment, he’s screaming so loud that he can’t even get a handle on himself and can’t recognize his surroundings. He feels like he’s in the water, hauled into its inky depth and floating. His lungs burn with the need for air, but the hand holding him under won’t grant him that wish. He can’t breathe. And the fear that his name will be forgotten grips him. Not long after, though, other voices start to filter back into his consciousness. In particular, a soothing and calm voice. A familiar, non-threatening voice. Taeyong blinks twice and Dr. Moon’s blurry face comes into view. He swallows past the lump in his throat and tries not to get choked on his own breathing.

“I’m not in the lake,” Taeyong says, eyes flitting around the room.

“No, you’re not,” Taeil confirms as he offers him a glass of water.

Taeyong takes it greedily and gulps it down in one go, letting it soothe his scratchy throat. However, he can’t help but to still look around as if he’s stuck in the lake. A part of him is even searching for the little boy who asked him for help. Dr. Moon takes a seat opposite him, watching Taeyong with the kind of intensity he imagines a researcher would with his lab rats.

“How do you feel?”

“I don’t know,” Taeyong chokes out.

“Do you feel as though you got anything useful out of your subconscious?” 

“Yes,” Taeyong says, meeting his therapist’s gaze. “I-I don’t think I’m… normal.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’m just abnormal, Dr. Moon.”

“And how did you come to that conclusion?”

But Taeyong ignores the question, biting down the fear and terror clawing at his chest. “I wanna go back again. I need to know why I’m like this, why I’m not normal.”

  
❦

Taeyong and Mark make their way through the hall as his friend tells him about his latest TV show obsession, and Taeyong nods along even though he’s not really hearing a word Mark is saying. Since his appointment with Dr. Moon yesterday, he’s been in this haze of his own making. Last night, he even relived the same memory from his session, and when he woke up, he found himself still trapped in the nightmare. It took him experiencing four different fake wake up cycles to actually come back to the real world. But, before that, he had to watch a dark figure drowning the child version of himself over and over. He had to listen to his gurgles and cries for help while being completely powerless in the situation. Taeyong drowned with him. Black water swallowed him whole and he couldn’t scream or fight his way out no matter how much he tried. It was like his own custom hell.

For some reason, he hadn’t screamed when he finally opened his eyes to find himself sweating in bed, and he didn’t wake Irene or Junmyeon. He just washed his hands repeatedly until he felt the tiniest bit better. And at that moment, when he looked in the mirror, he contemplated breaking it into pieces. It took every bit of willpower he had in him to not confront Irene and Junmyeon and ask them what the hell they’ve been hiding from him. It’s Taeyong’s life, so how can they keep him in the dark? He only stopped himself because he knew if he raised any red flags with them that they would find out about his secret sessions with Dr. Moon. And he won’t put that in jeopardy for anything.

“It’s gonna be so much fun!”

Taeyong blinks a few times, snapping himself out of his thoughts. “Sorry, what’s gonna be fun?”

“Jungwoo’s party?”

Taeyong groans. “Again?”

“Yes, again! I think he’s out to break some kind of record,” Mark laughs. But Taeyong is, once again, starting to clock out. “Tae?” Mark stops and makes Taeyong stop, too. When he looks around, he notices that they’re right outside their first class and that Mark is watching him a bit too intently. “Are you okay?”

“What? Yeah… I’m fine.”

“You’re not, are you?” Mark asks slowly, seemingly on the verge of panicking. 

“No, I am! I swear,” Taeyong assures him. “I’m just tired.”

Mark’s face softens as he rubs the side of Taeyong’s arm. “If you need someone to talk to, you know I’m always here for you, right?”

Taeyong nods once, shooting Mark a small smile that he hopes passes as genuine. One day, Taeyong will tell him everything, but not until he figures it out himself. It’s all too much of a blur right now. The images in his subconscious are even more complicated than the nightmares, and Taeyong feels as though he needs to gather the pieces one by one before he can attempt to put them all back together again. That’s why he’s so willing to do the painful sessions with Dr. Moon in the first place. He doesn’t care if he wakes up screaming or crying. His cowardice left him in the dark for years, and it’s because of that cowardice that Jaehyun is in the know while Taeyong is not. Although indirectly, it’s also that same cowardice that has allowed Jaehyun to lure and trap him.

“Morning!” Baekhyun’s voice greets them as he joins the pair on the way to class.

“Morning,” Taeyong and Mark parrot back. 

“You ready for the math test?” Mark asks.

“Totally. I like math, so I don’t mind.”

Taeyong grins. “Me too.”

Baekhyun lifts a brow. “Is that right? Bet you can’t get a better grade than me.”

“You’re on!”

“If I win, you’ll owe me one,” Baekhyun states.

“Same goes for you.”

Baekhyun smiles as he extends his hand and Taeyong takes it in his own with a firm shake. “Deal.”

It’s at that exact moment that Yuta and Jaehyun appear down the hall, heading to their class from the opposite direction. Taeyong’s smile falls in an instant, and as he watches Jaehyun, his mind crowds with images from the other night. He thinks of the way Jaehyun tied him up and how Taeyong let him wrench an orgasm out of him. The thought won’t leave him the hell alone. He doesn’t know what he was thinking, but, obviously, he wasn’t really thinking at all. Jaehyun stops at the room’s entrance, forcing Yuta to slow down, too. He spares a fleeting glance at Baekhyun, then at his and Taeyong’s hands currently clasped together.

Jaehyun’s attention slides back to Taeyong’s face slowly, and the latter stops breathing at the crazed look in his dark eyes. It’s like a demon has possessed him, and it’s so reminiscent of the times Jaehyun used to glare at him from afar like he wanted to kill Taeyong with his bare hands. But he’s always wanted revenge, so Taeyong thinks he must have really been thinking about killing him. He must have been thinking about it for ages now. He just can’t understand why. Especially when it comes to Jaehyun waiting for two whole years before deciding to screw him over.

Jaehyun stares at him for a few seconds, but it feels more like years or decades. The air crackles with stifling tension that flows in Taeyong’s blood, and while he can fight it all he likes, when Jaehyun looks at him, everything and everyone disappears. It’s only him and Taeyong standing in the middle of the hallway. The world surrounding them is merely an accessory to their battlefield. Jaehyun glares and he returns it tenfold. He’s challenging Taeyong and the latter is pushing his buttons in return. But if Jaehyun thinks all of his games will break Taeyong, then he has a long way to go. It’s gonna take a lot more than what he’s been doing to bring Taeyong to his knees. Besides, it’s Jaehyun’s turn to burn. 

“Tae!” Jungwoo calls out as he approaches from behind, breaking the tension. Taeyong releases Baekhyun’s hand then and inwardly shakes himself out of his daze. “Say it.”

Taeyong cuts eye contact with Jaehyun to meet Jungwoo’s playful stare instead. “Say what?”

Jungwoo raises his hands, curling his fingers in invisible quotation marks. “ _Stop being the annoying and clingy ex and leave me the fuck alone_. Come on, say it again! I wanna record it this time, so I can show it to Jae’s future grandkids.”

Taeyong smiles despite himself and throws a glance in Jaehyun’s direction to gauge his reaction, but he finds that the place he was previously standing is now empty. Mark and Baekhyun slip around him then, chatting amongst each other as they head into the room and leave Taeyong to listen to Jungwoo compliment him on what he calls the quote of the century. 

“Can you shut up for a second?” Yuta cuts him off.

“You really know how to kill a person’s vibe,” Jungwoo tells him.

Yuta ignores him and meets Taeyong’s gaze with eyes so icy, they’re more chilling than the air outside. “I’m gonna tell you something that you should think _very_ carefully about.”

Taeyong swallows hard and nods. Yuta has never been threatening — in fact, he’s always been the one Taeyong has felt the most comfortable around — so this change of attitude is disturbing, to say the least. 

“Jae’s silence is worse than his words,” Yuta says. “The last thing you want is him silent.”

“I second that,” Jungwoo pipes up in as serious of a tone as Taeyong has heard from him. “If he’s silent, then that means he’s trapped in that fucked up head of his.”

Taeyong’s spine jerks upright as if someone has tugged on it. He kind of knew that, but hearing it from Jaehyun’s closest friends makes it an immediate reality. Jungwoo gives Taeyong’s shoulder a comforting squeeze before he and Yuta head inside. However, Taeyong stays standing in the hall as his eyes find Jaehyun. He’s sitting by the window, staring into the distance and appearing as though he’s cut connection with the surrounding environment. Like he’s lost in his own world. Taeyong can’t help but wonder what’s going on inside his mind, but he fears that he wouldn’t like finding out.

“Heard you almost drowned,” Doyoung says, smashing through Taeyong’s thoughts.

“Heard about it or tried to do it?” Taeyong questions, meeting him with a maliciousness of his own. 

He watches Doyoung’s nostrils flare, and Taeyong narrows his eyes. Doyoung was talking with Minho at the time so he more than likely didn’t push Taeyong, but he also lost sense of time from the parking lot to the pool. It could have been minutes or hours, he doesn’t _really_ know. Doyoung could have had the perfect amount of time to push him in the pool depending on which. 

Doyoung leans closer to him, dropping his voice so that Taeyong is the only one who can hear him. “That little show you put on at Jungwoo’s party was pathetic, by the way. Jaehyun was never yours to dump.”

“Fuck you.”

“Oh, I’ll be doing a lot more than fucking now that you’re out of the picture.”

A cruel smile twists Doyoung’s face as he pushes past Taeyong and strides to his seat like a king headed for his throne. Taeyong’s blood boils and he clenches his fists on either side of him. The thought of Doyoung having Jaehyun all to himself shouldn’t bother him. After all, Taeyong is the one who pushed him away. Still, that ugly green monster rears its head out. It’s like a compulsion under his skin, like a prisoner that needs to be set free. He wants to grab Doyoung by his perfect head of hair and bash his face into the ground as he kicks and screams before finally growing silent. Blinking a few times, he pulls himself out of his thoughts and locks eyes with Jaehyun. His gaze is boring into Taeyong, watching as his face heats and his jaw clenches. Then, a smirk tilts his lips.

Taeyong should have known better, but he still finds his skin prickling as he heads out to the parking lot and sees _them_. Doyoung opens the passenger side door of Jaehyun’s car and slides right into the seat that used to belong to Taeyong. The urge to go over there and smash his face into the metal overwhelms him in that moment. He wants — _needs_ — to wipe that smug expression off of Doyoung’s face for good. Though, he realizes that what he’s thinking isn’t normal. He isn’t a violent person, so why does he keep having these thoughts concerning Doyoung? He can’t seem to force himself to look away and watches as Jaehyun climbs into the driver’s seat and starts the engine. Taeyong wonders if Jaehyun is taking Doyoung’s hand right now and placing it in his lap. Is he doing all the things he used to do with Taeyong with someone else?

His feet itch to go after them, to open the car’s door and pull Doyoung out kicking and screaming. But he doesn’t move. He knows Jaehyun is doing this all on purpose after seeing his reaction to Doyoung this morning. He knows Doyoung gets under Taeyong’s skin, and like the dickhead that he is, he’s determined to use it in his favor. It’s just another mindfuck. A way to pull a reaction out of Taeyong. But he won’t get what he wants. Not this time. Because two can always play this game.

“What an asshole,” Mark mumbles from beside him. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Taeyong forces a smile. “I dumped him, remember?”

But even as he says the words, he can’t stop the tiny needles from stabbing into his heart repeatedly. Death by a thousand needles, what a tragic way to die. He’s momentarily distracted from the pain, though, when Yuta pushes through the doors and stops beside him as Jaehyun’s car squeals out of the parking lot. Yuta is silent for a long moment, watching the vehicle disappear in the distance with an emotionless face. 

“You okay?” Yuta asks.

Taeyong doesn’t know why everyone feels the need to ask. He _is_ okay. In fact, he’s never felt better. If Jaehyun is with Doyoung, then he has no reason to bother Taeyong. Which is exactly what he wants. But Taeyong doesn’t trust himself to speak regardless, so he just gives a quick nod.

Yuta nods back. “If you need anything, I’m here.”

Taeyong is about to shake his head when he spots Baekhyun coming out of the school with his earbuds in and scrolling through his phone. Then, a vindictive idea comes to mind, an idea that will probably get him into a whole hell of a lot of trouble. But staying out of trouble never did him any good, so he might as well dive in headfirst.

Taeyong smiles, meeting Yuta’s inquisitive gaze. “Anything, huh?”

“This is such a bad fucking idea. Like, a colossally bad idea,” Jungwoo whines. “Which idiot is behind this?”

“That idiot would be me,” Taeyong admits.

Jungwoo rubs at his temples, placing his palms against the counter as he stares at the marble like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. Music thumps from down the hall where a few of their other friends are smoking pot, but none of them are paying much attention to it.

“Tae, my love,” Jungwoo starts again, “you know I could lose my head for this.”

Yuta sighs. “Don’t be such a pussy.”

“A pussy?” Jungwoo scoffs, appearing dramatically offended.

Mark rolls his eyes. “Are you sure about this?” he asks, voice laced with worry. He’s always game for partying, drinking, and the whole teenage scene, but complete chicken shit when it comes to plotting. “You know Jaehyun isn’t the type to try and manipulate.” 

“I’m not trying to manipulate him,” Taeyong says. “Just think of it as me giving him back what he deserves.”

“True that,” Yuta says, offering Taeyong a high five that he returns. 

“I really appreciate you guys helping me out.”

Jungwoo smiles, nudging Taeyong in the side. “Anything to get a reaction out of Jae.”

“And to teach him a lesson,” Yuta adds.

“Bottoms up, babe,” Jungwoo calls out as he shoves a shot between Taeyong’s fingers. “I love corrupting the youth.” 

With one last deep breath, Taeyong throws the shot back and downs it in one go. Then, Jungwoo passes him another and he does the same. The burning taste brings on a wave of nausea, and Taeyong has to shake his head at the strength of it. He blinks, and Jungwoo’s phone flashes from the side as he snaps a picture. He doesn’t really want to be drinking right now, but he also knows it’s the only way to make the act believable. 

“You good?” Jungwoo asks, reaching out to rub Taeyong’s arm in a soothing manner.

Taeyong nods. “I’m fine. Is he here?”

Yuta leans back from where he’s standing, craning his neck slightly to be able to see out of the window. “Yup.”

Sucking in a deep breath, Taeyong straightens his spine and smiles. “I guess it’s showtime, then.”

“Make sure to stumble a bit when you pass by the others, okay? We’ll be following behind, but not too close,” Jungwoo explains.

“Got it.”

Taeyong turns then, making the trek from the kitchen to the front door. As he passes by the group that’s hanging around, he stumbles and catches himself on the wall. He even throws in a giggle for good measure before fumbling for the door handle. Once he has it open, he practically trips over his own feet on his way outside and basks in the feel of the night’s fresh air. The wind whips his hair all around his face as he walks over to the car, and he inhales deeply before pulling open the passenger side door of Baekhyun’s vehicle. He still has his dopey smile on when he slides into the seat and closes himself inside.

“You okay?” Baekhyun asks. 

“Totally,” Taeyong assures him. “Thanks for coming to pick me up, by the way.”

“No worries, it’s my pleasure,” Baekhyun says as he reaches over and runs his thumb across Taeyong’s cheek. “Eyelash,” he tells him, pulling back to show him. “Make a wish?”

Taeyong shakes his head, leaning back against the seat as nausea threatens to take over again. “It’s all yours.” Baekhyun shrugs, closing his eyes for a brief moment as he blows the eyelash away, then backs out of the driveway. “Sorry about all this. I’m not really used to drinking.”

“No need to apologize, you can call me whenever. Even if you don’t need a ride,” Baekhyun says as he weaves through the streets. “You’re not with Jaehyun anymore, right?”

“I was never with him,” Taeyong replies, groaning inwardly at the slight slur at the end of his speech.

“Smart.”

Taeyong’s attention snaps back to Baekhyun upon hearing what sounds like a smirk in his words, but he doesn’t find much of anything on his face. He figures he must just be imagining things because of the alcohol, and the taste of something sour lingering at the back of his throat only seems to confirm so. Steering the conversation away from Jaehyun, they start talking about Harvard and how Baekhyun’s father has very high expectations of him. And the more Baekhyun talks about his dad, the more it reminds Taeyong of Irene and Junmyeon. The two of them definitely have a lot in common, even down to the way their families act. 

“You’ve kinda been my savior ever since we met, huh?” Taeyong points out as Baekhyun pulls up to a stop in front of his house.

“Kinda. But, hey, I’m happy to be of service.”

Taeyong smiles as he pops open the door and steps out. “Well, thank you. _Again_.”

Baekhyun winks as Taeyong closes the door, then continues on his own way home. It takes Taeyong two tries to tap in the security code for his house, but when he finally is allowed entrance, he finds himself frozen to the spot. Irene is standing there with her arms crossed, as if she’s been waiting for him this whole time, and Taeyong is about ready to just bolt before she smells the alcohol on him. If he had any clue that she was going to be home, he would have never taken a single drink.

“Irene? I thought you were supposed to be working tonight.”

“I was, but I just hate having to leave you at home alone all the time,” Irene replies as she moves to usher him inside fully and close the door behind him. “Was that Baekhyun just now?”

“Uh, yeah. He gave me a ride.”

Contemplation covers Irene’s features. “Does that mean you and Jaehyun are over?”

“It’s not…” Taeyong sighs, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not like that with me and Baekhyun.”

“Well, just know that Baekhyun gets my vote if you’re somehow finding yourself torn between them.”

Taeyong studies her for a moment. “Why have you never liked Jaehyun?”

That makes Irene pause, but she quickly forces a smile onto her face. However, Taeyong just knows that there’s something she’s not telling him. 

“I just feel like he’s taking you away from us. You haven’t been the Taeyong we’ve always known since he came into your life,” she tries to explain. But Taeyong never gets the chance to reply or press for more before Irene is leaning in to sniff the air around him. “Is that… have you been _drinking_?”

“I just had a sip, promise.”

Irene’s eyes blur with unshed tears, and Taeyong feels as if someone has jammed a knife into his heart. He doesn’t like making Irene upset, but he seems to be doing a lot of that lately anyway.

“It won’t happen again,” Taeyong offers in a small voice. 

“What if this causes your heart condition to relapse, Tae? We’ve worked so hard to get you stabilized.” 

“I-I know… I’m sorry.”

Irene clutches him by the shoulders and leads him over to the sofa to sit. “It was just a few days ago that you were found drowning in the pool, Tae. Then, you had a bit of a breakdown in the hospital and now you’re drinking? This isn’t you. Please, tell me what’s going on.”

He wants to know the truth about his past, wants to know everything, but he can’t say that. So, instead, he apologizes one more time and promises Irene that it won’t happen again. He isn’t sure if his words actually soothe any of her worries, but she drops it anyway and they eat dinner together. The whole time, she watches him like he’s about to have another episode, but Taeyong does his best to ignore it. He just wishes Junmyeon was around at the moment so he could diffuse any sort of tension between them. Once they finish up with their food, Taeyong helps Irene with the dishes — while she forces him to drink something to chase away the alcohol — then makes his way to his room for the night.

He plops down into his desk chair to try and get started on some homework, but he just ends up slouching in his seat with a pen in his mouth. All he can think about is if their little plan worked or not. Yuta and Jungwoo were supposed to send a picture to Jaehyun that showed Taeyong ditching their little get-together to go somewhere with Baekhyun, but he really has no idea what all happened after he left. He wonders if it would even ruin Jaehyun’s mood at all or if he’s too busy with Doyoung to care. Jaehyun could be fucking Doyoung right now, doing all the things he did to Taeyong to someone else. His hold on the pen turns painful just thinking about it.

How can Jaehyun move on with Doyoung so easily when it’s barely been a few days since they ended it? Since Taeyong ended it. He supposes the time frame doesn’t really matter, though. He doesn’t have the right to question Jaehyun or his decisions. Taeyong groans as he runs his hand through his hair in frustration and tries to convince himself that he doesn’t care who Jaehyun fucks. Not one bit. Giving up on his homework before he’s even started, Taeyong relocates to his bed and pulls out his phone. He hasn’t really checked it all day, not since he started devising his plan after school, so he finds there’s quite a few messages waiting for him. Two of those messages being from the one person he’s trying to purge his mind of.

`JAEHYUN`   
`time to play that game u love so much`

`JAEHYUN`   
`be mine again or…`

Taeyong checks the time that they were sent and notices that it was at around the time he was leaving the parking lot with Doyoung. So, what exactly does this mean? That Taeyong had a choice to be with him again or he was going to fuck Doyoung? Is the next text he’ll receive from Jaehyun one of him describing how he fucked Doyoung six ways to Sunday? Disgusted at the thought, Taeyong exits out of his messages just to torture himself some more by opening up Instagram. He unfollowed Jaehyun the other day, but he finds himself searching for his account anyway. His last post was after he tied Taeyong up in the middle of the night and is a grayscale picture of a chessboard with all the glass pieces scattered. There’s no caption attached though, and it seems like he made the post at around five in the morning.

And he doesn’t know _why_ he does it, but Taeyong scrolls through the comments. It doesn’t take long for him to find Doyoung’s name. Trying to trick himself into believing he wasn’t looking for it all along, he decides to click on it, and when his profile opens, something in Taeyong’s heart dies. Since the moment Jaehyun and Doyoung left school together, Taeyong has known it was for this, but a small part of him kept holding onto the hope that he wouldn’t go through with it. Not after he promised he would stay away from Doyoung. However, in the picture Doyoung posted half an hour ago, there’s enough evidence to paint a different story and shatter through all of Taeyong’s delusions. 

Doyoung is sitting at the edge of the pool — in a shirt and what looks to be a pair of briefs — and while at first glance, it appears that he’s alone, Taeyong finds that isn’t the case upon further inspection. In the bottom corner of the picture, just barely noticeable, there’s a hand gripping his thigh, and even if the owner of said hand isn’t clear, the pool very much is. It’s the same pool in which Taeyong felt special. The same pool in which Jaehyun made him think that he could push past his fears and conquer his trauma. But, now, he’s tainted it with Doyoung. Taeyong throws his phone across the room, hiding his face into his pillow as tears well in his eyes. It really is over now. It couldn’t be more clear.

Taeyong curls his fingers into the sheets, body shaking as he tries to force himself not to cry. But he can’t help it. The tears come anyway, and he sobs into his pillow like it’s the first time he’s ever cried in his entire life. He shouldn’t be surprised, not really, because Jaehyun is trying to hurt him. So, of course, he would take something that made Taeyong happy and turn it into something that makes him feel sick. He wishes he could pretend that it doesn’t hurt as bad as it does, but it’s impossible. He just wishes he could rip his own heart out and throw it away. He doesn’t want it anymore. It’s only caused him pain.

He can’t keep letting Jaehyun have this kind of power over him though, so he does his best to compose himself and sits up. Wiping at his eyes, he attempts to make himself look more presentable, then searches around his room for his phone. When he picks it up from behind an unopened box of shoes, he is remiss to find the screen slightly cracked and shakily navigates his way back to his text messages. Clenching his jaw, he sniffles and searches for the codename he picked for Jongin in the sea of contacts before he starts typing.

`TAEYONG`   
`can u come get me?`

`TAEYONG`   
`please?`

`TAEYONG`   
`i’m home`

`TAEYONG`   
`but i really need u rn`

`TAEYONG`   
`please i’m really upset n`   
`i cant be here any longer`

`TAEYONG`   
`i’ll wait for u in the same spot`   
`u dropped me off last time`

`TAEYONG`   
`please come`

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos, comments, and any kind of other feedback is always welcome and definitely encouraged. You get an extra thank you for taking the time to do so, but just reading is appreciated and you're still valid! If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, where I sometimes post edits and previews for upcoming fics, then I'll leave the link to that and my Curious Cat account below. 
> 
> My DMs are always open to anyone, no matter if you follow me or not, if you'd like to discuss anything or just need someone to talk to! I also have Discord and am willing to give out my username if you ask. Hope everyone has a nice day, be safe out there!
> 
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